Collected Works of Booth Tarkington

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Collected Works of Booth Tarkington Page 529

by Booth Tarkington


  You and your brother have soaked up a society-column notion of life over here; you’re like old Pete Delaney of Terry Hut — he got so he’d drink cold tea if there was a whiskey label on the bottle. They’ve fuddled you with labels. It’s my business to see that you know what kind of people you’re dealin’ with.

  ETHEL

  [almost in tears]

  You’re bullying me! I don’t see why you talk so brutally to me.

  PIKE

  [sadly and earnestly]

  Do you think I’d do it for anything but you?

  ETHEL

  [angrily]

  You are odious! Insufferable!

  PIKE

  [humbly]

  Don’t you think I know you despise me?

  ETHEL

  I do not despise you; if I had stayed at home, and grown up there, I should probably have been a provincial young woman playing “Sweet Genevieve” for you to-night. But my life has not been that, and you have humiliated me from the moment of your arrival here. You have made me ashamed both of you and of myself. And now you have some preposterous plan which will shame me again, humiliate both of us once more, before my friends, these gentlefolk.

  [A loud noise without. LADY CREECH’S voice is heard shouting.]

  PIKE

  [dryly]

  I think the gentlefolk are here.

  [The upper doors up centre are thrown open; LADY CREECH hurriedly enters, with MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY and HORACE, followed by ALMERIC.]

  LADY CREECH

  My dear child, what are you doing in this dreadful place with this dreadful person?

  MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY

  My dear, les convenances!

  HORACE

  Ethel, I’m extremely surprised; come away at once!

  ALMERIC

  Oh, I say, you know, really, Miss Ethel! You can’t stay here, you know, can you?

  PIKE

  I’m her guardian; she’s here by my authority, she’ll stay by my authority.

  [LORD HAWCASTLE appears in the open doors and bows sardonically to PIKE.]

  HAWCASTLE

  [suavely]

  Ah, good-evening, Mr. Pike!

  HORACE

  Lord Hawcastle, will you insist upon Ethel’s leaving? It’s quite on the cards we shall have a disagreeable scene here.

  HAWCASTLE

  [smiling]

  I see no occasion for it; we’re here simply for Mr. Pike’s answer. He knows where we stand and we know where he stands.

  PIKE

  [with a grim smile]

  I reckon you’re right so far.

  HAWCASTLE

  [continuing]

  And his answer will be yes.

  PIKE

  [with quiet emphasis]

  But you’re wrong there!

  HAWCASTLE

  [to HORACE, with sudden seriousness]

  Perhaps you are right, Mr. Granger-Simpson. Painful things may be done. Better the young lady were spared them. Take your sister away.

  [He motions HORACE toward the door.]

  ALMERIC

  For God’s sake do — it may be quite rowdy.

  LADY CREECH

  [to ETHEL at the same time]

  My dear, you positively must!

  HORACE

  Ethel, I command you!

  [ETHEL, troubled, half rises as if to go]

  PIKE

  [imperiously, to ETHEL]

  You stay right where you are!

  ALMERIC

  [angrily]

  Oh, I say!

  LADY CREECH

  Oh, the lynching ruffian!

  HORACE

  Ethel, do you mean to let this fellow dictate to you?

  ETHEL

  [breathlessly and loudly, as if resistance were hopeless]

  But — he says I must!

  [She sinks back into her chair.]

  PIKE

  [to HAWCASTLE]

  You’re here for an answer, you say?

  HAWCASTLE

  [on the defensive]

  Yes!

  PIKE

  An answer to what?

  HAWCASTLE

  [painfully resuming his suavity]

  An answer to our request that you accede to the wishes of that young lady.

  PIKE

  And if I don’t, what are you going to do?

  HORACE

  Ethel, you must go!

  MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY

  This man is an Apache!

  LADY CREECH

  [simultaneously]

  Barbarian!

  PIKE

  [to HAWCASTLE]

  I’ll leave it to you to tell her.

  HAWCASTLE

  A gentleman would spare her that.

