by Alison Mello
“How long did you date for?”
I guess that’s not really any of my business, but I can’t help being curious.
“A month, maybe. It was a while back now. She seemed like a pretty cool chick at the time. But as more time passed, I realised who she really was.”
We talked for a little while longer about Molly and the baby. He told me they weren’t getting back together, that it wouldn’t be a healthy environment to bring a child up in. Molly had been pissed at him that he wouldn’t be there for her, but he’d told her that he would be as supportive as he could; he’d go to scans, doctors’ appointments, everything she needed. He said he’d help her decorate the nursery and buy all the things the baby would need. I couldn’t help but smile because my friend was willing to step up to the plate.
I asked when he was going to tell Jason and he said he was going to take the bull by the horns and tell him as soon as possible. He stayed a while longer and I felt much more comfortable than before he’d turned up. After he’d gone, I felt lighter somehow.
I decided to get an early night, hoping that sleep would come easier than it did last night.
Chapter Twenty
Reid
I am so glad that Kara and I were able to talk so openly about things. She seemed happy for me that a decision had been made regarding the baby and whether I would be involved in its life. There was really no two ways about it though, it was never a question in my mind. Once I’d plucked up the courage to go and confront this head-on with Molly, I told her that we couldn’t get back together, but I would be there for our son or daughter every step of the way. She wasn’t happy that we couldn’t bring the baby up as a family, but I’d been as honest as I could be. I told her I couldn’t be with her for the sake of the baby, because I thought it would end up with one or both of us resenting the other, especially considering I was in love with somebody else. She told me she knew how I felt about Kara and had wrongly assumed that we were already together. Molly also explained that she was sorry for the way she’d gone about me finding out about the baby, but we agreed that what’s done is done, and we just need to move forward from here. I have promised to go to any future scans and doctors’ appointments with her.
Back to the daily grind of working on the building site, I don’t have much free time to think things over, which is good in a way. I’m not sure what to think or how to feel about the situation. But one thing does play on a loop in my head; Kara. We’d been on a blind date together, but that felt more like a ‘friends’ thing. We met up the second time, but that was so she could give me the scan and had ended in her leaving when I was in the bathroom. So, we’d had two dates that were really non-dates. I’ve admitted to myself that I’m in love with her and have been for a long time, but how can I admit it to her with all this going on with Molly and the baby? I come with too much baggage now. When I was just her best friend’s ex that was hard enough to contend with, but now? Now it’s going to be ten times harder. What do I do? Do I bury my head in the sand as I have done for months, or do I bite the bullet and tell her how I feel? If she doesn’t feel the same, then I’ll end up making an ass of myself and ruining our friendship. But I have to wonder whether there’s a possibility she feels the same way. Liam works with her and they are very close, he’s also my brother’s boyfriend, so he knows how I feel about her. Would he have set us up on that date if he didn’t think there was something in it?
Sighing, I head back to work and put everything to the back of my mind.
A couple of hours later, my phone chimes with a text from Jason asking me to meet him and Liam at The Salamander. I tap out a quick text to let him know I’ll be there and then head back to the office to let the boss know I’m clocking off. The more I think about things, the more I realise there could be something in Jason’s idea to go into business together. Especially as I’m going to be a dad now, I need all the money I can get so I can support my child and his or her mother. I make a mental note to talk to him about his business plans. I know he wants to buy and flip houses. He’s told me how profitable it can be and I want to know more. Between us, I reckon we have the skills.
***
“All I’m saying, bro, is that Kara isn’t the type of woman to be put off by the fact that you have—or should I say will have—a baby.”
Jason’s been banging on about this for a good thirty minutes now and I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t come out tonight after all. But considering I still live with him and Liam, he would have subjected me to it either way. I really need to move out. It’s a good job I have been putting some money away and have been looking at houses in the local area. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep living with the world’s happiest couple who just happen to be in favour of me and Kara getting together.
“And all I’m saying, bro, is that I don’t think it’s a good idea. I come with too much baggage. For one, my ex is pregnant. Two, I still live with my brother and his boyfriend, so I don’t even have my own space. Three, I’m her best friend’s ex-fiancé. You tell me that isn’t a lot of baggage? Well, I say otherwise!”
“Seriously, you two, cut it out. We’re here for a few drinks,” Liam interjects.
He’s already had a few and seems like he might need carrying home later.
“I just want him to consider it, Lee. He’s been a mess since…well, since I don’t know exactly when, but it’s been a while now and he really needs some order in the chaos that is his life. I think Kara and he could be good for each other.”
My brother is a highly-opinionated guy that always thinks he’s right. I think I’m ready to call it a night and go home, back to my own room, where I can get some peace and quiet.
“I think he knows how you feel, Jase, and I think you should quit sounding like a broken record. Yes, we know he loves her. But he has some stuff to deal with. He has to prioritise his shit now. He’s going to be a daddy, that’s a huge thing to get your head around.”
Thank goodness for the voice of reason.
