by Brenda Novak
“I carry my burdens alone,” he said at last.
She pushed her hair away from her face, threw off the quilt and stood. It was time to pick up her kids and head home. “Well, to answer your question, no, I don’t want you to help me figure out where I came from,” she said. “My mother’s gone. I won’t ruin what I have left of her by digging through the past.”
He’d stood when she had. “Okay.”
He didn’t seem to judge her decision. He just accepted it.
“Thanks anyway.”
He caught a lock of hair as it fell back into her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. It was such a tender gesture, she thought he might draw her toward him. When she imagined the taste of his lips, his tongue moving against hers, her earlier ambivalence about making love instantly disappeared. She wanted to turn off the lights, remove their clothes and let him carry her away as she knew he could. But Carter would only be generous with his body, and that type of fulfillment wouldn’t last.
“Some things are better left as they are,” he said softly.
She wasn’t sure if he was talking about her decision not to investigate the past, or about what had occurred on Friday night. But she took a long look around the cabin, just in case she never saw it again. Making love with a man who’d move on soon, leaving her with only a few heated memories, wasn’t a part of real life. Facing the fact that she suddenly had no father, continuing to make school lunches for her kids, folding laundry—that was real.
At least Carter had provided a refuge for her when she’d needed it most. She was grateful to him for that.
“What would you do if you were me?” she asked, as he grabbed his keys off the counter. “Would you search out the truth?”
“Definitely,” he said. “But I’m one of those people who can’t leave well enough alone.”
Carter met her at the door, but didn’t open it right away. He lifted her chin with one finger, letting his gaze fall to her lips. He wanted to kiss her; she could feel it.
Desire coiled within her gut and shortened her breath, but she didn’t lean forward or make it easy for him and he dropped his hand. “Let’s go.”
WHEN LIZ RETURNED HOME with her kids, Gordon was gone. He’d left no note. He’d just taken his bags and disappeared.
Now that her children were in bed asleep, she walked through the house feeling empty and alone. Finally she stopped in front of her mother’s picture in the hall. “What happened?” she murmured.
Chloe stared back, looking secretive and mysterious for the first time in Liz’s life.
Liz remembered the boxes of family pictures and papers in the attic of her father’s house. Was there something stored there that would tell her more? A letter? A journal? An apology?
Covering her eyes with her hands, as if that could block out anything she didn’t want to acknowledge, Liz shook her head. I don’t want to know, remember? But other faces appeared before her mind’s eye—those of the men in the neighborhood where she grew up, and at the church her family had attended, even the teachers she’d had in school. Had her mother slept with one of them? Was Jeremy Lamph from down the street her father? Or maybe Ryan Sudwick’s dad?
It was horrible to imagine her mother with any of those men, especially because they were all married. But Liz couldn’t remember any others. Except for old Mr. Winter. And she couldn’t picture her mother touching him in a romantic way.
Regardless of who her father was, her mother would’ve had to let a man sneak over to the house while Isaac was only a toddler and Gordon was at work.
Or had Chloe slept with a total stranger?
The concept of a stranger, a brief encounter, seemed more acceptable to Liz than any other scenario, but she didn’t want to entertain the questions that naturally arose from there: Where did Chloe meet this man? Where did they go? How did he convince her to break her marriage vows? Did they stay in contact? If her mother hadn’t told her lover about the pregnancy, was it because he’d have been angry? Uninterested? Upset?
Despite her reluctance to dwell on the various possibilities, Liz couldn’t seem to stop them from whirring through her head like tickertape. So she was grateful when the phone rang—despite the fact that it had been ringing all night. She’d talked to Isaac and Reenie. Then Carter had called to tell her he’d replaced the door at the shop with one they’d removed from the apartment and Keith had phoned to ask all the questions he couldn’t ask in front of the kids—if she’d enjoyed herself with Carter, if they were planning to see each other again. By the time she’d managed to convince her ex that she and Carter were merely friends, Senator Holbrook was calling to check on her. Reenie’s dad seemed especially understanding because of his own experience. He and Celeste shared a few of the details of the affair that had resulted in Lucky, Reenie and Gabe’s half-sister, and their story gave Liz hope that her mother could make a tragic mistake and still be an honorable person.
Reaching the cordless phone on the fourth ring, she brought it to her ear without bothering to check the caller ID. It had to be Dave. He was the only one who ever called her this late. “Hello?”
“Hey,” he said, “I thought I’d hear from you this weekend.”
Was the weekend over already? Liz could hardly believe it. Of course, she’d been pretty preoccupied….
“I tried to reach you on Friday,” she said, remembering, with some relief, that she had tried to call him at least once.
“You didn’t leave a message.”
“You were out.”
“On Friday? Oh yeah, I have a friend who’s really into foreign films. He twisted my arm into going to see some artsy flick at a theater in Westwood.”
He. Liz felt a twinge of guilt. “Was it any good?”
“Not bad. What’d you do this weekend?”
“Worked. Mostly,” she added so that her answer wouldn’t be a complete lie.
“That’s why you didn’t answer my e-mails?”
