“You know what he did.” And yes, a double standard was happening. I wouldn’t have let Dad cross the threshold, but he was a force of nature. Mom was just the lovely tree bent by his gale-force winds. “You understand why I can’t forgive him. Not now.” Maybe not ever.
“May I?” She indicated the seat I had vacated.
“Of course.” Resigned, I joined her on the faded brocade sofa. “Why did you come all the way out here?”
Our modest apartment was as far from home as I could get without leaving the Wink zip code. That wasn’t by coincidence.
She fought to balance on the sinking cushion. “Do I need a reason to visit my youngest daughter?”
“Mom.” I sighed. “I’m busy right now.” Ice cream didn’t eat itself. “If you’re here to broker some kind of peace between me and Dad, forget it. I’m not interested.”
“You must understand that every decision your father makes stems from his love for us.” She shifted her weight. “Gorou’s worst crime is wanting better for his family than he had himself.”
“No,” I disagreed. “The worst crime wasn’t the wanting but the actions taken to secure his dreams.”
An understated nod. “Did young Tanabe speak of his father during your time together?”
“No.” The wounds had been too fresh for him to expose. “His parents haven’t been gone long. The skulk didn’t talk about them at all.”
“That is a shame,” she lamented. “The Tanabes were good people, and Saburo Tanabe was your father’s closest friend for many years. They grew up together, made their way through the world shoulder-to-shoulder.”
I drew my legs under me. “If that’s true, then why did he object to my pairing with Ryuu?”
“Saburo was content. His life was full with his wife and children. His position in our skulk gave him prestige and allowed him to provide for his family. He was at peace.” A sigh that I had heard a thousand times whenever the topic of my father’s greed rose parted her lips. “But Gorou has a hunger gnawing in his gut. Even with all that he has accomplished, his many beautiful daughters and his prosperous skulk, he cannot rest. His soul yearns for that which is ever beyond the reach of his fingertips. It is his way. It is the way of many powerful and visionary men, and I accept those drives as being a part of him.”
The fact she hadn’t counted herself among his assets didn’t surprise me. Mom was modest. She wouldn’t assign value to herself. She would view it as vanity. But we all knew Dad would never have made the inroads toward achieving his goals without her by his side to maintain the balance of all his acquisitions.
“You’re saying Dad felt like Mr. Tanabe lacked ambition, that he viewed his contentment as a sign of inferiority.” I considered her. “Dad stood to gain nothing from our union since the Tanabes belonged to our skulk and their loyalties and finances were already twined with his.”
“Just so.”
“What happened?” Guilt that I had pitted two old friends against one another whittled at my conscience. “Did Dad force him to leave?”
“Not then, no.” She crossed her legs in an effort to stay upright on the smooshy couch. “Your father informed Saburo of the match and denounced Ryuu as a suitable mate for you. Saburo was hurt. They had been as brothers, and this was a chance to bind their families together in a formal union. Yet your father as much as told him that his son—and by extension Saburo himself—was not good enough for a daughter of the Hayashi.”
The picture became clearer. “Dad thought Mr. Tanabe would accept his word as law and sweep the shiren under the rug, but he refused. Didn’t he?”
“Saburo was a traditionalist. Your father embraces tradition only when it suits him. He believed it was his right as reynard to hand-pick his daughters’ mates to strengthen and enrich our skulk by association.” Her head bowed. “Saburo accused your father of tampering with fate, of playing at being one of the gods. In his anger, Saburo called your father greedy and manipulative in front of the entire skulk.” She uncrossed her legs and scooted forward. “Insults that could have been forgiven in private had to be punished in public. That was when your father decided to exile the Tanabe skulk to soothe his personal shame and punish Saburo for not being the friend Gorou thought he should be.”
My father the hypocrite. A true friend was valuable because they told you the truth when no one else would. Punish them for that, and what you wanted wasn’t friendship, it was obeisance. “None of this matters now.”
