by Bell, Julia
She nodded. “His lordship said you were widowed and had a son.”
I took her hand and drew her away from the window. “Jane, I was widowed and had a son when I first came to this house. But I wanted to keep it a secret. I told Mrs Holland when we went to France and his lordship knows all about it now. But if Miss Asquith or Miss Ward ever ask about my visits here, then I came only to take luncheon and tea with Mrs Holland. You do understand, don’t you?”
She looked at me in surprise. “I’m good at keeping secrets, ma’am. And I’ve not said a word to anyone about it. Not in all these years. I’ve seen your daughter when his lordship brought her to visit Mrs Holland and I thought her such a sweet little girl. I’ll keep your secret, but not for you, or his lordship. But for my dear lady that’s laid to rest in the churchyard.”
It satisfied me and I nodded. “Where’s Mrs Holland’s possessions? I noticed that the ornaments and photographs have gone.”
“His lordship and that solicitor said I was to pack everything up. I know that they burnt a lot of Mrs Holland’s private papers and the clothes Mrs Rupp and Mrs Haygarth didn’t want, went to the Salvation Army. I was allowed to keep some of the ornaments as was Mrs Rupp and Mrs Haygarth. I think the rest went to his lordship’s home, but I’m not sure.”
Nan and Diamond appeared from the garden. “It’s wonderful, Issy,” said Diamond. “I think the sooner we move in the better.”
I had to agree.
While we drank our tea we made plans. We would move in as soon as possible after giving Mrs Haygarth due notice and we would hire a wagon and some burley men to move the furniture from our house in Sampson Street. Nan and Diamond’s excitement overwhelmed me.
I stood beside the grave, a small posy of primroses and violets in my hand. It was difficult to hold back the tears as I looked down on the mound of dark earth, the funeral flowers now all cleared away. I glanced at the church, a lovely gothic building with a high steeple. The churchyard was situated to the rear of the building and I could see the sun glinting on the stained glass windows. It was so peaceful, in contrast to my thoughts that were like a raging storm. I knelt and placed the flowers on the moist soil, tears wetting my cheeks.
“I’m so sorry for not coming to visit you more often,” I murmured to the woman now lying in the grave. “I’m sorry for asking you to keep my secret that must have been a burden to you, since you believed I would hate you for revealing it. I never would have hated you. I thought too much of you.” I lifted my face and stared about at the marble stones and angels. “Thank you for leaving me your lovely home. I promise to take care of it.” I stood and turned to go, but then stopped. “And you were right. I do love Brett as much as he loves me, but he doesn’t know it yet. He’s asked me to meet him this afternoon. Should I go? Should I tell him that I love him? And if I do, will it have dire consequences for his marriage?”
I walked toward the lych-gate with a heavy heart.
I caught a cab to Hyde Park. As I alighted a church clock struck one-thirty. I had told Nan and Diamond that I was meeting Andrew Perry to discuss the next production and they had accepted it without question. I walked amongst the flowerbeds just as the sun appeared from behind a cloud. Why was life so complicated? It had no right to be on such a fresh, clean day with the sun shining brightly, the sky a pale blue with dappled white clouds, the park thronged with happy Sunday strollers. What should I do? How could I have a clandestine meeting with a married man? What would happen if we were seen together? Last night was different; that was business. But this meeting was purely for pleasure. Suddenly, my thoughts turned to Mrs Holland’s house, our visit and my conversation with Jane.
She had been a loyal servant to Mrs Holland for a long time and she had promised to keep my secret. But could she be trusted? She was in possession of dangerous information that could ruin the reputation of a wonderful man, not to mention mine. My hair stood on end at the thought of her breaking her promise and telling Nan and Diamond. There would be an awful scene if it all came out. I must talk to Brett about it. Perhaps he could allay my fears. With my mind a little clearer, I left the park.
I stood in front of the massive oak and steel doors for a long time. It was ten minutes past two and I wondered if he would have waited. Perhaps he had already left, convinced that I wasn’t going to turn up. I entered the foyer and after taking a pamphlet from the man at the desk, I peeped into every room. I don’t know why, since I knew where he would be.
