Make a noise — keep busy.
[Then with more emphasis.]
But don’t you unscrew anything!
MARIANO
[to VASILI, smiling]
Monseigneur, they withdraw.
[The CARABINIERE, with great deference and gravity, salute VASILI. He returns the salute curtly.]
FIRST CARABINIERE. Mille grazias, Signore!
[MARIANO throws the gates open, the two CARABINIERE go rapidly out, sweeping the crowd away. MARIANO closes the gates.]
PIKE
[giving MARIANO a coin]
You’re pretty good.
MARIANO
It required but the slightest diplomacy, Signore. Thank you, Signore!
[Exit into the hotel.]
PIKE
[puzzled]
He must have mesmerized the militia.
VASILI
[glancing off]
It is quite safe for the time.
PIKE
[going to the car]
It’s all right, old man!
[Extends his hand to IVANOFF and helps him up from beneath the machine.]
IVANOFF
I will pray God for you all my life.
PIKE
Wait till we get you plumb out of the woods.
IVANOFF
[to VASILI]
And you, sir, if I could speak my gratitude —
VASILI
[crisply]
My American friend yonder has placed himself — and myself — in danger of the penal code of Italy for protecting you. Perhaps you will be so good as to let us know for what we have incriminated ourselves.
IVANOFF
[looking at him keenly]
You are a Russian?
PIKE
Don’t be afraid — he’s only a German.
IVANOFF
[bitterly]
The Italian journals call me a brigand, inspired by the Russian legation in Rome. My name is Ivanoff Ivanovitch.
PIKE
[reassuringly]
All right, old man!
IVANOFF
I was condemned in Petersburg ten years ago. I was a professor of the languages, a translator in the bureau of the Minister of Finance. I was a member of the Society of the Blue Fifty, a constitutionalist.
PIKE
Good for you.
IVANOFF
I was able to do little for the cause, though I tried.
VASILI
How did you try?
IVANOFF
I transferred funds of the government to the Society of the Blue Fifty. Never one ruble for myself.
[Strikes himself on the breast.]
It was for Russia’s sake — not mine!
VASILI
[sharply]
But you committed the great Russian crime of getting yourself caught?
IVANOFF
Through treachery. There was an Englishman who lived in Petersburg. He had contracts with the government — I thought he was my best friend. I had married in my student days in Paris — ah, it is the old story!
[bitterly]
I knew that this Englishman admired my wife; but I trusted him — as I trusted her — and he made my house his home. I had fifty thousand rubles in my desk to be delivered to my society. The police came to search; they found only me — but not my wife nor my English friend — nor the fifty thousand rubles! I went to Siberia. Now I search for those two.
VASILI
[gravely]
Was it they who sent the police?
IVANOFF
After they had taken the money and were beyond the frontier themselves. That is all I have against them.
PIKE
[gently]
Looks to me like it would be enough.
VASILI
Then, by your own confession, you are an embezzler and a revolutionist.
PIKE
[going to VASILI quickly]
Why, the man’s down; you wouldn’t go back on him now.
[With a half chuckle.]
Besides, you’ve made yourself one of his confederates.
VASILI
Upon my soul, so I have.
[Bursts into laughter and lays his hands on PIKE’S shoulders.]
My friend, from my first sight of you in the hotel at Napoli I saw that you were a great man.
PIKE
[grinning]
What are you doing, running for Congress?
VASILI
[after a grave look at IVANOFF, turns to PIKE again]
I do not think that the carabiniere went away without suspicion.
IVANOFF
Suspicion! They will watch every exit from the hotel and its grounds. What can I do, until darkness —
PIKE
[motioning toward the hotel]
Why, Doc’s got the whole lower floor of this wing — you’re his chauffeur —
VASILI
[quickly, grimly]
I was about to suggest it. I have a room that can easily be spared to Professor Ivanoff.
IVANOFF
[going to them, greatly touched]
My friends, God bless both of you!
