by Natasha West
It was that thing again. The thing she’d said to Charlie. Standing in this close proximity to her, her hands touching Charlie, it kept pushing it back into her brain. She was being forced to think about it. Because the last time she’d been this close to Charlie, it had been eleven years ago. In the tent. And it was like she was having some sort of flashback to it.
Thoughts of how Charlie’s skin had felt, her smell, how her eyes had looked this close up, filled her mind. It was ridiculous. It was like she was reliving the whole experience. And it was making her feel uncomfortable. The source of that discomfort was the horrifying and sudden ferocious arousal she was feeling.
Maddie, who was dancing nearby, glanced across at Charlie and Amy and she was relieved to see that there was at least one other couple who looked as awkward as she felt. It made her smile. Josh noticed.
‘I don’t see what you’ve got to smile about right now’ he joked.
‘Those two over there. How can two people who’ve been dating for four months still have that much sexual tension?’
He looked over at them.
‘How do you mean?’
‘I don’t know. I must be delirious’ she laughed, putting her head on his shoulder. They both suddenly felt relaxed, the distraction of watching Charlie and Amy dance like they were trying not to tear each other’s clothes off finally taking their minds away from the uncomfortable spotlight they’d been trapped in. They started to sway as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
The song began to fade into another track, something faster, and Charlie and Amy broke their bodies apart immediately.
‘I’m thirsty, shall we get a drink?’ burbled Charlie.
‘Drink. Yes. Yes’ said Amy quickly.
They raced away from the dance floor, leaving everyone else to try and manoeuvre themselves to the faster track.
Chapter Thirteen
Charlie and Amy were at opposite sides of the reception. Charlie was waiting to buy drinks at the bar and the barman was ignoring her. She couldn’t have been more thrilled to stand there and wait. Anything to avoid Amy. She didn’t want to deal with the waves of nausea that she knew would plague her every time she looked at Amy now.
Amy was giving herself a good talking to back at the table. As always, whenever she found herself having an internal argument, one of the voices in that conversation took on her Dad’s voice.
‘Darling, you’re supposed to be doing a job’ her imaginary Dad scolded her.
‘I am doing my job, Dad!’ said inner Amy.
‘No, you’re not. You’re being highly inappropriate.’
‘I’m not being inappropriate’ she said stroppily.
‘What do you call that, then? On the dancefloor. You were having… thoughts’ her imaginary Dad said squeamishly.
‘No, I’m not having ‘thoughts’. Whatever nonsense keeps running through my mind, it’s involuntary. It’s only because we slept together once. It’s just some weird physical memory, that’s all.’
‘Yes, well. I’ve got nothing against your inclinations but she’s really not the type of person I saw you with…’
‘Dad, I was drunk and young. She was there, that’s all.’
‘And she’s here now. Are you going to be doing it again, might I ask?’
‘No, Dad, I’m not. Besides anything else, I’m on the clock. I’ve never done anything like that with a client and I’m not about to start now.’
‘I hope not, young lady.’
Amy mentally rolled her eyes at her Dad.
‘Here ya go’ said Charlie suddenly, making Amy jump slightly.
‘Thanks’ she said, taking the proffered drink.
Charlie sat down next to Amy. And they proceeded to sit in abject silence for the next two full minutes. They kept their eyes on the dancefloor for something to do while they tried to figure out what to say to one another. That turned out to be a mistake. Because Charlie had the misfortune to catch the bride’s eye. She came strolling over, hand in hand with Josh.
‘What do you two think you’re doing?’
Charlie looked up in surprise.
‘What. Nothing. Just sitting down for a second’ Charlie said, far too defensively.
‘It’s a wedding. And you two look like you’re at a wake.’
Charlie and Amy looked at each other in guilty shock. Both of them had been struggling to appear normal, and it wasn’t a surprise to find out they weren’t doing a bang-up job in that moment. But they were both so in their own heads, neither one of them had realised that the other was being weird too.
Amy didn’t give either of them the chance to consider the ramifications of that. ‘We were just gearing up to hit the dancefloor again.’
She stood and Charlie stood too, taking her lead. But Maddie wasn’t done.
‘Hang about, the dance floor’s not going anywhere right now. I wanted to chat with you guys.’
‘What about?’ asked Charlie, again, too defensively.
‘I want to get to know my sister’s girlfriend, dummy!’
‘Oh. That.’
She threw Amy a look to indicate that they should both simply submit and they sat down. Maddie and Josh joined them at the otherwise empty table.
‘So, let’s start with the basics. How did you two meet?’
Amy thought she should let Charlie take the lead here, adding comments as needed. She knew the backstory, such as it was. They’d been friends of friends. There wasn’t much to work with.
‘Well, Lucy knows Libby and I know Libby through Emma’ Charlie said quickly.
‘Yes…’ said Maddie, clearly wanting a bit more than that. Charlie wasn’t sure where to go from there. It wasn’t a particularly long story. They’d both been the last single people in their circle and they’d hooked up. Not exactly Romeo and Juliet.
‘Well, we just kind of…’
‘Oh, I see. Don’t worry. I get it’ said Maddie.
