by Alison Mello
I love my crazy, overprotective family.
Breakfast is a loud crazy affair, and luckily we’re regulars so we don’t bother other patrons. I smile at my brother from across the table. He returns it and looks at Kyle, who’s shaking his head while he tells us about Jayson’s latest shenanigans.
Just like me, my brother can’t wait to have kids. One might think that because our real mom and dad lost custody of us that it might make us think twice about children. I want to have children because both of my dads taught us what it’s like to be loved and cared for…I want to share that with my kids.
Carter feels the same. He doesn’t date a whole lot, though. It’s not like he shares his sex life with me because ewww…gross, but I don’t think he’s dated anyone in a long time. When we were younger, people just assumed he was gay because our dads are. I hated that he constantly had to defend himself because of it. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t date a lot.
We finish eating and make plans to have band practice a couple of nights during the coming week; Kyle got us a gig for the end of the month.
As we head outside, I hug all of the boys bye, and Carter then walks me to my car. He opens the door for me. “You okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, why?” He hates when I worry about him.
“I don’t know. I guess just checking on you. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own shit lately that we haven’t talked about you.”
He pulls me into a hug. “Hey, you’ve had some serious stuff going on. There is seriously nothing going on with me. I’m pretty boring these days. If that changes, I’ll let you know.” He’s such a good guy, and I hope he finds someone to love and someone who will love him like he deserves.
I kiss his cheek before climbing inside my car. He waves me off before jogging back to Robby’s Explorer.
Once I’m home, I have nothing to do, so I clean my house from top to bottom. It takes me all afternoon, but everything is sparkling. Of course, as soon as my cats walk through the house, cat hair will be everywhere again.
Picking up my phone, I know it’s too early to call Joe. He’s working a split shift and won’t be off until nine o’clock. We have plans to watch a movie after that, and by watching a movie, I mean that we call each other, turn on the same movie at the same time, and comment on the flick.
It’s actually a lot of fun, and usually we pick something that we’ve both seen but that we love. Step Brothers is on the agenda for later, and it’s our favorite.
***
I laugh into the phone as Joe quotes the line from the movie where Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly decide they’re best friends. “I miss you,” I blurt out.
His chuckle warms me. “Awww…I miss you too, baby, but you’ll be here next weekend. My mom and sisters are excited to see you. They want to steal you and take you to lunch Saturday. I hope that’s okay; if it’s too much, I can tell them you’ll go out with them another time.”
“No, that’s fine. You mom and sisters are seriously sweet. So tell me about this party that you’re taking me to.” I’m nervous about hanging with his friends. They’re all in their early twenties, and I’m in my early thirties…what could I possibly have in common with any of them?
“It’s just some friends from high school. It’ll be a good time, I promise.” I don’t completely believe that, but I’ll go and hope I have a good time.
“I’m looking forward to meeting them. Umm…I have something to tell you.” I’ve been dying to ask him about dancing.
“What?” he asks slowly.
“Oh God, that didn’t sound right. I’ve seen a certain video of a certain someone dancing.”
“I’m gonna kill Violet.”
“No, don’t. I wasn’t supposed to tell, but you were so good.”
“Thanks. Not many people other than family know about it. Violet asked me to do it, and I couldn’t say no to her. Plus it was for our grandma.”
“Do you still have the tap shoes and that fedora?”
He chuckles. “Mmmm…I might be able to find them. Are you going to be the dirty dance instructor?”
I feel my cheeks heat up. “Yeah, or maybe you’re the dance instructor and I’m the naughty student who just can’t get it right.”
His answering groan makes me smile. “Oh baby, I like that so much better.” He clears his throat. “What are you wearing?” His question throws me off guard.
“Um—I’m wearing a blue tank top and little white shorts. What are you wearing?”
“Basketball shorts and no shirt.”
I moan because I can just picture how sexy he looks. “No shirt, huh? I don’t believe you.”
“Oh yeah? Give me two seconds.” I hear a rustling sound. Then he gets back on. “Check on your phone.”
I put him on speaker, pull up the text he just sent, and groan. He’s reclining on his bed with his free arm behind his head. His delicious muscles and tattoos are on display for me. “You know I don’t think I’ve ever really looked at your tats. Next time I see you, I think I’m going to have to rectify that.”
“You will and I’ll let you. Now it’s your turn. Send me a picture.”
“Okay, give me a second.” I get up, racing into the bathroom and looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t look too shabby for having no makeup on. I quickly let my hair down and shake it out. It’s totally sex hair, and I pull my tank top down a little to show off cleavage. I grab the hem and pull it up a little to show off my stomach.
A sharp pain hits me in the heart. I place my palm over my lower abdomen as a wave of sadness washes over me. Blinking rapidly, I stop the tears from falling. I take a deep breath and get myself under control. In front of the mirror, I put my hand on my hip, flash the rock ’n’ roll devil horns, and stick out my tongue. Quickly, I snap the picture and send it to him.
“Just sent it,” I tell him as I make my way back out to the living room.
“All right, I’m going to look at it.”
