“Well, as you know, I grew up in this very shire, which is why this house of your father’s always held such pleasure to me. Mr. Gray was the son of one of my own father’s foremen, so we saw each other often when I was a girl.” Lady Woodley turned her attention back to Miss Gray. “How is he? And I don’t know who your mother is, I’m sorry. We lost touch when…well, we lost touch.”
“He is very well,” Miss Gray said. “My mother was Eliza Everett, though I doubt you would know her. She came to the shire later in life, as a healer as well. She passed a few years ago.”
Audrey’s mother frowned. “I’m sorry to hear it.”
Miss Gray nodded in acknowledgment. “My father keeps himself busy with his books and his experiments.”
“He was always of a scientific bent,” Lady Woodley mused softly. Audrey examined her closely. Was that wistfulness in her tone? She hadn’t heard her mother sound like that except when she spoke of her late husband.
“I will tell him you asked after him,” Miss Gray said, but there was an odd expression on her face, as if she was hearing the same sound Audrey did and was just as nonplussed by it.
“Mama Woodley, I wonder if you would like me to bring you a few books to help you pass the time while you are abed?” Mary said, stepping forward.
Lady Woodley reached out and took the hand of her successor. “My darling, I would love that. You said you had read something very exciting on your trip here.”
Mary laughed. “I do love a romance. Shall I fetch it?”
As her mother nodded, Audrey sighed. “And I will go see about Mrs. Ford putting together a tray of your favorites. They are all waiting for a report on you this morning and I would like to give it personally.”
“All right, darling,” her mother said, settling back and returning her attention to the healer. “So tell me more about your father’s experiments.”
Mary led the way out the door and Audrey followed. But once they had exited, her sister-in-law turned on her. “Did you notice your mother’s tone when she spoke of Miss Gray’s father?”
Audrey nodded. “I did! It was very strange, wasn’t it? Almost as if she…she liked him.”
Mary seemed to consider that for a moment. “But would that be so odd? After all, her life did not begin somehow by magic the moment she met your father.”
Audrey frowned. She hadn’t given much thought to her mother’s life before her father. Perhaps pictured her as a little girl, but not as a young woman who might like a young man.
“It sounds as though perhaps she once had a tendre for this man, but circumstances separated them,” Mary continued.
Audrey didn’t answer right away, still hesitant about the idea that her mother had feelings for someone aside from her father. “Or maybe they were just friends.”
Mary shrugged. “Of course that may be true. But how often do feelings of friendship turn to something much warmer? Just recently, my dear friend Georgina fell in love with a man she long considered her friend, Paul Abbot. They certainly are not the first, nor will they be the last.”
Audrey swallowed hard. She had long considered Jude her friend. That was all she had allowed herself to call him for uncountable years. But she knew now that was folly. He was so much more. Except he refused to allow the love they felt for each other to determine their future.
“You seem troubled,” Mary said, breaking into her thoughts. “I’m sorry if my comments have upset you.”
“Oh, they haven’t,” Audrey reassured her, reaching out to take her hand. “I noted my mother’s uncommon interest in Mr. Gray as well. I suppose it is just odd for me to think of her sharing tender feelings with someone who isn’t my father.”
Mary nodded. “I can see why. From speaking to her over the weeks since Edward and I were thrown together, though, there is no doubt in my mind she loved your father deeply.”
Audrey couldn’t help her smile as she thought of the sweetness she had witnessed between her parents her entire life. “She did.”
“I only think it interesting that she is reconnecting in a way with Mr. Gray through his daughter.”
Audrey thought of that for a long moment. “Although I doubt it will lead to anything, I could not begrudge her a little happiness or giddiness at seeing an old flame.”
“Not many people get second chances,” Mary agreed, then shook her head. “Goodness, we are gabbing away about something that isn’t even real yet, just the two of us noticing a few hints here and there. I should run and fetch that book for your mother, and then I promised Edward we would take a walk so he could show me your lake.”
Audrey blushed as she thought about Jude bringing her such pleasure at the shores of that same lake less than a week before. “And—and I must go talk to Mrs. Ford. I’ll see you later, Mary.”
Her sister-in-law nodded and began to turn away when Audrey caught her hand. As she turned back, she said, “Yes?”
“Mary, I-I’m very pleased that you married Edward. Not only do you seem to make him happy, but you have brought him back to us after so many years of heartbreaking estrangement. And I like having a woman of my age to talk to again. I used to have Claire, but…” She stopped herself, feeling the tears well in her eyes. Seeing the same well in Mary’s. “I am just happy to have you.”
Mary covered the hand that held her own. “I’m so happy to be in your family. Oh, now I must go before I make a ninny of myself.”
Laughing, Audrey let her go and this time didn’t stop her as she darted away up the hall toward the chamber she now shared with Edward.
But Audrey didn’t leave to perform her own errand when her sister-in-law was gone. Her mind spun too much on everything that had been said. Every way that those words related to her own situation.
She loved Jude. And last night he had said he loved her too. Her heart swelled with that fact, even as it ached since he seemed to think they could never be together.
