On Stranger Prides

by Amy Cecil

  “Mama, you made him really mad. I do not think I have ever seen Max mad. Mama, what did you do? Mama?” Thomas said.

  “Be silent, Thomas. You need not worry about Captain Sterling and me. I told you I do not want you to call him Max anymore. He is Captain Sterling from now on,” I replied, still flushed from my encounter with Max. It was if he had turned into another being after our argument. I was suddenly feeling scared and began praying for us to reach land soon.

  Thomas and I spent most of the day in our room. We played silly games, like the color game and the guessing game. I was trying everything that I could think of to keep him from getting bored, but it was not working. If I was bored, I knew Thomas had to be. I thought, perhaps he and I could take a stroll on deck. We should be able to steer clear of the captain long enough to get some fresh air. Perhaps he is even brooding in his cabin.

  “You know what, Thomas? I do not see why we cannot go up on deck and get some fresh air.”

  I could not blame Thomas for the look of confusion that came across his face. One minute I had been telling him that we were to remain in our room, but a scant few hours later I was telling him that we would be going on deck. Despite his confusion, he obviously was not complaining.

  I grabbed my wrap and we proceeded up to the deck. The weather was beautiful and there was a light breeze. We had not been there long when I heard someone from above cry, “Land! Land on the starboard side!” Sailors began scurrying about, running to the rail to see. I looked as well, but could not see anything.

  A few seconds later, Max came up on deck. He walked over to the rail, creating a presence that I had not noticed before. His crew respectfully parted for him to walk through. They clearly admired him; when he walked into their presence or spoke, he commanded their attention. And he got it. I had to remind myself what had transpired between us this morning, but in doing so, I also reminded myself what had transpired between us last night. Somehow I could not think of one without the other.

  Trying desperately to remove those thoughts from my mind, I watched as Smead handed Max a looking glass. He took it confidently and looked out at the sea. Several minutes passed as he was looking. Finally, he put the looking glass down and said, “Gentlemen, we are just about home! We should dock at Nassau by tomorrow afternoon. Make your preparations.” He turned back from the rail and spotted me. He stopped as if he was going to say something, but then walked right past Thomas and me and retreated below deck.

  I hated to admit it, but his words saddened me. I was still angry with him and I firmly stood by the fact that what he had done was wrong. But that did not mean I was not going to miss him. I wondered, will I ever see him again once I disembark from this ship? What will happen when we arrive in Nassau? I assume he will send his ransom letter. I will have to remain on Nassau for months. First he will have to get word to England, informing them that he has me. Then he will have to wait for a response, as well as his money. My Lord, will I ever be able to return home again?

  Chapter 17

  Captain Sterling

  Why did we have to spot land now? I need more time. But I do not have more time. I have to tell her tonight. I have to tell her everything. Why could this not have waited until she was in a better frame of mind? She is very angry with me and probably dislikes me more now than she did eleven years ago. I had a better chance to win her affections then.

  I could not stop pacing. What will I say? How will I tell her everything that I need to say? And then, suddenly, I remembered that I had an advantage this time. I had something now that I had never had in England. I had her affections. She had made that perfectly clear last night in my bed. She may be mad at me, but she loves me. One does not just fall in and out of love just like that. I have to remember that. Hopefully, by the time I am done, she will understand. Hopefully.

  It was half past six. I had two hours before she would arrive. My nerves were shot. This was my one chance to win her and I could not blow it. Why is it that I can sail the seas, lead my crew, captain my ship, and protect my family with more confidence than I need, but when Elizabeth Bennet walks into my life, I turn to mush? Something is just not right about that. Women are the root of all evil toward men!

  As I continued to pace back and forth in my room, time continued to pass by. Before I knew it, Mr. Balmore was bringing dinner in. She will be here any minute. Just as that thought entered my mind, there was a knock at the door. Damn!

  “Enter,” I said.

  The door opened and in she walked. Every time I saw her she became more beautiful and tonight was no exception.

  “I do not know why you wish to continue with this farce, Captain Sterling, but I am here as commanded,” she said defiantly.

  I could tell she wanted to say more, but etiquette demanded she give me a chance to reply. She was going to be my captive audience until I was finished telling her what she needed to know, even if I had to bind and gag her to accomplish it.

  “Your Grace. Sit down.” I gestured toward the table where our dinner had been set out. “This is how tonight is going to unfold. There will be no exceptions or changes to the plan. Do you understand me?” She nodded. I continued, “First, we are going to enjoy our dinner. If you choose to make idle conversation, I will allow that. However, we will not discuss what has transpired between us last night and this morning. Do you understand?” Again, she nodded.

  “Good. Now, when dinner is over, you are going to sit here and listen to what I have to say. You will not interrupt me and you most certainly will not leave this room until I tell you that you may. Do you understand?” At this point, she neither nodded nor spoke.

  “Your Grace, do you understand?” I asked again.

  “Captain, I do not …” she started to say.