“Your past helped shape who you are. It matters.” A dimple marked her chin, the closest Mom ever came to frowning. “You care for the boy?”
“Ryuu is not a boy anymore.” Not that I remembered the boy he had been. “I chose him. Fate chose him for me. Without that bond, what do I have left to offer a mate?”
“You are a bold, strong female with purpose. A mate does not define you.” A soft chuckle escaped her. “You are thinking I, of all people, have no right to make such a claim when all I am is your father’s wife.” Her smile blossomed. “I am his wife, but I am also a mother and a grandmother. I am a friend. I am the vixen of a large clan who depends upon me to care for them. I am many things that are linked to your father by a fine thread, but they are my things, and I cherish them.”
“You’re a strong female too.” Or else she wouldn’t be sitting here now when I was certain Dad had forbidden her intervention. “It must run in the family.”
Her eyes brightened at the compliment, and it occurred to me for the first time that she might care what I thought of her as a person and not just as my mother. “What will you do now, daughter?”
Buy stock in Ben & Jerry’s? “Move on with my life.” I rolled my chin over my kneecap. “Ryuu doesn’t want me.”
She tilted her head the way a curious bird might. “How can you be certain?”
“He traded me for a spot on the registry.” The words felt cut from the fabric of my soul. “Everything his father and family endured was pointless. His son didn’t want me anyway. The Tanabes would have been better off staying with our skulk and pretending nothing had happened between Ryuu and me. His parents might still be alive if not for me.”
“Blame tends to settle on the shoulders of those who welcome it rather than those who have earned it. You are not responsible for anyone’s choices or actions but your own.” Giving up on getting comfortable, Mom stood. “Were you present throughout the entire negotiation?”
“No.” I had listened to all I could stomach then left while I still had an ounce of pride intact. “I’m sure he promised to stay away from me. He probably gets a bonus if he agreed to forget my name.”
“I have it on good authority that Ryuu agreed not to pursue you.” Mom’s eyes twinkled. It shouldn’t have hurt so much to hear confirmation. “However, your father, who likes to believe himself to be a traditionalist, did not think to extract a similar promise from you.”
A tide of emotion swelled in me and sloshed over my common sense, soaking my good intentions to the bone and leaving me too soggy-brained to make the decision to hunt Ryuu down and confront him that had been floating into my mind. He had given up on us, but was that because he didn’t want me or because he thought I didn’t want him? Had he been giving me an easy out? He didn’t know the new Mai well enough to know how hard I would fight for what I wanted, and right now that thing was…him.
“If you care for Ryuu, if you think you might one day love this boy…” Mom crossed to me, bent down and dropped a kiss on my head, “…then you will swallow your pride and take fate into your own hands. You will pursue him.”
The urge to hop up and follow her advice was a twitch in my foot. “Dad will be furious that you’re counseling me.”
“His pride has cost us all. You more than anyone.” She tipped back my chin. “Your sisters were older when they made the choice to place their father’s wishes above the desires of their hearts. None of them had met their soul mates before agreeing to his terms. They had only superficial understanding of what
they were sacrificing.” Emotion clogged her throat. “I was wrong to allow Gorou to impress his will upon you after you had found and claimed your mate. I have regretted it every day since. When I heard what happened—that Ryuu had come for you—I thought that this must be the will of the gods. You have been granted a second chance, and I could not stand by and let it pass in good conscience. I cannot undo what has been done, but I want you to know that you have my blessing whatever you decide.” Her eyes glittered with unshed tears. “I only ever wanted your happiness.”
“Mom,” I said, placing my hand on hers.
“Do not squander this opportunity, Mai. In this, do not act as your father’s daughter, but as an independent woman, capable of making her own decisions and seeking her own fortune.” She reached into a pocket and placed a piece of paper in my hand. “This was always meant for you. Perhaps it is best I give it to you now so that such concerns will not influence your decision.”
