by Amy Cecil
“If you desire it, I will continue,” he replied.
“I do, please,” I said.
“When Smead walked into my office with you and Thomas in tow, I could not believe my eyes. I had truly believed that I would never see you again. I thought that all acquaintance between us had been severed the day I made you that offer of marriage. I also believed that all the feelings that I had for you had been long buried. But, apparently, I was wrong. The minute I recognized you, every emotion I had ever felt for you came back. And I knew then that I had to do whatever I could to win you.”
“So you never planned to ransom Thomas and me?”
“No, I did not. Whatever money the crew expected to get from the ransom, I was willing to pay from my own funds. They would have never known. The only thing I wanted was you,” he said humbly.
“But you saw I had a son. Were you not concerned about my husband?”
“At first, yes. When I saw you and Thomas, my heart leaped with joy until I realized that you were another man’s wife. But when Smead introduced Thomas as the Duke of Grafton, I realized that his father must have passed away. I began to have hope and knew that I had to keep you on the Absolution at all costs. I thought about sending Thomas with your father, but I knew that would not help my cause and would only encourage you to dislike me even more,” he said.
“And my father?” I asked.
“Your father. Before I go any further, please know that it was not my intent to cause you any pain.”
“Yes, you said that before. But why?” I asked.
“I remembered your father from my time in Hertfordshire. I remembered admiring his wit and sense of humor. I could see that the years had taken their toll on him and I did not want to cause him any undue stress. If I had kept him here he would have had to sleep below with the crew. Those accommodations are not fitting for your father or any member of your family. I could not subject him to that. So I had him and your two ladies taken to Nassau. They were all given appropriate accommodations on the Amity and I was assured that they would be well cared for.”
“Then why did you allow me to believe that his life was in danger?” I asked.
“As I told you before, at first I was not sure how having you aboard against your will was going to pan out. You must remember that my last memory of you was that you were extremely obstinate, strong-willed, and headstrong. I did not know if you had mellowed over the years or had gotten worse. The last thing I needed was a hysterical woman on my ship in the middle of the ocean. I needed to keep you in check, so I lied to you and made you believe that his life was in jeopardy. For that, I am genuinely sorry.”
“And when you could see that you and I were getting closer? When you knew I cared for you, why did you not tell me then?” I asked.
“Elizabeth …” I looked at him defiantly, as I had not given him permission to address me so informally. Taking notice of my unspoken warning, he corrected himself. “Your Grace, the fact that you and I were becoming close not only brought me much joy, it also brought out my worst fears. I had dreamed about you for years. Yearned for you for years. I could never have imagined that you would finally look at me the way you did twenty-four hours ago. Once that happened, I was damned sure that I was not going to allow anything to ruin what you and I had. Obviously, again, my judgment was flawed.”
“May I leave and retire to my cabin, Captain Sterling?” I asked. I was tired and I needed to think. The last several hours had emotionally drained me.
“I will not hold you in here against your will. You are free to return to your cabin. However, can I allow myself to hope?” he asked eagerly.
“I do not know. I am tired and I need a good night’s sleep. I promise that I will think on all that you have said tonight and I will provide you with my conclusions in the morning.”
As I walked toward the door, I felt his presence behind me. As I reached for the door to open it, I felt his grasp on my arm. He gently pulled me toward him and leaned over and kissed me right beside my ear as he whispered, “I love you, Elizabeth.” Shivers went down my spine at his touch and when he released it was all too soon. Before I could respond he turned back and walked toward the table on the other side of the room. I took that as a gesture that he did not want me to respond and so I turned to leave.
As I returned to my cabin I could hear Thomas and Smead talking away. I took a deep breath and entered the room. Thomas came running to me, spouting nothing but questions. “Are you still mad at Max, Mama? Can we be friends with him again? Please, Mama, tell me we can be friends again.”
“Give me a chance to get settled, Thomas, please.” I turned toward Smead and said, “Thank you, Mr. Smead, for spending time with my Thomas.”
“Aye, ma’am. You have a nice young man there. I be rather liking his company. Beats the blokes I spend most of my days with on this ‘ere ship,” Smead said. He added, “Well, ma’am, if ye not be need’n me anymore, I best be gettin’.”
“Yes, Smead, that will be all. Thank you again,” I said as he proceeded to the door.
Once Smead had left the room, I turned back toward Thomas. “I know you have a lot of questions and I know that you want to be friends with Captain Sterling again. But right now, my love, you must get yourself into bed. It is extremely late. We can talk about Captain Sterling in the morning.”
“But Mama!” Thomas cried.
“Bed! Now! We will talk about it in the morning,” I reiterated firmly.
“Yes, Mama.” Thomas walked over to the hammock and climbed in. I kissed him on the forehead and bid him good night.
After I got Thomas settled for the night, I changed into my bedclothes and got myself into bed. I was not planning on getting any sleep, I had too much to think about.
