by Alexa Riley
“I’m not a model, either.” He leaned over to kiss me. “But you’re beautiful, and I want you by my side. I’ll be with you every step of the way.” Axel grazed his lips across mine. Grabbing my face with his hand so I had no choice but to stare into his eyes, he added, “I want the whole world to know that you’re mine.”
“And if I say no?” I asked.
“I won’t force you. I’ll go inside and cancel.”
“You can’t just do it without me?”
Axel kissed me again, meeting my eyes. “No, because this was meant for me to do with you. But the choice is yours.”
I stiffened and nibbled on my bottom lip. “Okay, I’ll do it. But promise me that I won’t look like an idiot.”
“You’ll be perfect.”
My mind spun into overdrive. I had no idea how to pose for a picture. Did I smile, or look sexy, or try to pull off sultry? I tightened my jaw and stared out into nothing in front of me. My pulse beat so fast that I thought I might have a heart attack.
“What’s wrong?” Axel asked.
“Will people recognize me after this?”
“Most likely. Is that going to be a problem?”
“Well… uh… yeah, I kind of think it is.” I turned to stare at Axel. “I’m not sure I’m ready to be… well to be… openly dating...”
“A drug dealer?”
I shook my head. “It’s not like that. It’s just that you have a lot of notoriety and well…”
Axel looked crushed. “I guess I just thought that since you and I were…” Axel shook his head and reached to open the door. “Never mind, I’ll go cancel the shoot. It was stupid—”
“Wait,” I interrupted. “You’re right. We are.” I reached for Axel’s hand. “I’d be honored to be by your side. Let’s go do this.”
Axel tensed up.
“What’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “I’m not sure. I just get the feeling sometimes like you aren’t telling me everything. Like you’re holding back.”
I stared at him for a moment. The door had opened. This was the time to just blurt it all out. Confess everything and hope to God that we could move on. This was the time… but the shoot. We had work to do.
“Quinn? Are you keeping our relationship a secret from someone? I didn’t think about the fact that maybe you haven’t told everyone in your life about me when I scheduled the shoot. I guess I just assumed that everyone knew.”
My eyes narrowed, not understanding at first. “What?” I shook my head violently. “No, no! I’m not keeping you secret at all. I swear.”
Axel didn’t say anything.
“What’s the matter?” I couldn’t read the expression on his face.
“I just get the feeling sometimes that there’s more.”
The door was opened even wider. Now. Now.
I took a deep breath. A large enough breath to jump in the deep end. “Harrison,” I said. “Well, it’s not exactly what you think.” I hesitated, nerves racking my body.
I watched Axel’s expression change slightly. “I think I know what’s going on.”
“You do? I wondered if you did. I’m so sorry for keeping this from you.”
“Why didn’t you tell Harrison that we are together? Do you think he’d have a problem with that? Do you think he will think I’m a bad influence?”
The lump in my throat sunk to the depth of my stomach. I realized that Axel was completely off base. He had no idea the real truth about Harrison. I shook my head. “No, that’s not it. Harrison knows all about you and me. Well, I haven’t exactly gone into detail with him on how close we have become. But I’m pretty sure he can connect the dots.” I smiled. “You are after all, Axel Rye. You aren’t exactly known for your virginal ways.”
Axel looked confused. “Then what? What’s going on?”
Overwhelmed with guilt and fear, I sat motionless. Twisting my fingers together, I tried to drum up the courage to confess. I’d felt so many unfamiliar emotions since I’d met Axel, yet none compared to what I was feeling now. The fear of losing him made me realize just how important Axel was. If I were standing right now, the emotions would certainly bring me to my knees.
Axel kissed my temple softly. “Hey, whatever it is, can’t be that bad. You’re pale.”
I looked down at my hands, picking at the loose skin around my cuticle. Every ounce of my courage dissipated by the second. There was no way I could let Axel out of my life now. The thought suffocated me, gripping my beating heart. I sat in the car feeling dazed.
“Quinn, what’s going on? You’re scaring me.”
