by V. K. Powell
As Rae listened, her hope faded. What Dana said didn’t ring true for this particular suspect. She couldn’t put her finger on why, just another feeling.
“I’m sorry to disappoint you. I know you wanted something more concrete. We’re not miracle workers. What does your gut tell you, Rae?”
Rae understood why Dana was one of the top therapists in the state. She’d probably mentioned her lack of confidence when they initially met, but Dana never pushed. Now she tactfully broached the issue at exactly the right time. Rae’s insecurity, this case, and Audrey Everhart were like Alpine peaks in her mind. If she couldn’t overcome the first obstacle, she had no chance of tackling the others.
Dana’s question hung in the air between them. “It feels wrong, but I can’t—”
“Trust yourself?” Rae nodded. “Baby steps, my friend. Play with your instincts on small things first. Test the outcome. Soon you’ll believe again.” Dana touched Rae’s hand and flashed one of her most encouraging smiles. “Any contact with Janet lately?”
“Have you been stalking me or what? She wants to talk.”
“How do you feel about that?” The question was probably one of the most overused and dreaded ones a therapist could ask, but Dana’s concerned delivery made it feel genuine.
“I don’t see the point. We were falling apart before she cheated. I realized that today, so what else do we have to talk about? It’s over…so why do I still miss her?” She expected Dana to comment but she remained silent, as if allowing Rae to hear and reconsider her words. After a few minutes, she asked the inevitable question that Rae couldn’t answer.
“Do you miss her or the idea of her?”
*
Audrey returned home that afternoon exhausted from the emotions of the day. She plucked Cannonball from her crate, gave her a wet smooch on the nose, and buried them both in a blanket on the sofa. The kitten’s rhythmic purring relaxed and comforted Audrey as she imagined the advantages of being a cuddly pet with no problems. Kittens didn’t have to worry about challenging conversations like the one she’d had with Loretta or the draining exchange with Rae Butler.
Rae’s obvious enjoyment of another woman’s company had bothered Audrey. She had no claim on Rae, her time or attention, but still it rankled. Her attraction to Rae surpassed her most infatuated phase with Yasi or her first quasi-lover. Normally she was too preoccupied with other people’s feelings to entertain her own, but she couldn’t dismiss these. She recalled the only time Rae had touched her and shivered with desire.
Why this woman? She constantly challenged everything Audrey was avoiding in her life. And Rae’s reference to the press conference brought up another set of issues Audrey purposely hadn’t addressed.
That afternoon had taxed her more than she wanted to admit. She hadn’t expected a flashback or a round of psychological intercourse with her attacker. It was unusual for her to mentally connect with someone, to be allowed initial entry then denied full access. The disparity felt like a scrambling device emitting white noise. The vacuum sucked and consumed her emotionally until she almost fainted. She’d barely had enough energy to disconnect. True to form, Audrey had sidestepped when she asked about her struggle today.
She stroked CB’s back. “Promise you won’t become one of those females who asks prying questions and breaks my heart, and I promise to feed and love you forever.” CB licked the side of her neck as if agreeing to the terms. Audrey tuned in to the contented purring, blanked her mind, and drifted to sleep.
Throngs of people pushed in around her, cheerful and celebratory. Even the close contact of strangers couldn’t dampen her spirits. Tonight they would gather to toast their success before moving on. Her steps quickened as she hurried to meet her friends.
Something was wrong. As she looked down at her feet, the shoes she’d worn changed into gold sling-back heels and her slacks into a red, form-fitting dress. A sickly sweet odor burned her eyes and made her nauseous. Light reflected off metal in thin streaks. Her stomach ached. She couldn’t scream. A voice whispered unintelligible words. Then she ran down the dark street—naked, alone, and terrified.
Audrey jerked awake so quickly Cannonball went flying across the room. The kitten landed on her feet and stared at her with a shocked expression. “Sorry, darling,” Audrey mumbled as she tried to clear her head. Parts of the dream memory made sense but not entirely.
