by S. E. Hall
Yes, that kind of lonely.
Zach’s the only man I’ve felt safe with, or close to, since I lost Tate. So all those dates my friends have watched me bring around over the years? All for show, partly to avoid their pity, but mostly so they wouldn’t all start buying me cats. Every single one of those men said goodnight at the door, if I didn’t meet them on location in my own car, in which case, they said goodnight at my car door.
Except one.
And that one, and all the memories attached, is my recurring dose of reality – that no matter how hard I try to fool myself, I don’t want to be alone forever.
Would Tate want me to spend out my days alone?
I know without a doubt that he wouldn’t. But would he…
Nope, not going there. Enough thinking for one night. I turn off all those thoughts and hobble into the hallway to grab some ice from the machine just in case this throbbing in my foot gets worse.
“Oh, excuse me,” I apologize to the woman coming around the corner that I nearly barrel into. Admittedly, I wasn’t watching where I was going, but Rahana, according to her resort nametag, was walking backwards!
And now that she’s gone and no longer blocking my view, I see what had her getting in one last look: Ryder is standing at the drink machine, blushing from ear to ear.
“Friend of yours?” I ask.
“Definitely not.” He’s adamant. “I’d say she was acting totally inappropriate, but not a lot seems to be considered inappropriate in Jamaica. I didn’t encourage her in any way, she’s far from my type.”
“And what is your type?”
He takes the bucket from my hand and starts filling it with ice for me. “I don’t know, I guess… smart girls, motivated and self-assured. The kind who get attention by not looking for attention. If that makes sense.”
“Oh, it makes sense.” I grin and take the now filled bucket from him. Thank you Ryder, have a good night.”
“Yeah, you too.”
Call it intuition, or my witchy sixth sense, but on my return, I take a detour bringing me back toward my room up a totally different hallway. And just as I suspected, I see her, but she doesn’t see me, far too engrossed. Brynn. Peeking around the corner to watch Ryder, and I suspect, his little interaction just minutes before.
“His type sound like anyone you know?” She jumps three inches off the ground when I ask, surprising her.
Sweet Brynny stares at the floor, fidgeting from one foot to the other as she mumbles. “I don’t know, maybe.”
“May be, Brynny. Just may be. Night precious girl.”
“Night aunt Ben.”
I sneak quietly back in the room, hoping to avoid the lecture I’m positive I’ll get if he knows I limped out for my own ice. Thankfully, he’s still in the bathroom, so I hurry and change into my sleep tank and shorts set. And just as I’m cueing up the movie, Zach joins me in the living room, wearing only gray gym shorts that cling to his hips, hair damp.
“Where’d the ice come from?” He notices immediately.
“Room service,” I smile too big and fib. “Now come watch the movie with me.”
Did I mention Zach’s a big guy? That means, when he snuggles right up against you on the couch—for the sake of room of course—you will wake up at some point in the night to try and escape the furnace that is his body heat.
But even though I’m suffocating, my innards being baked inside my body, I don’t dare budge an inch. Because I feel sheltered, feminine, as though this very spot, smashed against this giant, virile man was carved out specifically for me to fill.
“Quit thinking and go back to sleep.” His sleepy grumble rustles my hair, draped across his arm that’s tucked under my head as a pillow.
We’ve slept exactly like this so many times, I don’t know why I’m suddenly out of sorts, uncomfortable in my own skin. Maybe because the first rays of dawn, sneaking in through the flowing curtains, have brought some sanity back to the witch of last night. “I’m sorry I was rude to your date. I’ll apologize.” I mutter.
“No you’re not and we already discussed this. Stop. Go back to sleep.” He tugs me closer to his firm, raging inferno of a chest. “Sleep, B,” he whispers a kiss on the top of my head.
No sooner than I’d listened to him, relaxing enough to fall back asleep, I wake again, but this time it’s not because I’m roasting alive. No, this wake-up call comes in the form of an incessant banging on the door. And whoever stands on the other side of it better hope like hell they brought back-up, because they just interrupted one of the best dreams I’ve ever had.
