by S. E. Hall
“I’m here with Bennett now and she’s wigging out. What’s going on?” The irritation at all the mysterious hysteria is starting to show in my voice.
“It’s Tate. He’s been in a wreck, Laney. I need you to get Bennett and head to Mercy, okay? Can you do that?”
“Is he okay?” My voice now a whisper, I have to fight for the nerve to ask my next question. “And D-Dane? Was he—was he with him?”
Somehow I’m able to register Evan’s hand taking mine. Looking up, I see he’s literally carrying Bennett with one arm and leading me to the parking lot with the other. “Zach—” I struggle to find the words again. “Zach, was he with him?”
He exhales loudly. “I don’t know, sweetie. I haven’t heard about him, just Tate. Sounds bad, Laney, can you get there? Do I need to come get you girls?”
I glance around me aimlessly; does he need to come get us? “No, no. I’m in Evan’s truck. Bennett’s—” I look, Bennett’s in the backseat. “We’ll be there as soon as we can.”
Evan takes my phone so I let my head fall against the window.
“Laney! Laney, snap out of it!”
I come to and see Evan’s eyes filled with worry. I don’t know how long it’s been, but we seem to be at the hospital already.
“Help your friend, Laney, she needs you. Be my strong girl, come on.” He guides me out of the truck, one arm never leaving me as he manages to get Bennett out as well.
“Here, man, let me help you.”
I turn when I hear the voice. It’s Zach. “Zach! Zach, how are they? How’s Tate? Dane?” I’m shaking him, grabbing his t-shirt in my fists.
“Listen to me, Laney,” he whispers in my ear, pulling me into his chest in one firm movement. “Dane is absolutely fine, he wasn’t hurt. But Tate was, so pull your shit together right now, for Bennett. Do you hear me?” He jolts me, squeezing me harder. “Do you hear me?”
“Yes.” I suck up my tears and runny nose. “Yes, I hear you.” I pull from his grasp, turning behind me and grabbing Bennett’s hand. “Bennett, I’m here.” I take a final swipe at my face, drying the tears with my sleeve. “I got you, Bennett. You ready to go inside?”
Her green eyes are lifeless, dead, no recognition.
She’s a zombie on her feet, in shock.
“Zach?” I reach behind me and blindly find his shirt, pulling him forward. “Lean on Zach, Bennett. He’s gonna take you in and I’m gonna be right beside you.” I give Zach a nod, urging him to get her moving.
Turning to find Evan, I grab his hand. “Thank you, Ev, for being here, for helping.”
“Of course, princess.” He hugs me. “Of course. Let’s go check on your friend.” He kisses my hair before we head in.
Sawyer, Kirby, and Avery are huddled together in the corner, the girls comforting Sawyer as his head hangs between his knees. I can see his huge shoulders shudder from here and find myself crying again at the sight of his pain. I run to him, dropping to my knees. I lift his head to look at me, offering him a weak smile. I had my lapse on the way over, now I’ve got to be strong for these wonderful people who’ve grown so dear to me.
“Saw, I’m here buddy. Gidget’s here, Saw, it’s gonna be all right.”
His navy, watery eyes are rimmed in red but soften when my voice registers, and all at once I’m buried in his embrace. I murmur words of assurance to him, stroking his short hair until he finally calms enough to sit, keeping me in his lap.
“Have we heard anything?” I look to Kirby and Avery as I ask, both of them shaking their heads. “Sawyer, Kirby’s gonna sit with you, okay?” I give her a look and she moves to us. “Just while I check on things, okay?”
He doesn’t answer but loosens his grip on me, Kirby slipping in his lap seamlessly with my retreat.
The woman at the window can’t seem to be bothered by me and I’m milliseconds away from ripping her through the damn window when Evan comes up behind me. He rubs my shoulder as he calmly asks her, “Ma’am, I know you’re busy, but could you give these worried people any news on their friend? His name is Tate—” He looks to me.
“Kendrick,” I growl at her.
“Tate Kendrick. He was in a car wreck and any news would be much appreciated.” He flashes his signature Evan smile and her features instantly relax.
