“Taking off my shoes?” he said as he turned to smile at her over his shoulder.
“But I mean, you’re not staying, right?”
“In this room?” He pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it on the floor. He’d been wearing blue scrubs all day, but now she was staring at the expanse of his chest. His muscular, finely chiseled chest. “Yep.”
Holy shit. She stopped breathing as he slid under the covers on the other side of the bed. At least he hadn’t taken off his pants, but still. No. No no no no no. “Grayson, no.”
“No, what?” he asked as he turned his head to face her.
“No, you can’t sleep in the same bed as me.” Though he’d made it seem so natural. If she hadn’t questioned him, would they have gone to sleep like an old married couple at the end of a long day?
She could not have him in the bed with her. She would never be able to relax.
He leaned over to the nightstand and flipped off the light, plunging them into almost total darkness. And then he settled onto his back.
She stared at him in shock, or she assumed she was staring at him. She was facing his general direction at least.
“Go to sleep, Bianca. I don’t have any nefarious intentions. I’m not about to leave you alone when you can barely stand on your own. There’s no way I would be able to relax if I slept in another room knowing you would be stuck shouting for help. It was okay in the clinic, but not here.”
“But…”
“But nothing. You know I’m right. Think about it.”
“Grayson… I…” I don’t sleep with men. I’ve never slept with a man. I don’t even like to be near men.
“Not touching you, Bianca. I’m way over here.” Did he sound a little miffed? His voice had an exasperated quality.
She cringed inwardly, deciding it might be better not to needle him. She didn’t know him that well, after all. She’d let herself get comfortable with him. But she had no way of knowing how short his fuse was or what it took to snap it.
Why did he have to be so damn logical anyway? Of course she needed him nearby. She sighed and sank into the mattress. He was right. He wasn’t touching her. There was a foot of space between them. She closed her eyes and tried to relax.
Even though Dade had assured her that his hacker, Spencer Casey, was monitoring every move from Blue Cell and knew who they were targeting at any given moment, nothing about this arrangement sat well with her. She couldn’t imagine how they were ever going to be safe again.
Grayson didn’t move an inch. She could barely hear him breathing. She knew there was no way he was asleep, but she had to give him kudos for chivalry.
The truth was, she was exhausted. As usual. She hadn’t managed to stay awake for an entire day yet, and every night she’d slept hard for long hours. If she could relax enough to get her heart rate to slow down, she would do so again now.
After several long minutes, when her eyes had adjusted enough to make him out in the dark, she rolled onto her side, facing him, and reached out with her hand to set it on top of his where his rested on his belly. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Maybe if she apologized, she could rest. Maybe he would give her a sign that he wasn’t angry.
He set his other hand on top of hers. “Nothing to be sorry about. I get it. This arrangement is weird. You didn’t ask to wake up in a strange place where the only person you’ve ever seen before isn’t even someone you’ve spoken to.” His voice was calmer. Soothing. Not remotely frustrated now.
“I’ve spoken to you before.” Had she? She wasn’t entirely sure.
He turned his head toward her, threading his fingers between hers. “I don’t think so, but that’s not the point. I know you’re a private person, and I understand your reasons a lot better now than I did before we were vitrified.
“But know this, Bianca. I’m not a dick. I like you. And now that I’ve actually had conversations with you, and I know you better, I find we have a lot in common. At the very least, I’m certain we can be friends while we work through this storm together. But under no circumstances will I be pouncing on you in the night. My mother raised me better than that.
“I never pressured a woman before I was preserved, and I won’t be starting now while I’m on the run with a woman who can barely lift her head. So, breathe easy and know that my intentions toward you right now lean in the direction of keeping you alive and getting you on your feet.”
She smiled instinctively at the last few words he’d spoken. “Right now?” What was wrong with her? She should not find him endearing. Nor should she point it out. Jesus.
He chuckled. “Can’t make promises about the future. Like I said, I like you.” He dragged their combined hands up to his face and rubbed the back of her fingers along his jaw. “But as I also pointed out, I’m a nice guy. I want you to know you can count on me.”
Warmth spread through her body. It was a novel experience. Being this close to someone was new in and of itself. Sleeping in the same bed as a man was not on her bucket list. It wasn’t on any list.
It wasn’t that she didn’t crave being touched, though he probably thought that was the case. It was just that she hadn’t allowed herself to be in situations where anyone might touch her so intimately. The ultimate act of self-preservation. If she never permitted anyone to get close—either emotionally or physically—she would never have to explain her childhood. Nor would she have to deal with the possible repercussions of allowing herself to be vulnerable.
Her childhood was shameful. She didn’t like to talk about it. She’d never wanted anyone to know about her scars or how she’d gotten them. It was weird enough now that she realized several people knew she’d been abused. But the line stopped there.
She would never be comfortable enough with a man to talk about them. She didn’t even have girlfriends for that reason because eventually there would be shopping, trying on clothes, sleepovers, swimming. None of those were things she did because she didn’t want to explain.
