Feeling frustration, I decided to speak to her.
“Can you hear me?”
She nodded; wiping the tears from her face that more closely resembled dripping wax.
“Can you speak to me?”
She opened her mouth to speak, but all I could hear was static. Frustrated, she continued to try, causing the static to become more distorted.
“Maybe we should try later,” I humored her.
She shook her head and tried to grab my arm. Her efforts were in vain, for she was unable to touch me just as I had failed to comfort her. I felt bad for her. I didn’t know how else to reach her. It seemed the only way we could communicate was for me to ask questions and for her to nod her head. So I went back to that.
“Do you want me to read more?’
She looked at me for a moment, seemingly deep in thought; if ghosts could actually think, and then, nodded her head. I picked up the book and read several more entries until I thought I couldn’t take it anymore. She pushed a hand at me, as though to urge me to keep reading, so I reluctantly turned the page and began reading a fresh entry in the worn journal.
Tuesday, March 5, 1901
Mr. Leesburg did not come today for our studies. Fredrick chose to have a free day, but I know when our instructor returns on Thursday for tutoring, he will be pleased to see I finished my lessons and Fredrick did not. I don’t know why he doesn’t care if he gets a scolding for not obeying the rules. Momma always tells me a proper young lady is as smart as she is accomplished in all subjects. If only she would get her strength back so we can resume our piano lessons. Momma says I don’t need any more lessons because I play as well as she does, but I miss the time she spent with me when we played together. Every day she tells me perhaps tomorrow, but when tomorrow comes, she still has not enough strength to take more than a few steps from her bed. It is an improvement from only a few weeks ago, but it’s not quickly enough for me.
Lizzie won’t go in Momma’s room anymore. She cries and won’t even look at her. I can see in Momma’s eyes that it hurts her feelings, but Lizzie clings to me and won’t let go.
That poor woman. How awful it must have been for her to be so sick, and have her own child reject her. I looked at Amelia, and by the expression on her face, I could tell she didn’t understand.
“I think babies are like animals. They can sense when something is wrong. I’m sure that’s why Lizzie didn’t want to go near your momma when she was so sick. Maybe she could sense that your momma was dying.”
Amelia shook her head as if to deny what I was saying, and I wondered if she was disagreeing with me, or if she was refuting my words of encouragement toward her. Since I’d been gone for a lot longer than I’d planned, I needed to return to the cottage even though I didn’t want to leave Amelia alone.
“Can you leave the manor again? You are more than welcome to go back to your Aunt Lucinda’s cottage with me.”
She scowled at me and disappeared quickly. Fearing she was angry with me, I called out to her, but she did not appear. As I walked the upstairs hallway, I peeked in each of the children’s rooms, but none of the children were to be found.
Feeling discouraged, I hurried down the stairs and out the front door. The short drive back to the cottage almost seemed unreal. The trees passed by in slow motion, as though I were dreaming. I tried going faster, eager to get back and hold my child, but I just couldn’t get there fast enough.
After a nap with Sophia, I felt better about my discoveries at the manor. Emily had gone to do some shopping for the party, and just stepped in the kitchen door. She immediately began to drill me for information about Amelia instead of going over the details of the party that would take place in only a few weeks. She was especially surprised in my interest in Dr. Blackwell’s apothecary.
“You know me, Em. I hate taking medicine of any kind. If I can somehow perfect Dr. Blackwell’s patented formulas by removing the narcotics, I could probably bring his business back to life.”
“That sounds like a great idea, Claire. But it sounds like a lot of work for a new mom with another baby on the way.”
I showed Emily the medicine journal I’d removed from Dr. Blackwell’s apothecary room.
“It won’t take much effort. I could rewrite the recipes without the narcotics, then, present them to the patent office with a few samples, and I think I could market it. Some of this stuff is really good. And with the internet, I could sell far more than Dr. Blackwell ever did. I think I’ll keep his name on everything since they were his original creations.”
Emily raised an eyebrow at me. “You’re forgetting one thing. Dr. Blackwell is known as a murderer. No one is going to buy anything that’s linked to a murderer.”
I could feel the discouragement setting deep in my brow, despite my best efforts to relax. “You’re right. That does pose a problem. I guess I didn’t think that far ahead. I was so excited with his research and medicines he used to help his wife’s leukemia, I just lost sight of the big picture.”
Emily placed a consoling hand on my arm. “I know you mean well, but you’re forgetting another key point in all of this. Mrs. Blackwell died from the leukemia. He didn’t cure her like he set out to do.”
I forced a weak smile. “You’re right again.”
Tossing aside the book, I surrendered to the feelings of discouragement rising up in me again. All I could think about was getting back to Amelia. I worried she was angry with me, and I didn’t want to break the trust she’d already placed in me.