I attempted to give a reassuring smile. “It’s no big deal. Silly really.” I reached out and patted Axel’s leg. “Let’s go get this shoot over with, and then I’ll tell you all about it.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK
AXEL
WALKING through the door of the photo shoot, I could feel the buzz of the room. The intensity of the energy almost seemed to knock me over with its power. This was a part of the whole celebrity craze that I really enjoyed. It was fun to get all dressed up and pose in cool and interesting positions, though I wouldn’t be caught dead telling anyone that. That little bit of knowledge would kill my bad boy image in a heartbeat. The backdrops always blew me away, and I always loved the photographers—I enjoyed fucking with them which always livened the mood. I hoped that Quinn enjoyed it as well.
As usual, my heart raced at the sight of Quinn. I loved her natural beauty, but seeing her all glammed up was a surprising change. I bent down and kissed her in the makeup chair. It was supposed to be a reassuring hello kiss, but, unable to restrain myself, I kissed her passionately until the makeup artist cleared her throat.
Quinn pulled away immediately, playfully pushing me to the side. “You’re going to mess up my lipstick.”
“I can’t help it.” I smirked, pulling away with a sigh. “You’ve gone from the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen to the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen.”
“I hardly recognize myself.”
I laughed, lacing my fingers into hers. “It’s amazing what they can do, but with you they had it easy.”
The shoot went really smoothly. It was easier than most, and definitely more fun. Quinn was a natural. Every time I glanced at her, I would catch a smile or a twinkle of an eye. It appeared that Quinn enjoyed it just as much as I did.
“Are you getting tired? Do you want me to ask for a break?”
Quinn shook her head. “No. This is a lot of fun.”
I glanced at the clock on the wall. It had been several hours, and she didn’t seem fatigued at all. With her focusing this much, the shoot was bound to be completed any minute.
I decided to make the shoot a little more intimate and brought Quinn’s hand up to my lips and kissed it. I immediately forgot about the room full of people and the flashing cameras. I put my arms around her waist and pulled her close. “You’re a real natural. I think you may have found your calling.”
Quinn nodded in agreement. “I have. I’ve found my calling as your girlfriend. I’m enjoying this because I’m with you.”
There were a lot more people than I expected in the studio when we finally wrapped up. Apparently, they had scheduled another shoot directly after ours. I knew the magazine was doing a full spread on the whole gang, so I wasn’t surprised when I saw other people showing up.
I liked watching Quinn mingle with my friends. She seemed to blend in with the group effortlessly. They were becoming her friends, too. Selfishly, I hoped Quinn would create a whole new life here in LA and would decide to stay. The more friends she had, the better. This was a topic we hadn’t discussed, mainly because I was scared of what the outcome would be. The thought of Quinn leaving killed me. But I wouldn’t dwell on that right now and ruin a perfect day.
Teddy came up from behind, laughing, and put his arm around my shoulder. “So what the fuck? You replace us for some lovey-dovey shots?” he teased.
Teddy playfully shoved him. “One word. Pussy whipped.”
Quinn came up to us and wrapped her arms around me. “That’s two words.”
Knox walked up to the laughing group. “Holy hell, Quinn! You look amazing.”
She blushed and snuggled closer to my side. “Thanks. It was fun, but I’m not sure if I’m cut out for all of this.”
Even though everyone seemed to be in great spirits, I was ready to call it a day. I wanted to have some alone time with Quinn. “Well, our job is done. We’re gonna get out of here.”
“What?” There was a note of disappointment in Knox’s tone. “Hang out for a while.”
“Let’s get some drinks and show Quinn how a real photo shoot should happen,” Teddy added. He pulled out a bag of pills and passed it to Quinn.
I intercepted and shook my head as I pushed it away. I didn’t want to be that boyfriend who controlled what she did, but her drug use—our drug use—was really starting to wear on me. I wanted us to slow down, if not stop all together. I still planned on having this talk with her, but was uncertain how to go about it. It was my fault she was doing drugs to begin with, so being the one to stop it seemed right, but at the same time it seemed damn hypocritical.