“I haven’t even been on my computer.”
“Did Keith come through for you, then?”
“No. He’s been unavailable.”
“How are you managing?”
“Someone else has been helping out.”
“Who?”
“Carter Hudson.”
“You’ve never mentioned anyone by that name before,” he said. “Who is he? Some old cowboy?”
Not exactly. Liz moved into her bedroom and turned down her bed. She had to get some sleep. Carter was supposed to meet her bright and early in the morning. Father or no father, she had a business to open and run. “He’s new in town.”
“Is he a contractor?”
“No, he’s Senator Holbrook’s new aide.”
“How’d he start working for you?”
“The Senator asked Carter to help me.”
“Because Carter knows how to do what you need?”
Liz gulped, thinking about the meaning she might attach to those words. “He grew up building houses, and he’s a hard worker,” she said, trying to steer her mind away from the more interesting images racing through it.
There was a long pause during which Liz feared she’d shown a little more admiration in her voice than she’d intended. At last, Dave said, “Are you paying him?”
“No, I just told you. He’s doing it as a favor to the senator.”
“Really.”
Dave wasn’t typically the jealous type, but this wasn’t his happy-go-lucky tone. He was obviously trying to figure out how significant Carter was to her. In some ways, Liz wished she could answer the same question for herself. It had been difficult to leave Carter’s cabin without visiting his bedroom first—she knew that much. “Is something wrong?”
“No,” he said, then seemed to reconsider his response. “I mean, not unless…You’re not seeing him, are you?”
Liz didn’t know how to respond. She hadn’t expected Dave to be the one hoping to achieve an exclusive relationship. They’d had that one weekend together, but they’d mad
e no promises.
“We…went out to dinner,” she said, throwing that much out there to see how he’d respond.
“You did?”
She stood in front of the mirror. Instead of undressing, she simply stared at her own reflection as though—if she looked hard enough—she’d be able to understand exactly how she’d gotten involved with Carter and why she was still thinking about him almost every minute. She’d been attracted to Dave. Why did he suddenly seem so forgettable? “Yes. Is that okay?”
“As long as you’re just friends,” he said.
Her eyes widened. Friends? How could she claim she and Carter were just friends?
On the other hand, how could she claim they were more? Their relationship didn’t fall neatly into any category. He’d been her lover on Friday. He’d been her best friend today. But she wasn’t sure they’d be anything to each other tomorrow.
“It’s not serious,” she assured him. Then she told him about her dad. She didn’t really want to discuss Gordon and the past when her feelings were still so raw. But as painful as the subject was, it was better than talking about Carter—at least with Dave.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
GORDON REACHED SALT LAKE via a circuitous route and an overnight stay in Wyoming, arriving at three in the afternoon. He continued driving south, toward Vegas. He wasn’t sure where he was going. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. All he wanted to do was drive—as if he could outdistance what he’d done and escape the look of accusation he’d seen on Isaac’s face. He’d been such a fool. Blurting out what had been eating at him for the past eighteen years had been stupid, selfish. It was a plea for Isaac’s sympathy and understanding at Liz and Chloe’s expense. He knew his son would instantly recognize that—and he was embarrassed he’d done it.
If only he didn’t see his best friend every time he looked at Liz. If only he didn’t feel so robbed….
But what Randy’s wife had told him the day she’d appeared in his office had tarnished his late wife’s memory and cost him his daughter. There was no way around it.
Clenching his jaw, Gordon sped up. The miles passed in a blur of dark countryside. He was beyond the Wasatch Mountains and into the desert almost before he knew it.
When the sun began to set, he could see the glittering Vegas skyline in the distance. It was beautiful, rising above its flat, dusty surroundings. He considered stopping again. But the glitzy hotels, frenetic gambling, opulence and overindulgence held no appeal. There was nothing for him here. He wasn’t sure where he belonged. He had no job, no house, no family—no anchor.
How could he have let his life end up this way? He’d always dealt with what had happened as honorably as he possibly could. He was the injured party, right? Maybe his relationship with Liz hadn’t been the same as before, which made him bitter at times. But he’d provided for her. And he’d managed to keep Chloe’s secret for all these years.
He rolled down his window to let the cool early morning air rush into the car. He should’ve taken his secret to the grave. Or maybe he should’ve told Liz at the time, and given her the opportunity to go live with Randy and Kristen.
Would she have been better off? He didn’t think so. Luanna had never liked her. But Kristen wouldn’t have been any kinder. Kristen had even more reason to resent her. Once Chloe died, Randy must’ve decided he could finally unburden himself by telling her the truth. Because Chloe was no longer a threat, he probably thought Kristen would be able to deal with it. But she hadn’t taken the news well. Maybe she didn’t leave him, but she was vengeful enough to retaliate by telling Gordon—so that Randy would lose his best friend.
Anyway, Gordon doubted the Bellinis would have taken Liz, even if he’d tried to send her to them. They didn’t want their family, friends, their own children to know what Randy had done. They’d already been struggling to preserve their marriage.
Gordon hadn’t wanted anyone to know that Chloe had betrayed him, either. His pride was all he’d had left.