I’m met with silence for a second. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
I’m taken aback by his question. “W-What do you mean, what’s wrong? Nothing’s wrong.”
“Baby, don’t lie to me. Your eyes are very expressive, but good try trying to hide it with the tongue and the devil’s horns. What’s going on?”
He doesn’t sound like he’s going to let up about it. “I just got sad for a second. I was pulling up my shirt, and my stomach’s flat, and it just kind of hit me again why it is.” The tears start to fall.
“Oh, Chloe, baby, I’m so fucking sorry. God, I wish I was there with you right now. You know what?”
“What?”
“I want you to lie down on your sofa. Make sure it’s on your back.” He’s silent as I move until I’m lying flat on my back.
“Okay, I’m on my back.”
“Good job, baby. Now I want you to close your eyes. Take some deep cleansing breaths in and out.”
Doing what he says, I remember my breathing from when I tried meditation after my break up with Trevor. In through my nose, out through my mouth—I repeat it over and over and feel it begin to work.
“That’s real good. That use to work on Abby when she’d have her panic attacks.” His voice is soft and soothing. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yes, thanks. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting that—it kind of hit me out of the blue.”
“I know I didn’t lose her like you did, and I can’t understand what you’re still going through, but—”
“You lost her, too. You’re allowed to think about it and about her or what might have been. I’m sure we’re going to think about her for the rest of our lives. For both of us, we’ll learn to live with that little bit of pain we’ll always feel. Sorry I ruined our date.”
“Next time I see you, I’m going to spank your ass. You didn’t ruin shit, and I don’t want to hear you say that shit again.”
Wow, he sounds really pissed at me right now. “I-I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay. Just don’t ev
er feel like you can’t share your fucking feelings with me. Even if things were to end with us, I would still want you to be able to share your feelings with me, especially about that.”
I rub my hand over my chest because the thought of us not being together freaking hurts. “Okay, thank you, and the same goes for you.”
We don’t talk much longer after that because I have to work in the morning and he’s got a playdate with his niece. I’m anxious to see him next weekend because I just want to let him hold me.
Chapter Fourteen
Joe
I tossed and turned all night. Every time I fell asleep, I dreamt of a raven-haired, blue-eyed little girl, and it ended the same way every time. I would be pushing her on the swing, and then she would just disappear.
I’m supposed to be over at Abby’s around lunch time to spend some time with Natalie. Dragging my ass out of bed, I grumpily step into the kitchen to make some coffee. I grab my phone off the charger and send my cousin Carrington a text.
Joe: Hey cuz. Are you home this morning? Can I come over and talk to you and Damien?
With twins at home, I’m not surprised that she answers almost immediately.
Carrington: Hey you! Of course you can. I’m surprised you haven’t wanted to talk sooner. We’ll see you soon?
I love my family.
Joe: Yeah let me shower and I’ll be there in thirty.
Carrington: Okay. Come hungry I’m making biscuits and gravy.
After showering, brushing my teeth, and throwing on a t-shirt and basketball shorts, I slip a ball cap on my head and grab my keys.
Pulling up in front of their home a short time later, I climb out of my car as Damien steps outside with their daughter Shay on his hip. It makes me want to laugh because he’s wearing a sleeveless tee, displaying his tattoo sleeves. He’s got gauges in his ears, and his hair is a Mohawk—looking like a bonafide badass and his daughter has two tiny pigtails sticking out of the top of her head and is wearing a pink onesie with ruffles on the butt.
I shake my head as I reach him. “You are a sight, brother.” He reaches out, taking my offered hand.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t even say it, I know.”
As soon as I walk through the door, I’m hit by the delicious smell coming from the kitchen. “Babe, Joe’s here.”
Carrington comes out to greet me with their son Ryder in her arms. “Hey, honey. Breakfast is just about ready, and then I’ll put the kids down for their nap so we can talk.”
“Thanks, Care Bear. I appreciate you guys taking the time.”
We make our way to the dining room, and I watch as they move like a well-oiled machine. In no time at all, they have both kids in their high chairs with food on their trays. I help Damien bring out the food and set it on the table.
With full plates, we begin to dig in. “How are things with the DEA?”
“Busy, but I’ve been talking to your boss about taking a detective job they’ve been bugging me about.” Damien was working undercover when he and Cari first met.
“What are you going to do?”
“Not sure yet, but some recent developments have me considering it.” I look between both of them.
“I’m pregnant.” I get up and pull Carrington into a hug.
“That’s great news. I’m so happy for you guys.” I let her go and then slap Damien on the back before taking my seat.
After breakfast, I help Damien clean up while Cari puts the kids down and closes the little gate, trapping them in the family room.
“I’ll sit with the kids while you guys talk,” Damien says. Cari kisses him, and then the two of us go sit on their back deck.
“How’s Chloe doing since the miscarriage?” she asks. “How are you doing?”
I take a deep breath. “She’s doing better. She has her moments, and I’m the same. How did you guys deal with it?”
