by Sara Shirley
“Well, you really give me no other choice. If you won’t leave her willingly or take the money I offer you, perhaps a quick phone call to the local police regarding a few missing pieces of jewelry and other items might make you think differently. Maybe a little jail time will push you in the other direction.”
“Daddy! Enough!” Emily yells as she storms into the room. “You think buying him off or threatening him is the answer to your problems? If you had any interest in me as a daughter instead of a business deal, you would know that getting rid of him is not the answer, but you just proved you really don’t think of me as a daughter. So, let me make this easy on you in a business deal type of transaction you will understand. After this season, I’m fuckin’ done. No more skating for you or your company. If I skate, it will be under my terms.” Turning to me, she grabs my hand and looks into my eyes to show me she’s fighting.
“Emily Beth Cameron, you will do no such thing. You have sponsors and commitments,” Charles states as she is about to leave with me, but stops as her body goes rigid.
Looking back at him, Emily stresses, “No, you have sponsors and commitments. I have a life to try to live. Take this as my two months’ notice.” She struts out of his office with me right behind her, nearly knocking into her mother on the way out.
“Emily Beth! Where do you think you’re going in such a rush?” her mother demands.
Releasing my hand, she eyes her mother scornfully. “Perhaps you can ask your husband, as it seems I’m nothing more than a negotiable deal to you people. Oh, and Mother, you’re fired!”
Rushing after Emily through the front door, I see her grabbing the bottom of her dress, allowing her extra room to walk on the paved driveway. Once I catch up to her, I look her in the eyes as I stand in front of her. “Feels good to finally fight for something, doesn’t it?” She’s shivering, wrapping her arms around her bare shoulders, so I wrap my coat around her and pull her into my arms. Tears start falling over her cheeks. “Come on, Em. Let’s get you inside.”
She sits in her kitchen silently while I make her some warm tea. I wonder where she’s going to go from here.
“Jeremy?” Her quiet voice is barely heard as I place the steaming tea in front of her.
“Yeah, babe?”
She takes a small sip before speaking, “Can I stay at your place? I need to get away from here for a while.”
“Emily, stay for a while. Stay forever if you want. I love you, and if you are there waking up next to me every day for the next five days or five years, I won’t care. Just so long as you’re in my life.”
We pack everything she needs, and I fill her car and my truck with suitcases, skating bags, and important papers. Twenty-two years of her life, and all of it fits in a few suitcases and boxes. As we are leaving, I realize I needed to pick up one more item before Christmas. I just hope the store will still have the right one.
I’ve been staying with Jeremy for almost four weeks now. Christmas and New Year’s were completely unexpected. There were gifts galore on Christmas morning as Jeremy’s family and I sat around the tree buried in wrapping paper. Perhaps that was because Jeremy tried to rewrap me and say I was the best Christmas present ever. Grace framed the picture of us from the party and placed it over their fireplace mantle. That night was the start of me finding my new identity, and I felt free of all the pressures I’d been forced to endure for so long.
I’ve never laughed as hard as I did New Year’s Eve after Jeremy returned home from his game. I had an afternoon practice, so I couldn’t make his game, but the entire gang came over to our place for the night. It still feels weird to call it our place. Once Jeremy was home, all of us set up the Wii for non-stop games and fun. Even at almost four months pregnant, Sue still beat us in the dance off. Katy Perry has nothing on that girl. Josh and Jeremy went against each other in a Guitar Hero round, and Courtney and Dave broke out the beer pong table. Courtney accused Dave of cheating. Dave told Courtney to read the house rules clearly stated on the board. Her response was that she couldn’t read anything because someone had drawn dicks and tits all over it. It was technically true. When I first saw the pong table, I wasn’t sure where to look. There was bickering between the two, and finally Courtney conceded. At the end of the night, all the guys crashed on the sofas from drinking too much beer. We girls had a sleepover in the guest bedroom where we drank apple juice and painted each other’s nails. I couldn’t remember a time before this where I had ever been so happy.