  PIKE

  I won’t! Speak out! Why do you come here sure of the answer you want?

  HAWCASTLE

  [intensely annoyed]

  Tut, tut!

  LADY CREECH

  Don’t mumble your words!

  PIKE

  I’ll make it even plainer than you like.

  HORACE

  I protest against this!

  ALMERIC

  Throw the rotter out of the window!

  PIKE

  [particularly addressing ETHEL]

  This afternoon I tried to help a poor devil — a broken-down Russian running away from Siberia, where he’d been for nine years.

  [She rises; her eyes eagerly meet his.]

  A poor weak thing, hounded like you’ve seen a rat in the gutter by dogs and bootblacks. Some of your friends here saw us bring him into this apartment; they know we’ve got him here now. If I don’t agree to hand over you and seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars of the money John Simpson made, it means that the man I have tried to help goes back to rot in Siberia and I go to an Italian jail for two years, or as much longer as they can make it.

  HAWCASTLE

  [violently]

  Nonsense!

  ETHEL

  [stepping toward PIKE, indignantly]

  I knew that you had only a further humiliation in store for me —

  HAWCASTLE

  [following her and trying to interrupt]

  But my dear —

  ETHEL

  [with dignity]

  No — you need make no denial for yourselves.

  [To PIKE, haughtily.]

  Do you think I would believe that an English noble would stoop —

  PIKE

  [with passionate indignation]

  Stoop! Why, ten years ago in St. Petersburg there was a poor revolutionist who, in his crazy patriotism, took government money for the cause he believed in. He made the mistake of keeping that money in his house, when this man

  [pointing at HAWCASTLE]

  knew it was there. He also made the mistake of having a wife that this man coveted and stole — as he coveted and stole the money. Oh, he made a good job of it! Don’t think that to-night is the first time he has given information to the police. He did it then, and the husband went to Siberia —

  HAWCASTLE

  [staggered and enraged]

  A dastardly slander!

  PIKE

  [in a ringing voice]

  — and he’ll do it again to-night. I go to an Italian jail

  [he suddenly swings his outstretched hand to point to MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY, continuing without pause]

  and, by the living God, that same poor devil of a husband goes back to Siberia!

  [MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY, with an ejaculation of horror and fright, staggers back.]

  HAWCASTLE

  [in extreme agitation]

  It’s a ghastly lie!

  PIKE

  You came for your answer. Here it is.

  [Calls sharply.]

  Ivanoff!

  [IVANOFF appears in the doorway on the right. He advances, lifts both clinched fists above MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY’S head.]

  [MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY, with a shuddering cry, falls on her knees in an attitude of frig
ht and abasement.]

  MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY

  Ivan! — oh, Mother of God! — Ivan! Don’t kill me —

  [IVANOFF shudders with weakness, trembles violently, collapses into chair, she still at his feet. IVANOFF sobbing.]

  HORACE

  [starting toward her in extreme agitation]

  Hélène!

  PIKE

  [sternly to HORACE]

  You keep back, she’s his wife.

  [Pointing to HAWCASTLE.]

  And there stands his best friend!

  HAWCASTLE

  It’s a lie! I never saw the man before in my life.

  PIKE

  [grimly, with a gesture toward MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY]

  The lady seems to recognize him.

  HAWCASTLE

  Almeric, go for the police. Call them quickly!

  [His voice loud and hoarse.]

  MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY

  [springs to her feet, protesting]

  No — no — I can’t!

  PIKE

  [with his hand on IVANOFF’S shoulder]

  Call them in — we’re ready.

  [To ETHEL.]

  But I want you always to remember that I considered it cheap at the price.

  [ETHEL, in an agony of shame, turns from him. At same time MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY, never taking her eyes from IVANOFF’S face, and showing great fear, moves back near HAWCASTLE.]

  ALMERIC

  [opening the upper doors and calling]

  Tell that officer to bring his men in here!

  [VASILI enters briskly from the hall.]

  [RIBIERE enters immediately after from the same direction.]

  VASILI

  [in a loud, clear voice]

  There will be no arrests to-night, my friends.