CHAPTER TEN
Nausea clung to me like we were Siamese twins, destined never to be separated. No matter how many soda crackers or sips of ginger ale I consumed, I couldn’t keep it at bay long enough to get back to the manor. Days had passed since I’d left things unsettled with Amelia, and I suspected my guilt over it contributed to my stomach churning uncontrollably. I was thankful Hillary had loaned me her nanny for the past few days, or I may not have survived the constant rollercoaster my body was riding. Between the dizziness and the near-vomiting, I wasn’t sure how I would survive even another month of this. I was excited about the baby, but the morning sickness that seemed to cling to me all day was almost more than I could bear. Ben was especially supportive, and often woke with Sophia for me, but that just added to my feelings of guilt.
This morning, however, was the first morning I’d felt somewhat normal in over a week. Despite Ben’s advice to take it easy one more day, I knew I needed to get back to the manor and smooth things over with Amelia. I couldn’t trust that I would feel this good tomorrow, so I made arrangements with Emily to bring Isabelle for a play-date so I could finish what I’d started at the manor. Besides, I felt an overwhelming need to settle the matter with Amelia before we invaded her space with the party we intended to throw at the manor.
Amelia seemed to be waiting for me when I opened the front door to the manor. An impatient look spread across her ghostly face, as though she’d waited every day for the past week for my return. I looked her in the face and apologized, hoping it made a difference to her, and it seemed to. But she quickly floated up the stairs; looking over her shoulder to be sure I was following her. Once I settled myself at the little table in the nursery, I opened Amelia’s journal to the page where I’d left off.
Friday, March 15, 1901
Mr. Leesburg sent word today that he would not be here to tutor us since he is feeling under the weather. I was sad to have my routine interrupted, but Fredrick viewed Mr. Leesburg’s absence as an excuse to toss aside his studies for another day. Daddy lectures him that he will fall behind in his studies, and I will surpass him academically if he does not straighten out his crooked ways of thinking.
In the afternoon, Fredrick and I took Lizzie to the lake to see if the ice was still frozen. I could see it was thinning, but Fredrick continued to slide across the frozen lake with his slippery shoes until we heard the ice cracking beneath his weight. I fear that he
will someday break through and drown in the icy water since he refuses to see the danger of his foolishness.
Lizzie, of course, always tries to mimic our brother’s actions, and it makes me worry for her safety as well. I know I must watch her every minute to be sure she does not do anything that would put her in harm’s way. Fredrick, however, shows no concern for her safety, and his careless behavior makes me angry.
I turned the page and read on without looking up at Amelia, who sat very still beside me. I was beginning to understand the responsibility placed on the little girl’s shoulders by her circumstances. I continued to read one entry after another that detailed the stress the child was under from having to care for her baby sister, and the sense of responsibility she felt toward her mother’s care.
Wednesday, April 3, 1901
Today was Fredrick’s birthday. Mr. Leesburg gave Fredrick a free day yesterday, but warned him he would give him double the work on Friday. Fredrick gave him his word that he would be diligent with his studies, but I know when Friday arrives, Fredrick will quarrel with Mr. Leesburg and try to bargain his way out of the extra work.
Daddy carried Momma out to the lawn and put her in a chair so she could watch us play croquet. She was still in her night clothes, but Daddy bundled her up with quilts and her knitted shawl. She was nearly as pale as her parasol, but her eyes looked brighter than I’ve seen them for months. I sat close to Momma today, dreading the moment her smile would fade away. I was delighted to see that she wore her smile most of the day.
Daddy and Fredrick busied themselves with the kite Daddy made for him. I gave Fredrick a rock I’d found in the woods. It was a grey oval rock with a fossil of a caterpillar on one side, and the fossil of a leaf from the birch trees on the other side. I’m not sure he liked my gift, but I didn’t know what else to give him.
A lump formed in my throat. “I would have loved to have the fossil rock. I’m sure Fredrick appreciated the fact that you thought of him on his birthday. I think it’s a wonderful gift.”
Her billowing figure rose from the chair and motioned for me to follow her. Out into the hall, I followed her into Fredrick’s room. She stopped beside his bureau where the fossil rock rested near a bowl of marbles. I picked it up to examine both sides. It was just as she’d described in her journal, and I was delighted to see it. I smiled at her, hoping she’d understand. It was odd that communicating with her had almost become second nature to me—as though I’d been talking to ghosts all my life. Maybe it was my destiny to inherit the property. Perhaps I was here to help Amelia in a way only she knew.
Back in the nursery, I picked up the thick journal and began to read again.
Saturday, April 13, 1901
This afternoon, I explored the plants and trees in the woods using the botanical book Mr. Leesburg loaned to me for studying. Unfortunately, when I examined the Sumac plant too closely, it resulted in a rash that itches in the most un-lady-like manner. Daddy gave me some soda powder to sprinkle on my stomach and arms, and told me not worry. He promised me the rash would be gone within a day or two, but it is so uncomfortable.
I suppressed a laugh. “I remember when I got the same rash when I brought my momma the pretty red blooms from the Sumac plant. Those fuzzy, red plumes are hard to resist. She let me put them in a vase since I’d already touched them. And of course, she thanked me, then, sat me down and told me why I couldn’t pick the Sumac flowers. By the time she finished her lecture, I was itching so much she didn’t have to tell me again. I was itchy for three days.”
