by S. E. Hall
“Good morning, yourself, did you sleep well?”
“Mmm hmm,” he hums into my neck, where his tongue is toying with my sanity. “Never better.”
I run my hands up his back, tracing the taut muscles there, and shift my legs slightly so he can fall deeper into the cradle of me. I’ve never felt more comfortable in my own skin than I do right now, never more in sync with another person. No, never; not like I do with Dane. Being with Dane, I feel womanly, sexual, alive, and even rhythmic.
My reverie is broken by the sound of Dane’s phone. He leans across me to grab it off the nightstand, laughing when he reads it.
“What’s funny?” I ask.
“I forgot to tell Tate it was okay for them to come out. They’re hungry and want to go in the kitchen.” He types out a response and tosses the phone back down.
“You told them they couldn’t come out?” I grin. “You’re so bad. Thank God they at least had access to a bathroom. Speaking of which, I need to get up and shower.” I push on his shoulder. “Get off me, you brute.”
“Why the hurry?” He looks up at me with big eyes. “You’re not leaving, are you?”
“Well, at some point today, yes. I have stuff to do before my trip home.” I try to slide out from under him but he cages me in, both arms beside my head.
“Laney, are you running?” His brow crinkles and worry etches his face.
“No.” I run my finger down his nose. “It’s Christmas break. Of course I have to go see my dad for the holidays. Don’t you have family stuff to do?”
He doesn’t answer for far too long, letting his forehead fall against mine. Pain emanates from him and I brace myself for whatever it is he’s working up the courage to tell me. I lightly stroke my hands through his hair, patiently waiting for him to open up to me. Finally.
“Tate’s the only family I have, Laney.”
No sudden gasp or line of questioning; I don’t react, but rather keep the same calming speed to my strokes of his hair. Placing kisses on his crown intermittently, I remain silent and mentally will him to continue.
“My parents aren’t just never home, they’re gone. Been almost three years,” his voice wobbles and I wrap my arms around his neck, holding him to me.
“Go on,” I whisper.
“My dad, our dad, loved to fly. He’d whisk my mom away for weekend trips, hell, sometimes even just lunch,” he lightly chuckles, “all the time. One trip, they didn’t come back. Mechanical failure, landing gear didn’t even come down.” His voice is somber now and a shudder runs through him. “So Tate’s all I have now. And you.” He lifts his head and looks at me hopefully. “I have you.”
It’s a statement, but question lurks in his eyes, laced with insecurity. “Yes, Dane, you have me.” I smile weakly, still saddened to hear about his parents. Every time I asked where they were or if they’d be home, I’d been driving a dagger in his heart. I talk about my dad non-stop. I left Dane here alone on Thanksgiving. I’ve been an idiot and Bennett’s words ring in my ears. “Dane,” I cup his cheek with one hand, “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry about your parents, and I’m sorry I didn’t know, or ask—”
“Laney, don’t. Not your fault at all. I didn’t exactly tell you the truth. I wanted to, so many times, especially knowing how you feel about your mom, but I just didn’t. So I’m sorry, too.”
“Don’t even think about apologizing to me. You told me now, when it felt right, and that’s all that matters.” Wrapping myself around him once again, unable to not just hold him, love him, comfort him, I continue. “And Dane, your mom didn’t leave you, she was taken. I’m sure she loved you very much. How could she not?”
“Let’s just say I didn’t know my mom as well as I thought I did, and maybe there are things you don’t know about yours, too, Laney.”
“What do you mean?” I lean back and look up at him.
He sits up and drags me on his lap, wrapping a sheet around me loosely. “My mom, not Tate’s mom, was our father’s second wife. When they died, I got everything. I have more money than I’ll ever spend, Laney, and Tate got nothing.” He looks down, as though ashamed, speaking again from that pose. “My mother couldn’t accept Tate. He represented her husband’s past life, the one before her. She was so jealous she took it out on Tate until he finally just quit visiting. I didn’t know that’s why he disappeared until he came for our father’s funeral and I had to drag it out of him.”
