“I never wanted this.” He was still a million miles away, but I had a feeling I was getting through.
“What did you want, Blade?” I asked. He’d said that many times before, usually when the subject of Callie came up. They were both human when they dated, and he blamed her for his becoming a vampire. But he never gave any other scenario. It was only wishful thinking at this point, but if I could break down that wall, maybe I could give him some of it.
“I wanted to keep working at the garage, play out with a band a little bit, find the right girl and settle down. Nothing big, but I liked my life.”
“You can still have those things.” Silence hung heavily between us with all the things we could say. I couldn’t guarantee him I was that girl. I wasn’t the settling down type, and I came with a plus one. “You’re funny and talented and you have passion. And most importantly, you give a shit about things. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt. You have a long life ahead of you. You don’t want to do it alone.”
“Things changed when I turned,” he said.
“That’s bullshit and you know it. If you don’t believe good things will happen, then they won’t. But look at what happened tonight. All those people came to help you, to save your life. Do you want to destroy them?”
“It’s not like that—”
I put my finger over his mouth. “I know. You weed out the undesirables. But what happens when there’s none left and you have to satisfy that need? You’ll have to make bad choices. Ryder or Josiah? Rachel or Lennon? Who would you choose? I know what it’s like to crave things, to stop at nothing to get them. It’s not me that’s talking. It’s the addiction. Revenge doesn’t make the pain go away. It makes it worse.”
“You’re right.” He sighed. “But what about Gabriel? He’s doing the same thing.”
“What happened to you last night?” I still didn’t know.
Blade groaned. “His guys appeared at Embrace a couple weeks ago. They were multiplying, but they weren’t bothering anyone. Just watching, taking up space that could’ve gone to a vamp or a donor. Last night, after you left with Rachel, a couple of them followed me into the office. Wanted to know what the two of you were up to. Even they know it’s an unlikely union. I didn’t know the whole plan, and I wouldn’t make something up—especially if it would hurt your chances to find Rainey. They thought beating it out of me might improve my memory. I came to warn you that they were onto you, but I’d lost too much blood.”
“I think it was more than that.” It was too early to prove my theory. “You should’ve recovered after you drank my blood. And you didn’t. It shouldn’t have affected me like that, either. I’m worried about the guys. I assume the show’s going to be dark for a while—that’s the other thing. The good doctor has final say when I go back to work.”
“He might, but you know what production cares about. Money. You prove to them you’re strong enough to go, you’ll be back on that stage. And if you’re right that they infected me with some sort of energy-eating virus, they’ll need you back on that stage. Without the show, there’s no good energy.”
That was exactly what I was afraid of. And right now, there was no show.
BLADE DIDN’T WANT TO stay away from Embrace for too long, and I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t good at watching anything from the sidelines, especially when it was impending doom. He kissed me hard before he left, his lips trailing down to my neck, and I pushed him away.
“Not yet,” I said. My bones hadn’t finished knitting themselves back together, which was the perfect excuse to say no. But the truth was I was terrified to give him my blood. I was convinced Gabriel’s guys cursed him and anyone he drank from was left with the rotten residue.
“Is it safe for you to go back there?” I asked. Team Gabriel had no reason to retreat. They’d taken Blade out once. “Should you bring someone with you?”
“Like a babysitter?” He was fully healed and looked better than ever. Especially when I saw two of him. This concussion was a real bitch, so sex was out of the question. Once someone not named Gabriel medically cleared me, I was getting my hands on him and Rainey, and not letting them go.
I’d do anything for the three of us to be together again. Anything.
“Exactly like a babysitter. Lennon, do you want to go with Blade to Embrace?”
“I’d rather go sunbathing, but thanks for thinking of me.” She made good on her promise, appearing every night at sundown with a fresh pair of jammies and a pitcher of lettuce tea. I looked forward to her visits each night, because I loved getting to know her, but more than that, I craved her blood. I worried drinking from her exclusively would drain her, and the same thing that happened to Blade would happen to her. But every night she came with a flower in her hair and all the gossip.
“Can the Soul Divider guys go with him?” Even though they were in my band now, it differentiated them from Tristan. Tristan wouldn’t piss on Blade if he were on fire for real.
Lennon’s gaze slid to Blade, but she wasn’t that coy. Everyone in this room fed from energy in one way or another, and I could taste her fear. “It’s not that easy.”
“Any reason for that?” There could have been good ones, like they went on vacation or home to see their families, but I wasn’t sure how well vampires travelled on short notice. Or they could’ve been working on a side project. The Afterlife did have a couple of regularly scheduled breaks throughout the year. Or they could’ve fallen victim to Blade’s bad blood.
Nobody said anything. Because ignoring the problem always worked. “Tell me,” I added.
Blade cleared his throat. “They’re there, but—”
“They’ve been off since the night they fed Blade.” Lennon frowned. “Like, sick. They look like monsters.”
“You all look like monsters when you let your façade down.” I laughed when Lennon gasped. “Except for you. You’re always beautiful.”
“Thanks, doll. So are you.”
