“That was a joke, dumbarse. I do not get special treatment,” I complain, and then I groan when Ali grasps my balls and squeezes.
“Uh, yeah you do. It’s the Cooper Ryan show, dude,” he says, and then adds, “which is great if you happen to be Cooper Ryan.”
“Fuck off,” I argue. “It’s not like that.”
“You know what? We should disregard what I said before and just fuck,” Ali says, throwing us way off-topic. “One last time, you know. Get it all out of our systems. I mean, what’s the harm, right?”
Neither one of us need much convincing.
When the lights come on and the elevator finally starts up again, Ali is writhing on top of me, my hands on her clit and Levi’s cock in her mouth. We both finished before she had the chance to come again, and I feel like a complete prick because of it.
The three of us struggle to put our clothes to rights. She has sex hair, her pale cheeks are flushed with desire, and she looks so fucking edible that for a moment I wish the elevator would stop again. And then I think about us plunging to our deaths and that desire is quickly forgotten. Ali smooths down her hair as the lift comes to a stop, and the doors open on the lobby. There’s a team of hotel staff stationed in front of us, offering apologies and refreshments. We’re told our stay will be complimentary because of the hour that we were trapped in a fucking elevator that went unnoticed. It was another forty-five minutes before they sent a technician in to get us out. We walk through the lobby. Outside, a crowd of fans huddle around the lobby doors, held back by a barricade. I put on a brave face as we walk out to greet them.
“Cooper, are you okay?” a teenage girl asks. Another shrieks as I approach her.
“Well, it was touch and go there for a while, but I think I’ll live.” I grin. Everywhere, faceless women thrust photos and album covers under my nose for me to sign. They snap pictures on their smart phones and blind me with their flashes.
“Oh my god, you poor baby. I have a fear of confined spaces too,” a blonde woman with a strong southern accent cries, and I wonder how she knows something so personal about me. Fuck. Does she know what I ate for breakfast this morning? Or how I like my dick sucked? “If you need a hug, I’m all yours, sugar.”
“I’ll do it naked, Coop,” another girl says, and I can’t even bring myself to smile and say what I’m supposed to, because in this moment it feels as if I can never have anything that’s just for me again. I glance behind me at Ali, who’s watching me instead of climbing in the awaiting car, and I think she gets it. She gets me.
Levi’s watching me, too. He leans in and whispers, “Dude, snap out of it.”
And then he raises his voice so he can be heard above the crowd. “Never mind Coop, I had to spend two hours locked in a box with his stupid arse. Ladies, there were clothes shed. I’m not gonna lie, but what happens in the elevator between band mates stays in the elevator,” he says, and with a wink he has them all eating out of the palm of his hand. He signs autographs and poses with fans. One girl grabs his sleeve and yanks him closer across the barricade to get a picture.
“Whoa, princess, I’m not going anywhere,” he jokes, and then snatches her phone, throwing his arms around her shoulders in an attempt to get a perfect shot. He takes one picture and then another where he’s kissing her cheek. She squeals when he releases her and yells, “Oh my god, you smell amazing!”
“Thanks, babe. It’s a new aftershave I’m trying out. It’s called Red,” he says, and turns to wink at Ali. She flushes and climbs in the car.
We were supposed to be at sound check half an hour ago, so after a few more pictures and signatures we’re ushered into an awaiting limo, courtesy of the hotel. I sit opposite Ali and Levi, needing to get my head straight before tonight’s show. I can’t think properly when her body is pressed against mine and her scent is all around me, smothering any rational thought I might have.
Once we’re in and the driver peels the car away from the curb, Ali laughs. “Jesus, we smell like come.”
“No, you smell like come.” Levi bites down on her lobe, grinning as she throws her head back.
“You know what the worst part is?” she asks breathlessly
“What?” he breathes in her ear, snaking his fingertips up and down her thigh, playing her like he would his guitar. He slides his hands beneath her skirt and spreads her legs apart, slipping inside her panties.
She gasps. “I don’t even know whose come it is.”
“Does it matter?” Levi asks.
“Oddly, no. It doesn’t,” she answers honestly. And it is honest. It’s perhaps the most honest thing I’ve heard for months. It doesn’t matter.