Charlie was about to snap at her when she realised why she felt this surge of anger. She was annoyed because she knew Maddie really did get it. She knew this one had started like all the rest. She’d been nursing a broken heart and jumped into the next available bed.
She could see that Maddie had been hoping it was something different this time, because she thought ‘Lucy’ was special. The thought made her sad. Because the real Lucy hadn’t been special. The clarity of that realisation struck her like lightening. Charlie had wanted her to be, she’d hoped that this time was something different. But it had been the same as every other time. They’d been a wrong fit. She’d been stupid to try and convince herself that it was different from Megan. Or Melissa. Or Laura. Or any of the others.
It was a depressing insight.
Amy, who was watching the sisters speak with a history she couldn’t know about, somehow understood something of what was happening. Maddie, on her wedding day, wanted to hear a story about a couple who were special. Because she and Josh obviously had something strong. She could see that from how easy they were with each other. But now they were in danger of being confronted with just another story of two people who had clung to each other from nothing more than boredom and loneliness. Maddie didn’t want that, not today. She wanted to think her sister had found what she had. It would make her day even happier. Amy could see it. And she could see that Charlie knew that what she was offering her in the way of a romantic story was underwhelming to say the least. They both needed something. Something she could provide.
Amy could tell a story right now that would sound right to ears that yearned for a tale of romance. Something with three acts. A tale of love, loss and second chances. That story was sitting in her back pocket. It had been all day.
‘Charlie, why don’t you tell her what really happened?’ Amy implored.
Charlie turned, bewildered.
‘Fine’ Amy said, as though exasperated. ‘I’ll tell it. If you don’t mind?’ she asked.
Charlie, quickly getting hip to the fact that Amy w
as once again going to save her bacon, pretended to know what the hell she was talking about.
‘Go ahead.’
Amy settled into her seat and Maddie turned to her, desperate to hear whatever she was going to say. Josh also seemed ready to hear the tale. But no one was more intrigued than Charlie.
Amy sighed as she prepared to speak, not completely sure what she was going to say. But she had an idea of how it started.
‘Well, it’s true that we were introduced by mutual friends… But we realised that we actually met a long time ago, when we weren’t much more than kids, young and stupid. Well, I was stupid anyway. Because me and Charlie, we ran in different circles back then. And I was dumb enough to think that mattered.’
Amy didn’t look at Charlie as she spoke, but if she had, she would have seen that she was rapt. Charlie didn’t know where this was going. But she didn’t care. Because although she knew this story, she was ready to hear it again. From Amy.
‘I had lots of friends who were a certain type. I look back on them now and I know they weren’t real friends. They were just arse kissers. I never noticed Charlie. She was kind of invisible back then. Wore a lot of baggy black clothes. I don’t think she knew that she was gorgeous. Neither did I.’
Charlie felt her face go hot. She thanked god it was evening. In this dim light, there was a good chance that no one could see how pink she was turning.
But Amy wasn’t looking at her. She seemed in her own head right now, dragging this story out from somewhere deep and dusty.
‘And then one day, we ended up stuck in the same place, at a camp for younger kids.’
Maddie was utterly engaged. She dimly remembered that version of her sister. But there was plenty she didn’t know about that time. Charlie had barely spoken to her back then. Except maybe to say ‘pass the salt’ or ‘get out of the bathroom, fuckhead.’ She’d been fine with that at that time, she’d had her own life and she hadn’t cared about her weirdo older sister’s mood swings. But now that they were adults, she found she was thrilled to get a fuller picture of her teenaged sister.
‘I remember that! You went to Wales for two weeks and you came back with an even longer face than usual’ Maddie said to Charlie. Charlie smiled sourly at the unhappy memory. But Amy was going to say more, that was clear. She wanted more than anything to hear it.
‘Well, I was there alone. None of my friends. But Charlie was there. And I kind of knew who she was. So somehow, we got talking. And it turned out she was really fun. She was way cooler than any of my other friends.’
Amy turned without meaning to as she said that last sentence. Charlie and Amy found themselves smiling at each other. Maddie watched how they seemed to forget she was there for a second. She loved seeing it.
‘And we spent time together, became friends. Got close. And then, on the last night of the camp…’
Amy began to blush.
‘Well, I’d smuggled in this bottle of vodka. And I dragged Charlie off to this catering tent to drink it.’
Amy was now lost in her own story, and she was telling it from the heart, in a way she’d never wanted to think about it.
‘Because I was seventeen. And I couldn’t just admit what I wanted. To her or myself. So I plied her with booze and then…’
Amy laughed shyly and Maddie joined her, understanding the implication, turning to see her sister’s reaction to the story. She was surprised at how stunned Charlie looked.
‘And anyway, I won’t go into the gory details but suffice to say, your sister rocked my world in that tent.’
Maddie and Josh burst into laughter.
‘Get you, Sis!’ Maddie said though her hilarity.
Charlie didn’t hear that. Her heart was beating so loud, she felt like she might have a heart attack any second. Was this really how Amy felt about what had happened? Or was this just another bullet in Amy’s charm arsenal?