“Enough with the love fest.” Blade paced in front of the bed. “They’ve been feeding from donors at Embrace. It hasn’t made a difference. It’s like they’ve got tapeworm or something. They’re not absorbing the energy.”
“Or they are.” And it was toxic. “How’s your appetite since the attack? Has it changed?”
Blade paused, but shook his head. “This is the best I’ve felt in a long time. Since I was alive.”
Interesting. “What about Rachel? Can’t she do anything about it?”
Blade and Lennon shared another one of those looks. “No one’s seen her since the night you fell,” Blade said.
Under better circumstances, I’d consider that good news. But her absence left Embrace without a leader. No wonder Blade felt like he had to get back there. As long as he didn’t switch from playing defense to offense.
I turned to Lennon. “Callie must be freaked out if Rachel’s missing.” I actually hoped she didn’t say Callie was MIA, too. That meant Gabriel had them, and he tried to kill me. I imagined they’d get the VIP treatment as well.
“She hasn’t had time to do anything about it. Tristan’s been drinking like crazy, and who knows what else. It’s a relief to get out of that apartment every night. If you had another bedroom, I’d stay here.”
The realization that Lennon was only spending time with me to escape a wasted Tristan hurt. Though she could’ve gone anywhere, and she chose to come here.
But worse than that, Gabriel made good on his promise. Vampire energy had turned to pure shit, and it was only going to get worse.
I sat up too fast and the room spun. “We have to get the show going again.”
“You’re not ready to go anywhere,” Blade said.
“We’ve got to do something.” And I didn’t know what. All I had was my body, and Gabriel had broken it. I should’ve been healed by now. If Rainey was here, she could do it. She brought me back from a pile of ashes. “I’m worried if the energy in this Realm gets worse, we won’t be able to get Rainey.”
&
nbsp; “Me too, doll, but if you try to perform before you’re fully healed you could do more damage. Permanent damage.” Lennon tried to guide me back to my pillow, but I shook her off. “Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing. The power to do the right thing is inside of you. I will give you my light to defeat the darkness.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“You have more than light inside of you. You have fire. Cash didn’t have it, so I had to get it from you. My darkness and my light come from you. You’re like Rainey. You’re a healer.” Which gave me an idea. “I bet you can cast spells.”
“Doll, I don’t know.” Lennon drew back in the chair. She understood sex appeal, but she sold herself short in every other facet of her life. She’d been hesitant to accept any accolades about anything, besides making a good, stiff drink. It probably didn’t help that her last relationship ended when her beloved tried to eat her and the vampire who saved her ignored her.
“It could be dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing.” Blade ran his hand over his beard. When he did that, the monster raging inside of him disappeared. I loved those moments.
“Every single thing we do is dangerous. Speaking of which, don’t you need to save Embrace from falling into oblivion?”
“Trying to get rid of me?” He came over and gave me a kiss. Something told me he didn’t want to go.
“I can’t miss you if you don’t leave.” I pushed his shoulders.
He waved his hand over his head like he understood. “Looking forward to my welcome back.”
“Cute,” Lennon said once the door closed behind him.
“I wish you said it to his face.” It might have been the after-effects from the concussion, but I trusted Lennon. She chose to be good for no other reason than she knew it was right. She kept peace between the vampires, and I wondered if Embrace’s demise could be linked to her resignation. “I was serious about the spells. If you look in my bag, there’s a bunch of jars with herbs, minerals, and potions. I took them from Rainey’s supply closet to help Rachel. But she’s missing, and screw her. The only thing is, I left the spell book at the apartment. So we need that.”
“What do you want me to do?” Lennon hesitated on each word.
I scooted over and grabbed my bag. Moving was easier now that I didn’t get dizzy every time I did it. My car keys dangled off my finger. “Go to my apartment and get the spell book. There’s a ton of them, but you’ll know which one I’m talking about when you see it. It’s leather-bound and hand written. Grab a bag out of the closet, and don’t let anyone see you with it until you bring it back to me.”
“Done. Anything else you want while you’re there? I’ll grab some clothes for you, if you’re sick of wearing mine, but it might be weird to have someone pawing through your drawers.”
“Most of my stuff is here. But I like the jammies.” I gave her request some thought. “Check in the closet in the living room. That’s where Rainey keeps her spell stuff. If there’s a jar labeled calendula oil, bring it. If there’s more than one, bring them all.”
“Hide them, too?” Lennon was catching on.
“Absolutely.”
I hadn’t been by myself since the accident, which meant I was out of practice being in my own head. What a scary place that was. I had no idea what I was sending Lennon out into with the guys sick, Rachel missing, and Gabriel’s crew delivering their own brand of vigilante justice. If Gabriel knew what Rainey was capable of, that she’d actually left written instructions on how to save the Realm from certain implosion, he’d want that book back. My chest ached, and I hoped he was treating her well. It would’ve gone against the ethos of that Realm to make her miserable. My unscientific conclusion was that he wanted to show her a good time and make her forget about us. Separate her so much she didn’t care. But that didn’t jive with her role as Dominia, the regulator. Unless that’s what she had always been and no one had seen her because she was with me. That made sense.