The room was empty except for the solitary man sitting at the end of the two rows of chairs placed down the centre of the gallery. He didn’t turn his head as I took the seat behind him. Sitting back-to-back, I felt rather than saw him lean towards me and then he gave a gentle sigh. Slowly, his hand dropped to the side and mine did the same, until our hands clasped and our fingers entwined. I closed my eyes with the feelings that swept through me. After a few quiet minutes, he quickly glanced round, stood and came to sit beside me.
“You were fashionably late,” he said, smiling. “But I did wonder if I’d been deserted.”
“I didn’t know if I should come, but I had something to ask you.”
“How did your visit go?”
“Nan and Diamond thought the house unbelievable. It looks like we’ll be changing our address in the near future.”
“Excellent.”
“I’ve chosen my bedroom.” He didn’t answer, but his lips twitched. “I had a private talk with Jane. I had to ask her to keep our secret from them and she’s happy to do that.”
Brett frowned. “I’m surprised you felt you had to ask her. Jane will not say anything, I assure you.”
I turned to look at him. “Are you certain? Can she be trusted? Mrs Holland is gone now and where do her loyalties lie? What would happen if she decided to sell her story to the newspapers?”
He gave a low chuckle. “She’ll not do that. You’re worrying unnecessarily.”
His confident words didn’t still my qualms. “It would be such a scandal if our names were plastered all over the papers. It would ruin your reputation.”
“Very few people know and those that do will stay silent.” He took my hand and kissed it.
“Jane said you burnt all the private papers.”
He shrugged. “Mrs Holland had nothing written down concerning our arrangement. What Mr Ryder and I destroyed were personal letters and social diaries. The entries in her journals relating to us, simply said that we were having luncheon with her. Nothing more.”
I stayed quiet contemplating this. And then I said, “We’ve decided to take her on as our maid. She said Mrs Holland’s home was her home and it didn’t seem right to dismiss her.”
“That’s good. You’ll be able to keep an eye on her,” he smiled.
He sounded patronising and I felt irritated with him. “I don’t find it amusing, Brett. I don’t want my name in the papers. What about my reputation? I’d lose my living and what would Danny and I do then?”
My angry words made him flinch. His eyes darkened. “My poor, sweet Isabelle. I would never let anyone harm you, I swear. I’ve already had a quiet word with Jane and she knows she must keep our secret.”
“You didn’t threaten her?”
He laughed softly. “Of course I didn’t. But I was well aware that her loyalty to Mrs Holland bought her silence. All I did was extract a promise from her and I trust her to keep that promise.”
I stood and walked over to a painting, my hand covering my mouth, my mind spinning. Brett followed me and stood very close. I looked around but we were quite alone.
“Then I must trust her too,” I whispered. I realised that the painting I was standing in front of was Constable’s The Haywain. It was beautiful, peaceful and had a calming effect on me.
“There’s nothing to worry about. You’re chasing phantoms. Jane won’t jeopardise our reputations or our happiness. Come and sit down.”
We resumed our seats and I watched him as he made himself comfortable. He said h
e hadn’t threatened Jane and I believed him, but I knew he had put pressure on her. I remembered our battles at Claythorpe and what he could be like when someone opposed him. In a strange way, I had enjoyed crossing swords with him; that antagonistic part of him had excited me just as much as the warm and tender side of his nature. As if he could read my thoughts, he smiled at me and in his eyes I saw a look of love, of desire, that sent a shiver right through me making me tremble.
It was then his words sifted through my mind.
“What did you mean when you said ‘Jane won’t jeopardise our happiness’?” I asked tentatively.
He kissed my hand. “Because I’ve never felt so happy since you came back into my life. A joy that I can’t believe and a joy I want to continue.”
We sat quietly for a few moments while I contemplated what he was suggesting.
“How long have you been married?” I asked, wanting to change the subject.
He gave a rueful smile. “Fifteen years next month.”
“That’s a long time.”
“A lifetime.”
Moments of silence fell again.
“But you knew your wife when she was a child?” I asked, breaking the silence.
