by Vonna Harper
“If you were in human form, I think the four of you would know what I’m talking about,” she continued. “As cougars, you’re predators. You kill because that’s your nature. In some respects, humans are the same.”
There hadn’t been enough distance between her and Cougar; she hadn’t had time to prepare for his impact. Or maybe the truth was, she’d always react like this to him. Stepping into dangerous territory, she stopped just out of Cougar’s reach. As a young teen, she’d fallen absolutely and totally in lust with a high school senior who lived in the neighborhood. He’d played football, and she’d stare as he ran down the street most mornings. Wearing nothing except shorts and shoes, his incredible body had glistened. He’d barely been aware of her existence of course, and that had probably been her saving grace, not that she’d seen it that way.
The only thing she’d known, the only thing she’d been able to think about for maybe three months was that the world’s sexiest man had turned her mind and body on end. She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think about anything except him. Her days revolved around seeing him. Her nights pulsed with fantasies of hot embraces—as a virgin, she’d lacked specifics of what came after that.
Then she’d seen him walking arm in arm with an older woman, and she’d absolutely known she was going to die. She’d cried until she had no tears left, then cried some more.
She was no longer that naïve and love-struck teen, but the emotions and sensations hadn’t given way to maturity after all. The only difference was that today, she lusted after a predator.
“Listen to me,” she said when she longed to drop to her hands and knees and present herself to Cougar as she’d done in last night’s dream. “If you kill Garrin, whoever finds his body is going to know how he died. Even if you haul him away from…”
We call it Ghost House.
Ghost House. “Even if you leave his body somewhere else, someone will eventually find his remains. You have no idea how large a search there’d be—Cougar, I’d have to help. Otherwise, I’ll be accused of killing him.”
We did, not you.
“Which is why whoever conducts the search won’t rest until they’ve eliminated the threat. That’s what everyone will see you as, a threat.”
What if there’s no body?
Although she wasn’t sure which of the predators had asked the question, she continued to address Cougar. The link between them was too strong for it to be any other way. “Didn’t you hear me, I’d be expected to tell them everything I know.”
Don’t tell them anything.
“Even if I was willing to lie, what could I say that they’d believe? Whoever comes here—and once they find this”—she nodded at Ghost House—“people are going to come from everywhere. There’ll be archeologists, anthropologists, state and federal officials—Cougar, there’s never been anything remotely like this.” Overwhelmed, she fell silent.
Behind her, Garrin muttered something. It sounded as if he was saying the same thing over and over again. Even if he was capable of grasping everything he was seeing and hearing, she couldn’t begin to put her mind to how she might explain. If she couldn’t convince Garrin of the reality of Chindi and Skinwalker—and she didn’t know how to begin—how could she find the necessary words for everyone else? They’d think she was crazy.
Stop them. Don’t let anyone come.
“I can’t do that,” she snapped, still not caring who was speaking to her. “No one can. It’s a free country. People have…”
It didn’t matter, not now. Reality was this moment.
“Please, believe me. I could tell people I don’t know what happened to Garrin, but they’d still search for him, maybe bring in search dogs. What if one of those dogs spotted a cougar?”
She half-expected one of the Tocho to insist they’d tear the dog apart. When no one did, she wondered if she was starting to get through to them. “Those people will be armed. When, not if, but when they catch sight of one of you, they’re going to shoot. They might not stop until all of you are dead. Maybe someone will survive, but what kind of life will that be?”
Had she ever been more tired, more torn between conflicting emotions? Against everything she’d always believed about herself, she’d do whatever she could to spare the lives of those Skinwalker had condemned to a shattered existence. But even with commitment pulsing through her, the only thing she really wanted to do was have sex. It didn’t matter whether it was with Cougar or Hok’ee.
“This isn’t happening.” Garrin’s voice carried unexpected strength. “It isn’t, can’t be.”
“Shut up. Just, please, be quiet,” she snapped.
You want him to live?