“It cannot be like that,” she whispered, thinking of her mother and her joy to hear just a scrap about a man who had exited her life over three decades before. “I will not have you as a regret, Jude Samson. Not even if you try to make me.”
With renewed certainty, she turned and made her way downstairs. She would speak to Mrs. Ford, but then she was going to find Jude. And she wasn’t going to leave his side until he saw reason.
* * *
“You know, this really is a vast improvement.”
Jude jolted at the sound of Edward’s voice as his employer entered the Yellow Room. Jude’s thoughts had been spinning on Audrey, just as they had been since the night before and all morning, and he hadn’t even heard his friend come in.
“Yes,” he agreed. “It is a very happy space.”
Edward arched a brow as he shut the door behind himself. “You and Audrey seem to have made a good team bringing my mother’s vision to life.”
Jude was silent, for he felt his friend’s compliment was in some way a trap.
Edward moved to the seat and settled in, staring up at him. “Sit down,” he urged.
Jude did so, sitting on the edge of the chair across from his friend and just…waiting.
“I had forgotten how taciturn you can be,” Edward chuckled. “So it leaves it to me, does it?”
Jude shrugged. “You asked me to meet you here this morning. It is only fair that I await to hear your reasons for the request. My silence is not meant to be taciturn, I assure you.”
Edward nodded. “Fair enough. My first reason for wanting to speak to you today is to thank you for the care you provided my mother during her illness.”
Jude drew back. He knew Edward had seen the intense moment in the gazebo with Audrey the night before, but it was this he wished to discuss?
“I-I was happy to help, though I’m not certain how much I did.” He frowned. “I should have called for a doctor sooner.”
“Oh, Samson.” Edward let out a long sigh. “You are forever blaming yourself for things that are not your fault. My
mother told me numerous times that you offered to fetch her aid and she refused, as blind as you and Audrey were to how serious her condition was becoming. Once it became clear, you wasted no time, did you?”
“No,” Jude said.
“And I have heard you hardly left her side, providing support not just for the frazzled staff, not just for my mother, but for my sister. For that I will be forever grateful.”
Jude shifted. He had never been comfortable with these expressions of gratitude. Especially from Edward, whom he loved as a brother, but who had no idea about the depth of his betrayal. If he did, the scales would slide far away from Jude, and Edward would not thank him then.
“How is Lady Woodley?” he asked, trying not to think of that almost inevitable day when Edward and the rest of the Woodleys would despise him.
“Much better. Miss Gray seems to be a revelation. My mother’s fever has not returned and with some prodding we have even encouraged her to eat a bit. She remains weak though and will remain here in the country likely for a good many weeks to come to rest and recover under Miss Gray’s watchful eye. But she will live.” Edward let out a great sigh of relief. “And that means the world to us after all we have lost, especially these past few years.”
Jude nodded. “Very good. I’m so glad.”
“You should pay Lady Woodley a visit,” Edward suggested. “She would love to thank you herself, I think.”
“Perhaps I shall.” Jude pushed to his feet. “Is that everything?”
Edward did not stand with him, but stared up at him with an arched brow. “So desperate to escape, old friend?”
Slowly, Jude retook his place. “No, of course not. What else is there to discuss?”
“You know what.” Now Edward’s face grew serious. A subtle shift, but one Jude felt to his core. He was no longer Edward’s close friend, no longer his employee. Edward stared at him with the eyes of a protective brother, and Jude dreaded what was about to come with every fiber in his being.
“Audrey,” he said, his voice barely carrying.
Edward nodded. “Yes. I think you know I came upon you two in the gazebo in what was obviously an intense exchange last night.”
Jude didn’t respond verbally, but nodded.
“And it wasn’t all that surprising, really,” Edward continued. “After all, tensions have been high since my mother’s illness and Audrey can be very passionate in her feelings.”
Jude pursed his lips, willing his thoughts not to wander to inappropriate places. “Yes,” he agreed.
Edward arched a brow before he continued, “But I saw more than two friends in a heated conversation. There was an intimacy to the way you two stood, a look reflected in both your eyes that spoke of a connection beyond your years of friendship. That is something I cannot ignore, Jude.”
Jude sat silently for a long moment, pondering what he should say. Denying Edward’s statement would surely do him no good. After all, his friend was clever and he had eyes in his head. But he certainly wasn’t about to go confessing all to his friend and employer either. That would surely not end well for anyone.
He shifted with discomfort and forced himself to meet Edward’s even stare. “During our time here, Audrey and I have grown…closer. We were thrown together after your mother’s illness began and she was confined to her bed.”
Edward nodded. “I suspected as much.” He shook his head. “I take that back. Mary suspected as much.”
Jude lifted both eyebrows in surprise. “Lady Woodley, the new Lady Woodley? I hardly know the woman—how could she know something about me?”
Laughter was the first response. “Ah, she is a keen observer of the human condition, I suppose. It served her well to be able to read others, especially the way she grew up with that bastard of a father.”
Jude saw the anger growing on his friend’s face and drew back a fraction in surprise. Edward rarely grew so passionate. If he had doubted his friend’s true love for her recent bride, he did not now.