Everything that Mr. Darcy—I mean, Max…oh, damn it all to hell, I did not know whom I meant. Everything he had said ran through my head. I could understand the reasons for his deception, but I was having trouble getting over the actual deception itself.
He said he loved me. He knew that I loved him. Would that be enough for the two of us to overcome everything and build a life together? And what about Thomas? Thomas needed to return to London and carry on as the Duke of Grafton. Would Max join us or would he spend the rest of his life at sea? I shook my head, uncertain why I was even worrying about this. I still did not know if I could forgive him.
I thought back to the proposal, when he said that his proposal to me went against his family’s wishes. That it was against his better judgment. Is that not what I had been thinking just yesterday before Max’s revelation? Had I not been looking at the fact that he was a pirate as a poor connection for Thomas and me?
When he proposed to me eleven years previously, his approach had been reprehensible—but now, having been in the same type of situation, I could completely understand his conflict. His struggles from eleven years ago had become my struggles.
There was nothing more I could do about this mess that evening. I decided I would sleep on it. The next day, according to Max, we would be docking at Nassau. I would think about everything then.
Chapter 19
Captain Sterling
After Elizabeth left my room, I poured myself a drink and tried to come to terms with the fact that I just may have lost her for good. I have done this before…why can I not do it again? I suppose this time I cannot because I shared no intimacy with her last time. Now that I have known her body, it makes giving her up so much harder. I have had a taste of her and I will be damned if I’m going to let her go. She has to come around. She has to understand.
As I paced about in my room, I played every word back in my head. Every encounter that she and I shared in Hertfordshire, Kent, and now aboard the Absolution. The memories were so vivid it was as if they had only happened yesterday.
I remembered my first encounter with her. It had been at a ball in Meryton. Charles had promised Mr. Lucas that he would attend and it was the last place I wanted to be. But there, amongst al
l the unmarried ladies, was Elizabeth. Though it was her beauty that first caught my eye, once we were introduced it was her quick wit and bright smile that made me intoxicated. I found myself looking for every opportunity to see her, to speak with her; anything to spend time with her. Each encounter only solidified my feelings for her. When I realized that I was in love with her, I knew I had to leave. My family would never have forgiven me; they all expected me to marry within my social circle. They all expected me to marry my cousin Anne. They wanted me to marry her to solidify our two estates, making the Darcys one of the richest families in England. Pemberley and Rosings were two of the few thriving estates in England, so in their minds it was the only thing that made sense. But it did not make sense to me and definitely not to Anne. I did not love my cousin Anne, not in that way. And besides, Richard loved Anne and she loved him. Why on earth would I interfere with their bond?
After I left Hertfordshire, I spent many days longing to see Elizabeth’s smile or her bright eyes. Or perhaps listening to her play the pianoforte, or even watching her read. It did not matter what she was doing, I longed for her and I could take it no more.
As I sat back, my drink in hand, I remembered everything. And, for the first time in a very long time, I prayed. I prayed that she would remember the man she had come to know on this ship. I prayed that she would remember that she was in love with that man. I prayed that she would forgive me.
***
It was a long night and I did not find much sleep. But when morning came, I had to get to work preparing the ship to dock. I rose from bed and washed up a bit. I got dressed and made my way on deck. The crew was diligently working getting my sweet Absolution ready to go home.
Home. Nassau truly was my home now. I had a beautiful tropical estate there that I loved. The serenity of the island as well as the simplicity of things made this life so appealing. After being at sea for several months at a time, coming back to Nassau made it all worth it. Three weeks ago, I had hoped that by the time we arrived home Elizabeth would be a part of my future. But after all that had transpired over the last twenty-four hours, I was no longer so sure.
I looked around the deck to see if she had come up yet or not, but could not find her. Then, as if to grant my wish, I saw her and Thomas come up from the stairway that led below deck. Although I was anxious to speak to her, I thought it best to stay put and allow her the space and time that she needed. If she wanted to talk to me, I knew that she would approach me directly.
It was a good thing that her back was to me because the last thing I would want her to see was the disappointment on my face when she turned to walk in the opposite direction away from me. I watched her and Thomas walk leisurely about the deck and occasionally look over the rail. She had been trying to spot dolphins since she boarded this ship and I was sure that she was hoping that she and Thomas would see them this time.
As they rounded the stern of the ship and started heading back in my direction, I saw Elizabeth point to the island, showing Thomas where we would be docking. They continued walking and subsequently reached me.
“Good morning, Ma … I mean, Captain Sterling!” Thomas cried.
“Good morning, young man! And how are you this morning?” I asked.
“I am good! Mama told me that we would be docking soon. Is that true?” he asked.
“It is. That island over there that your mama pointed out to you earlier is Nassau. It is where my home is.”
“Can we see your house?” he asked.
I looked up to Elizabeth for some sign on how I should answer and I noticed that she could not even look at me. I realized then that she had made up her mind. Once we landed in Nassau and she was reunited with her father, she would be gone forever. I do not know why I expected anything different. I deceived her. What has happened to me?