“I don’t know,” she told Cougar. “Maybe that makes me some kind of monster in your eyes, but I honestly don’t know.”
“What are you talking about?” Garrin demanded. “What do you mean, a monster?”
Are you going to answer him?
“No,” she told Cougar. That was it, wasn’t it? Garrin’s survival or death was out of her hands now. She’d done everything she could, hadn’t she?
Newly calm, she wiped her palms on her shorts. Although she didn’t completely trust her legs, she approached the man/beast who dominated her world. Her hand didn’t shake as she touched Cougar between his eyes.
Garrin hissed, then whimpered. In a way, his sound fed her own emotions. When had she first voluntarily touched Hok’ee? It had to have been after he’d given her back use of her hands, but her memory was foggy. Maybe he remembered, but maybe Cougar wasn’t concerned with such things.
“It’s overwhelming,” she whispered. “Everything is.”
When Cougar didn’t respond, she dropped her hand to her side. Instantly she felt lost and alone, yet more alive than she’d ever been. The jock she’d had her first crush on—what had he looked like, and had she ever heard his voice?
She didn’t remember. Neither could she pull up any memories of the men she’d known before Hok’ee had taken over her world. He was her everything. He and the others of his kind, and the man whimpering behind her. And Ghost House.
Only there was no future for her and Hok’ee.
“Go.” The word tore at her throat. “Take the rest of the Tocho and find someplace safe to live. Otherwise…”
What about you?
Hok’ee was still there, he had to be. Certainly Cougar didn’t care about her emotions. Or did he?
Dizzy, she swayed toward Cougar. As she did, she reached out with both hands to catch herself. Maybe Cougar was trying to give her something to rest against when he leaned into her. Maybe she’d never know, because the instant she touched him, Garrin screamed.
A moment later, a rifle blast deafened her. Every molecule of her being needed to scream, but when she spun and faced Garrin, she did so silently. As silent as the cougars.
Judging by the way he was holding the rifle, Garrin had fired into the air. Pushing her aside, Cougar stalking toward Garrin. His fellow Tocho did the same.
“No!” she cried. It didn’t matter who she was trying to reach.
The cougars’ weapons consisted of fangs and claws. They’d been created to kill, and their bodies were honed to do that one thing. Muscles rippled across their backs and down their legs.
But Garrin’s weapon was capable of destroying all of them.
Horrified, she gaped as Garrin aimed at one approaching cougar, and then the other. Although his legs trembled and he breathed as if he was having a heart attack, he held the rifle steady. The cougars slunk toward him one slow and measured step at a time, communicating wordlessly. She prayed one hadn’t volunteered to give up his life so the others could live. And kill.
They were going to attack, to rip and tear—unless Garrin shot first. Violent death would surround her, again.
“No.” Her voice was calm again, in control. “Stop it, Garrin. Put that thing down.”
“Are you crazy! Oh, shit. Shit.”
“Cougar. Don’t make it like th
is, please. Wasn’t Anaba enough?”
Stay out of this.
“I can’t.”
“Stop doing that!” Garrin insisted. “Talking like those beasts—oh, shit!”
He was going to fire again. The primal need for action and self-preservation was written all over his face. Acting instinctively, she headed for Garrin at a dead run. A single swipe from Cougar’s paw could have stopped her, but she was past him so fast maybe he didn’t see her in time.
Head lowered, she threw herself at Garrin. The top of her head struck him in his gut and sent both of them flying backward. Garrin landed on his back, his breath whooshing out of him. Feeling a strength she’d never known was possible, she yanked the rifle out of his hands and flung it behind her. Then she straddled him. It took every bit of self-control she had not to pummel his face.
“You idiot, you God damn idiot!” she bellowed.
“No, no, no!” Garrin dug his nails into her forearms. At the same time, he bent his left knee and struck her between her legs.
Suddenly she couldn’t breathe. Pain screamed through her. Releasing her forearms, he reached for her throat.