  HAWCASTLE

  [violently, to ALMERIC]

  Do as I say! This man

  [meaning VASILI]

  goes, too.

  VASILI

  [curtly]

  The officer is not there, the carabiniere have been withdrawn.

  [To PIKE, gravely and rapidly.]

  For your sake I have relinquished my incognito.

  [To HAWCASTLE.]

  The man Ivanoff is in my custody.

  HAWCASTLE

  [violently]

  By whose authority? Do you know that you are speaking to the Earl of Hawcastle?

  RIBIERE

  [in a ringing voice, advancing a step]

  More respectful, sir! You are addressing his Highness, the Grand-Duke Vasili of Russia.

  [HAWCASTLE falls back, stricken.]

  PIKE

  [thunderstruck]

  Respectful! Think of what I’ve been calling him!

  VASILI

  My friend, it has been refreshing.

  [To RIBIERE]

  Ribiere, I shall take Ivanoff’s statement in writing. Bring him with you.

  [VASILI turns on his heel, curtly, and passes rapidly out through the door on the right.]

  [RIBIERE touches IVANOFF on shoulder, indicating that he must follow VASILI.]

  [IVANOFF starts with RIBIERE; MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY shrinks back with a low exclamation of fear.]

  IVANOFF

  [hoarsely to her]

  I would not touch you — not even to strangle you!

  [With outstretched hand, pointing to HAWCASTLE.]

  But God will let me pay my debt to the Earl of Hawcastle!

  [Goes rapidly out with RIBIERE.]

  HAWCASTLE

  [choked with rage, advancing on PIKE]

  Why, you —

  PIKE

  [genially]

  Oh! I hated to hand you this, my lord. I didn’t come over here to make the fine flower of Europe any more trouble than they’ve got. But I had to show John Simpson’s daughter.

  [Movement from HORACE and ETHEL.]

  And I reckon now she isn’t wanting any alliance with the remnants of Crecy and Agincourt.

  ETHEL

  [tremulously, coming close to PIKE]

  But I have no choice — I gave Almeric my promise when I thought it an honor to bear his name. Now that you have shown me it is a shame to bear it, the promise is only more sacred. The shame is not his fault. You — you — want me to be — honorable — don’t you?

  PIKE

  [after a long stare at her, speaks in a feeble voice, very slowly]

  Your father — and mother — both — came — from Missouri, didn’t they?

  THE FOURTH ACT

  SCENE: The same as in Act I. The morning of the next day. Upon the steps leading to the hotel doors is a pile of bags, hat-boxes, and rugs.

  As the curtain rises HAWCASTLE, in a travelling suit and cap, is directing a porter who is adjusting a strap on a travelling bag. ALMERIC enters from the hotel, smoking a cigarette.

  ALMERIC

  Ah, Governor; see you’re moving!

  HAWCASTLE

  I may.

  [His manner is nervous, apprehensive, and wary. Porter touches his cap and goes into hotel.]

  It depends.

  ALMERIC

  Depends? Madame de Champigny took the morning boat to Naples, and your trunks are gone. Shouldn’t say that looked much like dependin’.

  HAWCASTLE

  [nervously]

  It does, though, with that devilish convict —

  ALMERIC

  Oh, but I say, Governor, you’re not in a funk about him! You could bowl him over with a finger.

  HAWCASTLE

  [glancing over his shoulder]

  Not if he had what he didn’t have last night, or I shouldn’t be here to-day.

  ALMERIC

  You don’t think the beggar’d be taking a shot at you?

  HAWCASTLE

  [fastening clasp of hat-box]

  I don’t know what the crazy fool mightn’t do.

  ALMERIC

  But, you know, he’s really quite as much in custody as you could wish. That Vasilivitch chap has got him fast enough.

  [LADY CREECH enters from the hotel.]

  HAWCASTLE

  [sharply]

  The Grand-Duke Vasili has the reputation of being a romantic fool. I don’t know what moment he may decide to let Ivanoff loose.

