by Mary Eason
John held up a hand. “It’s okay. I’m on my way there now. I just have one final thing to do.”
John found a box and dumped his personal possessions into it while Rick watched in disbelief.
“What are you doing?”
“Beating Warren to the punch.”
“John, you have to fight this thing.”
John turned to him and smiled. “No, I don’t. I’m all fought out. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Is this because of her…or him?” Rick asked quietly.
“Both, maybe. Yeah, both, but mostly it’s because of me.” John hoisted the box under his arm.
“What are you going to do?” Rick followed him to the elevator.
“What I’ve wanted to do for a long time now.” He turned to his partner and shook his hand. “Learn how it feels to be normal again. Stay out of trouble, buddy. Keep your eyes open. And know when to walk away. Don’t let this job consume you and make you do things you won’t be able to live with. Know when to let it go. In the end, it’s just a job. ”
* * * * *
For the first time in over a year, there were no shadows following Anna and yet she couldn’t seem to let the past go.
The house was just as she’d left it. Yet the fear was gone. In its place was an emptiness she’d never experienced before. Not even after Aaron’s death.
Bev was such a help. She and Ed kept her sane through the packing. Helping her make the right decisions about what to keep. What to throw away. Which real estate agent would best suit her needs when it came to selling the house and the store.
“You know it’s beautiful here. I could see us retiring here in a few years,” Ed told his wife one evening while they all walked along the beach.
Bev glanced wistfully out at the ocean. “Yeah. It is.”
Anna rolled her eyes. “If you guys want the place, it’s yours. You just have to make the payments.”
Ed turned to Bev. “What do you think?”
“I think let’s retire now. Don’t wait. Life’s too short.”
At times, their happiness was still hard to take, but she was trying. Still, Anna wondered how long she’d last this time before she moved on. Tried to outrun the memories that still haunted her dreams. The ones of John.
* * * * *
The house was packed. All of her possessions were en route to New York. There were no regrets, surely. She’d made her peace with the reasons she’d come here. She wouldn’t miss Pensacola all that much, and if she did, Bev and Ed would gladly let her visit the place.
Anna and Gemma were loaded into the back seat of rental car. And she couldn’t help but believe she was about to make the worst mistake of her life.
They reached the state line leading into Georgia when Anna asked Ed to stop the car.
“Wait. Ed, just for a minute.”
He glanced in the rearview mirror, and seeing Anna's indecision, pulled over to the side of the road.
Ed’s worried gaze slipped to his Bev.
“Anna, what is it?” her sister asked.
Anna couldn’t answer. She got out of the car. Catching her breath was hard.
Bev quickly followed on Anna's heels while Ed came at a slower pace. He suspected Anna needed a heart-to-heart with Bev.
“Sis, what’s wrong? You’re not regretting selling the house or the store are you?”
Anna closed her eyes and turned to them, her mind made up. “No. It’s not the house or the business. I have to go back to D.C.”
Bev guessed exactly what she had planned. “For John. You love him, don’t you?” Anna nodded and Bev smiled at her. “Then do it. Don’t let this chance at happiness go, Anna. You don’t know how many more you’ll have.”
“Yes, that’s true.” Anna gave her sister a hug. “Thank you.”
In typical Bev humility, she asked, “What for?”
“For not letting me go crazy. For letting me. For everything, Bev. For everything.”
* * * * *
When Anna reached the outskirts of D.C., suddenly she wasn’t so sure. What if John had taken her advice and moved on with his life.
It had been several weeks since she’d told him to leave.
There was only one way to find out and she had come this far. She couldn’t turn back now.
She grabbed her cell phone and dialed John's office extension. It wasn’t John who answered, but his partner.
“Rick, its Anna Sorenson. Is John there?” The silence following her question could not have been less encouraging or more frightening.
When she couldn’t stand the awkwardness any longer, Rick finally answered. “Anna, I really don’t know how to tell you this, but he’s no longer working for the Bureau.”
Anna almost dropped the phone. “What?” She couldn’t believe it. “What do you mean?”
“He resigned his position shortly after you left town.”
Anna's pulse thudded a crazy beat. No. Please no. She was too late. The pain of that thought was crippling. She closed her eyes and knew she’d do whatever she had to do to find him and beg his forgiveness. “Where is he, Rick? I need to talk to him. Please.” Anna wondered if he would be as good at keeping his partner’s secrets as John had been with Aaron’s.
Rick weighed his answer for an eternity, forcing Anna to guess. “Is he at the cabin?”
The long heavy sigh did little to encourage her. “He left D.C. He’s selling the house and cabin.”
Anna's heart plummeted at those words.
“Please, I have to tell him how I feel about him.”
Rick didn’t seem all that moved by her plea.
“I don't blame you for not trusting me, but I love him, Rick. I’ve made a terrible mistake because I was so scared.”
Rick laughed in amusement. “All right, you had me with I love him. I’m a sucker for a good romance. I’ll tell you where he’s at under one, no, two conditions.”
“Anything. Just tell me.”
“First, you’d better share all the details of this story with me when you find him because he won't, and second, you’d better not tell him I told you how to find him.”
