Remember Me

  He smiled, finding her eyes. ‘Not your fault, and I’ll get out of it. It’s all part of the game, and I like to live on the edge.’ He paused. ‘Ava, tell me about when you left.’

  She looked up quickly, warily. ‘What do you want to know?’

  ‘I don’t blame you for going, okay? All right, let’s go further back. To when I was heading off to uni, and we were all in such a mess. Now Stephen is a teenager it’s been obvious to me for a while that he is my son. My boy. That night we had together… It was then, wasn’t it?’

  Ava nodded slowly. ‘I can’t really explain, but I panicked. Then you kept going away, you were getting ready to start a new life and get your degree… When I found out I was pregnant, Paul and I had made up, and he guessed I was pregnant because I was so sick. My parents made it clear they wanted nothing to do with me if I stayed in Aberdyth, but it seemed so easy… Paul’s dad was so happy, and Paul was talking about “his son” to everyone. I wasn’t the only pregnant teenager around. I looked at what Paul could offer, stability and the farm, and I saw that if I told either of you that there was a possibility that you might or might not be the father, I would ruin my baby’s life.’

  Leo shook his head, blue eyes brilliant. ‘You wouldn’t have done.’

  ‘Leo, you can’t say that! We were young and selfish. You probably wouldn’t have gone to uni, or taken part in that show, or be where you are now, if I’d thrown myself and the baby at you.’ Her voice was bitter. So many mistakes, so many choices.

  ‘Everyone makes mistakes.’ Leo laughed softly. ‘What a bloody awful cliché that is. I just mean… Actually, I don’t know what I mean, except that you did what you felt was right, and thought of the baby. Now he’s grown perhaps you can form a different relationship with him.’ He watched her carefully. ‘When you feel the time is right, I think he should know that I am his father.’

  ‘It seems so weird that I came here to do just that, you know, to see Stephen, to answer his questions, and get ready for Paul dying, and now that’s been pushed right to the back of my mind. Is that awful?’ Ava sighed, drained by the revelations, and almost dizzy with relief at Leo’s reaction. In her mind, she had built him up to be a monster, but now here they were, grown-up discussing their son. It felt right. Problematic of course, but right.

  ‘Of course not. Stephen will be fine. He’s got both our brains and my looks.’ Leo grinned at her, and then his face became sombre. ‘And as for Paul, I don’t think anyone will believe it until it actually happens. He’s so young. I never thought of anyone our age getting cancer, but I do realise how naive that is.’

  ‘I know. I sort of feel the same, like it isn’t really happening. I mean, he looks ill sometimes, but Penny hasn’t really discussed the illness with me, and of course Paul wouldn’t dream of it. Look, I should really call Sophie and see if she has anything on Huw, and then get out of your way.’

  He shrugged. ‘I told you, you’re no trouble. She won’t tell you about Huw, surely?’

  Ava set her cup down carefully on the wooden tray, and wriggled over onto her front, phone already in her hand. ‘She will. Not anything case-related, but I just want to know if he’s being questioned or actually charged with an offence.’

  Leo laughed. ‘You always used to do that, lying like that to do your homework, or if you were listening to music…’

  She smiled at him, brushing her long hair out of her eyes. ‘But now I’ve grown up.’

  ‘You’re still beautiful to me, Ava. I don’t care how old you are. You’re still the same person, just a better version of what you were.’

  Ava felt her cheeks burn, and she shrugged off the compliment. ‘That wasn’t quite what I meant by growing up, but never mind.’ This time it was she who voluntarily returned to their past. ‘I’m sorry for the way I left, Leo. You were right, I should never have married Paul. Hell, I should never have had a fling with him just because you pissed me off.’

  ‘But there was Stephen.’

  ‘Yes.’ She didn’t speak for a long moment, and he touched her cheek again.

  ‘Like I said, I’ve known for ages he’s mine, Ava. You know I always suspected, but now he’s grown, he’s just like me. Other people mention it too, but Paul never has. Perhaps he sees the resemblance, or perhaps he just doesn’t want to see it. For years I told myself I wouldn’t have been up to the job anyway, but then, Paul’s my mate, how could I tell him his son was actually mine? He’s so damn proud of everything that boy does. I couldn’t do it to him.’