I pulled Quinn closer to me by the waist and she leaned her head against me. “It’s been a long day. Quinn’s tired.”
Quinn’s head shot up and she punched me playfully on the arm. “Hey, you can’t put this on me. I’m not tired.”
I smiled. “Fine. I’m tired.”
Quinn laughed, and I couldn’t help laugh with her. Her melodic giggle always melted my insides. Teddy was right. I was pussy whipped.
“Let me get our stuff and we can go,” she said as she kissed my cheek. Turning toward the guys she added, “I better get Axel to bed… he’s tired.” With a giggle, Quinn walked off.
My perfect and jovial mood was soon cut short.
“Hi, Axel.” The familiar voice I had grown to hate loomed behind me.
I was quiet for a second, hoping she would go away. “Jillian.”
Jillian walked around so she faced me directly. “It’s been a long time.”
“What do you want?” I didn’t want to be mean, but the last thing I wanted was any unnecessary drama with Quinn. Even talking to Jillian encouraged her enough.
“I’m not going to say I told you so, or try to make you feel worse, if that’s what you’re thinking. I just want you to know I’m here for you. I’ve always been here for you.”
I sighed impatiently. I had no idea what she was talking about and didn’t even feel like asking.
“Jillian, I’m not in the mood for your games. I’m done working right now, so I’m leaving.”
“Axel, no matter what, we used to be friends. You’re still a friend in my eyes. I don’t know how Quinn could do that to you, but I know you were really blinded by her. So if you need someone to talk to now, I’ll always be someone you can count on.”
She wasn’t making any sense. The possibility of her being high or drunk was a likely scenario, so I had no desire to continue the conversation. “Whatever. I’m going to go find Quinn.” I turned and walked away, leaving Jillian with Knox and Teddy.
No sooner had I started to walk away that I heard Knox call after me.
“Axel, can you come back here for a second?” Knox asked.
“I’ve got to go.”
“No fucking way!” I heard Teddy confronting Jillian. “You’re just trying to stir the shit.”
“I’m not making this up. Go ahead and ask her. Ask Quinn for yourself,” Jillian defended.
I walked back toward them, annoyed. “Ask Quinn what?”
“Jillian says that Quinn is shopping a tell-all book,” Knox blurted out.
“Jillian, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Get your facts straight before you start spreading rumors.”
“Oh, so you’re aware that she’s writing a book? That she’s here to get insider information? To sell you out?” Jillian asked with a smirk.
“Shut the fuck up, Jillian,” Teddy shouted. “You’re such a bitch.”
“Fuck off, Teddy. I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not the slut who’s using Axel for a big paycheck.”
“What makes you say that?” I asked.
Knox piped in, “Just ignore her.”
I was undaunted. “Well? Where did you get these facts?” I stood there smiling, arms crossed against my chest. A part of me enjoyed seeing how mad Jillian was getting.
Jillian shrugged. “Whatever. I was just trying to be nice. Believe me or not, but if I were you, I’d ask that little lying fake yourself.”
“Just leave us alone,” Teddy ordered.
Jillian nodded toward the direction of Quinn, who was walking back toward the group. “She’s using you, Axel. Using you for all your connections and your name. She fucks you, whores herself out, and surprise, surprise, now she’s on a cover of a magazine. I bet she’ll use it for the cover of her new book. Maybe she’ll call the book I Fucked Axel Rye. You’re a fool if you thought this was about love.”
I stood still, frozen by the biting words. I knew it couldn’t be, but Jillian’s words still hurt like hell. I took in what I’d just heard, then shook my head and viciously attacked. “There’s only one whore in this room, Jillian.”
“Let’s just ask Quinn and end this shit right now,” Teddy interrupted.
“Ask me what?” Quinn asked as she walked up and reached for my hand.
This whole conversation was absurd. There was no way Quinn could secretly be using me. I trusted her. I just hoped that Quinn didn’t get upset by Jillian’s accusations.
