by S. J. McCoy
April nodded. “Not the why, and I’m not going to ask you why, but if you blamed yourself it’s only natural that you would assume Chance blamed you, too. And all the while he was doing the same thing, right?”
Renée sighed, “That’s about it. It sounds so simple when you put it like that; I just wish I’d figured it out years ago.”
“We only ever figure things out when we’re ready to accept them.”
“Aren’t you the wise one?”
“No,” April shrugged. “If I’d been wise my life wouldn’t have turned out the way it did. All I’m doing is drawing conclusions and trying to understand the mess I made. So far I’ve accepted that you can’t change the past, but you can learn from it and hope to apply the lessons to the future.”
“Then you’re definitely wiser than most.”
April looked out the window and waved. “Gabe’s early again.”
Renée smiled when she saw him sitting out there in his Range Rover. Every time she saw him, no matter where she was or what else was on her mind, her heart rate and temperature soared. She loved him with all her heart and soul.
“Why don’t you get going? I can close up.”
“That’s okay. Chance is meeting us here.”
“I know, but you can at least go and say hello to your man while you wait.”
“Thanks, I’ll just grab my things.” As she headed across the street to where Gabe was parked, she saw Chance walking down the sidewalk toward them.
She raised a hand in greeting. Chance nodded and quickened his pace. Gabe climbed out of the car and greeted his old friend with an awkward handshake that turned into a very genuine hug.
Chance stood back and smiled at them. “There aren’t too many choices when it comes to eateries around here, but how do you feel about Giuseppe’s?”
“Fine by me,” said Gabe. “Jump in.”
Renée pursed her lips as she walked around to the passenger side. She understood that Chance might not want to hold their little reunion at the Boathouse where anyone and everyone might see them—and join them. She was fine with going to Giuseppe’s, but a little irked at Gabe that he hadn’t even waited for her to speak, just ordered them into the car.
The little courtyard out back was empty, and Gabe led them to a corner table.
Once the server had brought menus and taken their drink orders, Chance smiled at them both. “So, this is…” he chuckled, “well, I guess weird is what it is, no?”
Renée nodded. “It’s good though.”
“Very good,” agreed Gabe. “How are you?”
Chance nodded slowly. “I’m doing okay. I don’t mind telling you I’m doing so much better since we talked.”
She was glad to hear it. “I am, too.”
“It’s been a long road.” He held her gaze. “I know people think I went off to live in the wilderness in Montana and became some kind of mountain man or recluse or something, but I landed in a good place.”
“That’s good. What’s it like up there?”
“It’s a good place to turn your back on the world and try to figure out what’s left of yourself and your life. It’s harsh country, but there’s something about that. You have to face yourself, face your sins and your weaknesses. I don’t know. It’s unforgiving, but that’s a good place to be when you don’t want to be forgiven.”
She didn’t know what to say to that.
He smiled. “Like I said though, I landed in a good place. When I was released I went through a reintegration program. Met a guy,” he smiled. “Dave Remington, who saw something in me. He took a chance on me, gave me a job on his ranch, even though I didn’t know one end of a cow from another back then. He treated me like a son, and his four sons treated me like a brother. They still do. I’ve built a life there, such as it is.”
Renée was curious what that meant. “What kind of life, Chance? Are you happy?” She so wanted him to be.
He met her gaze. “Happy is a strong word, honey. I do work I enjoy. For all intents and purposes, I’m as much a rancher now as if I’d been born to it. I have the guys, they really are like brothers. That’s all I need. Anyway,” he smiled, it seemed he’d done enough talking about himself. “What about you?” he looked from her to Gabe and back. “Looks like the two of you are happy.”
Gabe reached for her hand and smiled as he took it. “We are.”
Renée felt that little prickle of irritation again. He thought it was okay to speak for her? Her life was a shambles, her career had been blown out of the water, and she was broke! Yes, she loved him, and loved being with him, but should that negate everything else that was happening in her life and make her automatically, across the board happy?
She met Chance’s gaze; apparently, he’d noticed her reaction, but he didn’t comment on it.
“I always thought the two of you would be good together.”
That surprised her, but she didn’t get a chance to question him as the server returned with their drinks and took their food order.
Once she’d left, Chance turned to Renée again. “Miss told me things had gone bad for you in San Francisco?”
She nodded and gave him a very brief version of having her life turned on its head when she discovered that her husband and business partner had been a lying, cheating, major-league thief.
“Damn!” he said when she’d finished. “So where do you go from here?”
“Good question,” she replied. “I can’t really go anywhere for a while. Not until I know whether any charges are going to be brought against me.”
“And until you get a divorce,” added Gabe.
She nodded her agreement. “Then I have to figure out what I want to do,” she smiled at Gabe, and added, “and then see what’s going to be possible. Though I don’t think running a charity is going to be on the list of possibilities.”
Chance nodded. “Isn’t that a good thing though, Renée?”
“How so?”