  ‘I never thought of us as parents,’ Ava said softly. ‘I always kept him at the back of my mind. Ever since I left high school and got my first job, I’ve been saving money for him. I just don’t know how to tell him. Before I left, I kissed him for the last time… his skin was so soft and sweet, and he smelled of… well of him. It broke my heart, but my head was a mess. I can’t explain it, but it became more and more like there was this invisible curtain, or fog between us. Eventually, he would cry, and I would sit staring at the wall, unable to respond. Then I’d snap out of it, and become terrified that he was hurt or in pain. He was just being a normal baby, and as Paul kept pointing out, everyone else was coping. He was a good parent though, or I would never have left Stephen with him.’

  Leo reached over and kissed her, very gently, on her cheek. ‘I’m sorry too. I’m sorry about everything that happened between us, and that you felt you couldn’t confide in me. Friends again?’ His face was hopeful, boyish, without a hint of his customary sarcasm and arrogance.

  She laughed, the years peeling back. ‘I’d like that. We need to sort this mess out first, find Bethan, and find out who killed Ellen. You realise, we’re left with Huw, Penny or Paul, don’t you? Jesse is dead, and I refuse to believe he did it. Rhodri, I don’t believe he tried to kill himself, I think he was targeted too. And you, and me, well, we didn’t do it, did we?’

  The words hung in the air between them, and they stared at each other for a long moment.

  ‘I’ll have a shower while you make your calls,’ Leo said abruptly.

  Sophie answered on the first ring, and launched straight into conversation. ‘Where are you?’

  ‘Leo’s place.’

  A long silence. ‘I see. Interesting choice. Are you all right?’

  ‘Perfectly, thanks.’

  ‘Good, especially good after that fuck-up last night. Firstly, as you know, Ellen’s parents were informed yesterday. They have asked that any of Ellen’s friends that might try to call round, are politely told where to shove it. The FLO officer is with them now. I can understand their sentiments, and I know you will too. DI Hevis, my colleague, has a team still down in East Wood, but we’ve lifted the body and taken it to Cadrington. Next, I had a call from the hospital. It should have come in earlier yesterday, but they were busy with a big RTA and someone forgot to pass a message on… Anyway, Rhodri should make a good recovery, but when they examined him they found something odd. Someone has drawn on his body.’

  ‘Drawn?’ Ava sat upright, pulled the duvet around her, staring out into the darkness. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I’ve never seen anything like it, but someone has used a sharp knife to draw pictures along his torso, and down his legs. I’m sending you over the photos now.’

  ‘But why are you sending them to me? I can’t do anything. Like you said yesterday, I need to stay out of it…’

  ‘As well as the pictures, your name is on his body. This is a message to you, Ava. Take a look and tell me if it means anything. Think really hard.’ Sophie’s voice was sharp, and impatient. In the background a babble of voices and echoing footsteps suggested she was down at the station in Cadrington.

  ‘Fuck.’ The photos came up on Ava’s screen as she put Sophie on speakerphone, and she scrolled down in silence. Rhodri’s poor, pale, skinny body was exposed on a hospital bed. There was an IV drip in both arms, and he was still on oxygen. It must have been a very sharp knife, and just the point used, she thought, trying
to be objective. The wounds were not deep, but scarlet threads of colour. His torso was decorated with flowers. Flowers? Ava turned her phone around and zoomed in to get a closer look. It must have taken a while to get all this artwork done…

  Childlike flowers entwined to form a heart shape on his abdomen. In the centre of the heart was her name. The same flower pattern was repeated down his thighs, but his back was different. Big, coarse scratches along his lower back area, and words not pictures:

  ‘Remember me.’

  ‘Any thoughts?’ Sophie broke through the silence, her breathing quick and light. She was clearly desperate to solve this.

  ‘Sick bastard?’ Ava offered, shaken and shivering under her covers. ‘Sorry, I don’t know. Obviously “Remember me” is just a repeat of the previous messages, but all these flowers, fuck knows. Is Rhodri conscious? Has he said anything?’

  ‘No, still out of it. They say it could take a few days before he comes round, and even then they aren’t sure how coherent he’ll be. Shame about the drawings – if anything jogs your memory, let me know.’