Amelia smiled. The first real smile I’d seen from her. It was nice that I could relate to her. I dipped my head back down and continued to read, hoping I could continue to learn more about this child that was trapped between life and death. Hopefully I would soon understand why. Several entries contained similar descriptions of a little girl’s adventures in life, until I came upon another that tugged at my heart.
Sunday, April 28, 1901
Momma went to church with us this morning for the first time since last August. The nurse helped her with her fanciest hat, but her hair looked strange and snarled. It worries me that Momma has been sick so long, but she must be improving if she was able to attend the church services. She has good days and bad days, but today was a good day. Even Reverend Hargrove commented on how well she looked.
I could see by the look in her eyes that the trip had meant a great deal to her, but I supposed it didn’t matter now. She urged me to continue reading.
Thursday, May 2, 1901
Today was Daddy’s birthday. I made his favorite chocolate cake. Daddy took Momma out to the lawn again, but he surprised her with a wheeled chair to roll her out to the garden. The contraption must have cost him a great deal of money because Momma fussed with him over it. He told her it was his birthday and he convinced her the chair was the best gift he could have because that meant he could spend time with his beautiful wife alone in the garden. It was wonderful to see them happy together the way they were before Momma fell ill.
I looked up from the page. “Your parents were very much in love.”
Amelia nodded her head, tilting it as though remembering the day.
No wonder he was so distraught after his wife’s death that he hung himself. But that still doesn’t explain what happened to the children…unless he went totally mad.
“Do you know what happened to your father after your mother died?”
Her expression changed. Suddenly, small objects began to fly around the room, smashing against the walls. I ducked my head and screamed, nearly getting hit with a framed picture of Lizzie.
“I’m sorry, Amelia. I didn’t mean to upset you. But you must stop this tantrum at once.”
The objects fell to floor from their positions in mid-air. I let out the breath I’d been holding in as quiet enveloped the room once again. I felt sorry for her, but wasn’t sure how I could help her.
“I don’t think this is helping you, Amelia.”
She flashed me a pleading look.
“Do you know who I am?”
Confusion set deep in her hollow eyes.
I didn’t want to confuse her more, but I had to tell her as gently as possible. “Your Aunt Lucinda is my great, great, great grandmother. Do you understand that?”
She nodded her head.
“So then you understand that more than one hundred years has passed since you lived in this house?”
Another nod.
We were making progress.
“And you understand you and I are related?”
A final nod.
“Then you also need to understand I want to figure out why you are still hanging around the manor. Do you know why you’re still here?”
She pointed to her journal.
“Is there something in this journal that is keeping you here? Do you have a specific problem that you need to fix?”
Nodding of her head on both accounts made me eager to stay and read the entire journal right here and now, but I’d promised Emily I wouldn’t stay too long. That, and I promised myself I would spend more time with my new daughter. I’d been neglecting her a little lately between the morning sickness and spending so much time here with Amelia. But how could I leave this poor child when she looked at me as though I was her only hope?
“I must go for a little while, but I will come back in the morning to finish reading for you so we can see if we can figure out what the problem is and why you’re still here.”
I could see by the look on her face that she wasn’t pleased with what I’d said. Unfortunately, it couldn’t be helped. I had to be with my child because my child was alive and needed me. Amelia was no longer living, and I felt in some ways I was wasting time with her. Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to her lingering than she let on. Maybe she was hiding something from me. Or was it possible she was trying to tell me something important?
When Ben pulled into the drive, my heart jumped. I
’d been lost in thought about Amelia and the set-back we seemed to have had earlier in the day. I smoothed back my hair and cleared my thoughts, feeling determined to spend a nice evening with my gorgeous husband.
He entered in through the kitchen door with a handful of flowers. A smile crossed his lips when he saw me sitting at the table with Sophia, who sat in her highchair eating little bites of peaches. He bent down and placed a kiss on the baby’s cheek causing her to giggle delightfully. Then he grabbed hold of my hands and lifted me from the chair to meet his lips with mine. His kiss was soft and sensual, and it amazed me that kissing him could still make me feel weak in the knees. His hands moved to my already swelling abdomen, causing a rush of adrenalin to course through my body. I wasn’t sure if it was the pregnancy hormones that made me so warm with desire for him lately, but I knew in my heart that I was falling more deeply in love with him with each passing day.
He stopped kissing me for a minute. “I’ve arranged for Hillary to be here in thirty minutes so I can take my sexy wife on a date. Where would you like to go?”
I raised an eyebrow and smiled. “How about our room at the Wellington Suites?”
“Did I mention how sexy I think you are?”
“You can say it again if you want, but I think we both know you’re going to get lucky tonight.”
He kissed me, unable to stop grinning. “Well then. Lucky me.”
I held him close; knowing tonight would be a very special night.
Hillary stayed overnight with Sophia, and even though Ben had to go to work this morning, I lingered in bed with him. I enjoyed the freedom of being nude with my husband since we had to wear pajamas at home. Sophia woke so often during the night that we couldn’t be as free at home as we were together now.
The Apothecary's Daughter (Romance/Mystery/Suspense) Page 14