by Marie Harte
Riley’s words built until the steam inside Maya needed an outlet. “Because he’s too damn good for me. He can do better.” The last word ended on a crack. “Much better. You said it. He’s perfect. So what’s keeping him from finding someone better later on?”
“Told you.” Ann nodded.
Riley sighed. “I had hoped this wasn’t about your low self-esteem.”
Maya angrily swiped her cheeks. “I don’t have a poor self-image. I’m cocky, remember?”
“To mask that you think you’re ugly and stupid.”
She glared at Ann. “Hey. I’m fucking gorgeous.”
“But stupid.” Riley shook her head. “Look, Dex is in love with you. More, you’re in love with him. Bottom line, he’s not your mom.”
“Duh. He’s a guy.”
Ann’s face softened. “Oh, Maya. You’ve been torn up about your mom forever. As much as you pretend that you don’t care, those racist comments always put you in a black mood. Whenever someone says something, it’s like you’re a kid again and your mom is throwing you away.”
“’Cause the bitch did just that,” Riley agreed. “But we picked you up and kept you. You’re ours. Do you really think we’ll give you back after having had you for over twenty years?”
“That’s just stupid.” She found a tissue to bow her nose.
“Yeah. It’s also stupid to think you should break up with Dex because he’s bound to leave you like your mom did. Your dad stuck.”
“And I made his life miserable,” came out without her meaning it to.
“Maya.” Ann patted a spot beside her on the couch.
She took it, and Riley moved to sit on her coffee table so she could see her.
“Your dad loves you like crazy. Heck, if he married someone else when you were ten, would that have made your mom leaving any easier?” Ann sounded so reasonable.
“You make me sound like a dumb kid.”
“Right now you are a dumb kid,” Riley said with a tone Maya wasn’t sure she liked. “Do you have any idea what you’re throwing away? How much I’d love to have someone look at me the way Dex looks at you? To feel that connection? You sparkle when you’re around him.”
Maya tried to laugh off the hurt. “It’s only been a month.”
“That boy dragged you kicking and screaming to his prom twelve years ago.” Riley got into her face. “A sweet kid who thought you were his whole world. Now years later, he’s a grown man who still thinks you’re awesome. So maybe you don’t work out later. Maybe you grow apart after ten years and split. Or maybe you live for the next fifty years arguing about who takes out the garbage. At least have the guts to see how things could be.”
Was she so afraid of life that she’d made a mess she shouldn’t have?
“Look at it this way, Maya,” Ann said. “Worst case, you have a broken heart but no regrets. You gave it your all. You’re not a quitter or a coward. You stand up to people all the time. You broke Selena’s nose!”
Riley snickered. “That’s so classic.”
“Why be such a wuss now?” Ann snapped. “Remember our pact? About getting closure? About dealing with the men who wronged us? Except you’re the one who wronged Dex. Put it right. If nothing else, at least know you gave him your best. Because all these tears? Being afraid? Is that really your best?”
Maya sighed and leaned back into the couch. “You guys are better than any therapy, ice cream or double fudge brownies a girl could hope to have. You’re right.”
“Can I quote you on that?” Riley asked. “I don’t often hear you admit when we’re right. Usually it’s just lots of drama, foot stomping and a broken nose or two. But hey, you sound almost rational.”
“You know, since I mentioned brownies, I don’t suppose you brought any?”
Riley grinned. “Double fudge, because you’ve been a double bitch lately.”
“Funny.”
Ann chuckled. “Jack won’t come anywhere near me if you’re in the vicinity. I’ve been told in no uncertain terms that until you’re sane again, girls’ night remain girls’ night.”
“That’s all it takes?” Riley teased. “A little Maya nuttiness? Now we know how to pry you away.”
“With a crowbar,” Maya added and blew her nose. “We’re glad you’re in love and all, but you can’t bring him to wine night anymore. He ruins a good case of man-mad.”
“I concede. No more guys on Wednesdays.” Ann nudged Maya. “That means no Dex either.”
“If we make up.” Now she felt ten times worse. “What if he’s already dating someone else? I mean, Selena and her cronies were eyeballing him at the festival and the mini-golf place. He’s hot.”
“And apparently available.” Riley whistled. “Glad it’s not my man all sexy and studly and up for grabs. I’d be so worried. He could be married by now…”
“Shut up. So I should go to his place and talk.”
“Screw talk. Go rough him up. Sleep with him. Get him invested again. Seriously, I just can’t see him getting with some other woman a week after being gaga for you.” Riley tapped her chin. “Unless he’s so devastated he’ll jump into anyone else’s pants to heal his wounds.”
“He was smiling when he left,” Maya snapped, hating that scenario.
“I’m sure he was just masking how much you mean to him,” Ann chimed in, then Riley looked at her and she hastily added, “Uh, though Riley made a good point.”
“Now I’m feeling bad again.” Maya sighed. “I should head home.”
“You should. After brownies and our movie.”
“Which is?” She’s been afraid to ask.
“Alien. We wanted to see men die and a woman who kicks alien ass. You’re welcome.” Riley smiled.
“Okay. Brownies, movie, then home.”
