So when I walked out of the UCLA research building for the last time I no longer noticed the peeling paint, the worn linoleum, or the outdated magazines in waiting rooms where patients sat for hours, hoping for miracles. The UCLA Medical Center represented the place where hope finally materialized for me. UCLA had been like a good foster home. I wished I didn’t have to be there, but when it came to moving out I almost didn’t want to leave, the fear of the unknown looming close by.
Dr. Kalunian moved to the University of California at San Diego, the Center for Innovative Therapy, to continue and advance his work as a professor of medicine in the division of rheumatology and immunology. When he first left UCLA I felt as if I had lost my support system, but being the doctor he was, I quickly found out that he would always be there for me. He was the person who kept me going through the darkest days and nights of my disease. He never gave up on hope, or me. And time after time, he rescued me, eventually directing me to the research program that changed my health. What do you say to someone who gives you your life back?
I moved to Dr. Allan Metzger, my new rheumatologist, primarily to monitor my osteoporosis. My rheumatoid arthritis no longer needed much oversight. With my weekly Enbrel shot, I remained in the world of the healthy. I had long since packed up my extensive wardrobe of designer sneakers and donated them to charity. I often wondered if any other arthritic feet were filling my shoes. The only sneakers I needed now were for power walking, fitted with individually molded inserts to keep pressure off the areas of my feet where bone had been eaten away when my disease was active. I could walk and walk and walk and all I got was tired. No more inflamed red feet, no more aching joints, no more pain. I was whole.
I have been humbled by arthritis. It took away a lot of my self-esteem. I look at my hands in disbelief. They stare back at me, reminding me that I am not perfect. Over time they have taught me that perfection was not what should be important in life. Do I wish my hands were not misshapen? Of course, I was raised to believe that perfection was what I had to strive for. I am the sum of my superficial and unstable upbringing. No amount of therapy or illness can totally alter those embedded principles from my mind, but arthritis sure changed them. I left behind any trace of arrogance when I walk through the doors of the medical center. When you’re a patient, it doesn’t matter if you arrive in a chauffeur-driven limousine or on a public bus. It doesn’t matter if you are a CEO of a Fortune 500 company or a member of its cleaning staff. It doesn’t matter if you look as if you work out every day or if you haven’t seen the inside of a gym since high school. Inside, our bodies are diseased. Stripped of our clothes and dressed in hospital gowns, we are all the same.
Disease leaves you desperate for control at a time when you have virtually none. Still, I believe you have to fight back. What I know for sure is that what you can’t control, you can manage. You need to be involved in your medical care. It’s not about having a lot of money or power, it’s about being proactive, being concerned, and finding out what works for you. Your health can’t afford for you to take no for an answer. In my lowest moments, when I went for a second opinion to Dr. Wallace, he said that because of all the drugs that had failed me there wasn’t much he could do. Yet, the doctor that gave me my initial diagnosis, Dr. Kalunian, never told me that. He always had an answer, a new combination, a new hope. I couldn’t always be as positive, yet after I would indulge in my own pity, I would grasp on to his hope and keep fighting. I believe there is a Dr. Kalunian out there for everyone.
I am inspired by heroes like Michael J. Fox and Melissa Etheridge. They deal with devastating health issues and they never give up. They don’t shy away from the public, they embrace them. They use their disease to make others aware. My issues seem trivial in comparison and yet to anyone who suffers from any chronic disease or disability, health is never insignificant.
Arthritis has changed me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Physically, my hands are slanted and knobby. Will I ever talk with my hands again? Probably not. I am still vain.
Mentally, I am aware of the importance of good health. We all talk and write about it, and yet it takes something life altering to make us really value our health.
Emotionally, I have more empathy. I see a person with a walker or a cane in a store and I stop to help them. I no longer avoid friends and family with diseases. I recognize that just because it’s not pleasant to talk about it doesn’t mean it should be ignored. It’s not about me. It’s about them. I now understand that I have to concentrate on the people who suffer.
After an incredible career in the worlds of television and fashion it is now time to switch gears. My ideal television segment will no longer be filled with beautiful models in designer clothes. Instead it will be talking with a host in a warm and candid manner about real people living with a chronic disease. Will I still be looking over my shoulder to see if anyone’s watching? Most likely. I will always feel damaged. The difference is that damage has now created a passion in me to share my story and make a difference. That damage has inspired me, driven me to now talk about my journey.
What I have learned on this journey with health no longer makes me feel the need to run to the stores to change my outsides with the latest fashion must-have. It has made me reflect on what is important in life and changed me on the inside, where it matters. A totally new type of makeover for this twenty-five-year fashion maven.
I no longer feel the need to wear the latest designer shoes. I still appreciate them, but they’ve lost some of their importance to me. I survived arthritis wearing sneakers. My teaching and sharing now focus on living with a chronic disease. I want others to know that we can all rise above where we come from and take control of where we want to be. Even though at times things might seem impossible, we can overcome what may feel insurmountable if we always look to the future. My passion is to show the path to wellness, how to live with arthritis, the new way. Today with arthritis, almost anything and everything is possible.