Her previous nightmares had centered on the assault at the community facility. This one was different. The emotion of it felt like that summer, the pain too real, but the other images were still murky and the clothing totally unfamiliar.
She drew her legs underneath her and curled into a ball on the sofa. The air around her thickened with unpleasantness. She turned on the stereo and adjusted the volume to block outside stimuli, but the discomfort remained. The room felt almost foreign, even her furnishings emitting an odd energy. Cannonball stood in the middle of the floor, and the wiry hair on her back bristled. Time to go. She couldn’t be here alone right now.
Audrey picked up her purse and wrapped Cannonball in a bath towel on the way out. As she settled in her car and turned the ignition key, she realized she had no idea where to go. In the past she would’ve gone directly to Yasi, but that wasn’t an option. She was out of state at the moment, and Audrey wasn’t sure when she would be available again. Perhaps she could call Loretta—definitely not. That would give entirely the wrong impression.
Digging into her purse, Audrey prayed her cell phone was where she’d left it for once. She felt the cool, slim device at the bottom and pulled it out, then fished around for Rae’s business card. As she stared at it, she wondered if she was making a mistake. Was she overreacting?
Audrey looked back toward her apartment and decided she most certainly was not. Her instincts were seldom wrong, especially in matters of bad news or danger. She placed the call and simply asked if she could come over. The answer was an equally simple yes. As she drove, Audrey realized she was headed to the one place she’d feel relatively safe but had absolutely no right to be.
Chapter Eight
When Rae disconnected, she wondered what had precipitated Audrey’s call. They weren’t close friends who occasionally dropped by to chat. Audrey had consistently maintained her distance and privacy. Maybe something else had happened or she’d remembered more about her assault. She’d sounded a bit shaken. Whatever the circumstances, Rae would be patient and let Audrey come to her. That was the only way to establish trust.
It was almost seven in the evening. Should she offer her something to eat? Did she have anything to offer? Her best meals consisted of ready-made purchases nicely arranged on paper plates. She wasn’t exactly a cook, but this wasn’t exactly a social call, was it? It certainly wasn’t a date so she didn’t have to feed or entertain her guest. The sound of a car outside her door ended the internal debate.
Rae opened the door and watched as Audrey approached with a bundle in her arms. She still wore her work clothes, though slightly wrinkled. The habitually unruly strands of hair poked out at odd angles as if she’d just woken up. Her forehead was furrowed in distress and the usual spark in her eyes was absent.
Audrey stopped at the threshold. “Don’t you hate people who drop in unexpectedly, especially bearing unwanted gifts? Do you mind cats?”
Rae stepped aside. “Of course not. Come in.” Audrey was definitely upset. Her attempt at humor failed in enthusiasm and delivery.
“I couldn’t leave her there alone.”
“Has something happened? Are you all right?” Their exchange felt stilted, but Rae forced herself not to push.
“I’m fine. Maybe a bit vulnerable after all that’s happened. You’re very kind to let me come over.”
“You’re welcome any time. I’m glad you’re okay.” This was an unusual though welcome glimpse of Audrey’s softer side. Rae had seen it occasionally in recruit school, hardly at all since. Recently Audrey had been too concerned with protecting her privacy and asserting h
er independence to let her emotions show.
Rae’s compassion for Audrey swelled, and her protective side strengthened. She’d have to take it slowly for both their sakes. Rae wasn’t ready for even a casual relationship, and Audrey always seemed primed to bolt. Why hadn’t Audrey gone to Loretta? They’d seemed very chummy at lunch today. Rae dismissed the unpleasant thought, glad that she’d come to her.
Audrey looked around the small condo and smiled. “Now I know what you meant when you said your place looked like it had been burglarized.”
Rae felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment.
“I’m sorry. That was insensitive. It doesn’t suit the picture I had of your home.”
“And what was that?” Rae was curious about Audrey’s preconceived ideas about her and thrilled that she’d thought enough of her to form them.
“A warm, comfortable place full of soft furniture, fall colors, and lots of greenery. I guess I imagined your home as your refuge from the type of work you do.”