As his fingers tightened, something grabbed her by the shoulders and yanked her off Garrin. The same something half-lifted and tossed her to the side. Through the hair that had fallen into her eyes, she saw a naked man drop to his knees beside Garrin. The man began pummeling Garrin’s face. When Garrin tried to hide behind his hands, the man grabbed his wrists and yanked Garrin’s arms over his head. He started to kneel on Garrin’s throat.
“No!” Kai cried. “Hok’ee, you’ll kill him.”
“He tried to kill me. And you.”
Garrin didn’t know you were human, she stupidly wanted to tell Hok’ee, but it didn’t matter, did it?
“Hok’ee! Listen to me, damn it. Do you remember what I said when you were in cougar form?” His knee was only an inch from Garrin’s throat, prompting her to rush her words. “That if anything happened to him, your way of life would be forever changed.”
Still pinning Garrin’s arms to the ground, Hok’ee looked over his shoulder at her. He was human again, and yet Cougar had left enough of himself in the man that she felt not intimidated but awed. Hok’ee’s original life might have been taken from him, but look what he’d been handed in return. He now walked in two worlds.
“They’d have to find me.” Hok’ee said. After giving Garrin a withering glare, he settled onto his haunches but continued to pin the other man to the ground.
“And they might not,” she agreed. “But do you want to have to live like a fugitive?”
“Is it any worse than this?”
“Only you can answer that.”
Garrin kept looking from Hok’ee to her, then back. He trembled so his teeth clattered, and she thought he’d wet himself again. Not long ago she’d believed she could work in partnership with Garrin. Now he seemed pitiful. Wrecked.
In telling contrast, intellect deepened Hok’ee’s gaze. Yes, he was still part predator, but the halves of his existence had meshed into a whole she might never fully comprehend. After all those years of being surrounded by educated and reasoned men, one ruled by the drive for self-preservation took her to a part of herself she’d only briefly glimpsed.
Behind the woman with the college degree was one who could see into the hearts of animals. Because Hok’ee had brought her into his world, she now understood that her connection with living creatures was much more than a way to deepen knowledge of those creatures.
It was a blessing, a rich treasure.
One that would forever set her apart.
“Get him off me,” Garrin blubbered. “Oh, God, please help me.”
Disgust written on his face, Hok’ee released Garrin’s wrists, and not so much stood as glided into a standing position.
A low, sharp growl pulled her attention off Hok’ee. One of the three remaining Tocho now stood near Garrin’s head. When a blubbering Garrin tried to sit up, the cougar swatted him down, tearing his shirt in a couple of places in the process. Sobbing like a terrified child, Garrin buried his head in his arms.
“He doesn’t belong here,” Hok’ee said. The three cougars growled as one, and Kai took their response as agreement.
“I can make a call.” She tapped her pocket where her cell phone lay. “To the head of the university this man works for. Tell Dr. Carter he’s had a breakdown. They’ll send someone, probably several people, to pick him up. Get him out of here.”
She thought Hok’ee would agree, so wasn’t prepared when he shook his head. “I won’t let you kill him,” she insisted. “I thought I made that clear.”
“You did. I don’t want anyone else coming here now, seeing Ghost House.”
That would happen, eventually. But Hok’ee was right. Today was much too soon. “Then what—”
Lifting his head, Hok’ee let loose with a series of clipped grunts and grumbles. The three Tocho responded in the same vein. The more time she spent around them, the more their intellect impressed her. Maybe they were capable of coexisting with humans, if they wanted.
“They’re going to take him to your camp,” Hok’ee explained. “Tell your doctor to have him picked up there.”
She was about to point out that Garrin might not emotionally survive being hauled off by three predators when, almost as one, the cougars became men. Naked, they weren’t shy about letting her see everything they had to offer. They were all relatively young, with the oldest not yet thirty. In addition, they were physically fit, with black hair and toasted skin—Navajo.