A fantasy so vivid, my heart as involved as my body and imagination, I feel a bit guilty.
Among other things.
“Gotta be Presley.” Zach groans, rising to answer it. I already know he’s right. Princess P is known for her signature, unmistakable rapid-fire knocking. Kinda like Sheldon Cooper, except she doesn’t keep saying your name… cause then she’d remove all doubt it’s her, and is probably afraid after so many “cry wolfs,” we may not answer.
No, I’m just grumpy this early in the morning. We’ll always answer.
“Where’s Aunt B?” She’s so flustered, she somehow missed me… hiding out on the couch ten feet in front of her.
“You’re getting warmer, keep walking forward,” I razz… payback for being a dream crusher. “And you’d better be on fire!” Okay, now I’m finished.
“I need your help!” Her hair, so dark it’s reflective just like her Mom’s, is a tangled mess and the deep, purple bags under her eyes aren’t doing her any special favors.
I sit up and pat the cushion beside me, bracing myself for whatever predicament the most precarious of my nieces has now managed to find her way into. This girl is walking, talking proof that the Lord works in mysterious ways, because if she were any more like her father, with whom she shares not one scrap of DNA, they’d be a scientific study somewhere.
But don’t ever, and I mean never, let Sawyer hear you make a comment of the likes, even meant as a compliment. So much as a hint of an insinuation that Presley isn’t one-hundred percent HIS daughter will get you killed. And they will never find your body.
I admit, sometimes I get a hollow, unfulfilled despair deep in my gut, knowing I’ll never have kids of my own, well past my prime on that front. But then I remember how much my five Squad babies adore their Aunt Bennett, and I’m okay again. There’s not one of them whose diaper I didn’t change, or babysit multiple times, or take them out for our “just me n them” dates. Not to mention, I’ve sat front and center for more sporting events than I can count, and never, not once, did one of their multitude of different teams’ colors not look great on me.
I’m such a versatile Auntie.
“Here ya go.” Zach returns from the kitchenette and hands me a cup of coffee, one sip confirming he made it just like I like it, double on the cream and sugar, then sits in the armchair.
Oh yeah, he’s the male version of me to the kids, the childless, impartial, “cool uncle,” so there was never any question that he’d be joining in on this conversation.
“You guys,” Presley titters and shakes her head. “So good with advice, unless it applies to the two of you.”
“We banging on your door at the ass crack of dawn?” Zach calls her out with a flicker of one brow, to which she immediately shakes her head. “That’s right, so enough with the sassin’. Now, what’s up with you, P? No wait, can I guess?”
Her beautiful face blushes, violet eyes doubling in size. “This is probably gonna make me feel worse. If you get it right, that means it’s obvious. And if it’s obvious, then you’re probably not the only one suspicious. But okay.” She wrings her hands together. “Let’s hear it.”
He doesn’t miss a beat. “That Ryder kid’s taking shit for no reason because he’s your beard for Blaze.” Zach says with a crooked smile, triumph pulling it up and worry weighing it down. I tap the end of my nose, ding ding ding, because he just nailed the answer on t
he head using less words than even I could have managed.
And as much as I hate to detract from the victory of his Spidey senses in any way, in order for us to be an effective outlet for the kids, I gotta keep him up to date on urban lingo. Can’t have him bringing down the “street cred” of our duo.
Especially since Presley’s covering her mouth with her hand, so he won’t see her laughing… at him.
I lean over and lay a hand on his bicep, a very nice bicep indeed, and frown playfully. “It’s only called a beard if someone’s same-sex oriented and using said ‘beard’ person to pretend not to be same-sex oriented. That applies to no one in this little fiasco. Ergo, no beard. But good try.” I give him a chin knock to soften the blow. “Presley just knows Daddy would go hella more apeshit over bad boy Blaze than pretty frat boy Ryder. Which he very well may still do. May take him a minute, but your Daddy doesn’t miss much.” I narrow my gaze at her, “so I’d quit laughing.”
