by Sara Shirley
Sue is happy with Dave, and the baby will bond them forever. She’ll never be mine again. Why is it so fuckin’ real now? I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve asked that question since they got together months ago.
Turning away from the room, I wander the halls, trying to keep myself from losing it. I slam my hands against the swinging door toward the waiting room, except it stops midway, and I hear a woman’s voice on the other side spouting profanities left and right.
I push the door ajar, slower this time, peeking around to see a petite brunette staring back at me. She’s holding her shoulder as her eyes shoot daggers up at me. When my eyes meet hers, I extend my hand, offering her some help getting up. She swats it away and rises to her feet on her own.
Her shoulder is in a sling, finger in a brace, and her nose is black and blue. This should raise red flags for me. I’m a cop. I should see these things as questionable, especially for a girl. I still haven’t said a word to her. I’m mesmerized by the beauty behind her injuries. My gaze drops from her face, and I slowly take all of her in.
Her clothes pique my curiosity. She’s wearing every color imaginable, pink and black stripped knee-high socks over fishnet stockings and boy shorts under what can only be described as an adult version of a Girl Scout mini-dress. What is up with this outfit? Does she not realize it’s winter outside? Although it is kinda hot in a freaky way.
She speaks before I do, “Trying to lengthen my hospital stay? I’d really like to get the hell out of here, and not see what other injuries I can add to my list tonight.” Fuckin’ A. Who is this girl? Better yet, how does a girl with more attitude than size end up with injuries like this?
Giving me an annoyed look, she tries to push by me with her one good arm. “Do you mind? I can’t get by if you’re blocking the exit. I’ve got places to go, so move it or lose it.”
As I move off to the side and let her pass, my head turns to watch her walk toward another section of the hospital. Catching the back of her shirt, I notice the writing. Cosmonaughties.
What the hell is a Cosmonaughtie? And why the hell am I still speechless?
I’ve been running away from my past for nearly three years. I’m not saying I had it bad growing up, quite the opposite, actually. I grew up in Connecticut about an hour from New York City. You can call my family upper middle class, but that’s not what I’ve been running from. No, I’m the one who made a piss-poor decision when I chose the last guy I dated.
I’ve finally started over. I’ve found my footing here in Massachusetts. I have a group of roommates who I call my sisters. They will fight for me and back me up no matter what. They don’t go by the names “Decker in the Jaw”, “Juicy Lucy”, and “Rose from the Dead” just for fun. Those are their fighting names. Their alter egos, so to speak.
I go by the name “Sammy Sweet Cheeks.” You’ll understand later.
Why is it when the phone call came in a few days ago, letting me know my one fear in the world could threaten to find me again, did I wonder if my girls would be enough to keep me safe. Fight all they want, this was a different beast to go up against.
He tried to kill me once. He most certainly will try again. This has been my fear for so long.
Being in the hospital brings back some painful memories. Memories I don’t care to have cross my mind anymore. Memories of what he did to me on that dreadful night so many years ago. Running my hands over my neck, I recall gasping for what almost was my last breath as he choked the life out of me with just one hand.
You stupid fuckin’ bitch! I hope you enjoy the feeling of my hands wrapped around your neck because it’s the last thing you’re ever going to feel as I kill you slowly.
Fingers snapping in front of my face bring me out of my horrid memory. My eyes shoot open, and I gasp in horror and suddenly feel nauseous. I quickly take in my surroundings, noticing Kim standing next to me. Stretching out to run her hands over my shoulders, she says, “Hey, are you all right? You look a little peaked. Another flashback?”
“Yeah, I think it’s just because I’m here, and you know how much I hate hospitals,” I answer, even though I can’t tell her that my flashbacks have become more frequent since I found out about his recent parole.
All my roommates know about my past. After I moved into the C-Naughtie house two years ago, I had one night where my nightmare had me screaming bloody murder, and all my girls had to help calm me down. A few shots of Jack Daniels and I spilled all my dark secrets. The one night he sent me to the hospital with barely a pulse and an even longer list of broken bones and a shattered life.
Forcing myself to the here and now, I convince Kim that I’m fine and ready to just get the hell out of there. As we’re walking toward the exit, I realize I left my messenger bag in the ER room. “Shit, I forgot my bag in the exam room. I’ll be right back.”
Kim sighs and looks at her phone before turning back to me. “Hurry your ass up. We’ve missed half of the after party because of your daredevil move tonight.”
“I’ll be five minutes. Keep your panties on.”
“I can’t make any promises.”
I walk back to the room I was admitted to for my separated shoulder and jammed finger. I laugh to myself when I think about what happened earlier. The doctors didn’t believe me when I told them how I really got my injuries. Apparently being five-feet-four and skinny as a rail doesn’t allow people to believe I have the ability to bout with the rest of them. That’s right, I said bout. Once I handed them my trading card as proof, I silenced them immediately. Yeah, assholes. I’m a mother fuckin’ roller derby girl, and I’ll kick your ass any day of the week.
What’s even better is when people ask me how I support myself on that salary, and I tell them I do it for free. That’s when I really throw them for a loop and tell them I’m the manager of a wine bar, and roller derby is just something I do for fun. It’s an added bonus that I get to let out pent-up anger against other girls and get away with it.
The looks I get never cease to amaze me. Actually, all of us derby girls are the same. Derby is our passion. We practice some weekend mornings and weekday evenings. The actual season only consists of five bouts. All of us have careers outside of the roller derby. Kim is a dispatcher for a police department. Rose is a college English professor, and Lucy is a cosmetologist. She comes in handy when we need our bruises and black eyes covered. Through thick and thin we are family, bruises and all.
