A year later I didn’t have enough of my heart patched together to risk this. Losing Shaw… Mai was right. It had wrecked me.
At most, we would have a year together. Probably a good year. Sex. Laughter. Fun. Danger. A year when I would wonder every single day if he was with me because he loved me or because I was the only thing keeping him alive and he was scared of losing it. I could stand feeding him because it was my fault he was broken. I couldn’t stand to love him again, not the way the press of his mouth or the grinding of his hips encouraged me to. I had to know this was real, but I couldn’t tell if it was anymore.
“You’re not kissing me back.” His body trembled. “Is it Rook? Do you have feelings for him?”
Saying I didn’t have feelings for Rook would be a lie. I felt something when I was with him. He was likable when he wasn’t being a lying bastard. Was that forever material? No. But I didn’t need a husband forever. Just for the next century. Could Rook and I sustain a platonic marriage? Or would I grow to care for him in time? Love him?
What did it matter? Unless I fixed Shaw before I left, he would die. Even if I did manage to get our lives untangled, it’s not like I could ask him to wait a mortal lifetime to be with me.
Shaw had cheated when I was a phone call away. When I was a realm away, with another man, what would he do then? And what right would I have to say anything about it?
“I see,” he said softly. He turned, jogged five or six steps, and then leapt back onto his balcony.
Once I heard the snick of his sliding doors close, I turned. The railing was warped with the imprint of his fingers. I placed my hand where his larger one had been, soaking up his lingering warmth while I wondered how the hell I had ended up on the run in mouse country.
Short bursts of rock music yanked me from the balcony. I darted inside the room, found my cell and checked the caller ID. My weirdo stalker. Crap. I had filed his threat to find me under things to worry about later. I rejected the call, noticing Righty had made himself invisible for my comfort—or so he could spy on my conversation with Shaw—then I muted the phone and hit the hay. Tomorrow was a blink away. Reluctant as my eyes were to shut, I couldn’t fight sleep long.
Chapter 17
Morning sucked. Rook hadn’t visited my dreams, probably because two hours wasn’t enough time to get me into an REM state of mind. I shifted onto my side with a grunt and found Mai sitting upright in bed. Pillows were crammed behind her back. An assortment of junk food and soda cans were spread across her covers, and a bucket of ice sat on her side of the nightstand. Someone had hit the vending machines. Hard.
The Spanish soap opera she had been watching on mute flickered as the screen went black.
“There she is. I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to wake up.” Mai tossed a packet at me. “Are you sure you’re not the one they drugged?”
“What—? No.” I scanned the wrapper through blurry eyes. “I’m not eating chocolate for breakfast.”
“You’re saying no to chocolate?” She wiped a smudge off her lips. “Sounds like drugs talking to me.”
I pushed off the mattress and locked my elbows to force myself to stay vertical. “Where did you get all that?”
A snap of her fingers and an orgasmic scent wafted past my nose on a gust of AC-churned air. “Can you deliver it for me, pretty please?” She fluttered her eyelashes at dead space. “I would do it, but you heard the doctor’s orders.”
I stopped salivating and wiped my mouth. “What doctor?”
“Dr. Shaw.” She flicked crumbs off her covers. “Ever met him? Tall? Dark? Broody? Apparently he gets off on force feeding girls laxatives.”
Lefty appeared at the edge of my bed, holding a greasy paper bag away from his body.
“For me?” I snatched it out of his hand and stuck my head in the opening. That first long inhale made me believe in God. Wait. Was I really equating proof of a higher power with the existence of bacon?
Yes. Yes, I was.
“You better stand back before she bites you on accident,” Mai warned.
Crunching down on a slightly burnt strip rescued from the bottom of the bag, I shut my eyes in bliss. “Was this your doing?”
“No.” He turned his back on us and resumed his post. “It was Shaw.”
At the sound of his name, my appetite vanished, and I crumpled the bag.