The sound of the door opening was eclipsed by the rustle of papers. I turned when it clicked shut, but Mom was already gone. I pored over the documents one by one and released a slow whistle. What I held in my hands was my dowry, and it was beyond generous. It was also all mine thanks to a few amendments signed by my mother and the skulk lawyer. I clutched the sheaves against my chest and stared at the ceiling, fighting back tears.
My parents had bought a parcel of land for me and my future mate to inhabit the year I was born. In the twenty years since then, a six-building apartment complex had been erected there and their profits funneled into a savings fund for us to use to finance the building of our own empire. Fifty acres of field and forest sprawled behind those buildings, stretching past the town limit, and it was ripe for development…or the enjoyment of kitsunes running on four legs under the moon.
I cradled my future in my hands and, without a mate to guide my decisions, I was master of my own fate in a way no female in my family ever had been. I was free of the Hayashi skulk if that was what I determined to be the best balm for my hurt. Mom had made me an independent woman of means, and I wish she hadn’t slipped out before I got the chance to thank her for committing an act my father would consider treason. Minor rebellions were breaking out all over the Hayashi household. Way to go, Mom.
The only problem was, as great as independence sounded, the reality of it all rang hollow without anyone to share in the victory of Mom beating Dad at his own game. I was on my feet, car keys in hand, before my destination registered. I hit the hallway in bare feet, realized on the way down I was still wearing an oversized sweatshirt covered in melted chocolate and biking shorts smeared with peanut butter, and I didn’t care.
This fixed everything. It got Ryuu out of my father’s debt and gave the Tanabe skulk means to begin anew. They could build real homes, actual houses, with genuine walls and decorated with furniture that didn’t fold flat. Gen could kennel Chiffon in a locked basement on nights the skulk hunted. They could have it all…and just maybe I could too.
I slammed on the mental brakes and forced myself to inch toward my car and drive even slower. The Tanabes weren’t my skulk. At least not yet. I couldn’t adopt them like strays. They had been treated as rogues for long enough. They wouldn’t want my pity or my charity. They deserved better. They deserved a strong vixen who would stand by their reynard’s side, and I wasn’t sure that was me, but I was equally certain I wanted to find out.
Chapter 11
The return trip to Talpa blurred as my mind raced with possibilities. Finding the turnoff leading to the pastureland the Tanabes called home took the better part of an hour, and I ended up abandoning my car several yards in because the rough-cut road was scraping my undercarriage. I hiked the rest of the way, using my nose to guide me. A sense of urgency hastened my steps when the scent of gasoline and exhaust, both faint but plentiful, launched me into a sneezing fit.
Each step tightened the vise around my heart. What if Mom was wrong? What if Ryuu spun me on my heel and sent me packing? I crested one hill and then another before spotting the ruins of the old barn. I scanned the horizon, gaze skating over flattened patches of grass, nose twitching at the reek of oil and grease. Drawn down into the valley, I stepped forward, and my foot dipped into a rabbit hole. My ankle turned, but I didn’t fight the fall. I hit the dirt hard, hands fisting grass to anchor me to the abandoned site as all those possibilities flitted right out of my head, scattered by the mocking wind.
I was too late. History had repeated.
The skulk was gone.
Chapter 12
“You didn’t have to do this.” I straightened Thierry’s glossy blue jacket. “You’ve suffered enough on my behalf.”
“You got robbed last time.” Her nose wrinkled, and she blew wispy bangs out of her eyes. “After all the work you put into these costumes you never even made it on the stage.” She gave up and brushed a lock of hair from her wig away from her forehead. “I’m just sorry this is the last con of the season. It’s not even one of the big ones.”
“I don’t care.” I twirled in the voluminous Sarah gown. “I was thrilled when you suggested a do-over.”
“It’s the least I could do.” She lifted a shoulder. “You put your heart into sewing that dress.” She patted my teased hair, ribbons sliding through her fingers. “You deserve to walk across a stage wearing it.”