She stands and says she’ll go see what she can find out, so we step back to the group and let them know.
Evan offers to go get everyone coffee from the cafeteria and I move to hold Bennett’s head in my arms. It’s only been a little while but it seems like eternity, and I still haven’t seen Dane. Zach told me he was fine and it’s the only thing keeping me in this chair right now. Bennett has yet to speak and Sawyer’s a mess, so I turn to Zach beside me. “Has anyone called their parents? Where are they?”
Zach’s expression is as confused as I feel as he gets up to ask Sawyer.
“Do you and Dane ever talk?”
At first I think I’m hallucinating it was so quiet, but no, Bennett did in fact just speak.
“What?” I lean closer to hear her better.
“How do you not know? Do you and Dane not talk?” She rises up out of my arms, her voice gaining volume. “Or do you only talk about you? There’s bigger shit than your boy problems, Laney! How self-absorbed are you?”
I open my mouth to speak, not sure of what to say, but am beat to it.
“That’s enough, Bennett!”
My head whips around, spotting Dane behind us. I leap up, almost flying, wrapping my arms around him. Slowly, his arms move around me too, his body gradually relaxing against mine. “How’s Tate? How are you?” I lean back and look up at him, stroking my hands down his arms. Sawyer and Bennett have crowded around, clinging for his next words.
He blows out a deep breath. “He’s in surgery now. He has some internal bleeding, they think his spleen. Lots of cracked ribs, concussion, banged up, but they’re hopeful.” Both hands move over his face, back through his hair, finally resting at his sides. “Thank you all for being here.” His voice cracks, his cheeks hollow, and I hug him to me once again, one hand rubbing his back.
His head soon lifts from my shoulder, his face rubbing mine. “Can I get a coffee?” he asks no one in particular.
“Here ya go, man.”
I don’t turn around right away, but rather peer up to gauge Dane’s reaction.
He moves from me, extending a hand. “I don’t believe we’ve met. Dane Kendrick.”
“Evan Allen. Sorry about your brother,” Evan offers sincerely with his shake.
Dane is either completely out of it, which would be understandable, or he has the best poker face in the world. Nothing in his expression or body language changes as he meets Evan. My eyes flick nervously between the two of them, the right words evading me.
“How long will he be in surgery?” Bennett squeaks, her voice once again meek and frightened.
“I’m not sure.” Dane sighs heavily, moving to slump in a chair.
Zach, always clutch, steps forward. “It’s late, and it might be a while, so I’m going to take the twins home and grab some food for everyone. I’ll be back later.” He turns to Evan. “You’re welcome to stay in my room, man; I know it’s a long drive. Unless you’re leaving now, Laney?”
Bennett latches onto my hand fiercely, her eyes pleading with me to stay, which I had planned to do anyway.
“No, I’m staying here,” I say, squeezing Bennett’s hand and smiling Dane’s way. “Evan, can I talk to you?” I gesture with my head, moving us away for some privacy. “Evan, I can’t leave. These people are my friends and they need me. I’m so sorry you came all this way, I hope you understand.”
He lifts my hand with his, placing a soft kiss on my knuckles. “I do understand, Laney; don’t worry a thing about it. I don’t really want to drive back tonight, though. Should I stay with that Zach guy?”
“Stay in my room. I’ll be here, so take my bed.” I grab him my key out of my purse and walk back, handing it to him.
“If anything changes, I’ll text you.”
His expression tightens slightly and he chews the inside of his cheek before finally asking, “Laney, are you staying for Bennett or for Dane?”
“Both,” I answer solemnly, honestly, without hesitation.
He nods. “Thought so.”
Zach, and only Zach, turns and waves, a look of understanding on his face, as he walks out with Evan and the twins.
PLAYLIST
Eleven days—that’s how long Tate stayed in the hospital. After seven long hours of waiting, the surgeon had come out to say he’d made it through surgery like a champ. Another two hours and Dane, Bennett, and Sawyer had all taken turns going back to see him. Two hours after that, I finally got Bennett to agree to go home and bathe, eat, and change, and I dragged Sawyer with us. Dane wouldn’t leave, but he did at least eat the sandwich I’d brought back.