“Hey.” Mai made grabby hands. “That is a perfectly good extra bacon, egg and cheese biscuit. I was just kidding about the laxatives. Mostly.”
“There.” I snagged a napkin and then tossed her the bag. “Enjoy.”
“What gives?” She froze with her hand in the sack. “He didn’t take a bite out of it, did he?”
“No.” I wiped my fingers. “He wouldn’t do that.”
He knew how seriously I took crimes against pork products.
“Then what is it?” She examined her prize. “I thought you’d be happy we were playing nice.”
The two of them would have to forge a truce the second he and I broke ours. “I am happy.”
“That’s not your happy face, Tee.” She took a tentative nibble. “That’s your marshal face.”
I rubbed the grit from my eyes. “I have a marshal face?”
“You have several, actually.” Food garbled her words. “This is your pissed-and-yet-professional look. I’ve seen you whip it out at work when a suspect is lying but you don’t have proof, and you can’t just break his face. Well, I guess you could, but you won’t. You’re all about being aboveboard.”
At least someone still had faith I would do the right thing. Too bad the Morrigan’s gift weighed more this morning than it had last night. The chain cut into my nape, and the pendant felt cold as the grave against my skin. My fingers were at the clasp before I stopped myself, and that slight hesitation was telling.
Shaw was right. I was compromised. Even with the burn of shame fresh in my mind, I fumbled. The old me would have yanked off the necklace, logged it into an evidence locker at the office, and then reported the Morrigan to boot.
The new me advised prudence. The charm provided me with instant access to my skins and to a powerful ally. Old Thierry’s morals might be looser, but new Thierry was staring down the barrel of a hundred-year sentence. Without allies or weapons, when Faerie aimed and fired, I was the one poised to go boom.
“We need to make plans.” I tossed aside my rumpled sheets. “Are you well enough to travel yet?”
“Well…about that.” She picked at the rubber buttons on the remote. “My dad is on his way to get me.”
Mai was a daddy’s girl, so her announcement didn’t surprise me. “That’s okay. I’ll mooch a ride home off Shaw.” I hadn’t spotted his truck last night, but he had to get here somehow.
“Sure you don’t mind?” She glanced up. “Daddy’s flight lands in an hour, and he’s already announced his plans to have me driven home.”
“I don’t mind, really.” The last thing I wanted was to be cooped up with Mr. Hayashi for sixteen hours. “I’ll help Shaw for a few days to earn my keep. It’s not like I have a job waiting for me. I might as well do something productive while I’m counting down the days.”
Her relief was so palpable, I became suspicious. “What happened when you called your dad?”
She had volunteered him to be our voucher if the Daytona skulk took issue with me. Maybe he had stomped on that idea.
“He wasn’t as supportive as anticipated.” She scrunched up her face. “He refused to back you.”
The rest of her scheming clicked together. “That’s why you booked us into a hotel.”
“Yeah.” Her expression darkened. “Dad called Jon and warned him off letting us crash there.”
“Let me know when you pay the bill.” My wallet whimpered before I made the offer. “I’ll cover half.”
“This was my treat.” She rummaged through her chocolate stash. “Our one big chance to hang out, to go out with a bang, and I was happy to supply the dynamite.”
I climbed off my bed and plopped onto hers. Wrapping Mai in a big bear hug, I kissed her cheek with a resounding smack. “Thank you.”
“Not so tight.” Her stomach made a gurgling sound, and she pushed me back. “Oh. Oh, no. That’s not good.” She blanched. “Shaw’s concoction gave me a case of the fox trots. I can’t get more than six feet from the toilet.”
She shot to her feet and bolted to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her while I mentally adjusted the sixteen-hour drive home to Wink to thirty-two hours.
“Has she been like this all morning?” I asked Lefty since Righty was MIA.
“Yes.” He wrinkled his nose. “Unfortunately.”
The quiet of the room hit me, and I turned a circle. “Where’s Diode?”
Lefty raised and then lowered a shoulder.