***
Back home in my own room, I’m left to my own thoughts and I’m not sure that it’s any better than when I was out with the boys. No matter how much I try not to let it all get to me, it is anyway. Molly’s pregnancy has really thrown a spanner in the works. We didn’t plan this baby and it’s something I’m not sure one can ever be one hundred percent sure about until it happens. Will I be a good dad? Will I teach my child the right values in life? Will he or she be happy? There’s such a stigma attached to people that have a child but aren’t together. Liam was right about my priorities, and as much as I’d like to say that Kara would be number one on the list—if we ever got together—I know I won’t ever be able to say that. My child will always come first.
I decide on a long, hot shower to ease my aching muscles. I’ve got the day off work tomorrow to go house hunting. But all that can wait right now, all I want is some peace from my own thoughts.
The hot water beats down on my shoulders and back and I make a mental note that this is exactly the kind of shower I need in my own place. I was planning on buying a fixer-upper and doing it up as I go along, but with a baby due in a few short months, I think I need to rethink that and buy a place that’s live-in ready. As steam fills the room, my mind clears of all the niggling little doubts. I relax into the spray and lean my back against the cold tile wall. Closing my eyes, I picture Kara’s stunning blue-green gaze and lustrous long blonde hair. She really is the essence of perfection. A thought comes to mind and I realise how foolish I’ve been. All along, I’ve been thinking about it in terms of what I think she will or won’t want. But I haven’t given her the choice. Maybe if I do…I can’t give myself the illusion of false hope, but I don’t want to believe that all hope is lost, either.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kara
Work has been good and has kept my mind busy recently. Liam has been a great help and has jumped in to serve Molly the couple of times she’s been to the store. She tried to apol
ogise to me, but I wasn’t ready to put a plastic smile on my face and pretend that I forgive her for what she did. She knew what she was doing when she gave me that scan picture. I might be a woman, but I can admit that we can be manipulative and devious. That’s exactly how I feel about her. I don’t know how to put it, but I just get this feeling when I’m around her. It’s funny because we got on in the beginning. Then she gave me that picture and warning bells went off in my head that she’s a bit…I can’t put my finger on the right word. I know I have to pull up my big girl panties eventually. I know I have to face her and make my peace with her if I want to keep Reid as a friend. They may not be together but I don’t think he’d take it well if I am constantly seething at the mother of his child. But that’s a thought for another day. Today, I’m sorting out another author signing for Chapter & Verse. Or at least I’m trying to. The author I want to come for a signing has an assistant in charge of the questions that I can or can’t ask. I wrote out a list of questions and she asked me to email them to her, so I did. But she struck off a few of the questions and now I’m trying to think of other things to fill the gaps. My head isn’t exactly in the game as my thoughts stray to Reid. I can’t help picturing those gorgeous green eyes and the ink that trails over his muscles. I want so much to tell him how I feel, but how the hell am I supposed to do that when he’s already had one bombshell dropped on him? I need to find a way. I won’t be happy until I at least try.
I thought that being with Sawyer would help eradicate how I felt for Reid. But it seemed to have the opposite effect. I love him more now. My feelings make me feel vulnerable, but I can’t live life knowing that I didn’t even try. What is it they say about nothing ventured, nothing gained?
***
After work, I decided a night out was in order. Zoey might not be able to drink on account of the baby, but she was still up for a night out when I text her. She said something about cabin fever, and needing to get out of the house. I know Zo and her impatience. She’s about ready for the baby to be here already and it’s bound to be driving her crazy.
“Finally,” I call as I see Zoey waddle into The Salamander. She looks radiant. Pregnant women really do have a glow about them and I have to say it really suits her.
“Hey, sorry I’m late.”
She kisses both my cheeks and pulls me in for a hug, although it’s kind of awkward considering the size of her baby bump.
“I started without you,” I say as I sit and raise my wineglass to my lips.
“So I see.”
She gestures at the rather large glass I have in my hand.
“Long day,” I sigh.
Zoey goes to the bar and orders herself something non-alcoholic, then she’s back at the table and ready for some girly gossip.
I tell her about work and how good a friend Liam has become. When she was with Reid, we didn’t see much of Jason and Liam. It may or may not have had something to do with the fact that Zoey was a grade-A bitch. She’s mellowed now that she’s in a good place in her life and is definitely less high-maintenance than she’s ever been.
The topic of conversation steers towards Reid, and although I try to distract her, she wants to know what’s going on—or should that be not going on—between us. I don’t know if he’s told her about the baby, and it really isn’t my story to tell. So I tell her that Liam set us up on a blind date which ended up in us shouting at him. She laughed a proper belly laugh when she heard what Reid said to him. It’s good seeing my friend smile so much, and when she subconsciously touches her bump every so often, I try not to dwell on the fact that Molly will soon be doing the same thing.
“You’re going to be godmother to this baby, right?” she asks as she sips her diet Pepsi.
“Of course I am,” I exclaim as I clink my glass to hers.