It is the morning of the US Nationals. I am currently in first place heading into tonight’s long program. Jeremy is trying his best to calm me down, but nothing is working. I know my parents will most likely show up, trying to make my life hell again. My mother has tried to contact me a couple of times, but I’ve emailed her back to explain her services are no longer required, and if she wants to schedule an appointment with me, she should contact my new manager, Grace Page.
Surprisingly, once I had all my contacts and documents in order, I found a few of my endorsements weren’t clients of my father. Grace helped me organize most of it, and I still have a decent backing heading into today’s long program.
Unfortunately, Grace and Travis aren’t making it to the long program tonight. A major Nor’Easter is scheduled to hit Boston at some point tonight, dumping nearly a foot of snow with blowing wind causing some blizzard conditions. Given the uncertainty of the exact timing of the storm, they’ve opted to watch from home. Jeremy will drive his truck in with the rest of the crew. Josh can’t make it either; he was already ordered into work for storm coverage in Boston. Once I have my car packed and ready to go, everyone meets me outside to wish me luck since I won’t see them until after the skate.
“I want you to know that no matter what happens tonight, we are all proud of you. I’ve watched you grow in the past few months, and right now, I see a woman who is able to hold her own and be whoever she wants to be,” Grace says as she pulls me into an embrace unlike anything I’ve ever known and then wipes a stray tear from the corner of her eye. Travis gives me a kiss on the cheek and wishes me luck before heading inside with Grace.
Before stepping into the car, Jeremy shields me in his arms since the winter is unseasonably frigid. At around fifteen degrees, today has been one of the warmer days we’ve seen. I’m bundled in my beanie hat, infinity scarf, puffy winter coat, and mittens as Jeremy leans down, giving me a warm kiss. “When you go out there tonight, just skate for you. Don’t skate for anyone else. Win or lose, you’re still coming out on top. You’ve still won since you fought against the odds and beat them. I love you. Now, get out of here and go get ready to kick some ass.”
“Jeremy, remember when you said, ‘Don’t wait too long to start living your dreams. Someday they might actually come true’?”
“Vaguely.” He gives me a cocky smirk because he knows I realize he’s kidding.
“Even if I don’t win tonight, you should know that it was you who made my dreams come true. You made my reality something worth living. I no longer need to escape into my dreams. My dreams and my reality are all in you. I’m so glad you never gave up on me.”
He leans down to give me one last kiss. “Emily, you’ve always been my weakness. Something happened that day back in high school. I never knew what it was, until now. Now, I know it was you taking my heart. How could I give up fighting for the one person who held that captive?”
“Don’t you dare make me cry before I leave,” I say, sniffling back tears that threaten to spill and smacking him on the chest with my mittens.
“Fine, then after you win tonight, we’ll all go out for a celebratory drink. You know, before the media stakes itself outside of the house looking for interviews with the newest member of the US Olympic team.”
“No pressure at all.” I laugh as I turn to open my car door, sliding down into the seat and looking up at Jeremy as he leans over me with his hands on the hood of the car.
He smiles before coming down to kiss my cheek.
“You’ll come out a winner. You know why? You still get me at the end of the day.”
“Someone doesn’t love himself too much,” I say, rolling my eyes while starting up the engine and turning down the speaker volume.
Jeremy laughs as he shuts the car door. He hits his palm on the roof a couple of times before walking off backwards, still facing me. “Give ‘em hell, Barbie!” he shouts as he walks back inside the garage.
The drive into Boston is quiet and almost traffic-free. You’d never know a major skating event is taking place around the city. I park my car in front of the Garden in a spot typically reserved for the professional athletes. Was that what I had become? I am about to embark upon what may be the biggest night of my life, and I am focused on the parking spot. What the hell? I seriously needed to focus.
Once I am in the dressing room changing into my practice clothes, I pop in my earbuds and start dancing in the room to The Civil Wars as a text from Courtney comes through on my phone.
Good luck, girl! We love you!