[As he speaks he shakes hands with PIKE and turns to offer his hand to VASILI, who, apparently without noticing it, goes up toward the hotel.]
PIKE
Don’t waste time talkin’ about that. I shouldn’t be surprised if you were hungry.
[Takes him by elbow and walks him to door of hotel.]
IVANOFF
I have had no food for a day.
VASILI
[grimly]
My valet de chambre will attend to Professor Ivanoff’s needs. No one shall be allowed to enter his room.
PIKE
And don’t you go out of it, either.
VASILI
He shall not. This way.
[The three go into the hotel. Immediately on their disappearance LADY CREECH’S curtains are whisked aside; she pops out of the window with the suddenness of Punch, leans far out with her head upside down, at the risk of her neck, trying to watch them even after they have entered the hotel. Laughter of MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY heard at left. LADY CREECH waves her hand as if signalling in that direction and withdraws from window.]
[Enter HORACE and MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY from the garden, he carrying her parasol and looking into her eyes. She is laughing.]
[Enter LADY CREECH from the hotel, wildly excited.]
LADY CREECH
Have you seen my brother — where is Lord Hawcastle?
HORACE
On the other side of the hotel, Lady Creech; down there on the last terrace just as far as you can go.
[Exit LADY CREECH down left.]
HORACE
Ah, but you laugh at me, chere Comtesse!
MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY
[gently]
It is because I cannot believe you are always serious.
HORACE
Serious? Like a lady to her knight of old, set me some task to prove how serious I am.
[Deliriously.]
Anything!
MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY
Ah, gladly! Complete those odious settlement! Overcome the resistance of this bad man who so trouble your sweet sister!
HORACE
You promise me when it is settled that I may speak to you
[becomes suddenly nervous and embarrassed]
— that I may speak to you —
MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY
[sweetly]
Yes — speak to me —
HORACE
Speak as — as you must know I want to speak — as I hardly dare —
MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY
[softly, her eyes upon the ground]
Ah, that shall be when you please, dear friend.
HORACE
[almost choked with gratitude]
Oh!
[He kisses her hand.]
[HAWCASTLE and LADY CREECH enter from the garden, LADY CREECH talking excitedly.]
[ALMERIC enters through the gates.]
LADY CREECH
I tell you I couldn’t hear a word they said, they mumbled their words so. But upon my soul, Hawcastle, if I couldn’t hear, didn’t I see enough?
HAWCASTLE
Upon my soul, I believe you did.
ALMERIC
Quite a family pow-wow you’re havin’.
HAWCASTLE
Is there anything unusual in the village?
ALMERIC
Ra-ther! Carabiniere all over the shop — still huntin’ that bandit feller.
LADY CREECH
Don’t mumble your words!
ALMERIC
[shouting]
Lookin’ for a bally bandit.
[She screams faintly.]
HAWCASTLE
Be quiet!
ALMERIC
He’s still in this neighborhood, they think.
LADY CREECH
[to HAWCASTLE]
What did I tell you? Now, how long —
HAWCASTLE
You shall not repeat one word of what you saw. Almeric, find your betrothed and ask her to come here.
ALMERIC
Rumbo! I don’t mind, pater!
[Exit into the hotel.]
HORACE
What’s the row?
HAWCASTLE
My dear young man, I congratulate you that you and your sister need no longer submit to an odious dictation.
[Enter PIKE briskly from the hotel.]
PIKE
[as he enters, genially]
Looks to me like it was going to clear up cold.
[LADY CREECH haughtily stalks off into the garden.]
HAWCASTLE
[pleasantly]
Good-afternoon, Mr. Pike.
PIKE
[going to the motor]
Howdy!
[Begins touching different parts of the engine.]
[MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY and HORACE haughtily follow LADY CREECH.]