Evan swung by the hospital on his way out of town, toting a burger, Red Bull, and clean clothes for me. I apologized profusely and he insisted he understood. The first time he got a weekend off and drove all the way to see me and look what happened; what are the odds? Oh well—Tate was fine and that’s all that mattered.
Thanksgiving came and went in a blur. I’d gone home, eaten, and been back in five hours. My dad and Evan both said they understood and the visit had been a short but nice break from all the trips back and forth to the hospital, making sure Bennett was taking care of herself, and managing ball and school. And now, here we all are, almost three weeks since that horrid night; days away from winter break. First semester of college done and so much more learned than what I’d been taught in class.
Tate’s living in that big ole house with Dane while he recovers, and since Bennett’s parents are going on a cruise, she’ll be spending the break out there, too. She’d given her big part away to her understudy, which I know pained her to the core, but was reflective of her beautiful soul. She’d apologized over and over for her little outburst at me. I’m chalking it up to her stress level and Dane’s constant evasiveness and letting it go, truly forgiving her. I do tend to worry about my own problems above all else, so I’m gonna give her this one free pass.
Sawyer and Kirby are heading out in a few days to his parent’s house for a stay before meeting Zach and Avery at the twins’ parents’ house. I’m not sure if the couples have officially split off or drew straws, nor do I have the energy right now to ask. I have one final to finish, and then I’m driving home to give my father his Christmas present early. No, I never got a job, but mysteriously Sawyer had a week-long hunting trip and cabin paid for that he “just couldn’t use,” so there ya have it. My dad will be over the moon and I’ll find a way to pay Sawyer back eventually.
Dane hasn’t been himself since Tate’s accident. The light is gone from his eyes and there’s no bounce in his step. His shoulders sag and he doesn’t speak unless spoken to. I’m very worried about him and downright furious with his parents. If they’d made an appearance at the hospital, it’d been in one of the brief windows of time I hadn’t been there. Just thinking about it makes my blood boil, but I have got to get through this studying before I go off on a rant.
Feeling a sense of accomplishment bigger than any I’ve ever experienced, I turn in my final exam, knowing I nailed it, and skip to my truck. I did it! I finished my first semester of college, and with a damn fine GPA, if I do say so myself. Now I have almost a month off; no school, no ball practice…nothing but wintry, blessed goodness!
“Hey, you!” I squeal cheerfully into the phone as Dane answers.
“Hey, Laney, how are you?” His voice is dull.
“I’m good, all done with finals! How’s Tate?”
He scoffs, his voice lightening a bit. “He’s doing great. Bennett’s fussing over him like a mother hen and I’m sitting back and laughing.”
“So you’re good, feeling better?” I ask hopefully.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
He’s not helping with this conversation, but I don’t want to let him go. He’s doing it again, keeping me at arm’s length, and I’m in far too good of a mood to allow it. Not to mention, I’ve worked really hard on his Christmas present and am dying to give it to him. I’ve pulled off a few presents I‘m really proud of for less than fifty dollars, but I’m hoping they mean a lot more to him than that because my whole heart went into them.
“So, um,” I swallow down the knot in my throat, “what are your plans for tonight?”
The silence draws out, killing me slowly. “I don’t have any really,” he pauses, “why?”
“I thought maybe I’d come out. I could bring dinner and your Christmas presents.” It’s my best offer. I wish I could see his face right now, a clue to what’s going on in that head of his. Gnawing my nails, I wait endlessly for him to penetrate the silence.
“Don’t worry about dinner, there’s plenty here. I’ll text you the address. Can you GPS it?”
“Yup. I’ll see you in a little while then.”
“See you in a little while, Laney. Be careful.”
Dane’s waiting on the porch as I pull into his driveway. He’s wearing a plain white t-shirt, gray sweats that hang achingly low on his narrow hips, and no shoes. He’s positively mouthwatering and I don’t feel a bit bad that I take my time with the view.
He stays put as I make my way to him, my hands full of presents. “Let me help you. These better not all be for me,” he grumbles.
I follow him in the house, butterflies playing tag in my stomach; melancholy Dane makes me very nervous.