Below the words is a picture of Jeremy, Sue, Dave, Courtney and Grace holding signs that read, “Go Emily! Sochi Bound, and Reach for Gold, Emily!” Tears blur my vision, but I laugh as I send a response telling them I love them, too. I have a true support team coming to root me on for the first time ever, and that warms my heart to no end.
I finish lacing up my skates and make my way toward the ice. Suzy and a few other coaches are already standing together talking. One thing about the figure skating world is we are all somehow interconnected. Some coaches have multiple skaters competing against each other. Fortunately for me, Suzy only coaches me, but she’ll be recruiting a new student once I’m done. It will be sad to say goodbye, but I know she’ll do just fine.
Suzy sees me glide onto the ice and comes over to the boards to give me a pep talk. “Are you ready for this? It’s only you tonight. There’s no one else forcing you to go out there and win. You still want it?” she asks, knowing exactly what went down between my parents and me.
“Yeah, whether they are here forcing me to do this or not, I’ve still worked too hard to give up now. This is for me and only me now,” I say, exuding a sense of determination. I bang my fists against the top of the boards before turning to warm up my legs with the other skaters in my final group tonight.
Hours pass, and I hear groups of skaters come and go on the ice. The crowd echoes down through the tunnel, scores announce over the speakers, and news cameras follow our every move. Wearing my warm-up suit and sneakers, I slowly jog up and down the halls, trying to stay calm and keep my legs loose. Being in the lead heading into tonight’s skate means I will skate last. Friggin’ last, because that doesn’t allow my head to wander and get worked up all night!
I emerge from the tunnel as the Zamboni clears the ice after the first group of skaters finish. I take in the crowd and see all the signs and banners everywhere. I find the suite that contains my very own fan club. A few minutes pass before they realize I’m down there. I hear little girls in the crowd scream my name, and I walk over to their smiling faces along the railings. All of them say they are my biggest fans and wish me luck. Some ask for autographs. Once I wave goodbye to all the girls, I turn around to see the camera is pinned on me, broadcasting on the jumbo screen above the ice. I smile and wave back at the camera while the crowd begins cheering.
This is what it should feel like to be doing what you love to do. People in the crowd, who only know you by name and face, cheering you on, and complete strangers supporting you in a moment when you need it most. I look up at Jeremy and see him gazing back at me with the biggest smile. I know he can’t see me that well from up there, so I put my hand over my hockey necklace and wave at him. He’ll understand what I can only say silently.
I am due to take the ice in a half hour. Suzy has my hair styled by her salon team in cascading curls and held back with a scrolling sequined band. I am wearing a Vera Wang dress that features soft beige tones and sheer fabrics with a tapestry of beadwork that extends from my right hip and up over my left shoulder. It is soft and exquisitely designed without being a distraction from the music.
After warm up with the final group of girls, I go backstage and wait alone while listening to music. The entire warm-up time I don’t look at Jeremy; instead, I keep my mind focused on everything I need to do to ensure I bring home gold and secure my spot on the Olympic team. I am finally doing this for me.
Suzy comes back about ten minutes later. Pulling out my earbuds, I remove my warm-up pants and make sure my skates are laced up tight. I can’t remember anything else from that moment until the minute I’m standing next to the ice. I vaguely recall Suzy talking to me, but none of it registers. I’ve never been this nervous in my life. Breathe, Emily. Just breathe and find Jeremy. Looking up into the stands, I see him sitting with his face in his hands. Dave is telling him something, but I can’t tell what they’re saying. Jeremy turns to Dave, and it appears he’s yelling at him for some reason. Courtney walks over to the two of them and says something, but points down to where I’m standing. Jeremy stands quickly and looks right at me with a forced smile. What the hell is going on?
I don’t have time to process any of what just transpired, because the previous skater’s scores are being posted, and I’m set to take the ice. Suzy gives me a hug, and after removing my blade guards, my feet take the ice. I’m circling the end of the ice as Suzy gives me some last words of advice, saying, “Make it all worth it and leave your heart on the ice.”