HAWCASTLE
[suavely, to PIKE]
Mr. Pike, it is an immense pity that there should have been any misunderstanding in the matter of your ward’s betrothal.
PIKE
[looking up for a moment, mildly]
Oh, I wouldn’t call it a misunderstanding.
HAWCASTLE
It would ill become a father to press upon the subject of his son’s merits —
PIKE
[plaintively]
I don’t want to talk about him with you — I don’t want to hurt your feelings.
HAWCASTLE
Perhaps I might better put it on the ground of your ward’s wishes — of certain advantages of position which it is her ambition to attain.
PIKE
[troubled]
I can’t talk about it with anybody but her.
[Enter MARIANO from the hotel with a letter on a tray. Goes to PIKE.]
HAWCASTLE
There is another matter —
[PIKE stands examining envelope of the letter in profound thought.]
I fear I do not have your attention.
[MARIANO goes into the hotel.]
PIKE
[looking up]
Go ahead!
HAWCASTLE
There is another matter to which I may wish to call your attention.
PIKE
[genially]
Oh, I’ll talk about anything else with you.
HAWCASTLE
[suavely]
This is a question distinctly different
[with a glance at the hotel, his voice growing somewhat threatening]
— distinctly!
[ETHEL enters from the hotel.]
ETHEL
[to HAWCASTLE, in a troubled voice]
You wished me to come here.
HAWCASTLE
[going to her and taking her hand]
My child, I wish you to have another chat with our strangely prejudiced friend on the subject so near to all our hearts. And I wish to tell you that I see light breaking through our clouds. Even if he prove obdurate, do not be downcast — all will be well.
[Turns and goes out into the garden, his voice coming back in benign, fatherly tones.]
All will be well!
[PIKE stands regarding ETHEL, who does not look up at him.]
PIKE
[gently]
I’m glad you’ve come, Miss Ethel. I’ve got something here I want to read to you.
ETHEL
[coldly]
I did not come to hear you read.
PIKE
When I got your letter at home I wrote to Jim Cooley, our vice-consul at London, to look up the records of these Hawcastle folks and write to me here about how they stand in their own community.
ETHEL
[astounded]
What!
PIKE
What’s thought of them by the best citizens, and so on.
ETHEL
[enraged]
You had the audacity — you — to pry into the affairs of the Earl of Hawcastle!
PIKE
Why, I’d ‘a’ done that — I wouldn’t ‘a’ stopped at anything — I’d’ ‘a’ done that if it had been the Governor of Indiana himself!
ETHEL
You didn’t consider it indelicate to write to strangers about my intimate affairs?
PIKE
[placatingly]
Why, Jim Cooley’s home-folks! His office used to be right next to mine in Kokomo.
ETHEL
It’s monstrous — and when they find what you’ve done — Oh, hadn’t you shamed me enough without this?
PIKE
I expect this letter’ll show who ought to be ashamed. Now just let’s sit down here and try to work things out together.
ETHEL
[with a slight, bitter laugh]
“Work things out together!”
PIKE
I’m sorry — for you, I mean. But I don’t see any other way to do it, except — together. Won’t you?
[She moves slowly forward and sits at extreme left of the bench. He watches her, noticing how far she withdraws from him, bows his head humbly, with a sad smile, then sits, not quite at the extreme right of the bench, but near it.]
PIKE
I haven’t opened the letter yet. I want you to read it first, but I ought to tell you there’s probably things in it’ll hurt your feelings, sort of, mebbe.
ETHEL
[icily]
How?
PIKE
Well, I haven’t much of a doubt but Jim’ll have some statements in it that’ll show you I’m right about these people. If he’s got the facts, I know he will.
ETHEL
How do you know it?
PIKE
Because I’ve had experience enough of life —
ETHEL
In Kokomo?
PIKE
Yes, ma’am! there’s just as many kinds of people in Kokomo as there is in Pekin, and I didn’t serve a term in the legislature without learning to pick underhand men at sight. Now that Earl, let alone his havin’ a bad eye — his ways are altogether too much on the stripe of T. Cuthbert Bentley’s to suit me.