Zach blows out a heavy breath, smoothing a hand over his jaw that’s decorated deliciously with morning stubble, making an oh-so-sexy scratchy sound. “Shit Presley, what the hell are you thinking?”
“I know,” she wails, flinging herself on her back. “Help! Blaze wasn’t even supposed to come, but he thinks I’m ashamed of him, it pissed him off, so he showed up! And I’m not ashamed of him, not even a little bit! I’m absolutely crazy about him! But he’s not the kinda man who’ll wait around for you to let him know you’re with him, and on the other hand, I refuse to ruin Skylar’s wedding with my drama. So what do I do now?”
“Um, you missed a key part of the problem,” I throw out, then mosey to the bathroom to brush away the horrid combination of morning and coffee breath, giving her time to try and figure out what I’m hinting at for herself.
“What do you mean?” She calls after me. She didn’t even try.
“Think about it,” I challenge her and start brushing, letting her ponder a little longer.
“B, please,” she whines. “My brain already hurts! Just tell me.”
I rinse, and cave. “The more you fake cozying up to Ryder, the closer you come to hurting Brynny.”
“Brynny? What’s she—?” The light bulb finally goes off. “Ohhh,” Presley drawls. “Well crap!”
“Jesus.” Zach moans, head tilted to the ceiling. “You kids set out to weave a web, you sure do a damn good job. Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. Presley, be friendly to Blaze, so he stays pacified. But not too friendly, so your father stays as sane as we can hope for from him. And lay off Ryder. No way is Brynn getting hurt in the crossfire of all this bullshit. In the meantime, I’ll try to figure out something better. Now go so we can get ready.”
“Get ready to what?” She snickers.
“Watch it, young lady.” He tells her, droll, but resolute.
“I just think it’d be cool to start calling you guys Zennett, or may Bach.” she laughs.
“Quite the imagination you’ve got there, P.” I try to laugh dismissively, but it comes out choppy and harsh. In other words- fake.
“You’re a brat, and no longer my favorite. Now get out.” He smacks a big kiss on her cheek before the front door shuts behind her.
I scurry back into the bathroom and lock the door, taking my time to get ready, wondering the entire time… are we really that transparent to everyone but ourselves?
And then I hear the door close for the second time, but this time, it’s with a slam.
Game(s) On
Our walk down to join everyone else on the beach is made in an uncomfortable, very unfamiliar silence. Ben and I never struggle for easy conversation, until now. She’s a few steps in front of me, that delectable ass of hers that’s barely covered in lime-green bikini bottoms swaying out a taunting rhythm, my cock taking appreciative notice. I share a bed or couch with the girl all the time; this shouldn’t be affecting me as much as it is.
But boy, is it ever.
I thought the two of us were clear on what “we” are, and I had reached a point where I was okay with that. I still date, I still fuck, and I still always put our friendship first. Bennett’s more important to me than anyone else in the world. But what I’m not okay with is being the target for her passive-aggressive, horny-lonely, bait and switch head games. The hot and cold, the ridicule in her voice when blowing off Presley’s harmless comment, the expression on her face morphing as though the mere thought of an “us” made her nauseous… she knows me too well to think that shit’s gonna fly.
Just thinking about it has me so frustrated, that by the time we reach the spot our group’s sequestered on the shore, I throw everything I’d been carrying like her damn servant boy on the ground.
“What was that about?” She glowers at me, head and hip both cocked. If she had any idea what her “angry” looked like through my dick’s eye… she’d stop doing it. Which is why I don’t tell her.
“Don’t know what ya mean. It was heavy.” I shuck my shirt and sandals, leaving her standing there in all her pissed off beauty as I head for the water.
To find an even bigger shitshow.
Since when did the Crew, and its second generation, become so awful at communication? Am I the only one who notices sweet lil’ Brynn, our “baby,” sitting under a tree, all by herself, reading?
I’m well aware that she loves to read, everyone is, seeing as how she’s been doing it since she was about five… but I’m pretty sure that can wait until she’s not on the beach, on vacation, and maybe twenty feet from the boy she has a crush on.