Running a slow hand down his face, he kisses my shoulder and leaves his lips there, his next words soft upon my skin. “I was sole beneficiary, to everything. So it would seem my mother talked our father into hurting him, too, even after death. I’m not sure why he even speaks to me, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to him.”
“Look at me.” I lift his head, cupping his face. “It’s not your fault. You shouldn’t feel guilty for their wrongs, Dane. All you can control is you, and you are a wonderful person.”
He covers my hands with his own. “Tate won’t take a dime; says he won’t touch their hate money. So I just see to it that he benefits in clever ways.” He almost smiles. “That’s our secret though, baby, okay?” He raises his brow in question.
I nod and smile, his secrets are safe with me and my heart floods with admiration. Dane doesn’t have a greedy bone in his body and knowing what he does to help his brother, well, it’s just another reason I adore him. I’m still a little lost at how this all relates to my own mother, however.
And cue the slightly frightening Dane ESP. “So, sometimes you may think you know people, and things are actually worse. Whereas sometimes you may think the worst and don’t know the real person at all.” He quirks a brow at me.
What? “What?”
“Go take your shower, and brush your teeth.” He laughs and kisses me. “Then I want to give you one of your Christmas presents.”
The hot shower feels wonderful. I ache in the most intimate places, and think for a second about really milking out my discomfort to tease Dane. I decide to go easy on him, though, when I step out and see the casual set of pants and shelf-tank he’s left on the counter for me. Silky and light pink, the new clothes glide over my body and I smile to myself, thinking about how good he is to me; but I damn near tear up when I see the two pain relievers and glass of OJ. This man—if I told people the things he does for me, they’d think I was making him up.
Steam billows out as I open the door and walk back into the bedroom, scrubbing a towel through my damp hair.
“Come here, baby,” he says to me, sitting in the overstuffed chair in the corner.
“Thank you.” I smile as I saunter to him, motioning to my new outfit.
“You’re very welcome, beautiful. They look lovely.”
I climb onto his lap and wait impatiently for…I don’t know.
“Promise me you’ll let me finish before you react, and that you will try to remember, no matter your initial instinct, that anything I ever do is because I love you. I want to take care of you, in every single way. I want to be the one you come to when you need or want something, when you’re hurt, sad, scared…anything. Even if it’s me that pisses you off, I want it to be me you scream at about it.” He reaches behind the chair and pulls out a folder, not a present. “Promise me,” he reiterates.
“You’re scaring me,” I whisper.
“Laney, you are my forever, and we can’t move forward until we clear up the past. I would never put you in a bad spot, I of course checked things out first, and feel sure this is something you need to know. I will help you every single step of the way, baby.” He hands me the folder and moves his arms tightly around my waist.
I open it, hands trembling with the anticipation of the unknown. The first thing that catches my eye is a picture of my mother; I’d know her anywhere. I quickly slam the folder shut and jerk my eyes to Dane. “What is this?!”
“It’s your mom, Laney. It’s important that you know; I didn’t just set out to find your mom, get in your business. It sta
rted as my desire to keep you safe and it led here,” he grabs my hand and squeezes, his eyes full of doubt. “You told me about the stalker and it worried me, badly. You got flowers on your birthday—”
“Those were from Evan,” I interrupt, agitation in my voice.
“You got another delivery, while you were out. I had Tate open the card, I admit it, and I didn’t like the message. So,” he lets out a shaky breath, “I did some digging. Sometimes money comes in handy, like when you’re trying to track down a stalker. I only did it to keep you safe, Laney, I swear to you. I had only the best intentions.”
I believe him, but I still feel somewhat violated. “You and Tate had no right to open the card,” I huff.
“You’re absolutely right, and for that you should probably be angry, but I’m not sorry I did.”
No response jumps off my tongue, so I simply give him the “go on” big eyes.
“Your stalker is not a stalker at all.” He pauses, taking both my hands in his and rubbing my wrists with his thumbs. “It’s your mother. You told me the gifts and things popped up sporadically, yes?” I nod, the word mother still knocking around in my head. “I’m guessing at big moments for you; moments a mother would also think were a big deal.”
Holidays, birthdays, prom, starting college…yes, contact was almost always on a milestone.
“She kept up with you, Laney. She’s watched you grow up as much as possible, from afar.”