I am living proof.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Christine Schwab is one of the most successful television personalities and authors in fashion, beauty and lifestyle. She has been a recurring guest on the most popular network television shows including: Oprah!, NBC Nightly News, CBS-The Early Show, The Today Show, Live with Regis and Kelly, Entertainment Tonight, The Insider, Rachael Ray, Inside Edition, CNBC News, Fox Network News, E! Entertainment, and Weekend Today.
Schwab started her career as a journalist on KaBC Talk Radio and KaBC-TV Eyewitness News in Los Angeles, and became a familiar face in California as a fashion reporter on aBC’S am Los angeles and aBC’S am San Francisco, where she also served as guest host.
Her most recent book, THE GROWN-UP GIRL’S GUIDE TO STYLE, was published in September 2006 by Harper Collins. Christine’s first book, QUICKSTYLE, was published under her maiden name, Christine Kunzelman, by Random House in September of 1994.
As the contributing style editor to Redbook magazine Christine wrote a highly rated monthly column that also appeared in the Australian magazine She. Schwab has also been featured in O, The Oprah Magazine; Newsweek; Vanity Fair; Ladies Home Journal; Women’s World; The Chicago Tribune; The Huffington Post; and The Washington Post Book Magazine/Sunday.
Schwab has also been a spokesperson for many of the country’s leading fashion and beauty companies. Estée Lauder, Revlon, Cotton Inc., Lenscrafters, Patek Phillipe, and The Platinum Guilde are just a few of the companies Christine has worked with. Some of her private style consultation clients have included: ABC, Disney, Universal Studios, and WABC-TV.
Christine is a member of Aftra, Fashion Group, Writer’s Market, and Pen USA.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
To my agent Carol Mann for always believing in me. We have been through many “publishing adventures” together and I know there will be many more. I thank you for your continued encouragement and support.
To Ann Treistman, Senior Editor at Skyhorse Publishing, for her enthusiasm for my book and for bei
ng such a total delight to work with. And to Skyhorse publicist Esther Bochner for her wonderful energy. She defines a good publicist.
To my sister Pam Everett, truly the biggest supporter of this book from it’s inception. She kept me going through writer’s block and made me dig deeper through the painful times. Thank you for always making me move forward with my story and for being my personal editor. This book wouldn’t have been as complete without you. You combine the professor with being the sister, all with love.
To my extraordinary writers group: Hope Edelman,who put us all together, Liz Berman, Amy Friedman, Deborah Lott, and Amy Wallen. This group of brilliant women nourishes me as a writer. Thank you for helping me understand and come to terms with my childhood through writing. To Monica Holloway for being the perfect example of giving back and helping me navigate my way to the Arthritis Foundation.
To the National Arthritis Foundation for their support of this book from the very beginning. John Klippel, President and CEO for understanding my passion. To Debra Neuman, Marcy O’Koon, Carol Galbrea, Hope Cristol, Susan Siracusa, and Kevin Garrett for continuing that support through the publishing journey. I look forward to working with all of you for many years to come.
A special thank you to my sister Susan Whittaker and my children, Erik, Kyle, and Kerry for their support, strength, and encouragement during the difficult years of dealing with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Also thanks to my son-in-law Eric and my Princeton family; Kevin, Dina, Spencer, and Ashley.
To my writing mentor and friend Phyllis Melhado. You offer honest praise and criticism and keep me on the writing path. You celebrate my good days and help me through my tough ones. We are truly writing soul mates.
For the people who have set the bar for being first class in the world of entertainment, Kathie Lee Gifford, Adam Glassman, Terry Goulder, Audrey Kolina, Deborah Norville, and Bonnie Tiegel. I appreciate you!
To those friends who read my pages and give notes along the journey, Marti & John Daly, Ghena Glijansky, Bill Kelly, Judie Jacquemin, Linda Michaels, Julia Serebrinski, Dale Sessa, and Pam Welch. Every writer needs a positive support group of readers and I have one of the best.
For others involved in my book process, thank you to Dr. Harold Paulus at UCLA for his cooperation in tracking down the many years of medical files needed for my research; to Dr. Alan Metzgar for teaching me that Osteoporosis can move backward instead of only forward; LeAnna Weller Smith for designing a stylist unique cover; and to my photographer Rich Marchewka for his beautiful work on both the book cover and my author photos.
A special appreciation to the friends who always show interest in my writing projects, Barbara and Ave Butensky, Pat and Andy Friendly, Jackie Clarkson, George Ann Dennis, Bonny Dore, Steve Hanselman, Bob Jacquemin, Zov Karamardian, Jean and Haig Kelegian, Georgi and Alan Kolsky, Bonnie and Bob Konigsberg, RogerLefkon, Doris & Mick Miguelez, Carol & Buddy Morra, Pam Nicholes, Sandy & Daryl Phillips, Joanne Saltzman, Marc Shatz, Bunny & Mel Shaw, Jimmy Stevens, Cindy Wall, Joanne Weeks, Mark Whittaker,and Carol Weisman.
And finally to my husband Shelly Schwab for making every day an adventure in this special life we share. You encourage me to pursue my dreams in writing. You are my dream in life.
Take Me Home From the Oscars: Arthritis, Television, Fashion, and Me Page 20