This was bad.
What if he said all of this in front of Kass?
“Of course he didn’t!” I half yelled at him angrily. “He’s my friend and friends don’t throw each other under the bus like that!”
“Oh, I’m the equivalent of being hit by a bus now?” he shot back, looking both hurt and still angry now.
My hands balled into fists at my side. “Maybe you are,” I responded heatedly.
He took a step closer. “You didn’t seem to think so last night.”
Though I was still angry and I knew that this was something that wasn’t going to go anywhere, no matter how many times we did this weird half make-out, half argue thing, I couldn’t stop the way my body responded to him.
Heat spread through me at his nearness and my heart beat harder in my chest, but that didn’t mean that I had to acknowledge it.
“Yeah, well, clearly last night was a mistake,” I told him in a tone that was more a sneer than anything else.
As I turned away to head to my class, I caught a flicker of the hurt expression on his face. Then I slipped into the door and headed for my desk, as far from the door and Logan as I could possibly get.
He’s following me, I thought trying to hold onto my anger, but all I could see in my head was that hurt expression on his face.
Chapter 5
I made it through my next two classes in a haze. I took almost no notes and the lectures went in one ear and out the other. I was too busy focusing on Logan. The anger he had when he hadn’t been able to find me that day—even though I hadn’t been ditching my classes or anything—and then the hurt look on his face when I told him last night was a mistake.
Which it was, I was sure of that now, but it didn’t stop me from wishing it wasn’t. I still remembered how much fun I’d been having, the kind of chemistry that always seemed to spark between us, and the thrill of doing something bad for the first time in years.
But none of those reasons meant that it was okay for him to be following me—and more importantly, it wasn’t okay for me to be so taken with him.
He was bad news, I didn’t know how many times I had to remind myself of this before it would just take already. Time after time, I had to decide that he was bad news. That he was the wrong guy for me, the worst guy for me.
But I still wanted to seek him out, and secretly, was happy that he was seeking me out. Even if I didn’t think it was necessarily the best way…
Of course, how else was he going to find me? We didn’t share any classes, since he was a senior and definitely not a Business major. He didn’t have my number, and couldn’t seem to get it from any of my friends…
Speaking of which, my phone had been blowing up all afternoon. After about the fifth text I received in my class right after lunch, I turned off my phone. I didn’t need to look at the messages to see that it was Kass who was texting me—and maybe Mason. She undoubtedly wanted to know what was really going on, and now I was beginning to think that she wasn’t buying my play dumb idea.
She knew something was up, and there was no way she was going to let it go.
Although it felt weird to have my phone off, I at least didn’t have to worry about all the anxiety I was getting from it these last few days. Between Logan and Miranda, my life felt so crazy, that I was surprised my hair hadn’t turned white from stress yet.
By the time my last class got out, I was relieved to just be getting out of there. I packed up my things and headed out as quickly as I could. Part of me moved fast because I just wanted to get home—I definitely wasn’t going to wait for Kass to find me today—but the other part of me was worried that Logan would be waiting for me after class, too.
I didn’t want to have another argument, and I didn’t want to see that hurt expression on his face anymore.
I walked quickly home that night, arms clutching at my books tightly. My phone was off, so I couldn’t text Kass to say I wouldn’t be waiting for her, but I had the feeling she would get the message when I wasn’t standing there.
That was assuming she had even gone to her last class that day, which was fifty-fifty as she had a tendency to ditch out on that one.
I got home just before seven that night, and opened the door quickly, stepping inside. I dragged my feet off the doormat, and kicked off my shoes, trying to drag in as little as I could from the outside. I took off my coat and threw it into the closet by the door, then stomped towards my room.
I didn’t want to see anyone or deal with anyone. All I wanted to do was go upstairs to my room and crash out for the night. I was dead tired, more so than I usually was, and the last thing I wanted was to deal with people, small talk, or questions.
Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like I was going to be getting what I wanted anytime soon. I found Kass in the kitchen before I reached the stairs towards my room. She was sitting at the island nursing a mug of what looked like either hot coffee or chocolate.
I was willing to bet coffee, knowing Kass.
I thought about trying to make a run for it and go straight to my room, but then she looked up and spotted me, her face breaking out into a relieved smile. I knew then that there was no point. I was going to have to face her.
Letting out a sigh, I went to the kitchen. That was when I realized that Kass wasn’t sitting alone, that she was incredibly nervous, and why she was so damn relieved when she spotted me.
Sitting across from her, holding his own mug, was Logan.
At Kass’s change of expression, he turned in his chair so that he could face me. He was calm now, unlike he had been the last time I saw him, and his hair was pulled back away from his face. He wasn’t smiling, but he didn’t look angry or disgruntled in the least. He looked like he was just sitting there sharing a cup of coffee with my roommate.