After my name is announced, the crowd cheers as I move to my starting position in the center of the ice. Silence fills the arena. My heart is beating through my chest and pounding through my ears. I let out one slow, final, deep breath before I hear the music begin. Everything fades away around me. The audience isn’t there anymore. I hear the violin. I feel her pain. I become Juliet. I float across the ice, moving from jumps to spins, and in this moment, it’s only me. It’s me fighting for what I love. There aren’t any stipulations from my mother. This time my free skate is mine and mine alone. The crescendo in the music takes on a new meaning as I come to terms with the fact that I do love this. Skating is my life, even without my parents’ involvement. Entering into my final spin and then gradually ending my program on my knees, I hold my hands over my heart and cry. I cry for everything I’ve done up to this point in my career. I stand in front of my home crowd, knowing this is the culmination of my skating. Taking a final bow before heading toward Suzy, I glance up to see my support group all cheering.
As I make my way back to the end of the ice, Suzy stands there with tears in her eyes before hugging me like never before. I sit there, waiting for the scores to be posted on the board with my knees shaking with excitement. I’m breathing heavily, and Suzy is rubbing my back. She leans in and asks, “How did that feel?“
I shake my head in disbelief as I try to process the last five minutes. “That was probably the most amazing experience I could have ever wanted right here and now.”
The wait on the scores seems longer than anything I’ve ever experienced. The little girls finish picking up the stuffed animals and flowers that are thrown onto the ice and begin handing me a few of them. The crowd starts clapping as we all wait for the number. The announcer says over the speaker, “And the scores for Emily Cameron.” I see them light up on the board, and I’m immediately in shock. I gasp, and my hand flies to my mouth as I see the number 213.05. The announcer continues to relay to the crowd, “A personal best and also the highest score ever posted by an American Ladies Figure Skater.” Oh my God! Rising to my feet, I wave to the crowd. Before I can find Jeremy, the news cameras have rushed me, and I’m forced to do interviews before the medals ceremony.
We sit in the suite at the Garden, watching random skaters perform. Food is brought in, and we are having a great time waiting for Emily’s group to take the ice. Today is her day. I know she will rise to the occasion without a doubt. My girl will go home with that coveted gold medal a
t the end of the night. Everything is finally working itself out.
Then, I receive a phone call that changes everything.
I have to move into a closed-off area in order to hear what is being said to me. I actually have to ask the person on the other end of the line to repeat himself because I have to make sure I’m hearing him correctly. This couldn’t be happening at a worse time.
A thought runs through my mind, but there isn’t any way for Emily’s parents to be involved in this. I keep telling myself that as I sit in the seat holding my head. I hear little girls screaming, but nothing is calculating. Of course, they could be involved in this. It’s the only way this could have happened this fast, or I just have some of the worst luck in the world.
Dave comes over when he notices my change in mood. Grabbing my shoulder, he asks what is wrong. I shake my head and play with the cufflinks Emily bought me on my dress shirt. Courtney and Sue start cheering.
I turn to Dave, saying, “This can’t even fuckin’ be happening right now.”
“What? What’s happening? Who were you on the phone with?” Dave asks.
“The Monarchs coach called…” I stop mid-sentence as Courtney taps my shoulder to point at something at ice level. Looking in that direction, I see Emily standing there looking back at me as she signs autographs for a group of young girls. I try to smile back at her, but how can I, knowing what I will have to tell her later. I throw on the biggest fake smile I can muster. There’s no way I can tell her this news tonight. Then, I see her touch her necklace on the jumbo screen, and I know she’s telling me she’s thinking of me.
I head back into the suite once I know Emily has gone back into the tunnel. I grab a beer from the ice bucket and chug it back, trying to take away some of the pain I know is in my heart. Everyone else follows behind me, trying to figure out what is going on. “All right, that’s it. Spill the beans, asshole. What did the Monarchs coach want?” Dave demands.