She’d been right then? Skinwalker had sentenced them to life as Tocho as punishment for having rejected their heritage? Then why were they healthy and strong men? More possibilities held her attention. Maybe Skinwalker was only interested in those who could have benefited and enhanced the Navajo race if they’d embraced their bloodline. As for their being male—that could be pure cruelty on the Skinwalker’s part. Not only were the Tocho loners, there were no members of the opposite sex. Then she’d arrived, or rather, Hok’ee had pulled her into his world.
Feeling overwhelmed by everything she’d just considered, she watched the trio disappear into one of Ghost House’s openings. She glanced at Garrin, only to shake her head at his wild-eyed stare. She’d seen looks like that on strung-out drug addicts and street people who talked to themselves. Garrin might regain his sanity; she hoped he eventually would. Right now, however, she couldn’t imagine anyone believing him if he rattled on about shape-shifting or dead cougars who disappeared, let alone his insistence that he’d seen her talking to one of the predators.
The Tocho men emerged dressed in clothing she suspected had once belonged to hikers. “They’re ready,” Hok’ee said. “Do you want to make your call now, or wait until you’re back at your camp?”
He hadn’t said it, but she understood the message behind his words. He wasn’t going to leave here.
Not rushing her reaction or thoughts, she headed toward where the men had gone for their clothes. This close to Ghost House, she felt overwhelmed by it. Not only did it loom over her, she swore she could sense the effort it had taken to create the amazing structure. Seeing Anasazi ruins with her father had been one thing. She’d been impressed by the workmanship that remained, but countless years had sanded away a great deal. The ruins had been, in essence, dead.
In contrast, Ghost House, despite its name, served as a vibrant tribute to those who’d built it. There’d been almost no sanding away of the outer surface, and the details were amazing. She spotted notches in the stone made by whatever tools the Anasazi had used during construction. If she touched those notches, would she see the long-dead workmen?
Only if she was in contact with Cougar at the same time.
He was behind her, silent in that way of his, alive in ways she was just learning to comprehend.
Alive.
Tears burned her eyes and sealed her throat. Standing with her back to the man who’d changed her wor
ld, she asked herself if he’d ever understand her tears, or care enough to ask.
Determined not to drown in the grief she’d hoped she’d put behind her, she lightly touched the wall. “How did Garrin find this?” she whispered. “All these years, and no one has. If I hadn’t been following you—”
“Maybe we’ll never know.” Hok’ee rested a hand on her shoulder. “Shortly before he died, Anaba told me that Garrin had been here.”
Anaba. Hearing Hok’ee friend’s name gave her something to think about. Although it didn’t entirely distract her from the warmth on her shoulder, she called up the memory of the incredible glimpses into the ancient world she’d seen right after Anaba’s body had faded to nothing. Maybe what remained of Anaba was responsible for her being here.
Maybe his essence remained.
“I’m not going to leave,” she told Hok’ee. “This place—I have to stay.”
24
Using a low battery as her excuse, she kept the call to Dr. Carter as brief as possible. Garrin had suffered some kind of mental breakdown and needed immediate medical attention. Fortunately, a group of hikers had offered to take him out on the ATV she and Garrin had used to get here. She’d decided to stay where Garrin had had his breakdown. No, she was fine. She could remain here until the university group showed up. In fact, she intended to use her solitude to connect with as much of the area’s wildlife as possible. Two, three days, it didn’t matter. It wasn’t as if she’d never been in remote areas.
“This is really what you want to do?” Hok’ee asked when she’d finished her conversation.
“Yes.” Determined to make her point, she again touched the stone wall. “My dad devoted much of his working life to places like this. I want to follow in his footsteps.”
She’d had her back to Hok’ee because it was safer, but when he took hold of her shoulders and turned her around, she didn’t fight. Having his hands on her took her back to those early hours with him. At the beginning of their relationship, everything had been about him. He’d controlled, not just her body, but her sexual responses. He’d taken her deep into herself, where she’d found not strength of will, but a primal slut. She wasn’t ashamed of what he’d pulled out of her; regret changed nothing.