Kass glanced between us, a fake smile plastered on her face to cover up her discomfort. After a moment, she got up, leaving her mug behind and strode over to me. “I’ll, uh, leave you to alone to talk,” she said to both of us, glancing between us again. She told Logan it was nice talking with him, and made to leave, but she paused when she was right next to me. “I’ll be upstairs if you need me,” she whispered into my ear. “Just give me a holler, and I’m all over him like Lexie on a fresh piece of meat.”
I gave her a grateful smile as she left. We waited until we heard her footsteps fade on the stairs before either of us said anything. When her door closed, I folded my arms across my chest and focused on Logan.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. “I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me after what happened earlier.”
His calm expression flickered momentarily to hurt, but he pushed it aside. He shrugged. “I think we were both pretty upset today and maybe said some things we didn’t mean?” It was framed as a question and I could hear the hopeful note in his voice. When I didn’t answer, he continued. “I’m sorry if I came off too strong,” he apologized, running a hand back along his hair. “After last night, I thought we needed to talk, but I didn’t really know how to get ahold of you. I asked around a bit and figured out where a few of your classes were.”
“A few?” I interrupted, voice dripping with skepticism.
He smiled a little, just a tiny bit. “Alright, okay, all of your classes. Mason mentioned that you never missed class, so I figured if I just met you outside of class… well, I thought we could work things out.”
I kept my arms crossed, though I could feel my anger soften a little. He’d only been trying to get ahold of me and didn’t know how else… It made it a lot harder for me to be angry at him.
“But then you didn’t show up for your first class,” he continued, and I could hear the frustration start to bleed through his otherwise calm façade. “And your second. And then your third.”
I stopped him there, shaking my head. “I went to my third class.”
He frowned. “I didn’t see you. I waited for you outside of the door, but you never showed.”
I thought about
a moment before saying, “I got there really early. My first two classes were cancelled because of some mishap in the Social Sciences building and instead of rescheduling, they gave us a free period to study and work on homework.” I shrugged my shoulders. “So when I finally went to campus, I left really early, and ended up in class before all of the students had finished leaving the last one.”
Logan stared at me a moment before he shook his head and gave a bark of a laugh, not really filled with any humor, but maybe a little self-derision. “So you didn’t skip your classes.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t skip my classes,” I confirmed.
“And you weren’t avoiding me,” he added.
Here, I paused. While I hadn’t deliberately missed any classes with the hopes of avoiding Logan, I hadn’t really been seeking him out. If I’d known he was trying so hard to find me, I probably would have been deliberately avoiding him.
As it stood, I wasn’t.
After a moment, I sighed and let my arms fall from their crossed position over my chest. I walked farther into the kitchen, heading to island counter. I took Kass’s vacated seat, taking her cup of coffee into my hands more out of habit than anything else.
“I wasn’t deliberately avoiding you, no,” I told him honestly.
He smiled a real smile, relief evident in his expression. He opened his mouth, probably about to say something along the lines of how he felt ridiculous now and was really uncertain about the night before, but I stopped him before he could get anything out.
I couldn’t let this keep festering.
“I wasn’t doing it deliberately,” I repeated carefully. “But if I’d known you were looking for me, I probably would have.”
His smile dropped almost immediately, his brow furrowing in confusion. “Why?” he asked, clearly upset by this bit of news.
I shook my head, my gaze dropping to the coffee that was cooling in Kass’s mug. “Because I have a lot going on right now, and you’re…” I struggled to find the right words. “You’re bad news for me.”
I could see the hope flickering out in his eyes, his posture slumping slightly. “Addy,” he said, his voice low. “I thought maybe I’d convinced you that I’m not such a bad guy, that I’m not trouble. That you can give this a chance.”
Whatever this was, I thought, feeling heavy. I shook my head again. “You… you aren’t a bad guy, Logan,” I answered in a soft voice. “That’s not what this is about. You just aren’t the guy for me. We’re a bad match, and…”
I didn’t know how to finish.
“What, Addy?” he asked, his voice getting hard as he tried to swallow back whatever emotion he was feeling.
“And whenever I run into you, it just seems so hard to remember that,” I finally admit in a tiny voice. “That’s why I would have avoided you today.”
For several long moments, the both of us were silent. I stared at Kass’s coffee, unable to look up and see his eyes, to fall into them again and get caught up in him. But I couldn’t sit still, feeling the tension between us as my words hung in the air, so I got up from the counter and took her mug to the sink. I dumped out the coffee and rinsed it out. Then I stuck it in the dishwasher. The washer wasn’t full, so I didn’t run a load, but I had the urge to go around the house and search out other dishes so I could run it. Or maybe even just go around and clean the entire kitchen.
But I resisted these urges and turned back to the island counter. I stood there, choosing not to sit, and leaned with my forearms on the counter.
“I feel like a broken record with you,” he admitted to me, his voice low and husky. His gaze lifted and his eyes searched out mine. I thought about looking away, but I couldn’t. As soon as I saw those swirling blue and gray colors, I was lost in them. “But I’ll keep saying it until you hear me, Addy,” he continued in that same low voice. “Just give me a chance, please.” He reached out, his hand covering mine. “I promise, I won’t be bad for you.”