“Why don’t you tell everyone how you’re a deceiving, lying, filthy whore?” Jillian snapped.
“Shut your mouth!” I yelled, a red haze of anger nearly blinding me. I didn’t like anyone talking to my girl like that.
“What? What the hell is going on?” Quinn looked confused and stunned by the nasty claim.
“Jillian, get your ass out of our faces before one of us removes you,” Knox yelled.
Jillian took a couple of steps back. “Tell them all about the book. It seems your filthy, cock-licking mouth has been caught.”
I lunged for Jillian only to have Knox step between us. “Get out of here, now!” My voice vibrated throughout the room. Fury coursed through my veins.
Jillian spun on her heels in a huff to leave and then suddenly stopped. She turned and spoke over her shoulder. “I find it ironic, Axel, that you are the all-famous playboy, bad boy, and yet you’re taking it up the ass a lot lately. How’s the ass fucking feel?” She smirked and quickly glided away, leaving her path of destruction behind her.
I turned toward Quinn and saw her startled eyes. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and apologize for hours for having to witness that. Jillian was out of control.
“I’m so sorry, Quinn. I’ll make sure that bitch never comes near us again.” I wrapped my arms around Quinn and felt her body tense. She didn’t return the embrace.
“Axel, I’m sorry, I should’ve told you this a long time ago.”
My heart sank. A long time ago?
Quinn’s beautiful smile and excited eyes had changed to a sullen expression. All I saw in them was fear… or was it guilt? It felt unreal, like some kind of nightmare. I searched her eyes for answers. Desperately searching for clarification. Reassurance that Jillian was full of shit. I searched for… hope. For a second, I thought I was going to be sick. My breath caught. This couldn’t be happening.
“It’s not what you’re thinking,” Quinn started. “I’m a writer, you know that. I did come here to work on a book. But I swear I’m not using you… not now.”
My ears rang. I stood there, heart hammering. I took a few steps back. “You told me you’re a writer. Tell me you aren’t shopping a book on me.” I stared at her, hoping I had heard wrong.
“On the LA nightlife,
” she said. “I meant to tell you from the very beginning, but we started to get close, and I didn’t want to lose you, and I…”
Quinn’s words echoed against the walls of my ears. Every word was like a punch to the gut. I wanted to vomit. All this time, Quinn had been using me like everyone else always did. I shook my head in disbelief and backed away even further.
“Axel, please.” Unshed tears rimmed Quinn’s eyes, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t comfort the woman I loved. I couldn’t reach out and dry the tears. I couldn’t give… love.
Quinn stepped closer to me, attempting to reach for my hand. I recoiled, not wanting her to take another step. Teddy and Knox stood to the side, speechless. As the reality of it settled in, the shock and pain turned to anger.
“So, did you get all the information you needed?” My voice shook with every word. “Plenty of material gathered through your escapade with me?”
Quinn shook her head, tears coursing down her face. “Axel, please, you don’t understand. Let me—”
“So, what the hell was I to you? I didn’t think you were using me. I honestly thought you loved me.”
“I do love you! I lied, but I swear to you that everything between us was genuine. I’m a writer, but I never intended to write something negative. Please, let me explain.”
“I trusted you, Quinn. I gave you my whole heart. I had no idea you would do this to me.”
I stormed away, fighting back tears, vomit, and fury. I needed to flee fast. I didn’t want Quinn to see just how intensely she affected me. Those days were over.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Quinn rushing toward me. I didn’t need to hear anymore. Whatever she had to say didn’t matter. It was all lies. Everything was a lie.
“Axel,” she said. “Hear me out, please.”
“There’s nothing to say, Quinn.” I stopped and glared. “Unless you can tell me you didn’t move here to write a book using my name. That you haven’t actually been lying to me on a daily basis. Can you say that, Quinn?”
“It was my original intent. Yes. But that changed. I kept quiet at first about the fact because I knew you all wouldn’t allow me in. Yes, I lied and I was stupid. But I was telling the truth when I told you that I loved you.”