He shook his head. What had happened was painful and confusing. Even after so many years.
Pulling to a stop at the first light on the edge of Vegas, he gazed at the string of casinos up ahead, trying once more to convince himself to lay over. But when the light turned green, he drove past all the gambling establishments, the restaurants, the homes and businesses. Eventually, he’d have to stop for food and gas, but he was leaving the glitz and glamour in his wake because he finally knew where he was going.
EXCEPT FOR THE SINK, the chocolate shop was basically finished. Liz couldn’t believe it. After Carter packed his tools and left, she took a final walk around, admiring their accomplishments. The shop would look even better in a few more days, when the rest of the display cases and appliances were in and she had all her supplies on hand. But she could do that on her own. Carter had gotten her through the difficult part.
She was so grateful to him, she could almost have wept. But she knew that had to do with how emotional she’d been the past two days and she refused to let herself break down. Feeling indebted to Carter was a little dangerous if she planned to keep her distance from him in the future. So she focused on the fact that she’d probably be able to open next weekend, and tried not to think about how much what he’d done meant to her. If the shop required all her time and energy, she couldn’t dwell on what her father had said, or on what she’d done Friday night.
She had to collect Mica and Christopher from their grandmother’s house and get dinner started. But she could allow herself five or ten minutes right now to savor the positive.
Sinking wearily but happily onto the hardwood floor they’d put in the kitchen, Liz checked the phone sitting next to her to see if her service had been hooked up. Sure enough, a dial tone hummed in her ear.
“The Chocolaterie. How can I help you?” she said as though a call had just come in. She imagined selling whoever it was a box of her homemade fudge and pictured how prettily she’d wrap it.
Decadent. That would be the buzzword for everything she did here. Her shop would reflect the joy in life. And why not? There was enough disappointment and disillusionment in the world.
“I’m a chocolatier,” she said aloud, marveling at the fact that something so good could have come out of the past eighteen months. As much as she still missed having a “complete” family, she never would have opened her own shop if she’d stayed married. Keith wouldn’t have been friendly to the idea. He’d had her quit the airlines right away because he wanted her to be the pampered wife, to spend her time playing tennis and planning social outings.
Reenie poked her head through the back door—Carter had taped a Wet Cement sign to the front—and eyed the improvements. “Wow!”
Liz stood. She knew she was wearing a silly smile, but she didn’t care. “I love it.”
“For good reason.”
“Where are the girls?” she asked, hoping to see Jennifer, Angela and Isabella.
“With Isaac, on their way home from school. I’m heading over to Gabe’s house to check on Kenny and Brent.”
“How have they been handling their parents’ absence?”
“Better than I imagined they would. Of course, they think Gabe and Hannah are on vacation. I’m sure they wouldn’t be doing quite so well if they knew the truth.”
“It’s hard to believe Kenny’s responsible enough to take care of Brent.”
“Hannah calls him at least twice a day. And my parents and I are staying in close touch. But he’s just back from his first year at college and doing a fine job on his own. He’s a good kid.”
Liz glanced at her watch. “So what made you stop here?”
“I was in the neighborhood and wanted to check on your progress.”
“Do you have time to see the rest?” she asked, smiling proudly.
“Sure.” Reenie slipped all the way inside, and Liz let her have a look around.
“Carter helped you do all this?” she asked. “The fancy paint…the floors?”
“In only three days,” Liz said.
“He’s good.”
How good, Reenie would never know. A wisp of a memory—the scent of the candles they’d burned on Friday evening—came back to Liz and, as a result, her smile probably grew sillier.
“Liz?”
She pulled herself out of her private thoughts. “What?”
“I said, he seemed pretty concerned when we couldn’t find you yesterday.”
“What’s ‘concerned’ for Carter? A sympathetic grunt?”
Reenie laughed. “No, a very solemn expression. And he went out to look for you right away.”
“He’s a nice guy,” Liz said vaguely. She didn’t want to explain how he’d found her or that he’d had to break the shop door to get in, so she quickly changed the subject back to Gabe. “Have you heard from your brother?”
“Last night. His surgery is scheduled for this Thursday.”
“He’s still set on going through with it?”
“Yeah.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to give up on a dream,” Liz said.
Reenie clenched her fists. “Sometimes you need to be happy with what you’ve got.”
Liz nodded. She could understand Reenie not wanting her brother to risk his life. She didn’t want Gabe to have the operation, either. But she could also understand his burning desire to walk again. “Have you told Lucky what’s happening?”
“I wasn’t going to, but…” Reenie twisted her hair around one finger. “She’s been taking food to Kenny and Brent. And I know how much she cares about Gabe, even if the two of them don’t have the best relationship.”
“What’d she say?”
“She wanted to call him and plead with him to come home.”
“Did you let her?”
“Are you kidding? He wouldn’t be happy that I included her in the secret.”
“I thought the two of them were beginning to get along.”
“Gabe’s coming to terms with the fact that Dad made a mistake, and that Lucky is the result. But it hasn’t been easy for him to accept her as part of the family. He does better in some encounters than others.”