I froze as soon as I realized it. Glancing down, I confirmed it. His hand lay over mine, large and warm. There were callouses on his fingers and his palm, but his touch was so gentle. It was the first time I felt like he was touching me with those hands when he wasn’t just catching me when I was falling. Heat flooded into me from that one simple touch, even though it was only his hand on mine.
My body always seemed to keep responding to him like this, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that this was a bad idea, that he was the last person I needed in my life, that this was just a terrible mistake waiting to happen.
I took a deep breath, my heart pounding in my chest as his touch warmed my hand and made me wish he would touch me other places.
I had a full moment to bask in his touch, but then he seemed to realize what he was doing, too. He jerked his hand away quickly and stood abruptly from his seat at the counter.
Surprised—and maybe a little disappointed—I realized he was planning on leaving.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, shaking his head. “I… I need to go.”
He turned away from me, heading towards the door.
“Wait, Logan!” I called, but the door already closed behind him and I was left wondering again what it was about him and putting his hands on me.
Chapter 6
I stood in the hallway staring at the closed door. I wasn’t sure what just happened. Why had he left so abruptly, right when I felt… I shook my head. It was for the best that he’d decided to leave. No good could come from my admitting that I felt something—even if I wasn’t sure what it was just yet—for him.
I had to stay away from him.
I was still staring at the door when I heard footsteps padding down the stairs. Kass appeared beside me, putting her hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?” she asked hesitantly, concern lacing her voice.
Nodding my head, I said, “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m okay.” But my voice sounded empty and a little hollow, uncertain.
I let her lead me down the hall back to the kitchen. Logan’s mug was still sitting on the counter, half full of coffee and growing cold.
Kass lead me to a seat at the counter, then took away Logan’s mug. My eyes followed it for a while, until it disappeared into the washer to follow Kass’s. That’s when my eyes finally looked up at Kass’s face. Her expression was filled with concern.
“Alright,” she said, her hands going to her hips. “It’s time to spill. What is going on? You’ve been acting really weird lately and then suddenly Logan’s at our table at lunch asking about you. And the proverbial cherry on the sundae, he shows up at our apartment after school? What’s this all about?”
I didn’t say anything at first. This was about Logan, and how it was a mistake to start anything with him, but seemed to keep getting thrown together with him and despite the knowledge that this was all a mistake, I liked it. I wanted to keep seeing him again.
And maybe it was alright for me to talk about all of that with Kass. As long as I didn’t stray into dangerous territory of the past, I felt comfortable talking with her.
Biting my lip, I took one last moment to decide whether or not this was a good idea. I decided it was and I said, “We had a date last night.”
Kass’s eyes went wide as shock overtook her features. “You what?!” she demanded. “How did I not know this? How long has this been going on? Why didn’t you tell me?!”
When the barrage of questions stopped, I took a deep breath and tried my best to explain. “Not… long, exactly. Actually, I’m not even sure what’s going on. We went on a date, last night, and we kissed.” I didn’t mention the first kiss in the hallway or the way I’d felt him… harden beneath me at my defense class. No need to include the build up to how we wound up where we were now.
She gave a girl squeal of excitement at the mention of a kiss and immediately plopped down on the stool opposite me so that she could be more attentive. “How was it?”
Amazing, I wanted to say. Hot and consuming and leaving me wanting far more tha
n I was getting—which, I realized, was more the problem than anything else was going on. But instead, I smiled and nodded my head. “Good,” I said. “Really good.”
Kass’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Oh my gosh! I can’t believe I didn’t know this was going on! What else?”
I shook my head. “Kass, this isn’t about the kiss or the date. It’s about how he’s the complete wrong guy for me.”
She frowned. Tilting her head to the side, she asked, “Why, exactly? I mean, sure he’s got a bit of a bad boy reputation… and that whole thing with Lexie.” She shuddered. “Never mind,” she admitted, holding up a hand. “I totally get why he’s not your type.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. That meant I didn’t have to tell her anything to explain what I was feeling, my reaction.
Thinking about it, she continued. “Actually, the only strange thing about it is why you said yes in the first place?”
And that was a question much harder to explain.
But as it turned out, Kass wasn’t expecting an answer at all. Instead, she was understanding and sympathetic. Her response made me feel terrible for spending so much time not telling her.
It even made me consider that maybe I was wrong for not delving into the secrets of my past with her…
But even as she got up off her stool and came over to me, enveloping me in the biggest embrace the tiny girl could muster, I knew that who I had been wasn’t something I could share with anyone. That girl was gone, dead and buried. I’d put her away and wouldn’t bring her back for anything.
Not even Kass.
Which meant I definitely wasn’t going to do it for Logan.
As Kass hugged me she said, “It’s okay, Addy. Your first bad boy is always your hardest.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. She pulled away, glad to see I was laughing. I shook my head. “You’re pretty awesome, Kass,” I told her gratefully.
Wrecked Book 2 Page 4