Making my way quickly down the hall after grabbing my bag, I check my phone to see who won tonight’s bout that I had to leave. Not paying attention to where I am walking, I slam right into a hard wall of muscle. Pain shoots up my already bad arm, and I wince as my bag drops to the ground. His hands come up and grab my elbow, and my eyes shoot up to his. Him again.
“Hey,” he says as he picks up my bag from the floor, wrapping it over my shoulder again. “We really have to stop meeting like this.”
I finally take in all of him. It’s hard not to considering how close we are. How did I miss that he was in uniform before? Clearly, I had an aching to be arrested or handcuffed. Either way, I wouldn’t have minded at all. This officer is seriously hot. It’s too bad I’m not in the market for picking up men anymore. I don’t mean I’m into picking up women either. After my last relationship, I vowed I’d never be that victim again. Someday I may feel differently, but the memories are still too vivid in my mind. Maybe officers don’t beat the shit out of their girlfriends. Guess, I’ll never know.
He extends his hand out to me. “Josh Page, and you are?”
“Just leaving. Adios!” I say as I sway past him, waving my hand in the air without turning around.
“Hey! What’s a Cosmonaughtie?” I hear him ask from behind me, stopping me from taking another step.
Turning around to face him again, I place my hand on my hip. “You’ve never heard of us? Seriously?”
“Obviously not. That’s why I’m curious, because it’s snowing like crazy out, and you’re wea
ring that outfit so I had to ask.”
Reaching into my bag, I pull out my trading card and derby flyer as I walk over to him. I hand them to him before saying, “You wanna know what a Cosmonaughtie is? You’re gonna have to come see for yourself. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I wink before turning to head back to Kim, who’s hopefully still waiting for me.
“See you later, Sweet Cheeks!” I hear him say just loud enough for me to hear behind me.
Still walking away from him, never looking back I say, “Catch you later, Officer Page.”
Love Theme (From Romeo and Juliet) - André Rieu
Just a Girl - No Doubt
I Won’t Give Up - Jason Mraz
Just a Kiss - Lady Antebellum
Sail - Awolnation
You Found Me - The Fray
Eavesdrop- The Civil Wars
Promiscuous- Nelly Furtado, Timbaland
House of the Rising Sun- The White Buffalo with The Forest Rangers
I Gotta Feeling - The Black Eyed Peas
Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova
Lonely No More - Rob Thomas
Since U Been Gone- Kelly Clarkson
Inside of You - Infant Sorrow
Red Light Special- TLC
Breath of Life- Florence + The Machine
Bellas Finals: Pitch Perfect Soundtrack - The Barden Bellas
Put the Gun Down- ZZ Ward
Paris (Ooh La La)- Grace Potter & the Nocturnals
A Thousand Years- Christina Perri
Whistle- Flo Rida
All of Me- John Legend
Girl on Fire-Inferno Version - Alicia Keys, Nicki Minaj
Wait for Me- Kings of Leon
I Touch Myself- Divinyls
Peace- O.A.R.
Stay - Sara Bareilles
I Never Told You- Colbie Caillat
Arms - Christina Perri
Everytime We Touch-Yanou’s Candlelight Mix- Cascada
Shakin’ hands-Nickelback
Cruise-Florida Georgia Line
Black Sheep-Gin Wigmore
Hands Down-Dashboard Confessional
Sara Shirley
A romance novel addict finds herself staying up well past her bedtime to see how the next story is going to end. Sara spends her days living on a vineyard in wine country with her husband and cat. Her family hailed from Italy where her ancestors lived in the mountains Rocca di Cambio. A former Broadway star and champion skier whose career was cut short because of her passion for being a wine sommelier. It was on her way west where she met her husband, the President of a very influential MC in California. You can find her riding off through the vineyards on the back of a Harley almost every night.
Her passion for books has been viewed as borderline obsessive. But, when all you have is time and a bottle of wine awaiting you as the sun sets off the veranda, writing became second nature.
In Vino Veritas
Ok. I’m keeping this short and sweet.
Frozen Barriers would have never happened if it wasn’t for my husband. RP you told me to write my own story. You created a monster for two months of my life. In the end I hope I’ve made you proud that I finally put the words to paper. It wasn’t easy and I know we sacrificed even more time away from each other through it all. Just because I had the earbuds in never meant I didn’t know you were there.
To my family, who I never once told I was writing this story. Here it is. I’m going to run and hide now.
Sue & Dave - yeah….you guys helped provide so much added material to this story. Here’s to another summer of late nights and fun filled days!
To all my girls who helped me day in and day out beta reading, proofing, editing, pimping, making teasers (Ellen), and kicking my ass when something didn’t work and you wanted more.
Kristina Amit, Stacia Newbill, Tracey Murphy, Antoinette Candela - You girls are the best! Thank you for all your help. From early morning Facebook chats to late night sessions, you were always there for me. Without all of your help I never would have been pushed to finish that next chapter. Thank you for my daily smiles.
Tracey- For adding to my Nick Bateman pic folder everyday. He was such a great face (& body) to put to Jeremy. I’m going to miss not looking at him while writing the next book. I’m still going to take his shirts every day, regardless.
Paige- What can I say? You took my story and rolled with it for two weeks straight. You tweaked and nixed where it was needed and I cannot thank you enough for all your dedication. I can’t wait to team up again for Hidden Barriers.
To those who know my real identity, thank you for all the support. For those who don’t and to all the new friends and fans that Jeremy and Emily will reach out to once it’s released- I hope you enjoy their story as much as I enjoyed telling it.
So, until I write again don’t forget to drop me a note on Facebook. I’m always willing to chat with you.