“Zach attack.” JT comes splashing over to my side, the crazed hormones in his eyes flashing like beacons. “Check that out.” He nudges me, nodding toward the bridesmaid girl, whatever her name is, bobbing in the water like every young boys’ dream. “That Macie, damn. Gonna need to take that Bugatti body for a test drive.” He rubs his hands together, grinning like the Devil.
This is the part where I should give him the whole “respect women” speech, verse him on the meaningfulness of a true connection that grows from a slowly built, shatterproof foundation, but he’s got a dad for that. Plus, I’ve got no “lead by example” to offer up. I mean, look at me and my fucked up situation.
But I love the kid and have a vested interested in the kind of man he becomes, so that instinct wins out and I give it the ole’ college try anyway. “Just be smart about things, Jefferson.” There, I used his full, real name. That implies superior wisdom, right? “You have a lot to offer to a young lady, besides what you’re thinking. Nice and easy buddy. Slow and steady wins the race.” I scrub his head and wade away. Best I got for him right now with this weird mood I’m in—several meaningless clichés strung together. Awesome job I did there.
“Hey baby girl.” I walk over and sit down by Brynn. “Whatcha’ reading?” Now this one, I can help all day, no matter my mood. I know, I shouldn’t play favorites, and I try really hard not to, but Brynn is such an exceptional young woman, exceeding and disproving any and every stigma attached to someone of her age, that I sometimes can’t help myself. She’s just always held a certain place in my heart, reserved only for her. And much like her Mama, she was born with a soul aged well beyond her years. She’s… fascinating, inspiring… bottom line.
“Hey Uncle Zach. Just a romance.” She flips it around to show me the cover. And I immediately wish to hell she hadn’t. What the? I quickly cover her eyes with my hand… seeing as how I’m on such a roll today and this solution somehow makes sense to me, like she somehow missed already seeing the cover to the book she’s reading. “Brynny, you’re killing me, baby girl. You need a good book to read, I can help. Have you ever checked out ‘The Gifts of Jimmy V’ or ‘When Pride Still Mattered’? Both excellent choices!“
She leans her head on my shoulder and lets out a precious giggle. “You know I have. You read them both to me when I was little. One of the reasons you were in my top favorite babysitters.”
“Just makin’ sure you remembered.” And hoping you’d want
to stop, right this very second, reading whatever the hell that is in your hand and revisit one of them. I kiss the top of her sweet head. “So Ryder, huh? He’s the one who’s caught my girl’s eye?”
“Oh, my God.” she groans, covering her face with both hands. “Does anyone in this whole family know how to keep their mouth shut? No wait, yes, I do! I didn’t say anything to anyone, so how do you, I mean, uh, why do you ask?”
Lil’ angel, I adore this kid. “Your Aunt Bennett may have had a hunch. Doesn’t need anyone to tell her, you know she’s attuned to you kids with that freaky sixth sense of hers.”
“That she is. Eh, doesn’t matter anyway. He hangs out with Judd and Sky’s crowd. Older than me, glamorous, grown-up girls that go to all the parties. Ya know?”
“Why do you think your Daddy wanted your Mama so bad?” Her cute lil’ face is filled with hope and curiosity as she stares at me, just waiting for me to spout off the golden answer to life. “Because she was different, Brynn. She had a natural beauty that radiated off her from the minute she woke up in the morning. She was confident in her own skin, and no one could take that away from her. Didn’t hurt that she’s s as pretty as you are either.” I smile, giving her a playful nudge. “You’ve got something special, Brynn, rare. And the right guy will be able to see it straightaway.”
She snorts, also adorable. “What will he see, a quiet nerd in a dirty uniform with freakishly large arm muscles?”
“Do you love to play ball, pitch?”
“You know I do,” she answers my question more with the wistfulness in her tone than the actual words.
“Then that’s what he’ll see. That passion, dedication, drive. And being toned isn’t a bad thing, baby girl.” I laugh. “Neither is being smart. And only speaking with you have something to say. Contrary to what most guys your age may think now, babbling airheads are far from attractive.”