“No.” Ann shook her head. “Then you go talk to your dad, because you are all kinds of messed up. After you talk to Roy, then you see Dex. Stat.”
“Fine, fine.” Maya didn’t look forward to talking to her dad, but the girls had a point. Time to bitch up and start acting like she had a pair. She glanced at her friends, now arguing with each other over the merits of double fudge over triple chip, and smiled. “I love you guys. But Ann’s right, Riley. Triple chip rules.”
Riley flipped her off, then Ann started on Riley again, and they laughed as they argued. Never happier than when getting along…not getting along.
Chapter Fourteen
Maya knocked on her father’s door, not sure he’d even be awake at eleven at night.
He answered soon enough. “Maya? Everything all right?” He stepped back to hug her, then pulled her inside and shut the door.
“Sorry to barge in so late, but I needed to talk to you.” She paused. “Is Bev here?”
He smiled. “Not tonight. She’s visiting one of her sons in Portland this weekend.” Her dad wore his Seahawk sweatpants and an old ratty shirt he’d had for years.
“I can’t believe you still have that.” She pointed to the holes in his yellow tee.
“Me neither.” He chuckled. “Up for some tea or cocoa?”
Outside the wind howled, the promise of snow on the air. “Cocoa, I think. Do you have mini marshmallows?”
“Of course. I’m not a communist.”
Her father. She shook her head and followed him into the kitchen. After he put a pan of milk and chocolate on the stove to heat, he turned to her. “So, is this about Bev? Are you okay with us getting married? Be honest.”
“I am, Dad. Really.” She hugged him, then pulled back to look around. How many nights had they spent talking late at night? How many bonding sessions over chocolate and marshmallows? “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” He smiled, and to her surprise she saw her own grin reflected in the expression. For so long she’d thought of herself as a carbon copy of
her mother, at least as far as her looks went. But she and her dad had the same smile. Imagine that.
“Maya?”
“Why didn’t you ever marry before? How do you know that Bev is the one for you? Why now?”
He sighed. “Ah. Time for that talk. This is about Dexter Black, isn’t it?”
She flushed. “No. We broke up.”
Roy frowned. “Then it’s definitely about Dex. What happened?”
“I, well, because I…” She expelled a heavy breath. “I don’t know, exactly.”
“Did he hurt you, sweetie?”
Her eyes started to burn. “No. If anyone’s hurting, it’s probably him. I ended things.”
“Scared of commitment. I was afraid of that. You can blame me, you know.”
“Dad?”
“When I met your mother, I fell in insta-love. You look just like her, and honey, you’re beautiful. Your mother had looks and brains, but God, her ability to see the world in a way I never could was captivating. She was like an ethereal creature, her words full of poetry, her heart open to any and everything.” He sighed. “Until she talked about her father. You poor girls and your daddy issues. No wonder so many end up working in strip clubs.”
She surprised herself by snorting with laughter.
He grinned. “You get yours honestly. I’m an ass and I have a problem committing. Welcome to the club.”
“Dad, are you saying I’m an ass?”
“Honey, put that shoe on, ’cause it fits.” They chuckled. “I love that you stand up for yourself. Not everyone is as nice as Ann and Riley.”
“They’re not that nice.”
“Of course not. That’s why you’re friends.” He stirred the hot chocolate, then poured two mugs and set one in front of her. They moved to the kitchen island and settled in to talk.
“So, Mom?”
He blinked. “Right. I fell hard for your mother. When she started talking to her father again, she changed. That free spirit I loved became weighted with guilt and grief. The old bastard had done a real number on her. That’s part of why I never truly blamed her for leaving. She couldn’t help it, really. Raised to believe she was better than everyone. White people were the devil, her tribe better than God.”
“But how could she be like that? She loved you.”
“She did. I don’t know. Maybe the drugs did her in too. She was so frail all the time. Filled with a sage way of looking at the world, but she had to toke or shoot up to get there.” He shook his head. “Why do you think I was on your ass about drugs and booze your whole life? You don’t need to warp your mind to be an artist. But when she lost her muse, her ability to write, it hurt her more than her father’s rejection.”
Maya thought about that. Her mother had been rejected by her dad, then did the same thing to her own daughter. So cyclical, so sad. So stupid. “Do you think she was mad at you for making her stop?”
“Yes. Her father was an enabler. An alcoholic and a mean drunk. He put his family through hell. But she never remembered that part of it. Instead she let him get into her head, let him think I was the one dragging her down. Not you, sweetie. Me. The evil white man.” He sighed. “Sad thing was her mother and sisters were so sweet. But they were afraid.” He frowned. “You can’t give in to fear. If I’ve taught you anything, it’s that.”
She took a sip of cocoa and nearly burned her mouth. “The girls think I’m afraid to get my heart broken and that’s why I dumped Dex.”
“Oh. Well.” He flushed, and she stared in surprise. “That blame you can lay at my door too, because I pushed people away for a lot of years. I dated, sure. But no one for longer than a year.”
“Try eight months,” she corrected. “Amber. Maybe Sherry?”