“There’s no real correct way to deal with something like that. Mom and Dad were a great source of help while we dealt with it. I blamed myself at first—hell, Damien blamed himself too since I was unknowingly pregnant when all of that stuff went down at the strip club.” She takes a drink of her tea. “Logically, I knew that wasn’t the case, but you always feel like you need to put the blame somewhere.”
“I dreamt of a little girl last night, one that looked like Chloe. Is that normal?”
“Absolutely, and again, it fades in time. I have to believe that things happen for a reason. I wouldn’t have Ryder and Shay right now. I wouldn’t have this baby.” She places a hand over her stomach. “I still get nervous while I’m pregnant that I could lose the baby. I was the same way with the twins.”
“Not that I want to hear about your sex life, but did you have trouble conceiving the twins or this one?”
“Not at all. We weren’t even trying with the twins.” I’m not sure why I asked. Well, maybe I do. I’m in love with Chloe. Shit, I think I’ve been in love with her for a while—I just haven’t told her because I’m not sure that’s how she feels about me. If I try to picture my future, I see her in it.
I know we haven’t been together long, and hell, most of our relationship we’ve spent apart, but I know how I feel. God, I hope she feels the same.
***
Chloe should be here any time now. I can’t fucking wait—to get ready, I went and bought new sheets for my bed, washed them, and put them on. I also bought some new towels since most of my mine were threadbare in spots.
I’ve cleaned my place top to bottom so she’s not scared to stay here. My place isn’t a pit by any means, but after being at Chloe’s place that even with two cats was immaculate, I want to make sure my place is good enough for her. Her being comfortable is important to me.
My refrigerator is stocked with her favorite beverages. Her favorite snacks are in my cupboards. I even had my mom get me one of those diffusers like the one Chloe has, and I had her get several different scents. I’m nervous as fuck. We’re having dinner at my parents’ place tonight. I was hoping it could be just us with them, but Haddie will be there.
Abby wanted to come, but I didn’t want to overwhelm Chloe, even though she’s been around my family before. This is her first time coming as my girlfriend. Wow, I think that’s the first time I referred to her as that. My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door.
I move quickly and pull it open. Chloe smiles widely and jumps at me, wrapping herself around me like a spider monkey. She smiles down at me before kissing my lips. It’s short and sweet and ends far too soon. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been climbing the fucking walls.”
“I broke several laws getting here, but my boyfriend’s a cop, so I’m not worried.” I chuckle and reluctantly set her down on her feet. She wraps her arms around my waist, resting her cheek against my chest. Neither of us says anything while I stroke my hand down her silky locks.
Her light floral scent makes me half hard, but I don’t want her thinking this is the only reason why I wanted her here. I pull away enough to look down at her. “Fuck, I’m so glad you’re here.” Chloe’s smile warms me in a way that terrifies me but leaves me feeling exhilarated and alive.
I bend down and kiss her softly on the lips. I take her bag from her and put it in my bedroom. Back in the living room, Chloe’s looking at the only pictures I have on the wall. Most are of my nephews and niece, Cari’s twins, and a picture of my brother and sisters—from when Abby graduated high school.
Coming up behind Chloe, I wrap my arms around her chest. She leans against me. “I can’t get over how cute Abby and Ben’s kids are. I know you said Abby isn’t Natalie’s biological mom, but she looks like her.”
I lean in closely, and the more I look at the picture, the more I see it—from the matching dimples to their smiles and twinkling eyes. I place my lips against her temple. “You’re right, baby. You should really tell Abby that. I know she’d be thrilled.” I lead her to the sectional and sit down, maneuvering her until she’s on my lap.
�
��How was your week?” This past week we haven’t talked a whole lot because I picked up shifts so I could get this weekend covered and I could be off. I plan on spending every moment with her. Of course I do have to share her with my mom and sisters tomorrow, and my mom threatened to beat me if I encroached on their girl time.
“Busy with Hailey still on vacation. I worked two sixteen-hour days while trying to get all the orders done so I could be off. Wednesday night I had to quit working on the bracelet I’m making because my hand started to cramp.”
Whether she’s at the jewelry store or at home, Chloe’s always working on some piece. “My poor baby—maybe I’ll just give your poor hands a rubdown later.” She told me once that when she gets her nails done and they massage her hands, she embarrasses herself by moaning loudly.
She lays her head down on my shoulder. “Mmmmm…that sounds amazing. What time are we going to your parents’ for dinner?”
“Dinner is at six thirty. Mom says bring your appetite.” I lift her up and then stand. “Come on, let me show you around.” I show her my apartment, and then hand in hand, we walk around my complex.
“This is really great. It’s beautiful.”
“Yeah, I like it. It’s nice that Abby’s able to bring the kids over to swim occasionally. I use the gym a lot, especially if the weather’s bad, and the big selling point was the ability to rent a garage. I keep my bike in there and also use it as storage.”
We make our way back inside, and Chloe excuses herself to freshen up in the bathroom so we can head over to my parents’ house. I’m in my room changing when she comes in. She changed out of her jean shorts and t-shirt and put on a pair of tailored black shorts and a peasant top, the blue color matching her eyes.