Buzzing in the vicinity of my bed had me searching for my cell. My stalker again. Great. I thumbed the ignore icon then turned the ringer on and noticed the time. “How long ago was Shaw here?”
“A half hour or less.” He indicated the door. “Odhran joined him outside to discuss security measures.”
“We’re under lock and guard.” I frowned. “How much safer can you get?”
His face smoothed into a mask of innocence. “Shaw mentioned concerns about access from the balconies.”
Fire leapt into my cheeks and would have singed my eyebrows off if I hadn’t chugged some of Mai’s ice water. So much for pretending last night was all a dream. Why would Shaw discuss our interlude with Righty? Did it mean Shaw was trying to protect me from himself? That wouldn’t work. I had to feed him. Soon. He was due up any day now.
Mentioning the balcony was moot. All four of us had security training. My guards would have noticed the balcony and assessed the risk before I stepped foot inside the room. They already knew it was a weak spot. It was obvious. That was why Shaw covered it last night.
The only reason he would bother mentioning it to Righty was if…
“Daire.” My use of his name shocked him more than me. “Where is Shaw now?”
He stared at me, unblinking. “He left.”
I squeezed my cell until the plastic ridges cut into my palm. “Left as in went to work his case or left as in gone and not coming back?”
“I didn’t ask.”
My feet were two steps ahead of my brain. I was out the door before Lefty got up from his seat. Five strides later, I bumped smack into dead air and knew I had found them.
I jabbed somewhere in the vicinity of Righty’s chest. “Where is he?”
“Packing,” the invisible man answered.
Relief flooded me. “Which room is his?”
A door opened a crack. “This one.”
Scenting to make sure both guards were outside because Lefty was hot on my heels, I backed into the room. “Don’t budge an inch.”
The slamming door brought Shaw darting out of the bathroom in a pair of skintight boxer briefs.
My gaze flashed to his, and my mouth went dry. “We need to talk.”
He set his hands on his lean hips and waited. “So talk.”
A sleek, black suitcase sat open on the bed. Its hinged lid held a change of clothes for after Shaw showered. Otherwise, his room was picked clean and packed tight.
Leaving without saying goodbye.
Hurt made it easier to resist the temptation of his bare torso. “Where are you going?”
“My leads have dried up here. I called my brother with the news last night.” He rocked back on his heels. “While I’m local, I might as well go check out whatever the hell is happening in Daytona.”
He still planned on going then. “I’ll go with you.”
“No, you won’t.”
“But you said—”
“That was before Mai filled in the blanks for me.”
“What blanks?”
“This is a routine call,” he said firmly. “Sometimes old things get the idea in their heads that they aren’t bound by conclave laws. Usually, a reminder visit from a friendly neighborhood marshal is all they need.” He lifted his index finger. “It’s a one-man job. I’ll handle it.” He pointed at me. “You get to stay here with Mai.”
“Why does it feel like you’re punishing me?”
“You’re suspended. You can’t be present while I conduct official conclave business.”
“Official business?” I pried at his weak spot. “So you called Mable and got this approved?”
He didn’t reply, which was answer enough.
“This is so official that you called the Southeastern Conclave and got permission to crush the toes of their organization, right?” I walked up to him. “What gives? We were going to investigate together.”
“That was before Mai got hurt.” He dealt a low blow. “She needs you here.”
“Mai is propped up in bed, eating junk food and vegging out on telenovelas. Besides the fact her dad is on the way. You can wait a couple hours, Shaw.”
His stance shifted. “Why does this matter so much to you?”
“If I still had my badge, I would have left to go back and fix the problem just like you’re doing now.” The time on his clock caught my eye. “Except I would have slept later.”
“This is a delicate situation.” He shook his head. “I can’t take a bull into a china shop.”
My hands tightened into fists. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He turned away from me. “You’ve changed.”
