Ripped my heart out by RavenWatson ©2012

by Raven Watson

  Chapter 2

  He grinned smugly at that thought. He did have negative thoughts a lot, especially after Clare's breakup with him. He never had attempted to... even though he really wanted to. He had a... overwhelming desire to just...kill himself. He could have overdosed, but... he felt he should instead die a quick death so no one would notice. He got up but froze as soon as he heard footsteps coming. He looked around, he had nowhere to hide. He sighed in defeat as he saw the figure coming. The figure looked familar, had orange, curly hair. Then it hit him. 

  ''C...Clare?" Eli gasped. She nodded and looked at him worriedly. 

  ''I remember this place from when we...were together,'' She said. That hit him like a bombshell. He knew how painful it felt for his own ex girlfriend to be talking about the secret spot they once hid at to skip school. He tried to ignore the hard pain that hit his chest and bit his lip. 

  Eli sat back down and Clare sat next to him. He felt so awkward next to Clare. There was an awkward silence for a while, until Clare finally spoke up.

  ''I...I was worried about you,'' she said, ''I saw you practically... scream at Mrs. Dawes while she was lecturing you when i was walking by... and then you walked out. I had a good idea of where you were going.''

  Eli didn't say anything, he just sat there, staring into space. His eyes looked dull and lifeless. His eyes darted from Clare to the ground, where many dead leaves were. It was spring. He finally decided to reply after a few minutes of silence. 

  ''You shouldn't be worried about me.'' Was all Eli said. His voice was so quiet, it was basically a whisper. It was true though, to Eli. He felt as if Clare shouldn't be worried about him. No one cared about him, and Clare didn't feel comfortable when he was pretty much at his best, he figured, so why did she deserve him at his absolute worst? When he was practically dying inside from insanity and from what this teenage girl did to him. 

  She had no idea how Eli felt. She didn't know how much pain went through Eli when she said it was over, when Eli grabbed her arm and she reluctantly pulled away. He felt more pain that moment than when he had crashed Morty. She had no idea how much pain she had caused Eli, a little teenage girl caused this much pain for him. Eli let out a soft sigh and he looked at Clare. Her blue eyes looked...worried. And Eli's green eyes just looked so lifeless and dull. 

  ''I am worried about you Eli,'' Clare finally said, breaking his thoughts, ''I really am. I don't want to see you get hurt.'' Eli got up and looked Clare dead in the eye. He didn't believe how Clare could say that. 

  ''You don't want me hurt? You DON'T WANT TO SEE ME HURT? Clare, when you broke up with me, that moment, I felt more pain then when I crashed Morty!'' He yelled at her, and then continued, ''You, a little teenage girl with orange, curly hair who I NEVER thought I would fall so hard for, and then goes and shatters my heart into...a million pieces, well, when you broke up with me... you made me want to die. All the negative thoughts that had been sealed up inside my mind while I was together with you, they immiedately came crawling back. I'm not taking my meds Clare! I'm going..WACKO because of YOU!'' He yelled it loud and clear. 

  Clare looked at him with pain in his eyes. She had no idea he felt this way. She bit her lip and got up, looking at him. ''Eli....'' She started to say, ''Don't...go crazy because of me. I'm not worth it.'' Eli laughed crazily.

  ''Do you think I HAVE A CHOICE?!'' He growled, ''I don't have a choice whether or not I get over you! I've fallen head over heels for you, and when you broke up with me, I just couldn't help myself. My mom came home drunk more often every night after that...she abused me more and more. Until I bled like ****. But did she give a crap, NO, CLARE! And it just made me go even more on the edge of insanity!'' 

  Clare looked shocked, when he said his mom abused him. She had no idea, Eli was telling her things he had never even spoken of when they were together. She walked over to him and hugged him tightly.

  ''Eli... whatever you do,'' she said, ''Just don't kill yourself.'' Eli winced at her touch, but hugged her back. If the girl he loved told him not to commit suicide, then...well, he wasn't going to do it. He quickly let go and looked deep into her eyes. He felt pain... and remorse, but, he was actually glad he let his feelings out like this. Clare smiled. ''I mean it,'' she said and started to walk away. 

  He couldn't believe what he had poured out to her. But he felt a sigh of relief, and went through his pockets. He pulled out his pills, and stared at them for a long while. Even though Clare said not to kill himself, she never said to start taking his pills again...

  He grinned crazily. No matter what Clare said about not killing myself, I can still just not take the pills...sure I'll still go crazy, but it's not like...it's literally killing me..., and he threw the pills to the ground, stepping on them and breaking the case which held the pills. He walked off behind Clare.

  It's not like she'll ever come here again, will it? He smiled a smug smile and continued to walk behind Clare. 

  She never has to know.... 

  Chapter 3

  Clare continued to walk and they soon were back at the school. Eli took a deep, shaky breath and walked inside behind Clare. He was so nervous. He didn't know everyone would react to him coming back after what he just did. Everyone gave him glares and stares. He ignored it and walked back into the auditorium. 

  Meanwhile, Clare was on her own, walking to the next class she had. She couldn't help but think hard about what Eli had told her, the devastating secrets Eli had told her and nobody else. She sighed and walked into Science class. The class soon started and she was hardly paying attention. She couldn't get any of the things Eli had told her out of her mind. They kept playing and on and on. She had no idea Eli felt that way, and was abused. She knew Eli wasn't happy for some reason, but she never knew it was because he was abused. She let out a sigh and the teacher's talking was muffled to her.

  Eli sat on the stage, trying to practice his lines. He couldn't get any of them right though. He had a throbbing headache, and he was just...all mixed up. Mrs. Dawes called for a break and Eli got up and walked backstage and sat on one of the chairs. He took in a shaky breath. His hands were shaking and his headache throbbed even more now. 

  He knew this was the cause of the meds, but he refused to take them. Plus, he threw them out in the woods anyways. Fiona walked up to him. 

  ''Eli...are you ok?" She asked him, sitting next to him. ''You yelled at Mrs. Dawes and then walked out...''

  Eli looked at her, frustrated. ''I'm fine!'' He yelled. He looked back down at the ground and sighed again. His hands were still shaking and his headache still throbbing like heck. He got up. 

  ''I'm...fine.'' Fiona looked at him, obviously not believing it. Eli looked back at her. ''I mean it, I'm f-fine. Just don't worry about me.'' He walked back to the front of the stage and began to practice his lines again. He just couldn't though. His hands wouldn't stop shaking. He got up again and walked to Mrs. Dawes.

  ''C...can I be excused, I need to go do something,'' he told her. Mrs. Dawes looked at Eli, reluctantly nodded and Eli ran out of the auditorium, and out of the school yet again. He sat on the school steps that led inside. He sat there, with his head buried in his hands. He was so frustrated. He knew he had to take his meds, but...he just didn't want to. Meds or meds, Clare would still hate him and not take him back. He wanted Clare back, but... it was no use. It just wouldn't work, they'd never get back together. 

  Eli froze as he heard approaching footsteps. ''Eli? What are you doing not in school?" And he immediately recognized the voice. It was his Dad.