  ‘Sure. Um, Sophie… do you have Huw in custody? I got a message from his girlfriend, Isabell. I have no idea how she got my number, but she was pretty threatening. It doesn’t bother me as such, I just wanted to know.’

  ‘Huw is helping us with our enquiries. I can send uniform down to have a word with her, if she’s hassling you.’

  ‘And Bethan?’

  ‘We can’t get anything else from the photographs, but we’re doing everything we can. Right, got to go, speak to you later, Ava.’

  Dawn was streaking the blackness with silver darts, and Ava stayed where she was until Leo emerged from the shower. Should she tell him? She would, she decided. She needed someone to trust. Surely if Leo was behind all this, he would have killed her by now. It was poor logic, but her brain was floundering with this latest development. Huw? Paul? As she had said to Leo, the field was narrowing.

  If it was Paul, did Penny have any idea? When Penny had told her about the night Ellen died, what had she said? That she was terrified it was Paul, and that was another reason she lied… She might be in danger if the killer was Paul, and she didn’t have any idea, but could he physically have done all this, given his advanced illness? Too many questions. ‘Leo, I need to get going. Can we go and find the truck?’

  ‘Sure.’ His eyes tracked down her naked body, appraising. ‘You might want to get dressed first, though. It’s pretty cold outside.’

  ‘Funny. I just spoke to Sophie and there’s been a development I need to talk to you about…’

  * * *

  Although they discussed the weird drawings on Rhodri all the way to the truck, Leo couldn’t shed any light on the flowers, and appeared revolted by the idea that someone might have drugged Rhodri and then carved a message on his body.

  ‘Huw might have just about had time to do it, before he picked up Paul,’ Ava said, thoughtfully, one hand on the door handle as she prepared to drive the truck back to Aberdyth.

  ‘Well, if that Sophie woman has her hands on Huw at the moment, he won’t be able to wriggle out of it. Let me know if anything else happens. Maybe we could head over and visit Rhodri later. If he wakes up, he might tell us stuff he won’t tell the police,’ Leo suggested.

  ‘Maybe. Send my love to Stephen when you get to camp, won’t you,’ Ava said.

  He smiled. ‘Of course. I’ll ring you later and let you know what’s happening. If I have to stay and get on with filming, you could take Penny with you.’

  ‘Good idea.’

  The snow was falling steadily again as she drove back towards the village, turning left up the hill to Paul’s farm. The sheep were huddled under the shelters and a blue tractor was dragging a trailer of hay across the valley. Hills that normally decorated the horizon above Aberdyth were now shrouded in grey and purple fog. Was it her imagination, or was the snow getting worse? Her son had asked her to find Bethan. It was the only thing he had ever asked of her, and for his and Ellen’s sake she must get the girl back alive. It was almost as though her conversation with Leo had swept away the tangled cobwebs of emotion that had been hindering her brain. Now she felt sharp and alert.

  At the farm, Penny was equally shocked by the idea of the drawings on Rhodri’s body, and the news of Huw’s detainment. Paul, she said was still sleeping off a hangover, and the men were out looking after the stock. ‘There’s a weather warning out for blizzards tonight and tomorrow. So much for global warming, I can’t believe this is April! I need to go and visit Uncle Alf, just in case we get snowed in for a bit, but you can come over again later if you like?’

  ‘Oh, I’ll come with you if that’s okay?’ Ava said quickly. She needed to talk to Penny away from her husband. ‘I’d like to see him too.’

  ‘I suppose you can, but he’s in a pretty bad way. He’s had MS for years, as you know, but he has dementia as well. He won’t recognise you, and it’s quite hard. He’s not at all like you’ll remember.’ Her forehead was furrowed, and her expression was anxious.

  ‘It’s fine,’ Ava told her, putting her cup down, and snagging the last of Penny’s plate of home-baked flapjack. ‘You are just the world’s best cook, Pen. Good thing I don’t live round here anymore, I’d always be hanging around your kitchen!’

  Penny laughed at that, but there was a shadow of sadness in her eyes. ‘I wish you did live round here, lovely.’

  ‘Maybe you should come and visit? I’d love to show you around LA,’ Ava told her.