“Karen, I think.” He nodded. “That’s embarrassing. I can’t remember before Bev.” He shook his head. “For a lot of years I was busy raising you. A man has needs, yes, but nothing came before my baby girl.” He patted her cheek. “Still my baby girl, even at thirty.”
She scowled. “Twenty-nine.”
He laughed. “Right. I guess I was scared to get my heart broken again. Your mother did a real number on me.”
“I’m sorry, Dad.”
He nudged her mug with his own. “Don’t be. We learn from our mistakes. I worked my tail off making a nice living for us. You never wanted for toys or friends. Sure, we weren’t rich when you were growing up, but honey, we are a far shake from poor.”
“We are?” She blinked. “I mean, you are?”
“We—you and I are family, honey. Yes, Bev and I are marrying, but financially we’re taking things slow. We’ve both been burned before.” He grinned. “And Maya, she really does have a lot more money than me. We’re keeping separate bank accounts.”
Maya wondered… “I thought you loved and trusted her.”
“I do. But I’m comfortable now. So is she. We want to spend time together being friends and lovers.”
“Ew.”
“Be happy I have enough life left in me to care. I’m sixty years young. You’re not yet thirty. So why are you wasting your time with your old man when you could be hanging out with your boyfriend?”
“We broke up, I told you.”
“So un-break up. You know, Dex talked to me a few days ago.”
She paused in taking a sip and lowered her mug. “He did?”
Her dad wore a sly grin. “Yep.”
“And?”
“That’s for me to know. Don’t worry, it’s nothing earth-shattering. But I got the impression he misses you.”
“You did?” she tried for casual but didn’t think she’d hit the right note.
“Jesus, Maya. Don’t be dense. I raised you better than that.” He smacked her in the head.
“Ow, Dad.”
“I saw the way that boy looked at you twelve years ago. He had a huge crush on you, and you liked him. I remember how cute you two were at his prom.”
“You know he blackmailed me into going with him.”
“That just proved he was smart. I like that boy.” Her dad grinned. “Then he comes back to Bend a success, and who does he target? My baby girl. Why? Because the man has taste. He knows a good thing when he sees it—her. You. Oh, you know what I mean.”
“If I’m so great, why did I hurt him?” She felt terrible. “I kept thinking I’m not meant to be so happy. He’s so great. So special and genuine. I think I love him, Dad.”
Her dad’s eyes shone. “About damn time.”
“Dad.”
“At least you found someone I like. Not a hippy, a biker or an ex-con trying to hide out in the mountains.”
She blushed. “Oh…you knew about Kirk?”
“None of them were anything serious, so I didn’t say anything. But I see now maybe I should have. You were being like me, pushing people away so you didn’t have to worry about them doing it first, hmm?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, honey.” He hugged her. “You know how Bev got me?”
“How?”
“I was tired of being alone. Tired of spending the last thirty years afraid of my own shadow when it came to women. Not of the superficial stuff. The parties, the intimacies, the dating. But the quiet times. The closeness. Letting someone in can be awful.”
“I know.” She missed Dex’s laughing eyes, his dimple, those huge biceps he flexed to impress her, as if she needed more than his smile to do that.
“Bev came along at the right time. I’d like to say I’m sorry about how my earlier relationships were handled. But you know, I appreciate Bev now because of the choices I once made. Don’t regret what you’ve done in life. But be smarter than I was. If you want Dexter, go after him. Then if things don’t work, at least you tried.”
“You sound like Ann and Riley.”
“You mean my other da
ughters?” He smiled. “How’s Cheryl, anyway?” Riley’s mom. “I haven’t talked to her in a while. Had coffee with Ann’s dad the other day though.”
“Cheryl is still in Italy loving life. A lot more than Riley is at the moment.”
“Why’s that?”
Like old times, they talked into the night, sharing stories and gossiping like old ladies. Two hours later, neither of them could hide a yawn.
“Sorry, Dad. I’d better go. I have some groveling to do tomorrow with Dex.”
“And I have some errands to run and a house to clean before Bev gets back Sunday night.”
She kissed him on the cheek. “This won’t end when you get married, will it? Our talks?”
“Hell no. You’ll always be my girl, Maya. And no wife, and no future husband you might beg to take you back, will ever change that.”
“Ah, I don’t know about a husband, Dad. I’m just trying to patch up things with my boyfriend. Let’s not go too fast.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, right. Good luck.” He scooted her out the door and shut it behind her, making her wonder exactly what Dex and her father had talked about.
Excited at the thought that Dex might not actually be done with her, that maybe, just maybe, he was waiting for her to come to her senses, she hurried home and went to bed.
Pounding on her door the following morning woke her. Bleary-eyed, she noted the hour had passed ten. “Need coffee.”
More pounding. She threw on a robe, shivering over the cold wooden floor, and hurried to her door. She opened it without thinking.
“Maya.” Dex stood there staring down at her. He didn’t smile. “We need to talk.”
She stepped back when he moved close. Before she knew it he’d entered and stopped in the middle of her living room. He wore a down vest and jeans, and he looked like he’d been up all night.
“Dex?”
“We have a major problem.” He ran an unsteady hand through his hair. Totally not the way she’d thought this meeting would go.
“Ah, okay. I was coming to see you later, as a matter of fact.”