“Levi, stop,” she moans, her legs beginning to tremble. “We’re not alone.”
“Who? This guy?” Levi says, as he stops kissing her neck and thumbs a finger toward the driver. “He doesn’t give a shit. He sees this kind of stuff all day long, isn’t that right, mate?”
Like all discreet drivers who value their jobs, he doesn’t say a thing. Levi hooks his thumbs in Ali’s panties and yanks them down her hips. He brings them to his nose and inhales deeply, and then he covers his face with them and flops back against his seat, still working her pink cunt with one hand. “Fuck me, I could breathe in that scent all day long. I’m keeping these.”
Ali laughs. “Oh my god, you’re such a fucking animal.”
“You’re so fucked up,” I say.
“Are you telling me you wouldn’t wanna smell her sweet cunt all day?”
“I’m telling you I wouldn’t walk around all day with her panties on my face.”
“Just her pussy, right?” He grins.
“Just her pussy.”
“You’re both freaks,” Ali says.
“Sexual deviants have more fun.” Levi rubs her clit faster, and she takes a deep shuddering breath.
“Is that what we are? Sexual deviants?” She frowns as she says it. “Are we making a big mistake here?”
“Does it feel like a big mistake?” I ask.
She grins mischievously. “No.”
“Then who the fuck cares?” Levi asks, and I have to agree with him. “Now, slide over here and suck my cock while Ryan eats you out, Red.”
I pull a fifty from my wallet and slide it over our driver’s shoulder. “Find us some traffic to get lost in.”
“Certainly, sir,” he says, taking the money and placing it into his vest pocket. He flips his indicator on and makes a series of turns, heading into peak-hour traffic through the city.
I hit the switch on the armrest, watching as the partition slides up, sealing us into darkened air-conditioned comfort. Our own little world. We all stare at one another, and then Levi grabs Ali around the nape of the neck and pulls her in for a kiss. I watch, feeling the first stirrings of jealousy because I want it to be my mouth she’s mauling, my lips she’s feeding kisses off of.
She pulls away from his mouth, gasping for breath and slides off the bench seat, coming to rest between his knees. She unzips his pants and pulls them down his hips, because the fucking bastard is so big that unzipping only shows you the midsection of his dick. It’s good that I’m comfortable in my own skin, because fuck me, if I were a self-conscious man I would have walked away after knowing Ali had fucked him that night in Vegas.
My vision is partly obstructed by Ali, but the sight of her head bobbing as she takes him in her mouth is all I need to know what’s going on. Levi meets my gaze across the limo. There’s gloating there—that much is obvious—but there’s also understanding. When you spend as much time together as we do, you come to know your band mates pretty well, and for all his talk, he’s not as big of a douche as he claims to be. He may not ever sleep with the same woman more than once—with the exception of Ali, I guess—but I know he’s not immune to the loneliness our lifestyle creates. It’s strange how you can be adored by millions and yet completely alone all at the same time.
He slides his hand into her hair and closes his eyes, throwing his head back against
the seat.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he whispers, and then he gathers her hair to the side and shifts her body so that my view is completely unobstructed. I watch as she works her hands up his shaft in time with her mouth. He doesn’t attempt to fuck the back of her throat and make her choke on it, the way we both had that first night we fucked her. Instead, his touch is gentle. Reverent.
It makes me crazy, and hot as fucking hell. I shift uncomfortably, adjusting my cock within my jeans. I don’t make a move towards them, though I want to. I want to bury myself inside her and mark her as mine, but at this point the lines are so fucking blurred it doesn’t matter whom she belongs to. Him. Me. The both of us, or neither one.
I lean forward, taking a glass from the shelf and a crystal decanter filled with amber liquor, and I pour myself a drink. Then I slide back into the leather to watch.
“Play with yourself, Red,” Levi whispers.
“No.”
“Do it,” I say, and she turns around to glare at me. I can’t tell if she’s disappointed I’m not joining in, or if she forgot I was even here.
“I don’t want—”
“Why are you suddenly so embarrassed?” I say sharply, swigging back more of the scotch than I should.
“I’m not embarrassed. I’d actually rather that you joined in.”