“Or maybe…” I pinched the black spandex pants and let them snap against her thigh, “…you’ve got a thing for playing dress-up.” A chuckle rolled up the back of my throat. “Does Shaw know about this side of you?” Her cheeks turned a shade of red envied by tomatoes the world over. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Incubus,” she said under her breath, like that explained everything. On second thought, maybe it did.
“I feel like a princess,” I admitted, swinging my hips from side to side, listening to the fabric swish. “Or should that be the Goblin Queen?”
After spending the past month grieving for the loss of something I never really had, I deserved to feel glittery and fabulous. The offer to dress up and hit one last con had motivated me to lose the five pounds of ice cream weight so I could avoid altering the bodice, which, now that I thought about it, might have been Thierry’s motivation all along. I had abandoned my spot on the couch for my running gear, and I was feeling more like myself than I had since Ryuu re-entered—and re-exited—my life.
“You look fabulous.” Thierry adjusted her dickie collar and its cascading ruffles while wiggling her eyebrows at me. “I’m hot as a blonde, right?”
I licked my finger and pressed it to her forehead. “Tsss.” I drew back and flung my hand from side to side like her skin had burned me. “Smokin’ hot.”
“The rules still apply.” She pointed a gloved hand at me. “No pictures.”
I debated telling her about the video I had received in the mail of the previous con but…nah. “Sure.”
Somewhere in our hotel room, an alarm chimed. Thierry rushed over to silence it and tucked her phone into the waistband of her pants, flipping her coattails as she readjusted. “That means it’s time to get this party started.”
She hustled to clear a path to the door then held it open while I compressed the six-tier hoopskirt enough I could sidle through the frame into the hall. Once we hit the convention center attached to the side of the hotel, Thierry and I stopped to give each other last-minute inspections. Hair. Makeup. Costumes. Check, check and check.
“Here we go.” We took our places in line and waited for our names to be called. I picked a stray hair off her shoulder and grinned at her wan complexion. “You’re not going to stand me up, are you?”
She swallowed hard. “No?”
“I was suspicious when you first suggested we enter from different ends of the stage.” I snagged the frilly cuff of her coat. “Now I’m getting a left-at-the-altar vibe from you.”
“You know the choreography.” She peeled my fingers off her sleeve. “I enter at the far end, you the near end. We meet in t
he middle, do a little dance, and you collect your title as Foxiest Sarah Ever.”
“I do like the sound of that,” I admitted. Half the points were for presentation. “Fine.” I shooed her toward the opposite end of the auditorium. “Go.”
Alone in the gloom, sandwiched by costumes I was too nervous to examine in case they were more detailed than mine or had been sewn with a more careful hand, I ducked my head. I would admire them, compliment the competition and ask for tips later. But not now, while my toes brushed the first step leading up onto the stage. I craved distraction and started counting sequins to keep my focus narrowed.
As many times as I had done this, I still got flutters in my stomach, still startled when they called my name, still forgot the steps until the music infiltrated my brain and my body moved on autopilot.
Synthesized notes mimicking the tinkling melody of a music box filled the air, and I ascended the stairs, careful to trace each upper level with a toe before committing my weight to the step. I once saw a girl in full Sarah gear slip on her way to the stage, tumble backward and land on her rump. Her hoopskirt popped up, and we all saw what she hadn’t remembered to wear that day. I was mortified for her. I wore shorts over a pair of tights under my dress, but I hadn’t flounced in a hoop without thinking of that unfortunate incident since. Sucking in a deep breath, I stepped onto the dim stage. At the other end, in the shadows, Thierry waited for her cue.
As I mimed the search through the crowded ballroom portrayed in the movie, I sneaked a glimpse at Thierry and almost lost my place in the routine. Whoever hovered at the edge of darkness was not Thierry. They were dressed in the same dark pants, the same shimmering blue jacket and wore an identical blond wig with blue highlights. I might not have noticed the switch from this distance…if not for the bulging codpiece that David Bowie had made synonymous with Jareth’s character. After dragging my gaze from this new Jareth’s crotch up to his face, I jolted as recognition zinged through me.
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