Her assessment was exactly what Rae wanted her home to be. At least Audrey understood the need for a safe haven. Janet had never seemed to. Rae motioned Audrey toward the space with the most furniture, her dart room/study. “It used to be.” She noted the hint of melancholy in her voice and quickly changed the subject. “I was about to order a pizza. Interested?” Totally not true, but she had to eat. Besides, the idea of feeding and entertaining Audrey had become more enjoyable since her arrival.
“If you’re sure I won’t be a bother.”
This was a completely different Audrey Everhart than Rae was used to. She was too agreeable. Something had definitely shaken her confidence and maybe even scared her. Rae put her thoughts aside, remembering Dana’s suggestion about testing her instincts on small things. If she was right, Audrey would tell her soon enough.
“Have a look around while I find the delivery menus.”
Audrey walked into the small room, placed a swaddled CB on a side chair, and took in Rae’s belongings. She felt oddly comfortable among her things, though sparse and utilitarian. She sensed a variety of activities in this room, some light and carefree, some serious. This was the part of Rae Butler she’d wondered about for over a year, the person behind the officer.
She scanned the space and mentally catalogued each item. On one side of the room, a dartboard sprouted several darts in the bull’s eye, and a case of the shiny projectiles rested on an ottoman nearby. A settee, another side chair, and a small table that served as a desk occupied the other side of the room. Audrey pictured Rae and her friends here talking, laughing, and sharing their lives. The setting had a playful vibe that Audrey absorbed and breathed in like fresh air. The room felt like Rae, grounded and substantial, and a feeling of peace swept over her. She had come to the right place.
She’d expected Rae to question her about the sudden call and showing up on her doorstep, but she hadn’t. Rae’s concern had been with her well-being, and Audrey sensed her sincerity. The more she learned about Rae, the more she liked her and the harder it was to be around her without revealing herself.
“What’s your pleasure?” Rae fanned an assortment of delivery menus for Audrey to choose from.
“I’m partial to thin-crust with everything.”
“My kind of woman.” Rae pulled her cell out and placed the order. “Thirty minutes, perfect.” She hung up and waved her arms around the room. “Not much, but it’s mine.”
Rae was obviously embarrassed by her meager furnishings, and Audrey wanted to dispel her discomfort. “It’s a lovely place. This feels like you. Is that your work area?” On second glance around the room, Audrey noticed a corkboard mounted above the desk area covered with notes and crime-scene pictures. The images leapt out and bombarded her with sensations, the data overwhelming her. Audrey quickly looked away and hummed to herself to stop the flow.
As if Rae realized Audrey’s discomfort, she lowered the cover over the exposed layers of information. “Are you all right?” Audrey could only nod. “I’m sorry. That’s not exactly entertaining for guests. I throw darts while I think. It helps.”
Rae had provided the perfect distraction. “Tell me about your interest in darts.” She focused on the sound of Rae’s voice and slowed her breathing.
Rae’s face lit up like an excited child and she started talking. It was as if Audrey had flipped a switch and allowed the current to reach Rae at last. She practically hummed with unrestricted exuberance. “I started playing when I was a teenager. I enjoy something about the feel of the grooved barrel in my fingers, and stroking the flight before release is like blowing on the dice for luck before a craps roll. It’s a physical experience that requires concentration.”
Rae’s explanation sounded almost sexual. Audrey could feel the cool metal in her hands and the fan-shaped tail as if her own fingers stroked the instrument. Darts wouldn’t have been the kind of extracurricular activity she pictured for Rae. It wasn’t physical enough, not engaging enough for someone so athletic. Yet the precision required to release a true shot into the center of the board demanded practice and consistency, which she certainly associated with Rae Butler.
“Though dart throwing requires concentration it’s also distracting. That probably sounds bizarre, but it helps me focus.”
“Not at all. I completely understand the need to be distracted in order to focus. It happens to me all the time.” Audrey had so empathized with Rae that the words were out before she thought about their implication. They told much more than she intended.
Rae gave her a curious smile. “What do you need distracting from?”