“I’m watching,” I say, eyeing her coolly over my glass. She scowls at me a moment and then she kneels up, steadying herself with one hand on Levi’s thigh. She wriggles her skirt up over her hips and bends over. Everything is on display as she takes him in her mouth again. I close my eyes, not wanting to watch her on her knees in front of him. Her head is bent low, her full fuck-me lips wrapped around Levi’s cock. I feel as if I’m on a ride that’s spinning out of control, and I can’t find a way off. I can’t make it stop. And I so badly want it to stop.
“When are you gonna let me fuck her, Coop?” he asks. I don’t know why he’s asking, though, the question I want to know is: why hasn’t he already? He’s done everything else. Hell, he even did that before I did, so why does he need my permission?
“That’s up to her,” I say, and a slow grin spreads across Levi’s face. I swallow back the rest of my drink. It burns all the way down, and then it sits in my stomach like battery acid in the bottom of a rusted-out old car. I lean over and pour another drink, swallowing down half of it in one go.
“Red?” Levi asks, but she’s staring at me with her teeth buried in her bottom lip, as if she’s waiting for my approval.
“What does it matter at this point?” I ask her, because even though I don’t want him inside her, it’s still a valid question. Her eyes blaze with anger. She’s not happy with my response; she’s pissed.
She turns her attention back to Levi and nods, and I squeeze my eyes shut. I can’t keep them closed for long though, especially not when he strips her bare and pulls her into his lap, bending her over backwards. Levi lifts her, supporting her weight and grasping her hips tightly. His mouth is on her cunt, eating her out as she stares at me.
Blood has rushed to her head, and her hair spreads out on the floor of the limo like a crown of wildfire. She’s a fucking siren, twisting and arching both into and away from his touch. I want to write a score over the expanse of her creamy white skin. I can smell her and it’s driving me insane not to have her in my mouth. It’s making me crazy to watch him have her, and yet I won’t do anything about it, because what the hell can I do?
This wasn’t supposed to happen, and I wasn’t supposed to give her my heart. I promised myself I wouldn’t lose my head, but now my word is shot to shit. I’m screwed either way, and I only have myself to blame for it.
Ali keeps her eyes on me as Levi licks and sucks at her sweet pussy. She holds my stare—even upside-down—right until her body wracks with spasms. She doesn’t make a sound as she comes, and I hate that, because ordinarily she’s so vocal. She knows how much I love that sound. Her not making any means she’s punishing me, and a small part of me hates her for it. That hate is quickly swallowed, though, replaced instead for my hatred of Levi right now, as he lays her down on the leather seat and slides the head of his cock through her wetness.
“Put a fucking condom on,” I sneer, and he clamps his jaw shut and swallows back whatever bullshit excuse he was about to say as Ali struggles to sit up.
“Jesus, Levi. Really?” Ali accuses, slapping his thigh hard.
“Babe, it wasn’t intentional. I got carried away.”
“Yeah well, if you’re still fucking other groupies, then do us all a favour and don’t get carried away,” I snap.
“Other groupies?” Ali questions. It’s not the other women she has a problem with, it’s my use of the word groupie, because I just made it sound as if she was one of them.
“What the fuck is your problem, man?” Levi says.
“I don’t have a fucking problem,” I say, and I push the button for the divider. It’s cruel, because Ali is completely naked and mad as all fucking hell, but I don’t give a shit. “Take us to the venue,” I command the driver.
“We’re already here, sir.”
“Shit,” I say.
“I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t want to disturb.”
I start sliding the divider up but he says, “Shall I come open the door for you?”
“No,” Ali screeches. Levi mutters a string of obscenities under his breath. I slam my hand down on the button and toss back the rest of my drink, and then with one last glance at the two of them, I open the door and step out into the balmy evening.
Sound check sucked. I couldn’t remember any of my fucking lyrics. I couldn’t take my eyes off Ali. She sat in the audience with her arms folded, beside my sister. Oddly, they both had the same pissed off look on their faces—lips pursed, brows furrowed, and hard eyes. Christ, alone they were both a forced to be reckoned with, but together? They were fucking scary, and I’m sure that every single one of us felt it.