  Quickly, I interrupted her. “Let me make one thing clear. I do not care what you do or do not want. You will do as you are told and you will listen until I am satisfied that you have heard all that I want you to hear. Now, again, I am going to ask: do you understand?”

  Defiantly, she replied, “Yes, I understand.”

  “Good. Now let us enjoy our dinner.” I sat down at the table with her and began to eat. She just sat there and stared at me. She picked at her food and played with more food than she ate. “Are you not hungry?” I asked. She shook her head silently.

  Elizabeth had hardly touched any of her food by the time I had finished eating. I asked, “Are you finished with your meal? I would like to have the food taken away.” She nodded. I stood up from the table and rang a small bell that was sitting on the table next to my bed. Within minutes, there was a knock on the door and I invited Mr. Balmore in. He came in and removed the plates without saying a word.

  Once the food had been removed from the room, I began to pace back and forth. I looked over to Elizabeth and said, “You may want to sit over here.” I gestured toward the rocking chair in the corner of the room. “This is not going to be short and I want you to be comfortable.” She stayed where she was at the table, which I took as her only way to have some control in a situation that was not giving her any. So be it.

  I began, “Eleven years ago, I met a woman. No, wait, I must go back further.” I took a deep breath and continued, “I suppose you remember that I told you that I was raised a gentleman. However, I never elaborated on my family when you and I would talk. Well, my family is one of the richest families in England. We have an estate in Derbyshire, a townhouse in London, and an extensive list of other properties. I have holdings in many businesses in England as well as in the West Indies. My uncle is an earl and I have an aunt in Kent who also has quite extensive holdings and property.”

  I waited to see if she made any connection to anything that I had said, especially the mention of having an aunt in Kent, but she just stared at me blankly. I continued, “My parents died when I was one and twenty and they left me to raise my young sister.” Again, she showed no sign of any recognition. “I spent most of my days in the throes of London society. It wa
s not what I wanted, but I knew that it was necessary if my sister was going to have any chance at a future. I did what I had to do. I spent most of my time avoiding marriage—with my ten thousand a year, many mothers were sure that I would make their daughters the perfect husband. It left me selfish and taciturn. I became prideful. I was convinced that every single woman who expressed any interest in my attentions was only interested in my money.” I paused for a moment and walked over to the table to take a swig of the rum that Mr. Balmore had left on the table. I held up the bottle and offered some to Elizabeth. To my surprise, she held up her glass and I poured.

  “Captain, may I speak?” Elizabeth asked.

  “Yes, what is it?”

  “What does any of this have to do with me? I do not understand why you are telling me this,” she said.

  “It has everything to do with you. Please, let me continue.” Apparently I had said enough to pique her curiosity, as she nodded for me to continue.

  “About eleven years ago, I assisted a friend in finding an estate in …” I hesitated for a moment and then continued, “in Hertfordshire.” She immediately looked up at me, surprised, but did not say a word.

  “While there, I felt the walls closing in on me. Every mother in the county was trying to catch a husband for her daughter and I was the first choice. I could not wait to leave that place. But my friend needed my assistance and so I remained there for him. He subsequently found an estate. Not long after, to my surprise, he also found a woman he wanted to marry. It was obvious that my friend was deeply in love with this woman, but I did not see her reciprocate his affections. Because of this, I feared that she too was interested in his money and not him and so I discouraged him from the match. When I learned long after that I had been mistaken in my judgment, I quickly rectified the situation. I believe he and this woman are now quite happy.” I paused again and waited, but Elizabeth said nothing.

  “Because of my opinions of his choice at the time, I encouraged him to leave Hertfordshire, which we did. I hoped that my friend and I were done with that place.” She was intently watching me now. She knew. She knew who I was and what I had done. She knew everything, but she did not say a word and allowed me to proceed. I wished I could read her mind. I had been so afraid of her reaction and her silence was killing me. Of course, I had told her—no, I had commanded her—to not say a word. Why would she choose this time to actually listen to me when I so desperately needed her to say something?

  “Leaving Hertfordshire did not help either of us. You see, I had met a woman there as well. She was completely captivating and bewitched me body and soul. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever beheld and her mind was just as beautiful. She was witty and charming and she challenged me at every turn. I was besotted.” Again I waited to see if she would say anything, but nothing escaped her lips.

  “So now I found myself in London, alone and dreaming of a woman who would never know that I admired and loved her. Several months after our return to London, my cousin informed me that he was going to Kent to visit our aunt. I decided to join him. I hoped that a change of scenery would help my disposition. But, needless to say, it did not. I had not been in Kent one night when I walked into my aunt’s parlor only to find said woman sitting on her settee having tea with my aunt, my cousin, and the local parson and his wife. I could not be rid of her.

  “However, I believed that fate had dealt me this hand for a reason and she was expecting me to take full advantage of the opportunity that she had laid before me. So I did. After several days in said woman’s company, I asked for her hand in marriage.” She still had not said a word. I was getting more and more nervous but knew at this point I could not stop. I had to go on and risk everything.