‘What happened then?’ asked Maddie. ‘Because from the mood we had to put up with after that, I’m guessing it didn’t end great.’
‘No, it didn’t’ said Charlie, speaking for the first time since Amy had begun her yarn.
Amy looked at Charlie, and she could see shades of the younger version of her, a ghost of the wounded creature she’d created. The one she’d seen walking the halls of Harewood, earphones permanently in, bleeding what sounded like some pretty angry rock. She’d known she’d hurt her, but Amy had tried to pretend to herself that it wasn’t her fault, that she hadn’t really done anything wrong. Mostly, she’d tried to pretend she wasn’t hurting too. Because, and she was starting to remember how it had really been, she’d missed Charlie too. A lot.
‘No’ Amy said, now speaking directly to Charlie, Maddie forgotten. ‘It really didn’t. I woke up the next morning, sober, and I started to freak out. And I told myself you’d taken advantage of me. Because I didn’t want to face up to what had happened. I wasn’t ready for that. And I spent the next year pretending you didn’t exist because I was scared.’
Amy was shocked at the things coming out of her mouth. This had begun as a way of trying to give Maddie what she wanted. Or so she thought. But maybe what she was doing right now was closer to a confession. Because everything she’d said in the last five minutes, she knew it was the truth. That’s why she’d said what she’d said to Charlie before the speeches.
She’d made a mistake and part of her had always known that. It had been a quiet part, smaller than the parts that wanted to imagine that it wasn’t a big deal. That she hadn’t felt something real with Charlie. Because admitting that was also admitting that she’d thrown something special away, something she hadn’t found again with any of the people she’d been with, the types she’d thought she was supposed to be with. But ultimately, they’d all bored her. She’d never found what she’d had at seventeen. Someone who made her drop her guard. Someone who’d surprised her into being herself.
Amy sighed and shook her head, hoping Charlie was hearing her.
‘I was young. That’s my only excuse. And I meant what I said. I wish I’d made a different decision. But I hope, now that we’ve met again, that I can make up for it.’ she said, nervously.
Charlie’s mouth dropped open, but nothing came out. She didn’t know how to answer Amy. Was this real?
Maddie, unaware of what was actually happening here, broke the moment.
‘But you guys met again and decided to try again. Wow. What a story.’
She sighed, satisfied. Josh smiled at his new wife.
‘You’re such a sappy romantic.’
‘How dare you say that to me. At our wedding of all places.’
They laughed together and kissed each other, while Charlie and Amy watched, not looking at one another. The honest moment had been shattered and now neither one knew what to do.
But, as is sometimes the way with these things, they didn’t need to say anything at all. Because a song started that made talking irrelevant. It was big, it was romantic, it was pure drivel as music went. But it was the right song.
It was ‘Back for Good’ by Take That.
Maddie stood, dragging Josh by the hand.
‘I bloody love this one. Come on.’
They ran onto the dance floor, leaving Charlie and Amy alone.
Charlie, her legs trembling, stood up and put her hand out.
‘Wanna dance?’
Amy smiled, hot with nerves, and took Charlie’s hand.
On the dancefloor, they turned to each other and this time, there were no awkward steps, no carefully placed hands. Their arms slipped around each other comfortably, intimately. And they looked each other in the eyes this time as their bodies pressed together, both trying to see if this was what they thought it was, that even after all these years, there was something there. That they still wanted each other.
Charlie knew that she didn’t know Amy as she was now. She knew this person in front of her was, in many ways, still a stranger. But she also knew that she’d wanted her more than
anything, once upon a time. And she had a feeling that craving hadn’t completely disappeared in these eleven years. She was still Amy Sinclair. She was still magic.
And Amy, now she’d opened herself to the truth, was feeling things that were wonderful and terrifying. Was it possible that Charlie might give her another chance?
But you can’t read all that by staring at someone’s pupils. Sooner or later, you have to really put your cards on the table. And Charlie cracked first. She began to lean in, terrified that she was reading this wrong, but daring to dream she was going to get something she’d been scared to want all day. Or all decade, come to think of it.
Charlie closed her eyes as Amy’s warm, soft lips pressed against hers. Her stomach, which had been turning like a pig on a spit for the last hour, suddenly relaxed as she lost herself in the kiss. Amy was kissing her back. And it was wonderful.
Charlie knew that she should not be able to remember the feel of someone’s lips that she had only kissed once, and so many years ago. But she did. It was at once deliciously new and beautifully familiar.
They were both completely lost in the moment and only a loud cough from behind Charlie’s shoulder made them realise where they were. The cougher who had busted up the kiss turned out to be Ed. Much as he liked his daughter’s new girlfriend, there was only so long he could let them go to town on each other at a family gathering. Charlie turned with a rueful expression.
‘Sorry, Dad.’
‘S’alright girls. Maybe take it elsewhere though, eh? I’m worried you’re going to give your grandma a heart attack. She’s eighty. They didn’t have lesbians when she was young.’
Charlie rolled her eyes as Amy laughed softly.
‘I think you’ll find they did, Dad.’