Everything. If you only knew. “Just life.” Audrey wasn’t fooling Rae. The evasive maneuvers didn’t escape her sharp intellect. To her credit, Rae didn’t press. Maybe her propensity for probing questions was only a professional tool. Perhaps she allowed personal relationships to develop organically. At least she was opening up a bit, and Audrey was more than willing to listen and learn as much as possible. “And what about you?
“My parents weren’t very fond of my lifestyle, so I needed an outlet growing up. That’s all it was initially. I tell everybody darts got me through school, my first breakup, and finally leaving home. I’ve kept the sport up pretty consistently. I play on an amateur team occasionally.”
“Why would you ever stop? You obviously enjoy it so much.”
The light in Rae’s eyes dimmed. “Janet, my ex, didn’t like it. She said it was one more thing to keep us apart.”
“Was she right?” Audrey was surprised how easily Rae slipped into sharing personal information. She had briefly experienced Rae’s caring, open side during recruit school. Then during the investigation of her assault, Rae had seemed suspicious and more reserved. Something had obviously changed Rae in the past several months, affected the way she interacted with others, and it wasn’t for the better.
“I don’t think so. It helped me de-stress. She didn’t enjoy it, so I stopped.”
“I’m sorry.”
Rae picked up a dart and twirled it in her fingers. “No, I’m sorry. I seem to have slipped into the dregs of my past. Want to try your hand?”
The intimacy of the moment passed, and Audrey could almost hear the door slam shut around Rae’s emotions. The void left Audrey and the room decidedly cooler. “Sure.”
Rae stepped closer to the dartboard and pointed to a strip of tape on the floor. “This is the throwing line. With time and experience, each player develops their own stance. I find it easier to angle my body a bit so the shoulder, elbow, and wrist have a direct line to the target.” Rae displayed a smooth throwing motion, but didn’t release the dart.
As Rae positioned her body toward the dartboard and demonstrated the action, Audrey watched her thighs flex beneath her worn jeans. Her squared shoulders brought Rae’s posture into perfect alignment and maximally enhanced her slight breasts and perfect backside. Audrey’s appreciation of the instructor almost eclipsed the procedural display.
“Hold t
he dart in a comfortable combination of the thumb, forefinger, and middle finger, firmly but not too tight. Visualize the dart leaving your hand in a straight line and hitting the bull’s eye.” Rae released the dart and it flew directly to the red center point. “Voilà.”
When Rae turned toward her, Audrey was still staring at her backside. “Impressive.” Rae flushed pink, and Audrey knew she’d been caught. God, what was she doing here? Playing with fire was such a cliché, but in this case it fit. She’d already experienced the overwhelming sensations that being around Rae Butler elicited. Something was different now, but she couldn’t put her finger on the cause. The energy between them was as charged as before; however, it didn’t make her anxious or afraid. She wanted to understand what had changed. In order to do that, she’d have to reach out, to touch Rae. She wanted the connection but couldn’t risk what she might discover.
“Are you going to try it?”
“Try it?” Audrey shook her head to clear the image the question aroused. “Darts…of course.” She took the instrument in her hand, glad for the tangible feel of something solid. Trying to mimic Rae’s position, she turned sideways to the dartboard, fingered the dart, and let it loose. The brightly colored flight wobbled side to side as the projectile flew through the air and landed on the desktop, stuck in a pile of papers. “Oh, my, I’m so sorry. Metal has never been a good conduit for me.”
Rae gave her a puzzled look. “A conduit? I’ve heard darts called many things, but never a conduit. You’re an interesting woman, Audrey Everhart.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Definitely.” Rae picked up another dart and stepped closer to her. “Let me walk you through it. Position your feet, relax your legs, take it in your fingers, and I’ll help you with the release.”
Audrey’s heart pounded faster the closer Rae stood. Her words sounded like erotic instruction, and Audrey struggled to pay attention. It had been years since her mind and body jumped so immediately to sexual innuendo and responded so readily. She’d practiced keeping such feelings contained. Now this woman seemed capable of crashing her barriers with the tiniest effort.