He shrugged. “You threw your whole life into that charity, but it was never about you and what you wanted, was it?”
“What?” She didn’t understand what he meant, or maybe she was just surprised that he could see what she’d only been starting to understand this week.
“Come on. It was always about Chloe, wasn’t it? If that bastard hadn’t been drunk, she’d probably still be here. And you went on to spend your life educating kids against the dangers of alcohol.”
“My dad was an alcoholic, too, remember? Drank himself to death?”
“Yeah, but you feel guilty about that, too, don’t you?”
She shook her head. She was shocked that he would call her out on it. She could feel tears pricking behind her eyes. She didn’t want to say out loud that, in a way, she’d held herself responsible for her father’s death, too. If Chloe hadn’t died, he wouldn’t have hit the bottle so hard. And if she hadn’t stopped Chance that night, Chloe might not have died.
“I’m sorry. I really don’t mean to upset you. I just see you with this guy,” he smiled at Gabe. “I see you at a crossroads in your life, with a chance to be happy. I’d hate to see you choose to throw it all away in order to keep doing what you think is right. I’m hoping you’ll wise up and start living your life for you.”
She stared at him. “I chose to do what I did. No one made me.”
“Yeah, but if you’re honest, it was all for Chloe—not for you—wasn’t it?”
She couldn’t stop the tears from escaping as she nodded.
“And it didn’t make a blind bit of difference, did it? I’m sure you helped some kids make better choices, but it didn’t bring Chloe back, and it didn’t stop you from feeling responsible for her death did it?”
Renée sniffed and shook her head.
Chance sighed. “I not trying to be cruel, Renée. I’m trying to tell you what no one else knows.” He looked at Gabe and added, “Or would ever dare to say. You need to live what’s left of your life for you.”
She nodded. “I know
. You’re right. Thanks, Chance.”
Gabe put a hand on her shoulder as she pulled herself together. His silent support was comforting, even though she knew he didn’t—couldn’t—understand in the same way Chance did.
“That’s why I wanted to see you; I couldn’t leave town without saying it. If you like, I’ll go now, leave you guys to it.”
“No! Don’t you dare. We lost all those years, we just got you back.” She smiled. “You just kicked my butt with a harsh truth. No way are you leaving now. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do, the three of us.”
Gabe nodded his agreement.
Chance smiled and picked up his sandwich. “In that case, let’s eat.”
By the time their plates were empty, Renée felt as though the years since high school had never happened. They’d fallen back into old banter as they chatted. She was happy to see Gabe and Chance reconnect; it seemed to be doing both of them good.
Chance checked his watch. “I’ll get the check on the way out. I need to get going. I told Scotty I’d meet him at the library when he gets done.”
Renée stood to hug him. “Thanks, Chance. I’m so glad you came.”
He hugged her back. “Me too, and thanks for not getting mad at me for speaking my mind.”
“It was hard to hear, but you’re right. I do have to ask you something though.”
“What’s that?”
“Are you prepared to do the same thing you told me to? Live the rest of your life for you?”
His eyes narrowed, and he held her gaze for a long moment. “It’s easier advice to give than to follow.”
She smiled. “Oh, I know. But will you at least try?”
“I’m working on it.” He let go of her and jerked his head toward Gabe. “Besides, it’s easier for you. You’ve got this guy. You can just get married, have a couple of kids, and live happily ever after. You don’t need to lift a finger.”
She knew he was only joking, but it rubbed her the wrong way. She needed to contribute, to find meaning and purpose in whatever she did next, not just become a housewife.
She smiled. “It’s not quite that simple.”
“I know, but don’t let him go. You two are good together.” He smiled at Gabe. “And keep in touch, both of you? Miss says you’re both invited to the wedding. I hope you’re coming?”
Gabe nodded. “We are.”
Chapter Seventeen
Renée slowly opened her eyes. She felt a moment’s panic when she realized it was light outside and she was still in bed.
“Relax, enjoy it.” She smiled at the sound of Gabe’s voice. He swept her hair out of the way and kissed the back of her neck. “For once you get to lie here with me and just be.”
“Mm.” She snuggled back against him and closed her eyes again. “This is sooo good.”
“Isn’t it? I wish we could do this every morning.”
“Don’t get greedy. Three mornings a week is going to be a hell of a lot better than we’ve been used to.”
“Is it so wrong of me to want you every day?” He pulled her closer and she could feel that he really did want her.
She rolled over to face him and kissed his lips. “Not at all. But I’m afraid this job is my only option at the moment, so we’ll just have to make the most of the mornings we do get.” She slid her hand inside his boxers and closed her fingers around him, loving the way he closed his eyes and sighed.
He removed her hand long enough to get rid of his shorts and roll onto his back. “Go ahead then, make the most of me.”
She slid on top of him and kissed the tip of his nose. “I love you, Gabe.”
His hands closed around her hips. “Want to show me how much while you’re up there?”