Anna had started to cry, but she laughed just the same. “I think he’ll figure out the last one.”
“Probably. He is the best damn detective I know.”
“Yes.”
“He’s decided to become a cowboy.”
Nothing prepared Anna for this revelation. “I beg your pardon?” she managed at last.
“He’s moved to Montana and bought a spread up there. Near Big Sky. You can’t miss it. He’s just outside a little hole-in-the-wall town called Freemont.”
John had moved to Montana. “Thank you! I’ll tell you all about it the second I know he’ll forgive me.”
Rick was quick to reassure. “Oh, he’ll forgive you. He’s crazy about you.”
Anna could only hope Rick knew his partner’s secrets and that John was still crazy about her.
* * * * *
If he could have pictured his life a little more than a year ago, at the end of Aaron’s, and the loss of his child and Anna, he would never have imagined himself living on a ranch in Montana. Never believed this type of peace would ever exist for him again.
Of course, he’d need both the money from the sale of house and the cabin just to pay for the place, but it was worth it.
There was something therapeutic about wide-open spaces, nothing, or no one for miles around. Not knowing what your future plans were beyond fixing the fence in the east pasture. He’d figure the rest out in time.
Here at the foothills of the Rockies, the temperature had already dropped to below freezing at night. Snow was soon to follow according to the locals and he welcomed it. He welcomed being snowed in, just him and this rugged paradise.
In the time he’d been here, the only visitor he’d had was the real estate agent who’d sold him the place, and then only because he needed his final signature on some paperwork.
He'd bought the house o
n first sight. It was old and in need of lots of care and hard work, but it had a good roof and it was warm. He had the whole winter to fix what was needed on the inside.
The east pasture fence had been flattened by the weight of last year’s snow. The previous owner hadn’t wanted to mess with it since he was selling out.
John had spent the day digging holes for the fence and setting the posts. It was almost dark when he returned home, exhausted and at peace with the world and himself.
Out front of the house on the gravel drive, a small rental car was parked. John slowed the truck’s speed. The past was always close at hand, no matter how hard he fought against it. He gave himself a mental shake. He was no longer part of that life.
He parked the truck and noticed there was no one inside the car. Fear pricked along the base of his spine. John reached for the shotgun he carried behind the seat of the truck to keep the coyotes and bears at a distance.
First, a dog barked. Then he saw her and his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. She sat swinging on his rickety old porch swing, dog at her feet. Anna. Anna!
He couldn’t move for a long time. Couldn’t draw in air. He forced back the tiniest bit of hope, got out of the truck, and took the steps two at a time until he stood in front of her.
She didn’t seem nearly as rattled by his presence as he was by hers.
“John.” Her smile was sweet. Infectious. Reminding him of the old Anna. Before the darkness took over her life.
His lips twitched, and he couldn't fight it. Couldn't stop himself from grinning back at her. “Anna. This is a surprise.”
She got to her feet and came to him. “Really?” Her arms circled his neck. He drew her close. Setting a little bit more of the hope free.
“Really. What brings you to Montana?”
“I want to see if that offer still stands.”
Her lips brushed across his invitingly.
Desire kicked to life in his lower parts. It was hard not to return her kiss with passion, throw caution to the wind, but he had questions he needed answering. “What offer was that again?”
“The one to give us a chance.”
And what was his answer? A ragged breath and then he drew her up into his arms, shouldered the front door open, and headed for the bedroom. He needed her. Needed to be inside her. Needed to believe this was real. He couldn’t survive another wet dream of her.
John lowered her down to his bed, wordlessly unbuttoning her blouse. He touched her bare breasts reverently, caressing the upper slopes to the rosy tips. Slowly, gently, he lowered his face to them and pressed kisses to the pale curves. She arched, but she didn’t close her eyes. She watched him take her nipple into his mouth, lave it before drawing deeper. His warm hand smoothed from her ribs down to her hip and thigh, pulling her skirt up when she lifted for him. He fit their bodies together easily, the hard length of him sliding deep into her core, right to the heart of her.
He didn’t move and she didn’t want him to. Their gazes locked even as their hands coursed over each other’s bodies. Caressing. Soothing. Forgiving.
He lay over her, fitting together skin to skin, still staring into each other’s eyes even as he kissed her. The intensity of the joining stole every sensation that wasn’t about them. Still, he didn’t move his hips. Didn’t pull back or surge back to her. Right now, in this moment, they were truly one. This wasn’t about lust or need or hurt. It was communion. Without words, she knew he wanted them to stay that way as long as they could.
But there were words she needed to say. “I love you,” she whispered, touching his jaw, his mouth, with her lips as she spoke. His smile, when it came, still had the tinge of sadness, but she could see the hope in his eyes now, too. Could see it growing. He took her hand into his own, pulling it down so he could twine their fingers together. A second later, he took the other as well, moving both of them just above her head. It lasted a second, or maybe forever, but for a perfect moment, it was pure connection between them. But then he moved. Slowly pulling from her, easing back inside. The urgency, the fiery need, had changed into something different. Something patient, something willing to build within them.