A little of my wine sloshes over the rim of my glass and I realise that I may be a little tipsy.
“And you’ll be maid of honour at the wedding?”
“Wild horses couldn’t keep me away.”
She plans to marry Brock when she’s lost the baby-weight. She wants to look good in her photos, and although that might seem like the vain side in her rearing its ugly head, I know it isn’t really. Every woman deserves to look and feel special on their big day, and Zoey is no different.
We talk a while longer before I decide it’s time I went home.
“Ooh looky who just walked in,” Zo says in a sing-song voice.
I look to the door and see Reid walking in ahead of Jase and Liam. Great. I’m now back to staring and drooling over the very guy I was hoping to avoid.
“I’d best be getting home, Zo, I have work in the morning.”
I try to stand, but Zoey stops me as she grabs hold of my wrist and gives my arm a little jerk, indicating for me to stay put.
“Come on, Zo, I gotta call it a night.”
“Oh no, you can’t escape that easily. Stop blushing and go talk to the guy.”
“Zo, he likely hasn’t even seen me.”
“So go and let him know you’re here.”
She pouts her lips, as if that’s going to persuade me. But then she throws in the puppy-dog eyes for good measure and she knows I’m not leaving just yet.
“I’ll go to the bar and get us some more drinks, although I think you should stick to soft drinks too.”
Walking over to the bar, she waves over at the boys and they begin to head our way.
“Hey!” Liam calls out as he sees me and comes over to kiss me on the cheek.
“Hi,” I say as he takes what was Zoey’s seat opposite me.
I feel a little nervous as I hear Jason behind me and know that Reid can’t be too far away.
“Hey Kara,” Jason says as he takes the seat to my left.
“Hey Jase.”
I force a plastic smile on my face as he links hands with Liam. I really wish I had the kind of happiness they do. I mean, they are sickeningly happy. After a few years together, they are still like a new couple…always holding hands, kissing, and giving each other doe-eyed looks.
“Kara,” Reid says as he takes the seat to my right.
Liam stands and grabs an extra chair for Zoey as she makes her way back to the table. He squeezes it into the small space between him and Reid, forcing Reid to scoot his chair closer to me. My palms start to sweat and I rub them on my jeans.
“So what’s new, guys?” Zoey asks as she sits and hands me my Pepsi—I guess she meant it when she said I should stick to soft drinks.
The guys fill her in on what’s new with them and the conversation turns to Reid and the subject of Molly. He tells Zoey about the baby, and the look of shock on her face says it all. She looks at me, and something on my face must confirm something in her head, because she shakes her head almost imperceptibly.
***
Reid offered to drive me home, as he wanted to leave earlier than the guys, and Zoey was heading back to Brock. We’re sat in traffic with the radio playing quietly in the background. We make idle small talk, but I’m nervous just being around him. I hope he can’t tell that I seem to have a slight tremor in my hands and my heartbeat seems to be drowning out the music. An old song comes on and my heart constricts.
“You have a beautiful voice,” Reid says, pulling me back into the here and now.
I hadn’t even realised I was singing along. I feel my cheeks flush at his compliment, but also at the thoughts and desires the song stirred within me.
“Thank you. Delta sings it better though,” I say softly.
“You’d give her a run for her money.”
The traffic begins to move at a better pace and I can’t wait to be behind closed doors. I’m embarrassed, and definitely not admitting that I was thinking of Reid as I sang along with the lyrics. I haven’t heard the song in a while, but “Will You Fall For Me” has always been somewhat a favourite song of mine. I have a sort of love/hate relationship with it. I adore it but I can’t hear it without tears pricking my eyes and growing a lu
mp in my throat.
As soon as Reid pulls up outside my house, I thank him for the lift, and all but run for my front door. I’m sure he thinks I’m crazy, but I couldn’t sit in the car a moment longer with him. I looked at him and all I wanted to do was kiss him. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and feel those full lips crash down over mine. I think of what it would be like for his tongue to invade my mouth and his smell to take over my senses as we lose ourselves to the building passion between us. But of course, that’s all just a fantasy. My feelings surely aren’t reciprocated.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Reid
I sit in the car outside Kara’s house. She bolted out of the car without saying anything except thanks for the lift. After I’d complimented her singing, she hadn’t said a word all the way home. Now I’m sat running my hands through my hair, tugging the ends in frustration. Tonight hasn’t exactly provided the best opportunity to speak to her in private, but that was why I’d offered her a lift home. Then we barely spoke, and I couldn’t bring myself to voice my feelings. Why can’t we men be more open with our emotions? So I’m sat at the kerb, looking up at her house, wishing I’d just grabbed her and kissed her—shown her instead of telling her how I feel—pouring all my pent-up frustration and desire for her into one passionate kiss to leave her weak at the knees.
Fuck it. I’m going after what I want and not holding back. I get out of the car and take a couple of steadying breaths before walking up her front path. I knock on the door and wait impatiently for an answer, my foot tapping out the beat of my heart that feels lodged in my throat.