“No, I—”
“The Thierry I knew wouldn’t have gone in guns blazing to bag a djinn kid. Mai said the boy claimed you assaulted him when he refused to grant your wishes. Her office got tagged in the arrest report. What the hell were you thinking?”
I circled around until he had to look at me. “Mai told you that?”
“She’s worried about you too.”
“Why would she confide in you?” Unless he hit her up while she was drugged. “She hates you.”
“Mai and I have never seen eye to eye, but we both…” He bit off the word. “She loves you, and she’s worried. You haven’t been yourself in weeks. You’re being reckless and lashing out. It’s like you’re hell-bent on finding a way out of going back to Faerie, even if it lands you in a body bag.”
I crushed my eyes shut and swallowed my denial. All the pent-up righteous indignation I came here ready to spew at him bled out of the soles of my feet into nothing. My voice, when I found it again, came out little-girl soft and trembling.
“I’m scared.”
Two words. One heartfelt admission. That was all it took. I exposed a chink in my armor, and my white knight charged.
Shaw swooped down on me and gathered me against his bare chest. He settled us on the foot of his bed with me in his lap and banded his arms around me so tight I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t care. It felt so good to be held. I was so tired of being alone with all my fear and anger.
Mom had no idea what had happened to me in Faerie. Partly because she had been under Bháin’s enchantment and partly because I was a coward. How did I tell her that after everything she had given up to be my mom, the universe had demanded one more sacrifice from her? I couldn’t do it. It was bad enough to have Mai dogging my heels, afraid I might vanish in a puff of smoke if she took her eyes off me.
I had outlined the events for Shaw the night I returned from Faerie, because he had a right to know. But I’d clutched all the ugly details to my chest, unwilling to share them.
I thought I was holding myself together better than this.
I guess I was wrong.
Shaw’s voice was warm at my ear. “We’ll figure a way out if that’s what you want.”
“I don’t want to be a princess.” My tears dampened his chest. “I don’t want Rook—any of it.”
“Last night I was out of line.” He palmed my cheek and made me look at him. “I thought if I knew you loved him, if this was what you wanted, then letting you go would be easier.”
I blinked
my vision clear. “I don’t love Rook. I barely know him.” I coughed up the rest before it strangled me. “I don’t love him, but maybe I…want me to?”
His arms tightened around me. “You should have told me sooner.”
“I can’t get out.” I wiped my face. “I’m trapped.”
“There’s always a way out,” he said against my hair. “Let me think on it.”
A sigh blew past my lips, and the heat of my breath on his chest made his nipple pearl. My thumb swiped over the taut bud, and he shuddered beneath me.
My name was a hot sigh over his lips that warmed me to my bones.
“I’m sorry.” I scrambled off his lap and turned my back on him. I raked fingers through my sleep-tangled hair, and my hands were shaking when I screwed up the nerve to face him. “I shouldn’t have unloaded all over you.”
He laughed, and the weary sound shook his shoulders. “You don’t do vulnerable well, do you?”
In drying my cheeks with my shirt hem, I had exposed my soft underbelly to him. Literally.
“You have snot on your nipple.” I tugged my shirt down. “It doesn’t get more vulnerable than that.”
Another man might have grimaced or at least cleaned his chest, but Shaw sat there wearing my tears like some warped badge of honor.
He shifted on the bed and indicated I should take a seat, so I nabbed the task chair tucked under his complementary desk.
I sat and waited while he scratched his five o’clock shadow thoughtfully.
“All right, partner.” He gave me his full attention. “Let’s start at the beginning. I want the unedited version, deal?”
A smile lit me up from the inside. Work I could do. It was so much better than the waiting or the worrying. I picked up my story where I left off the first night, after the fae confronted Mai, and I told Shaw every detail I remembered. This time I held nothing back. I gave him everything I had. When I finished, he was wearing a hard, contemplative expression.
He folded his thick arms over his broad chest. “Let’s start with Mai’s drugging and work our way back.”
Dog Eat Dog World: Limited Edition Bundle (Black Dog) Page 46