Barely able to comprehend, I stand and begin to pace the room. So many questions and different emotions are flowing through me right now that I can’t organize my thoughts. I concentrate on breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth and raise my hands behind my head.
“Laney, your mom, she’s not evil, nor does she not love you, she’s just not well. I’m not supposed to know this, but I had to find out, for you.” He’s moved to me now, hands bracing my shoulders. “She’s schizophrenic, Laney.”
“What? I mean, how?” I’m sputtering incoherently, more thinking out loud than actually asking a question.
“Your mom lives in a facility where they make sure she eats, bathes, and takes her medicine. Most days she doesn’t comprehend reality, Laney. She left to protect you, to give you a normal life. But in moments of clarity, she always made sure you got something on your big moments.” He pulls me into a hug, which for a moment offers comfort, but I quickly pull back, still reeling from so many conflicting emotions. “As far as I can tell, she has a cousin who visits her regularly and must have helped her with the execution. That, to me, says she loves you. When she’s thinking clearly, she’s thinking of you.” He falls silent now and just watches me, his eyes following my path back and forth across the floor.
“Why would my dad not have told me this?” How can they just lock her up, or whatever, and not tell her family? She could have been dead for all we knew!” The dam I’ve built for years breaks all at once, and my body shakes with the sobs. Images of my mother, alone and afraid, tucked away in some padded room, replace all the ones I’d created to protect myself; her happy with a new family, just not wanting me.
“I’m sure your dad doesn’t know. Like you, he assumes she just left. Like you, he’s dealt with the pain all this time of thinking she didn’t want him, either. Like I said, it took some doing for me to find her.”
“I have to tell him,” I say, maybe out loud, I’m not sure.
He moves behind me, wrapping his arms around me. “Baby, are you okay? Can I hold you?”
Part of me feels like I should be angry with him right now, but the feel of his arms around me washes that away this time. He’s found my mom and solved the stalker mystery; he’s given me back love and safety in one fell swoop. Dane takes care of me, in more ways than he sometimes even means to, and damn if that doesn’t feel so right. It’s that sense of having someone put you first that I choose to cling to instead of some passing anger. I’m not his cause and he’s not saving me, so I don’t have to feel like a bitter pity-case; he’s pulling his weight as part of the team. That’s what Dane and I are, equals, a team.
“You can always hold me,” I murmur, turning into him and burying my tear-stained face in his chest. “Just don’t open my cards anymore, nosy butt.”
He swats my bottom and laughs. “I love you so much, Laney. I’m going to try my hardest not to scare you off with the intensity of it. I have a tendency to want and control everything around me, but I know if I go overboard, I’ll suffocate who you are, and I wouldn’t change who you are for anything in the world. So…” He hugs me tighter and leans down to brush his lips lightly against mine. “I’ll work on it, I promise.”
“Don’t change too much,” I mutter into his shirt, “I kinda like ya the way you are.”
So much for getting anything done today; the sun is low in the sky when I wake up from the nap I’d fallen into. The phone call to my dad had been exhausting and highly emotional. As Dane suspected, he really had no idea about my mother either, thinking all this time she had just left us. Obviously there’d been signs of a problem, like maybe depression, but to finally know the gravity of her condition floored us both, to say the least. I told my dad I wasn’t ready to make any big decisions; there’d be no phone calls, letters or visits to see her in my immediate future. I need time to process, at my own speed, and he’s very accepting of that, as had Dane.
“Whatever you want or need, Laney, that’s what we’ll do. If you want to go see her, we’ll do that, whenever you want. I also did some looking, and found a specialist nearby that we, or you, can visit with and talk about what the diagnosis entails, if you’d like to do that. Anything that helps you, baby, I’ll make it happen.”
Thinking back on Dane’s supportive words, knowing I can lean on him as much as I need to, my heart and mind feel lighter. I have to admit, there’s also a new feeling inside me, one I have yet to come to terms with, but like, knowing my mother kept up with me, cared about me, all this time. If I choose, I can see her, talk to her…maybe even hug her.