Edward shook his head. “I’m sorry, I was off on a tangent. All I am saying is that my wife noted some kind of connection between you and Audrey that went beyond anything I ever noticed. And once she pointed it out, it became very clear to me. And even more so since our arrival here in Briarlake Cross.”
Jude once again did not deny his friend’s observation. Nor did he confirm it. “And you do not approve,” he said softly. “For good reason, considering my current position in life.”
Edward’s brow wrinkled. “I said I could not ignore this development, my friend, not that I didn’t approve. And what do you mean your position?”
“Please. I am your servant, Edward. I doubt you’d want your sister involving herself with a footman, either,” Jude snapped, the thin wire of his control breaking as he bolted from the chair and paced across the room.
Edward was quiet enough that Jude turned to look at him. His friend was staring at him evenly, arms folded.
“If Audrey were truly in love with a footman and I thought his motives toward her were pure, I would have to consider my approval carefully,” Edward said softly. “There would be consequences to such a union, but there are also consequences to separating two people who truly care for each other.” He pursed his lips. “But you are not a footman, Jude Samson. Your pedigree is as pure as hers, as ours, not that it matters to anyone—except, it seems, you.”
Jude spun away again, facing the window. “You don’t understand.”
“No, I don’t, for I was in the dark a long time. What are your feelings for my sister? Is this a mere flirtation? Or is there something more?”
Jude could hardly breathe as his mind dragged him back to the previous night when he had allowed himself to admit to Audrey that he loved her. When she had returned those feelings. Only that connection could never happen. For more reasons than the ones Edward thought held him back.
“Samson?” his friend pressed softly.
“It is…complicated,” Jude ground out, the best he could do under the circumstances.
Edward seemed to ponder that for a moment, but then he said, “Yes, it always is. I don’t pretend to understand your hesitations, Jude. I can see you struggling with something that is perhaps far deeper than I allowed myself to believe existed.”
He faced Edward and found his friend frowning. He opened his mouth to speak, but Edward held up a hand to stop him and continued.
“But if any of your hesitation regarding my sister has to do with a concern that you would not be accepted, let me alleviate that fear now. You have long been considered a part of this family. If you married my sister, it would only solidify a love for you that already exists. No one—I want to stress that, Jude, no one—would hesitate to offer your felicitations and joy. I hope that helps.”
Jude couldn’t speak as he stared at his longtime best friend. There was no lie on Edward’s face, only the love he described. There was no hesitation, but actual hope. His friend was granting him permission to make the love he felt for Audrey official and permanent.
And it was so damned tempting.
Only what he felt for her was tempered by more than his place in the world. It had been mangled by lies, betrayals. It was something he had never allowed himself to want completely, even as he stole the moments they’d shared since their arrival in the countryside.
“You must have a great deal to consider,” Edward said, rising from his seat at last and holding out a hand to Jude. “And I have promised Mary a turn around the lake before luncheon. So I’ll leave you to it.”
Jude took the offering and the two men shook. “Enjoy yourself,” he choked out.
Edward tipped his head slightly and left Jude alone in the parlor, alone to think about everything that had been said. Audrey said she loved him and he knew he loved her in return. Edward had given his permission for Jude to pursue a future with her. And he wanted that. He wanted it so much that it made his blood burn, his vision blur, his hands shake.
“Could we?” he
murmured out loud.
But he knew the answer. There was still one very large thing that stood in his way. And perhaps the time had finally come to stop running from the past, running from his mistakes. Perhaps the time had come to tell Audrey the whole truth. If they could survive that, then they could survive everything.
* * *
Jude stepped through the cottage door and shut it behind him, leaning against the wood as he tried to calm himself. Was he truly going to do this? Because it could destroy everything he’d built. It could blow apart his world. Worst of all, it could crush any chance he had at a life with Audrey.
“You have to do it,” he said out loud.
He was about to take a long step into the room when from the back bedroom stepped the very familiar figure of Audrey. At first, his heart soared at seeing her here for the first time since her mother’s illness. But then he saw her face, pale and twisted with hurt. And then he looked at her hand.
She held letters. And even though he couldn’t see what they said, he knew exactly what they were. Who they were from.
“Audrey,” he said, moving toward her. “I—what are you doing here?”
She blinked as if she didn’t understand the question for a moment. Then she shook her head. “I came to find you,” she whispered, her voice shaking. “And instead I found…these.”
He moved toward her. “Found? Because I seem to recall they were not out in the open.”
Her eyes went wide. “You want to berate me for going behind your back and looking through your things? After all I have seen?” She shook her head. “Yes, I admit a curiosity. I sensed you were hiding things from me and I wanted to help you in your search for Claire. So when I came here to look for you and found the cottage empty, I decided to wait. My desire to know, to help, overrode my propriety and I peeked in your desk.”
She moved toward him and he tensed as she stopped just out of his reach. Her lip trembled with anger, with hurt, her eyes were bright with the same. She stared at him like she didn’t know him at all, and that expression cut as deeply as a blade to the gut.
My Favorite Rogue: 8 Wicked, Witty, and Swoon-worthy Heroes Page 123