[He opens the envelope slowly, continuing.]
T. Cuthbert was a Chicago gentleman with a fur-lined overcoat. He opened up a bank in our town, and when he caught the Canadian express, three months later, all he left in Kokomo was the sign on the front door. That was painted on. And as for the son. But there — I don’t know as I have a call to say more.
[Takes the letter from the envelope.]
Here’s the letter; read it for yourself.
[Gives it to her, watching her as she reads.]
ETHEL
[reading]
“Dear Dan: The Earldom of Hawcastle is one of the oldest in the Kingdom, and the St. Aubyns have distinguished themselves in the forefront of English battles from Agincourt and Crecy to Sebastopol.
[She reads this in a ringing voice and glances at him.
]
[PIKE looks puzzled and depressed.]
“The present holder of the title came into it unexpectedly through a series of accidental deaths. He was a younger son’s younger son, and had spent some years in Russia in business — what, I do not know — under another name. I suppose he assumed it that the historic name of St. Aubyn might not be tarnished by association with trade. He has spent so much of his life out of England that it is difficult to find out a great deal about him. Nothing here in his English record is seriously against him; though everything he has is mortgaged over its value, the entail having been broken.
[ETHEL pauses and looks at PIKE, who, much disturbed, rises, and crosses the stage.]
“As to his son, the Honorable Almeric, there’s no objection alleged against his character. That’s all I’ve been able to learn.”
[She finishes with an air of triumphant finality, and rises with a laugh.]
A terrible indictment! So that was what you counted on to convince me of my mistake?
PIKE
[distressed]
Yes — it was!
ETHEL
Do you assert there is one word in this seriously discreditable to the reputation of Lord Hawcastle or Mr. St. Aubyn?
PIKE
[humbly]
No.
ETHEL
And you remember, it is the testimony offered by your own friend
[scornfully]
— by your own detective!
PIKE
[ruefully]
Oh, if I wanted a detective I wouldn’t get Jim Cooley — at least, not any more!
[His attitude is thoroughly crestfallen.]
ETHEL
[triumphantly, almost graciously]
I shall tell Lord Hawcastle that you will be ready to take up the matter of the settlement the moment his solicitor arrives.
PIKE
No, I wouldn’t do that.
ETHEL
[in a challenging voice]
Why not?
PIKE
[doggedly]
Because I won’t take up the matter of settlements with him or any one else.
ETHEL
[angrily]
Do you mean you cannot see what a humiliation your interference has brought upon you in this?
PIKE
No; I see that plain enough.
ETHEL
Have you, after this, any further objections to my alliance with Mr. St. Aubyn?
PIKE
It ain’t an alliance with Mr. St. Aubyn that you’re after.
ETHEL
Then what am I
[pauses and lays scornful emphasis on the next word]
after?
PIKE
[slowly]
You’re after something there isn’t anything to. If I’d let you buy what you want to with your money and your whole life, you’d find it as empty as the morning after Judgment Day.
[She turns from him, smiling and superior.]
You think because I’m a jay country lawyer I don’t understand it and couldn’t understand you! Why, we’ve got just the same thing at home. There was little Annie Hoffmeyer. Her pa was a carpenter and doing well. But Annie couldn’t get into the Kokomo Ladies’ Literary Club, and her name didn’t show up in the society column four or five times every Saturday morning, so she got her pa to give her the money to marry Artie Seymour, the minister’s son — and a regular minister’s son he was! Almost broke Hoffmeyer’s heart, but he let her have her way and went in debt and bought them a little house on North Main Street. That was two years ago. Annie’s workin’ at the depoe candy-stand now and Artie’s workin’ at the hotel bar — in front — drinking up what’s left of old Hoffmeyer’s — settlement!
Collected Works of Booth Tarkington Page 526