No matter what he was doing, The Dominia belonged with me. If he wanted people to live forever, he had to deal with the consequences, not throw them to the wolves when he was done with them. Like I said to Blade, at first it was easy to choose the undesirables. Until there were none left and he still had to make that choice.
For the first time since I came back to the hotel and found Blade covered in blood, I pulled the jars out of my bag. Lennon hadn’t touched the bag when I mentioned the spells. It was a shame for someone to be afraid of their own powers, especially if she had the ability to heal.
I tried to remember what everything was for, smiling at the way Rainey’s handwriting had changed over the decades. Some of these were ancient. I’d never been aware of her having this much stuff when we were kids. We were always transient, living in places that we drew the least attention and settling in Santa Fe until Lucille decided it was time to add vampire slayer to our resumes.
Interesting. I would’ve put Lucille on Team Apocalypse with no questions asked, but the whole time she lived with Rainey and me, the two of them pored over those books. I knew what they were doing in the broad sense, but I had no idea what the details were. They were trying to save the Realm.
I probably owed Lucile an apology. That wasn’t happening. She’d been generally awful to me for over two hundred years. Maybe because she thought I’d bring life as she knew it to a screeching halt.
Then the jar fell out of my hand, smashing on a side table, its contents scattering on the rug.
Lennon was Lucille’s daughter.
My head swam at the realization. She named her Lana, and she’d been a nurse at a mental institution when she fell for Cash the first time. Lucille warned her it was a bad idea that time, too. I wondered if I should introduce the two of them. If they’d recognize each other. Lucille hated me for what I did to my mother. And I did owe her an apology.
Lennon always knocked before letting herself into the hotel room.
“I hope this is the one.” She eased the bag off her shoulder. “I swear it zapped me when I picked it up.”
I couldn’t stop shaking, and I was afraid something like I know your mother would fly out of my mouth.
“What’s the matter with you?” she said when I didn’t respond. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Nothing’s wrong.” I steeled myself, pushing away the thought of my grandmother and the energy of the book. “I’m fine. The book probably did zap you, because it’s creepy as shit. You definitely have the right one.”
Relief flooded me when I saw the book. I took pictures of the spell recipes for my original plan when I was working with Lennon. But thinking about Lucille sent me daydreaming down Memory Lane and I started thinking about when we first arrived in Vegas, and Rainey was freaking out about her new assignment—to destroy any vampire that crossed her path.
“I got a couple of jars of that oil you asked for, and I grabbed some rose quartz. Even I know that means love, and we could definitely use some of that.” She chuckled.
“That’s for sure.” The electrical current flowing through me when I picked up the grimoire was strangely comforting. Like Rainey’s vibration. When she had to figure out how to lure vampires, she flipped to the back of the book. The words written on the pages scared her, which freaked me out now that I knew she was the one who’d written them. It was like she’d blocked it out. Rainey couldn’t See vampires’ evil. It was like her subconscious had a complete block on it. Everything was falling into place.
The buzzing in my ears was overwhelming, and it made it hard to read the ancient text. Lennon had settled on the bed next to me, but I turned away from her. Power made her skittish, and this book held our only chance for survival.
How to Raise and Manipulate the Dead. That was the spell that set our Vegas adventure into motion. But after checking it off the to-do list, it wouldn’t help me now. Rainey had a quiet flair for the dramatic, and I knew she’d save the best for last.
To Free a Captive from an Overlord. T
hat was it. In parentheses, she’d written, “Proceed with extreme caution. This spell cannot be undone. It will change everything.”
Exactly what I had in mind, my love.
“Good thing you grabbed that rose quartz. We need it. We should have some amethyst. You didn’t grab any citrine, did you? That’s what we need the most of.” It cleared negative energy. Gabriel could tout himself the ruler of his happy place all he wanted, but his intentions for his people were dark. He made it very clear he was not to be crossed. I wondered if he made Rainey.... “I just figured out why he wants Rainey.”
“Why?”
“She said that humans can live forever in that Realm, like vampires do here. Science had figured out a way to eradicate disease. But the obvious problem is overpopulation.”
“Do they age like regular humans?”
I shrugged. “She didn’t say. But his intention is to send the undesirables here. I think he’s making her decide who lives and who dies.”
Lennon’s hand flew up to her mouth. “I’m sure some of the decisions are easy, but they can’t all be.”
“Rainey can’t even kill a bug. She sees the good in everyone, or they’re blocked from her vision. It’s how she rolls.” My stomach went sour. “He’s punishing her for falling in love with me.”
“No.”
I nodded. “She was supposed to destroy me and she failed. So he’s making her do it over and over again.”
“Do you see anything in there that will help get her back?” Lennon asked.
“I think so.” I pushed the book off my lap. I needed relief from its energy. “Unless Rachel got to him first.”
“It sounds like the two of them want the same thing.”
“Exactly. So if Rachel’s willing to do the job, he won’t need Rainey anymore.”
But he’d never just give her back to me. We had our chance. No, he’d do something much worse.
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