  LADY CREECH

  [with triumphant indignation]

  Then I have the advantage over you, Hawcastle. He’s just done it.

  HAWCASTLE

  [startled]

  What?

  LADY CREECH

  [continuing]

  Got him a pardon from Russia by telegraph.

  HAWCASTLE

  You don’t mean that!

  LADY CREECH

  Ethel has just told me.

  HAWCASTLE

  My God!

  [He springs forward and touches a bell on wall.]

  LADY CREECH

  An outrage! Our plans all so horribly upset —

  HAWCASTLE

  [turning and coming down steps]

  No, they’re not.

  [MARIANO appears in the doorway.]

  HAWCASTLE

  Mariano, I’m off for Naples. Sharp’s the word!

  MARIANO

  It is too late for the boat, Milor’. You must drive to Castellamare for the train.

  HAWCASTLE

  There’s a carriage waiting for me at the gate yonder. Get these things into it quick — quick!

  [MARIANO beckons porters from the hotel. Porters enter sharply and carry bags, etc., off.]

  [Meanwhile, HAWCASTLE, without pause, continues rapidly and in an excited voice to ALMERIC and LADY CREECH.]

  You must see it through; you mustn’t let the thing fail; what’s more, you’ve got to hurry it, just as if I were here. This girl gave her word last night that she’d stick.

  LADY CREECH

  But she’s behaving very peculiarly this morning. Outrageously would be nearer it.

  HAWCASTLE

  How?

  LADY CREECH

  Shedding tears over th
is Ivanoff’s story. What’s more, she has sent that dreadful Pike person to him with assistance.

  HAWCASTLE

  What sort of assistance?

  LADY CREECH

  Money. I don’t know how much, but I’m sure it was a lot.

  ALMERIC

  [with a sudden inspiration]

  By Jove! Buying the beggar off, perhaps, to keep him from making a scandal for us.

  HAWCASTLE

  [excitedly]

  That’s what she’s trying to do!

  LADY CREECH

  Then why do you go?

  HAWCASTLE

  Because I’m not sure she can.

  [Going to steps.]

  Wire me at the Bertolini, Naples.

  [Turning at stoop.]

  This shows she means to stick.

  LADY CREECH

  For the sake of her promise.

  HAWCASTLE

  [emphatically]

  Yes, and for the sake of the name.

  [He runs out rapidly.]

  [PIKE enters from the grove, smoking.]

  PIKE

  [thoughtfully]

  Your pa seems in a hurry.

  [LADY CREECH and ALMERIC turn, startled. LADY CREECH haughtily sweeps away, entering the hotel.]

  ALMERIC

  [cheerfully]

  Oh yes, possibly — he’s off, you know — to catch a train. He’s so easily worried by trifles.

  [PIKE looks at ALMERIC with a sort of chuckling admiration.]

  PIKE

  Well, you don’t worry — not too easy; do you, son?

  ALMERIC

  Oh, one finds nothing in particular this morning to bother one.

  PIKE

  [assenting]

  Nothing at all.

  ALMERIC

  Not I. Of course, Miss Ethel is standing to her promise?

  PIKE

  [grimly]

  Yes, she is.

  ALMERIC

  The Governor only thought it best to clear out a bit until we were certain that she manages to draw off this convict chap.

  PIKE

  [puzzled]

  Draw him off?

  ALMERIC

  What you Americans call “affixing him,” isn’t it?

  PIKE

  “Affixing him?” Don’t try to talk United States, my son. Just tell me in your own way.

  ALMERIC

  She’s been giving him money, hasn’t she? You took it to him yourself, didn’t you? Naturally, we understood what it was for. She’s trying to keep the beggar quiet.

  PIKE

  So that’s what she sent this poor cuss the money for, was it?

  ALMERIC

  Why, what other reason could there be?

  PIKE

  Well, you know I sort of gathered it was because she was sorry for him — thought he’d been wronged; but, of course, I’m stupid.

  ALMERIC

  Well, ra-ther! I don’t know that it was so necessary for her to hush him up, but it showed a very worthy intention in her, didn’t it?

 

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