  “It was the worst proposal I could have ever made. To this day I regret it. I never thought I would have the opportunity to fix it, but again, and only recently, fate made another play upon which I had to act.” I paused again, looked at her pleadingly, and then continued. “As I was saying, the proposal was dreadful. While I was telling this woman that I loved her, I also insulted her and her family. I had struggled with my love for her. I was raised to marry in certain circles and definitely not for love. When love stepped in and took control, I did not know how to handle it. I had never experienced those kinds of feelings before and could not understand how they could be more powerful than my duty to my family. So instead of telling this woman that I could not live without her and that I would love her forever, I told her that I was proposing against my better judgment. As you can imagine, she refused me. She not only refused me, she made very specific judgements against me. Some of these were true, but others were unfounded. I hope by now she has realized her errors in judgment.” I looked at her hopefully, silently begging her for some reaction. But again, she gave me nothing.

  “I left Kent and the woman I loved from the deepest depths of my heart behind and I returned to London. I tried to return to my old way of life, but everything seemed unattractive and stale. I took to wandering the streets of London, half sober, half drunk, trying to make sense of my life. I found no salvation. What I did find, however, was how poorly many people in London lived. The city gave nothing to its poor or homeless. I decided then that my life was going to have meaning instead of being idle, as it had been. I decided that I was going to find absolution for my prideful airs and prejudiced assumptions.”

  I continued, “With the help of my cousin, Richard, we came up with the Adelia Baxter Foundation for the Less Fortunate. The plan was to use this foundation to bring money into the city to help the less fortunate. The foundation had to be anonymous and have no connection to me. Richard oversaw the management of the foundation and assured me that the money would be put to good use. Richard is a colonel in the militia and he used his connections to secure for me this ship. He has also been caring for my estate in Derbyshire as well as my sister.

  “My life as I knew it was over. I was ready to start again. I changed my name and became a pirate in the image of Sam Bellamy and the fabled Robin Hood. Yes, I plunder ships. My crew gets their cut just like any pirates would, but my cut goes to the foundation. For eleven years I have added to the foundation and for eleven years it has truly helped the less fortunate and needy in London.”

  I paused again, took a breath and continued, “I had found peace at sea and had become accustomed to this way of life. That is, until three weeks ago, when you walked into my office on this ship.” I was afraid to look at her, but I knew that I had to. After several minutes of just waiting for her to say something, I glanced in her direction. She was still sitting at the table, silently looking down at her hands.

  After what seemed like an eternity, she finally looked up at me. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes as she met my gaze. Everything in me wanted to walk over to her and take her in my arms. I wanted to reassure her that everything would be all right. But despite everything I wanted to do, I did nothing. I was too afraid to make assumptions as to what she was feeling and too guarded to take another chance at her rejection. I refused to allow her to trample my heart yet again.

  As the tears began to fall from her eyes, we continued to stare at each other until she finally spoke. “Mr. Darcy?”

  Chapter 18

  Elizabeth

  I had heard every word he said, but I still could not believe that Mr. Darcy was Max Sterling. Fitzwilliam Darcy was prim and proper. Fitzwilliam Darcy was a gentleman. Max was dashing, disheveled and so sexy. Max was dangerous. Max was a pirate. They were so very different from each other…but at the same time, they were the same. Why did I not see the similarities before?

  Now everything made sense. It explained why I had dreamt of Mr. Darcy my first night on this ship. It explained why it had felt so familiar to banter with him. It explained why Max never spoke like the members of his crew. His speech was always refined and proper—I just had never noticed or questioned that until now.

  He named his ship the Absolution. He did all of thi
s because I hurt him so badly. If I had known about the pain I had caused him, especially after I received his letter and even more so after he repaired the damage that he caused between Jane and Bingley, I would have assured him that he was not as dreadful as I had said. I would have given him his absolution. But he left. He left Kent, London, and England for that matter. He left me.

  I thought, so where do we go from here? There had been so many deceptions and lies that I had no idea what to say to him or even how to behave. I thought, perhaps I should let him finish his story. Perhaps I should ask him about our time on his ship.

  Cautiously, I asked, “Mr. Darcy…or Captain Sterling? Forgive me, I am not really sure what to call you now.”

  His expression showed a bit of relief that I was actually speaking to him as he replied, “Actually, I prefer Max.”

  I wasn’t sure I was ready for that level of intimacy between us again, so I replied, “Well then, Captain Sterling, I have listened to everything you have said and I am now fully aware of how you became who you are today. But, if I may, sir, I am a bit unclear as to the things that have transpired since I boarded this ship. The truth, please, if you think I am not asking too much of you.” Part of me was livid with him for this entire charade, but the other part of me wanted to run into his arms. Because when all was said and done, it did not matter who he was. It did not matter what his name was. The only thing that mattered was that I loved him. Not his name, his estate, his ship, or his money. I loved him and nothing was going to change that.