She smiled and pushed herself up on her hands. “I can do that.” She lifted herself up so that she was positioned just above him, and moaned as his fingers found her heat. She lowered herself slowly. It seemed she was always wet for him whenever he was close, but the sheer size of him made her take her time savoring the feel of him as he slid deeper and deeper.
He grasped her hips and pulled her down, burying himself to the hilt and making her gasp. “Patience, Gabriel,” she murmured.
He shook his head as he thrust his hips, setting up a pounding rhythm that she knew she wouldn’t survive for long. “I don’t have any when it comes to you, my love.”
All she could do was ride the wave of his urgency. He carried her along with him as he pounded his way to his release. In the moment he quickened, her orgasm took her, and, with the next thrust of his hips, he joined her. Gasping her name as he pulled her down to take him deeper. She knew in that moment, just as she did every time he took her there that this was their place. As stars exploded behind her eyes, she knew they were at the center of their very own universe, and he was all she ever needed or wanted.
She eventually collapsed onto his chest and he closed his arms around her. She’d never felt so at home as she did right there in his arms.
~ ~ ~
Gabe poured her coffee when he heard her come out of the bathroom. He loved the way this morning had started. He wished they could start every day this way.
“Ooh, thank you,” she said as she swept into the kitchen. She looked so beautiful without a trace of makeup on, with her hair frizzing wildly around her shoulders. “I need to get going.”
“Do you though?” he decided to risk asking.
“Yep, this is April’s first morning by herself, and I don’t want to leave her too long.”
It was best to drop it. He wasn’t going to get anywhere asking her to give the job up while she was busy worrying about taking care of April. “Okay. I’ll see you back here this afternoon then.”
She frowned. “You’re not taking me?”
“You’ve got the car.”
“Shouldn’t you figure out how to return that thing? It must be costing you a fortune.”
He shrugged. “It’s not that much, and besides, you need transport.”
“I have my trusty steed.”
“You need a car.”
“I can’t afford a car.”
“So let me buy you one.”
“No!”
Gabe let out an exasperated sigh. Why wouldn’t she let him in? Why didn’t she want them to be a partnership? “Why not?”
“I don’t have time for this. I need to get to work.”
“Well, when you can spare me a minute would you explain to me why this relationship has to be so one sided?” The words surprised him, but he was getting tired of bottling up his frustration. Living in this house was driving him nuts. There was no place to put any of his things, the hot water rarely worked, and the washer had already turned his whites an off brown thanks to the all the sediment in the water.
She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. “What the hell are you talking about?”
He shook his head and took a deep breath, his intention was to make things better for both of them, not worse by fighting. “I’m sorry. I’m frustrated. I want good things for you.” He looked around the kitchen and added, “For us. But you’re so stubborn, you won’t let me help. That feels like you won’t let me in, as though you don’t want us to be partners.”
She came to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Oh, Gabe. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to shut you out; I’m just trying not to lose me.”
“How could you do that?” He didn’t understand what she meant by that at all.
“I need to stand on my own two feet. Can you understand that?”
He nodded. He kind of did and he knew it was a bigger conversation than she had time for right now. “I suppose so. I’m sorry.”
“Me, too. I really do have to go.” She gave him a small smile and pecked his lips. “I’ll take the car, okay?”
He nodded. “Thanks.”
“Can we talk about it later?”
He nodded, knowing that she’d probably find a way to dodge the conversation later, too. “Sure.”
By lunchtime he was quite pleased with the progress he’d made. He’d decided to introduce himself around town, and figure out the lay of the land in preparation for his role as Development Manager. Everything had fallen into place nicely, with Ted Morris apparently having welcomed the opportunity to stand down early. He was tying up loose ends this week, and, on Monday, Gabe would begin taking over the position. He’d had some interesting conversations with a couple of the town’s business leaders, one of whom he already knew very well—Ben. He’d introduced himself to the Head of the Chamber, and for his next stop, he was going to meet Pete for lunch. He’d wanted to stop by the bakery to see Renée, but after this morning he’d decided it’d be best to leave it.
He pulled up in the square at the resort and went into the bar at the Boathouse. Pete was already sitting there, talking on his cell phone. He nodded as Gabe pulled up a seat beside him and ordered a sparkling water.
Pete raised an eyebrow when he saw Gabe’s drink appear.
“That’s great. Thanks, Judy. If you can take care of it, I can get straight back on with the power company this afternoon. Yeah. Okay, thanks. I’ll talk to you later.” He hung up and looked at Gabe. “I thought lawyers always drank at lunchtime.”
Gabe shook his head. “Not this one. You need a clear, sharp, focused mind, and alcohol is not the way to do it.”
Pete nodded and took a slug of his beer. “It helps though.”
“Helps what?” This wasn’t the Pete Hemming he knew.
Pete gave him a rueful grin. “It doesn’t help a damned thing. It’s just that sometimes you wish it would and you try it to take the edge off. It’s a fool’s game, I know.”