She’d worked hard her entire life to be someone different from the girl who’d been abused for so many years. Her past always followed her and haunted her, but she could at least protect herself from revealing it or getting into a situation where it might happen again.
Grayson was different somehow. He didn’t demand explanations. He’d shared a piece of himself with her, and she felt like she owed him a piece of herself in return. As a friend. Because the truth was, she could use a friend. And Grayson was likely to be the primary person in her life for a while.
Was she holding Grayson back from someplace he’d rather be? Surely, but he would never admit it out loud because the obvious truth was he was a good guy, and he cared about other people. She smiled before she sobered again.
It was her turn to speak, though she didn’t believe for a moment he felt like she should reciprocate. This was all her. She took a slight breath. “My mother held my hand like that when I was a little girl.”
He might have flinched slightly. She couldn’t be sure. But he pressed her fingers against his chest where he’d moved their still-combined hands. His idea of friendship was a little too friendly, but she found she didn’t mind. And she believed he would never cross a line that would make her uncomfortable.
“In truth, it was probably before I was old enough that I should be able to remember it. I remember holding her fingers with mine. She would press my smaller ones against her lips and kiss them individually until I fell asleep. I think she did it to keep me quiet. That memory stands out as one of the few intimacies I’ve ever experienced.”
Yeah, she gave him a lot. He definitely flinched, but he didn’t give her pity or anger. “It’s a wonderful memory. I can see why you cherish it.” He didn’t pressure her to continue. He didn’t ask any questions. He just let the silence reign again.
She found herself relaxing into the pillow, calmer now. She actually liked having him next to her. And he was right, if she needed help in the night, it would be much easier if
he were close by.
Several more minutes went by. She knew he wasn’t sleeping because he was still holding her hand. Finally, he eased it up to his lips and gently kissed every finger, one at a time.
Tears slid from her eyes. Silent tears she would not share with him. She didn’t even wipe them away, and she was too choked up to speak. It wasn’t required anyway. Instead, she took several deep breaths and fell asleep.
Chapter 4
The next three days flew by in a new routine. Bianca got stronger every day, but not at the pace she would have liked. She enjoyed having Kate around, but it was weird befriending both her and Graham so that by the end of day one, she knew them both better than she had after working with them an entire year.
Neither of them knew her story, and that made it even easier. They didn’t look at her with sorrow. They simply laughed off her personality shift by saying everyone on the team had awoken to find themselves feeling like a different person.
Bianca insisted on exercising more than recommended, wanting desperately to get on her feet. Literally.
Kate and Grayson took turns helping her stretch and then giving her exercises to do to improve her fine motor skills. By the end of the third day with the Kobricks, Bianca could easily stand on her own and even dress herself in less than ten minutes.
Graham had left her totally in the dust, and because of his persistence, he and Kate were heading back to the bunker. They had a mission that scared the crap out of Bianca and made their entire situation seem far more real than she’d allowed herself to consider.
The hacker, Spencer, had been ordered by Blue Cell to delete the data from the mainframe, and Graham’s mission was to save it. It was unsettling how much Spencer knew about all of them. She’d been assured by everyone that he was on their side, but part of her didn’t trust how much information he was privy to. He even knew who was being targeted and in what order. At the moment, according to Spencer, Grayson and Bianca were not on the radar.
Nevertheless, Bianca finally understood the severity of their situation. This was serious. She needed to get in the game and find a way to help. Everyone on her team and several people from the new team were working tirelessly to figure out who was working with Blue Cell to jeopardize their mission and why.
After Kate and Graham drove away, Bianca felt a void. It had been nice having them around for three days. Eliza and Jerry were wonderful hosts, but they didn’t fully understand what it was like to awaken after ten years of hibernation.
Grayson did, though, and he was still by her side. She continued to fear she was holding him back.
“You should have gone with them,” she said for the tenth time that morning.
They were on the beautiful wraparound porch. He shot her a glare as he turned around to lean against the railing, crossing his arms as he stared her down. She was sitting on the porch swing, not quite strong enough to have managed the stairs as the rest of them hugged Kate and Graham by the car. She needed to feel grateful that she could hold her head up, walk tentatively to get outside, and even push the swing now and then with her toes. Baby steps.
“When are you going to let that go?”
She shrugged. “Never. I’m holding you back, and you know it.”
“You’re doing nothing of the sort, so stop with the pity party.”
Her mouth fell open.
“That’s right. I know you well enough to realize your life goal is to keep your secrets close to your heart so no one will look at you with pity. So, stop thinking about yourself in such pitiful terms.” He shoved off the railing and closed the distance between them in two strides.
She inched back as he set his hands on the back of the swing next to her shoulders, steadying it and forcing her to look at him. “I’m not feeling sorry for myself,” she insisted.
“Aren’t you?” He lifted a brow. “Not one of us has jumped back on our feet as quickly as Graham, so I want you to stop comparing yourself to him. I’m not sure he’s even human. You’re right on track with the stages the rest of us went through.”