“More.” She lifted her hips for him, urging him to meet her. She was ready now. Ready for everything he needed to give her. His gaze flickered, his expression growing darker, his thrust burrowing deeper. “More.” She tightened her legs around him, lifting her lips for his kiss. He groaned, his mouth fitting over hers even as he increased his pace. He drove into her, grinding against her clit and sending pulses of dark pleasure through her. But she knew there was more. She whimpered for it, clamping her fingers tighter to his. Faster he moved through her slick sex, harder, shuttling against her sensitive walls without grace. Just raw, desperate plunges that stole her breath and stroked parts of her she hadn’t realized she had. She cried out, her body jerking from the force of her release, and still, he kept moving. Kept plunging into her. Swelling thicker, ratcheting her orgasm higher instead of bringing her down, until finally, she was bucking beneath him as he came, spilling inside her while he groaned against her neck. She let go of his hands to clasp his shoulders, holding on as their bodies slowly cooled. She smiled. For the first time in a long time she belonged.
He kissed her, his gaze meeting hers with a world of meaning he said. “Home.”
He took his time and convinced them both that there was such a thing as second chances.
* * * * *
“I’m glad you came.” John kissed the top of Anna head and drew her closer.
“I’m glad you did too…and,” Anna added when his expression turned just a bit frustrated. “I’m glad I came and that you’re glad I’m here. I’m sorry. You were right. I was holding onto my guilt like a weapon.”
“It’s okay. None of that matters now. Will you stay?”
Anna twisted in his arms so that she could see his face. “Only if you’ll have me. Only forever.”
He gathered here into the circle of his arms and showed her in all the ways she’d long since stopped believing possible how much he wanted her. Forever.
Now that the threat had passed and he knew Anna wasn’t leaving, she could see that there were still something clearly troubled him.
“What is it?” She glanced up at him, sensing something was wrong.
He tried to dismiss his misgivings. “Nothing.”
“No, something’s bothering you. It’s about the case, isn’t it?”
He smiled, not really surprised that she’d guessed. “Yes. I know this is probably the last thing you want to talk about now, but why’d she do it?”
Anna had struggled since Lewis’ death to put aside Brenda’s terrifying memories of that monster. They’d become little more than fragmented pieces that made her think the small part of Brenda's that still existed in Anna understood the threat that had been Jericho Lewis had passed.
“You mean why’d she kill herself?”
He nodded.
“I think she believed it was her only way out. She was terrified he’d kill her. In the end, she took the matter out of his hands. She reclaimed some control over her life.”
John didn’t buy it. He knew there had to be more. “And that’s it?”
After a moment, Anna shook my head. “No. By killing herself the way she did, Brenda was certain her death would get blamed on Jericho. She’d obviously researched it very thoroughly. All the statistics say most women never take their lives by violent means. Brenda was smart. Much smarter than her husband gave her credit for. But she was also desperate to keep him from hurting anyone else. She knew he would if he remained free. In her mind, this was the only way to prevent that from happening. She knew if he were locked away in prison somewhere, even though she couldn’t save herself, she could save Jericho’s next victim. Or so she thought. I guess the outcome wasn’t quite as she’d planned.”
John held her tighter. “No one could have predicted the jury’s verdict in finding him mentally incompetent to stand trial.
Brenda played it right. She did her part by planting the seed of abuse in her family’s minds. Her sister told us that she’d sent her a letter. She was certain he’d kill her. Brenda told her that if anything happened to her, Jericho was to blame.”
Some of Brenda’s pain crept back into her memory. Anna shivered at the vivid images of horror Brenda had endured. Anna closed her eyes and held John closer, while silently hoping that perhaps, with Jericho Lewis’ death, Brenda could finally find some amount of peace in hers.
Chapter Seventeen
“I have something to tell you.” John had been distracted as they made breakfast together the following morning.
Anna's pulse did a little fearful flip. She put down the toast she’d been nibbling. “What is it? Please tell me you haven’t changed your mind about us.”
John rushed to reassure her. “God no. I can’t live without you. But I do have a confession to make and I need you to listen."
It was hard hearing her own voice over her staccato heartbeat. “What is it?”
“After Aaron’s death, I cleaned out his desk and boxed his things away. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at them, so I never opened the box. Then once we’d caught Jericho, and with the move here, well I figured it was time to lay the past to rest for good. I opened Aaron’s things and found a couple of letters in one of his notebooks. One was for me and one for you.”
John got to his feet and went over to the desk in the living room. He opened a drawer and brought back a small envelope with Anna's name scribbled in Aaron’s writing across the front.
She didn’t open it right away. Her eyes held his. “What is it? Is it bad?”
He took her hand and squeezed it. “No. No, Anna it’s not, well, not really. In a way, it’s good. It explains so much. You should read it alone. I have to check on the generator anyway. I think I have some work to do on it before we go grocery shopping.”
Even after he’d left, it was a long time before Anna could tear the envelope open and read Aaron’s final words to her. But when she did, so many things about her former husband’s strange behavior fell into place.