Levi hit a flat, Zed, who ordinarily is never ruffled by someone else’s fuck up, tripped all over the beat, and because those two jackarses had thrown my concentration my throat croaked out a raspy whine instead of a roar—okay, so maybe it wasn’t just Levi and Zed screwing with my concentration.
“Fuck.” I drop the damn microphone and stalk from the stage, snatching up a bottle of room temperature water and dousing my raspy throat.
Deb stands up in her seat and shouts at all of us, “Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you idiots?”
I have the strongest urge to tell my sister to shut the fuck up, but in a way I’m glad to have someone call us all on our shit. “You two are too fucking distracted by this sweet little piece of pussy here”—she points to Ali—“to see how badly you’re fucking everything up. Zed, I know you’re trying to cut back on the drugs, honey, but maybe for now we should try getting through the rest of this tour without all losing our shit, and Ash, I don’t know what the hell is going on with you, but this half-arsed band member shit has got to go. Either you’re in or you’re out, sweet cheeks. You can’t play like fucking Jesus and then take away all the fishes when the crowd is gone.”
“Deb—” I warn, but she holds up a hand as if to say I’ll deal with you in a minute and I promptly shut up
“So what the hell is going on with you, Cohen?”
“Nothing is going on with me,” Ash responds, running a hand over the back of his neck.
Levi studies him and then says, “Dude, were you banging some bitch you left back in Sydney?”
“What? No.”
“Are you gay?” Zed says, spinning his drumstick over his knuckles. He doesn’t seem fazed by the question, or the answer he might receive, but instead throws it out there as if he’s just tossing out ideas into the wind.
“No. I’m not fucking gay just because I’m not sticking it to everything that moves like all of you are.”
“Dude, what the fuck?” Levi says. “Why the hell aren’t you sticking it to anything that moves?”
> “Because I don’t want to lose focus here. All of you can fuck up regularly, and you’d never be replaced, but bassists aren’t really that hard to come by.”
We all turn and look at him.
“Are you fucking serious?” Levi demands.
Zed gives him a goofy smile. “You’re not replaceable, man.”
“None of us are replaceable,” I say, swallowing hard. “We don’t just switch out band members. If one of us doesn’t do this, then all of us don’t do this. Where is this even coming from, Ash?”
“Forget it. Never mind.” He swallows hard, and wipes a thick sheen of sweat from his brow. He looks sallow and his eyes dilate to a point where all I can see from where I’m standing is huge black pupils.
“Are you high?”
“No. I’m just not feeling well.”
“You wanna take a break?” I ask.
“No. Let’s just get through this. If we suck this much during practice, surely we can’t be that bad tonight, right?”
“Right. Let’s do this, motherfuckers,” Zed agrees with a triumphant crash on the cymbals that has my ears ringing. He holds it steady to mute the noise, but my head still feels as if it’s going to explode.
“From the top,” Zed counts us in, and Ash’s meaty bass merges with the melodic squealing from Levi’s Fender Telecaster. Leif hands me a new mic, one I haven’t dropped, like a little bitch, and this time when I open my mouth to scream the lyrics, my voice is as smooth and clear as it should be.
I glare at Ali as I sing lyrics about promises that we made but have long since been broken, and even though I wrote this song for a different redhead, it’s as true now as it was then.
Zed guides us through the solo and then the bridge, and finally it all comes to a sweeping crescendo of raw sound where my voice is the anchor. The song ends on a crashing thump from Zed’s cymbals, and I open my eyes, staring at the woman I just poured my heart out to. She stares back, and even from here I can see there are tears in her eyes. I’ve never seen her cry. She’s beautiful in her sadness.
Ali closes her eyes. Fat tears spill down her cheeks, and then she stands and exits through a side door in the auditorium without looking at any of us. I close my eyes, fighting the urge to go to her, or to look at Levi and see if he’s battling the same impulses. When I do look at him, I find him watching me. I stare back, complacent, annoyed, and just as fucking heartbroken as I was when Holly left me and took my kid with her, because just like I did then, I’ve done everything wrong right from the very start. I made wrong move after wrong move, and I fucked it all up the second I kissed Ali, because that was the second I gave her all the power. That was the moment I gave her all I had left, and now I’ve got nothing.
Revelry (Taint #1) Page 20