She nodded. “But I am strong enough for you to have left me here and gone with them to the bunker. I know you’re itching to help out, and I’m dead weight,” she repeated.
“And yet, you’re wrong. Turns out, I enjoy your company, now that I know you’re capable of speech and human interaction,” he teased with a slight lift of his mouth.
She rolled her eyes, but he was more correct than he knew. It was shocking even to her how she’d changed and opened up to other people. Did it have something to do with a chemical change in her brain from the preservation? Or was her personality shift a product of knowing her secrets were out, and it would only be a matter of time before people asked her about it?
In a way, she felt lighter. The burden of carrying such a heavy secret was enormous. Even though she hadn’t spoken a word yet about her childhood, Grayson could guess the gist, and that alone was huge.
Grayson slid onto the bench next to her, wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and pulled her head down to rest against him. He gave them a shove, and the swing started moving. Then he spoke again. “We all have jobs. All of them are important. Mine is to keep you safe and get you healthy. Now that you’re able to do more on your own, I’m going to start helping Ryan and Dade from behind the scenes. We have a laptop. We have internet.”
She tipped her head back and found him looking down at her.
“I’m not leaving you, so get over it.”
She nodded, a knot forming in her throat that was becoming a part of her body lately. Grayson was always there for her. Every day. Attentive. He brought her meals, carried her from room to room, ensured she had a blanket or a drink or a book. He was so regularly kind that she often choked up. “Thank you.”
Later that night, Grayson was lying in bed, his computer in his lap, when Bianca entered the room. She wasn’t wearing scrubs. In fact, she had on a loose T-shirt and a pair of sleep shorts.
She slid between the covers before propping up on her elbow and meeting his gaze. “I’m not an invalid anymore. There are four bedrooms in this wing of the house. You could even move to the master suite now if you want.”
He closed the computer, set it on the nightstand, and turned off the light. Then he reached for her slight frame and hauled her against his side, wrapping one arm around her body so that she rested her cheek on his chest, her body lined up with his. “I could, but I don’t want to.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Really. You’re not a burden. I like this. I like being with you.”
She blew out a long breath and paused for what felt like an eternity, as if she were weighing something. Finally, she said, “Okay.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
Thank you, God. He’d worried about this confrontation for a few days, wondering when and if she might point out those very facts. He hadn’t been sure how he would handle the situation, but he did know he had no intention of moving to another room.
He took the liberty of stroking his fingers up and down her arm. This relationship was odd and unconventional. Anyone watching them together would have to assume they were a couple. And frankly, Grayson found himself pretending exactly that most of the time.
But they weren’t a couple. They were close friends. Or something… He wasn’t quite sure. As long as he kept things platonic, she didn’t panic, but he knew if he even suggested taking their relationship to another level, she would freak out. So he would wait, but he wouldn’t give her an inch of space. Not even in bed. In fact, it was a huge step just to haul her into his arms.
She flattened her small hand on his waist, speaking the words he never wanted to hear, as if she’d read his mind. “I can’t give you more than this small piece of me, Grayson.”
“Did I ask for more?”
“Not in words.”
He smiled. She was astute. “Touché.”
“I’m not kidding. I get the impression you think you migh
t wear me down. But you won’t. I’m not relationship material.”
He paused his stroking. “What does that even mean?”
“It means I’m way too guarded to ever fully open up to anyone. It means you’re wasting your time if you think I’ll give in one day and let you get closer to me.”
“You’re closer to me right now,” he pointed out, not hiding the slight mirth in his voice. And you’re wearing shorts. He shocked himself every time he managed to remain completely calm while she rebuked him over and over. He had no idea what battle he was waging, but he did know he was up for the challenge.
They were living in intense circumstances. Now was not the time to attempt to convince a woman to let him get between her legs. Especially not this woman. Instinctively he knew the man she would let close to her would be for life. And he was nowhere near ready to make that sort of commitment to anyone. But he could keep her close and let things develop at their own pace.
What he knew for sure was that she enjoyed his company as much as he did hers. And that was enough for now.
She set her chin on his chest, facing him, even though he could hardly make out her features. He noticed she always relaxed a bit more when the lights were out. Figured.
He’d considered asking Damon just how bad these scars of hers were, in case he ever found himself in the position to actually see them. But for some reason, that felt like cheating. She would share what she wanted to share on her time. And besides, he knew nothing about her physical appearance would ever make a difference to him. It was what was in her heart that mattered. And, from what she’d let him see, her heart was beautiful.
“If I’m leading you on, I’ll move to my side of the bed.”
He chuckled and held her tighter. “You’re not leading me on.” He was wearing shorts too, and he was super aware of her sweet leg against his every time she moved even an inch. “Sleep.” He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. Another bold move. He had no idea what the hell he was thinking, but he couldn’t stop himself from taking every inch she gave him.
Reviving Bianca Page 4