He sets the presents down and turns. “Let me take your coat.”
I shrug it off slowly, suddenly not sure how long I’ll be staying, and watch him closely as he hangs it in the hall closet. “Where are Tate and Bennett?”
“I gave him that end of the house,” he motions with his head, “so we don’t drive each other crazy.” He fights back a smile.
I wrap my arms around my middle, needing some warmth from somewhere. Dane’s usually warm brown eyes are cold, as is his whole demeanor. “Are your parents home?” I shift my eyes away from him, looking nowhere really.
He snorts. “No, Laney, no one else is here, just Tate and Bennett.”
It feels a lot like a stand-off as we stand on opposite sides of the room, both refusing to be the next to speak. When I break enough to meet his eyes, he’s already staring but giving nothing away. I’m not sure when exactly, or why specifically, but things have definitely changed between us. Might as well get this over with and get the hell out of here, he doesn’t seem to want me here.
“So, how about you open your presents?” I walk over and pick them up, and then sit on the couch, hoping he’ll follow me.
He does eventually join me, sitting miles away.
Awkwardly, I scoot closer to him and place the first present in his lap. “Open it, Dane,” I say, nudging his knee with mine, “please.”
Gradually he peels off the gold paper, revealing his first present. I’d gotten him three DVDs; Toy Story, Monsters, Inc., and The Fox and the Hound, his professed favorites. I’d wrapped them, imagining snuggling with him and watching them all in a row, but something tells me that isn’t ever going to happen now.
For the first time since I arrived, he gives me a genuine smile. “Thank you, Laney. These are great, I love them.”
“You’re very welcome.” I wait for him to say something else, anything, but he doesn’t. He gazes at me, unmoving, so I hand him the next present. “Okay, open this one.”
“You didn’t have to get me anything, Laney.”
“I know I didn’t have to. I wanted to. Now open!”
He digs into this one a little faster than the last and tries to hide his inhale. It’s a CD, pictures of us decorating it. “It’s our playlist, for you to listen to anytime you want,” I explain. I’d downloaded every song Dane and I had shared from the first night I met him… “End of All Time,” “The Cave,” “This Year’s Love”…all of them.
&n
bsp; Dane scoots closer to me now, a look on his face I can’t begin to interpret. “Our playlist?” he asks on a whisper, one eyebrow raised.
I nod and silently hand him the last present. He, too, remains quiet as he opens it. His hand trembles as he flips through the pages in the binder, the sheet music for every song on the CD. Obviously he knows how to play many of them, but maybe not on both the piano and guitar? And I want to hear him play every single one of them, on both instruments, time and time again, so I printed them all out.
Burning into me, the look in his eyes is now unmistakable. He sets down the binder and moves to me, cradling my face in his hands. Moving up, his fingers glide through my hair all the way to the ends and he rubs them between his fingers. Leaning in closer, he runs his nose along my neck, breathing in my scent the whole way and ending his path with a nip on my earlobe.
“I need some help here, Laney. I thought I could wait out the Evan thing, keep things casual with us, but I was wrong.” He nuzzles his face into my neck. “Then I thought I could let you go.” His hands slide down to grip my waist. “I was wrong again.”
His words, seductively angry whispers against my flesh, inflame parts of me I didn’t know existed. My breath stutters; can he feel my body react?
“So you tell me what’s right, Laney, cause I can’t take being wrong again.”
I lean back, wanting to see his eyes. They’ll tell me everything Dane won’t, every secret, every avoided question, the entire unknown. They’ll let me know it’s okay that I don’t know everything right now; what I do know is enough.
I know that my day is better if I see him in the morning before getting started. I know that I sleep better if his is the last voice I hear. My body knows the minute he walks into a room. My heart knows he needs me to give him time just as badly as I need him to give me answers. My mind knows that if I walk away now, I’ll eventually be fine, but fine isn’t the term I want used to describe my life.
I know if he plays a song around me it’s because he wants me to listen to the words and hear what he’s saying to me. I know he takes care of everyone around him anytime he can and he’d do anything possible to take care of me. And I know the feeling seeping up from my toes, tugging at me, doesn’t happen every day or to everyone.