Now that all that’s settled, as much as it can be for the time being, I’m starving! I quickly freshen up just a bit and creep quietly down the stairs, unsure of where everyone in the house is right now. Skidding to a halt, I hear Bennett’s laughter in the kitchen. Shit! She and Tate will know I slept here, and—
“Get in here, baby!” his voice carries around the corner.
How does he do that?
Great, now I have to try and walk in casually, like I haven’t just been hiding around the corner. I hold up my head, throw my shoulders back, and glide in. Well, as close as I come to gliding. I needn’t have worried; Dane’s brilliant smile as I enter sets my soul at ease. I don’t care what anyone else thinks; that man loves me. He holds out an arm and I walk into it, wrapping mine around his waist and snuggling into his chest.
“Hello, roomie.” Bennett giggles.
I peek at her and give a finger wave as Tate chuckles beside her. “Tate!” I scurry around the island and wrap him in a hug. “You look great! How are you feeling?”
“I feel good, a little better every day,” he answers with a smile.
We’d come so close to losing him, and looking at him now, knowing how much he means to Dane, it makes me shiver. I make my way back to the sanctuary of Dane’s arms, silently laughing at myself. All of a sudden I am so touchy feely, and it feels so natural.
“So, what are you guys doing tonight?” Bennett asks.
Looking down at me, Dane waits for my answer. I flush a bit. “I want to sit in the hot tub,” I whisper.
He turns his head so fast I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t feel it tomorrow. “We’re going in the hot tub. You guys have a good night.”
Tate smirks at his brother’s polite dismissal as Dane pulls me toward the door.
This time in a bikini, I ease down into the hot water and let out a long moan.
“Are you sore?” Dane asks me sweetly, rubbing my shoulders as I lean back between his legs.
; “If you mean what I think you mean, then yeah, kinda.”
“I’m sorry, baby.” He crooks his neck to kiss my cheek. “Thank you so much for enduring it. What you gave me,” he sighs, “was amazing. There’ll never be anything better, Laney, never.”
A tingle runs through me and I lay my head back against him. We stay in a long, comfortable silence until the sound of his voice actually jars me from almost asleep.
“Are you okay…with everything?” He runs his hands up and down my arms, kissing my temple softly.
I turn my face to him and smile. “I actually am. It’s a lot to take in, but having you, and my dad, I know I’ll be fine. I just need some time to process.”
He nods in understanding, giving me a gentle, comforting smile. “My strong girl, I love you.”
I kiss his nose, leaving my lips there and sigh contently.
“Will you invite your dad here for Christmas?” he asks.
I look at him questioningly. Not go home for Christmas?
“He can stay here. I’ll order in a big meal, anything you want.” His brown eyes are pleading with me.
“Okay.” The truth is I won’t leave Dane alone for Christmas for anyone, not even my dad. Dane is now my first priority. It’s crazy how a moment of instant clarity sneaks up on you and poof—you know exactly what you want. No doubts, no excuses, and no apologies.
“Okay?” His smile lights up his handsome features.
I giggle and nod eagerly. “We can’t do, um, anything while he’s here, though.”
“Then he’s not staying very long,” he teases, sinking his teeth into my neck.
GIFTED
Dane ordered in a wonderful, catered feast that we enjoyed with Dad, Tate, and Bennett. Everyone laughed, stuffed themselves, and had a wonderful holiday. After the meal, I forced Dane to play some holiday classics on the piano which Bennett was all too happy to sing. Dad loved his hunting trip present and he got me a new fishing pole, batting gloves, and some money. It was an ideal time and I couldn’t have wished for anything better. The next afternoon, I walked my dad to his truck, nervously bouncing from one foot to the other. I’d never told my father a major lie in my life and had certainly never asked him to cover for me, but that mold had now been broken. I begged him to please pretend, if anyone happened to ask, that I was sick with the flu. He knew exactly who I meant by “anyone.” I was now with Dane for good, and I just couldn’t bear to break Evan’s heart over the holidays, so my plan was to lay low. He’d agreed, but only when I promised to make things right as soon as possible. His hesitation had nothing to do with my choice in Dane, he seemed to really like him, but he thought the world of Evan and didn’t support me dragging out any more pain than necessary.