  ‘That would be great! I just need to pack up a few bits for Uncle Alf. I take him his favourite soup a couple of times a week, and biscuits and things. Do you want to wait in the hall? The signal is crappy up here, so you can use our phone to make any calls if you like.’

  ‘Thanks, Pen.’ Ava left Penny to it, wandered into the hallway, and, after a moment’s thought, rang Jackie again. Although she had left her several messages since the news of Ellen’s death, and she knew from Sophie that a memorial service was planned, neither of Ellen’s parents had been in touch. She could understand that. It was the ultimate betrayal. Part of her wanted them to shout, to be angry and sad, and mourn their daughter properly, but shutting her out was probably the only thing they could do.

  The phone went straight to voicemail, so she tried the landline. It rang and rang, before a man’s voice finally answered. Peter.

  ‘Peter, please don’t hang up. It’s Ava.’ She waited, holding her breath, listening to Penny locking up the house, packing her bag. There was a pile of books and papers on the hall table next to her. Scribbled notes and numbers.

  ‘What do you want, Ava?’ His voice was cold, icy as the snow drifting past the window.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Peter, so terribly sorry. If I could go back and do things differently, I would… But I can’t. There is something I need to ask, though…’

  ‘I think any asking should have been done years ago. Do you have any inkling of what we are going through at the moment? Jackie is in bits. We trusted you, and you lied to us. Our daughter was attacked and murdered, and you, her best friend, helped to cover it up.’

  ‘I know, and there are no excuses.’ She was just going to have to try this, because she clearly wasn’t going to get a second chance. ‘Peter, when Jesse said he was going to tell you about Ellen, did he say he had to check something, or check with someone?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Exactly what I said. Can you remember? It could be important.’

  ‘Ava, I don’t think it’s sinking in, so I’ll repeat myself – your best friend is dead, killed in some reckless game that you were also part of, if I understand correctly. Our beautiful daughter has been dead all these years, buried yards from our house. All the time, I hoped she had just run away, that she might be married, might have children and be enjoying life, even if it was a life without us. Do you understand any of that?’

  Tears were blurring her vision, and one dripped onto the papers stacked on
the table. She brushed it away with a shaky finger, smudging the scribbles. Her finger froze. Doodles, not scribbles. Someone had doodled flowers around a phone number. They were more intricate than the basic scratches on Rhodri’s body, but the style was the same. Peter was still talking, his voice raw with grief. She let him continue, it was the least she could do.

  Carefully, phone wedged between her shoulder and cheek she sifted through the paperwork. More doodles, little flower sketches, and notes. Penny was calling she was nearly done.

  ‘Peter, I can never go back and change things. I wish I could…’

  ‘I wish you could too. Goodbye, Ava.’ He hung up.

  ‘Sorry, lovely, I found some old magazines when I was sorting through the loft the other day… What’s wrong?’

  ‘Oh. I was just speaking to Peter.’ How the hell was she going to do this?

  ‘Oh. I saw Jackie yesterday and she looked right through me. I don’t blame her though, I totally hate myself for what we did. Mrs Evans at the shop told me that they already put their house on the market, and they’re renting a house in Somerset. Apparently, they are going straight after they have some kind of proper burial for Ellen.’ Penny’s own eyes were wet. ‘One stupid mistake and you wreck lives. I wish so much I could turn the clock back.’

  Ava hugged her, and deliberately sent the whole pile of paperwork cascading onto the floor. ‘I’m so sorry! Let me pick these up for you.’

  ‘No bother. You always were clumsy, Ava. I need to sort that pile out anyway.’

  Ava took a breath as she stood up with the sheaf of scribbles. ‘These are pretty. Who draws flowers while they’re working?’

  Penny smiled. ‘Paul does that. He doodles on everything, the big loon. It’s either flowers or stars. Not very manly, is he?’

  Ava forced a laugh. ‘I didn’t know he was artistic?’

  ‘His dad would have gone mental if he knew Paul liked drawing, wouldn’t he? It was always all about the farm. His mum was a bit arty though, I think… Look, Paul did a few watercolours a couple of years back…’ Penny waved a hand at the wall by the stairs, and Ava peered at a few landscapes. ‘They were pretty good, actually. No flowers, though.’ Her gaze sharpened and she looked back at the doodles. ‘Ava! These are just like the ones on… on Rhodri.’