“I am sorry, Thomas, but I doubt that that will be possible. You see, Captain Sterling is a very busy man and I do not think that he has time for visitors to his home,” she said.
Instead of letting her get away with her denial, I decided to challenge her. “Actually, Your Grace, we will be staying in Nassau for a while. The haul that we managed to take from the Amity will tie the crew over for some time. You and Thomas will be taken to my house once we dock. Your father is there and you will get to meet my sister, Georgiana.”
Surprise came across Elizabeth’s face as she said, “Your sister? I thought your sister was still in England.”
“When I first took to the sea, she remained in England for quite some time, not knowing where I had gone. But when the time was right, Richard told her what I was doing and where I lived. She married a fine young man and they come to visit here about once a year. She loves it here. The tropical breeze and warm air suits her. I would love for you both to meet her,” I said.
“I should like to meet her,” Thomas said.
Elizabeth said, “We will have to see. I suppose we will be going to Captain Sterling’s house to collect your grandfather, Dawson, and Ms. Kelly.” She looked at me defiantly, then added, “After that, Thomas, I do not know if we will be allowed to socialize, or even leave the island for that matter. You forget, we have been held on this ship against our will.”
“But Mama, Captain Sterling is our friend now,” Thomas said.
“Enough,” she said, irritated. “We will not discuss it further.” She shot me a dirty look and stomped off with Thomas in tow.
It was clear that her forgiveness would not be forthcoming. I had tried and failed. I needed to stop worrying about it and just go on with my life as before.
I watched as she and Thomas walked off completely lost in thought. How could she throw this all away? As I watched, she stopped briefly to talk to Smead. I watched intently as Smead then took Thomas’ hand and took him below deck. She then turned to me like she knew I was watching her. She just stood there for a minute or so just staring at me and then proceeded below deck as well. Was she asking me to come to her? Curiosity got the best of me and I decided to follow. When I got below, I did not see anyone. I walked to her cabin, but there was nobody around. It was as if they had all just disappeared. I then walked over to my cabin and to my surprise, there she stood just outside my door.
As I approached, she said, “Captain, I would like a word with you in private, if you do not mind.”
“Of course,” I replied. I opened the door to my cabin and allowed her to enter first. I followed, closing the door behind me.
Before I could say a word, she started, “Captain, I would appreciate it if you would not put ideas into Thomas’ head about your friendship with him.”
“I see,” I said, but did not say more. This plainly discomforted her; she had clearly been expecting me to say something other than what I had.
“I mean it! You are not Thomas’ friend!” she exclaimed. She was very agitated and I could not be sure if she really meant what she was saying or if she was just putting up a façade because I had deceived her and she could not find any logical reason to forgive me, other than her love for me.
I took a step closer to her and she slowly stepped back. I took another step and again she slowly stepped back. She said, “Captain, do you not have anything to say to me?”
“I thought that I had done enough talking last night, Your Grace. Perhaps it is your turn to talk. You were at my cabin door, waiting for me,” I reminded her.
“I was, yes, because I do not want you to encourage my son about things that can never be,” she replied.
“I know, you have already told me that. Yet you are still here, as if you have more to say to me.” I paused briefly and then added, “I am a captive audience, Your Grace. I shall be delighted to hear anything that you may want to say to me.” I was pleased to see that my baiting tone was making her feel more uncomfortable. I wanted her to squirm. I wanted her to know that the passion that stirred between us was a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence that she could not deny.
I took another step closer to her and this time she
stood her ground. Slowly I approached her, until I was so close to her that our bodies were almost touching. The heat between us was building as we stared into each other’s eyes. I leaned down and nuzzled her neck. When she did not stop me, I started feathering kisses along her neck up toward her ear. I could feel her skin prickle with little bumps as she leaned her head to the side to allow me more access. She began moaning softly as I continued my ministrations to her neck and ear. I trailed kisses along her jaw. When I reached her lips, I hesitated and waited until she offered them to me. When she did, I claimed her mouth with a deep and hungry kiss. I reached around her waist and pulled her against me. I could feel her glorious curves against my body. She parted her lips more, inviting me in as she wrapped her arms around my body. My head was beginning to spin as I could not get enough of her. Suddenly, she pulled away, raised her hand up, slapped me across the face, and ran from the room.
“Elizabeth, wait!” I called after her, but she kept going. I stood there for a second, letting her go. No! Not this time. I ran after her and caught her just outside her cabin. I pulled her into my arms as she struggled.
“We can do this here, where anyone—including Thomas—can walk by, or we can return to my cabin and finally have this settled between us.” She continued to struggle to get free as I dragged her back into my cabin. I was not the type of man who would manhandle a woman, and Lord knew I would not hurt her in any way, but there were things yet unsaid between us. Before we docked, there would be no question as to what our future would entail, whether it be together or alone.