He looked surprised. “How did you know that?”
“Mrs Holland was your nanny, that was obvious. At Chateau St Julienne, she was warmly welcomed by the duc and duchesse as if she was an old friend.”
Brett nodded. “My father met the duc when they were on diplomatic service in Rome. They became firm friends. Angelique is five years younger than I and our parents agreed that we would marry and the houses of Shelbrook and Vacher would be united.”
“You had an arranged marriage?” I asked incredulously.
He gave a pleasant chuckle. “Not in the strictest sense of the meaning. It was more an understanding rather than an implicit arrangement.”
“Did the agreement still hold after your father’s death? After all, you were very young when he died.”
“My mother wanted to fulfil his dying wish and she continued to encourage the match.”
“And you were happy about that?”
“We were married when I was twenty-four and Angelique nineteen and to be honest, I cared neither one way or another.”
My mouth fell open in surprise. “But she was to be your wife. You must have had feelings for her.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t meet anyone else who became more important to me. If I had things might have looked very different. But as it was, Angelique was someone I had known most of my life and I fell into marriage.”
I pondered on this. “Do you love her?”
“I care for her as a husband should a wife,” he said and then added grim-faced, “I have a responsibility towards her.”
I shook my head slowly. These revelations were unbelievable. “You agreed to have a child for her. You must have felt more than a responsibility to do that.”
He didn’t speak for a few seconds. He looked down and took my hand in his. “We did have some happiness, especially in the early years. It was assumed we would have children and our first born son would inherit my title and also his grandfather’s. He would be the Duc de St Julienne and Viscount Shelbrook. Quite impressive, don’t you think?” I nodded. “But my wife’s health was very fragile. I never realised that. Perhaps I should have opened my eyes and been more aware of the situation.”
“Would you have married her, if you had realised?”
He took in a slow breath. “Who can say.” He pursed his lips. “As the years went by, we knew that she would never be able to bear a child.”
“And then you agreed to have a child by another woman?”
“It was my wife’s idea. I was very much against it, but she eventually convinced me.”
I nodded. “Yes, I remember that Angelique can be very persuasive at times.”
“But then the idea began to appeal to me. As I told you at Claythorpe, I wanted a child too. It’s a way of becoming immortal, to know that part of you carries on.”
I closed my eyes briefly and smiled. “Danny looks so like his father. I can see it more and more as each day passes.”
“What would your husband have thought of our arrangement?”
I considered this. “Daniel would have understood. He wouldn’t have approved, but he would have understood.”
“Daniel? So, you called your son after your husband?”
“Of course.”
Silence fell again and we could hear people passing the door, but they didn’t disturb us.
“I made a mistake marrying Angelique,” he said hesitantly and I jerked my head in his direction at such a forthright confession.
“You don’t mean that,” I whispered.
He nodded. “I thought a child would make things better between us, but it didn’t. She became irritable with Emily and spends hardly any time with her.”
Tears filled my eyes. “Oh, my poor little girl. What have I done? All for the sake of twelve hundred pounds so that I could…could…”
He put his arm round me. “Could what?”
I looked up into turquoise eyes that seemed so tender. “Follow a dream. Climb a mountain that I thought impossible.”
“And did you realise that ambition?”
“Yes, but the price was too high. And I’ll be paying for the rest of my life.”
“No, you won’t! I want you to visit Emily regularly. I want to bring her to London and we’ll meet and spend time together.”
“But how will I explain you to Nan and Diamond? It will look questionable, a married man calling on me, with or without a child.”
He hesitated slightly before saying, “I talked of our happiness. Can’t we just enjoy the time we have together and not look for complications?”
“Is that possible?”
“Yes, if we don’t look too far ahead,” he smiled. “One day at a time, as Mrs Holland used to say. Think how it’s been these last two days. I’ve enjoyed your company and I’m sure you’ve enjoyed mine.”
“Yes, I have,” I nodded.
“Then I see no reason why it can’t continue.”
“You’re leaving tomorrow,” I reminded him.
“But we still have the rest of the afternoon…and this evening,” he said softly.
I didn’t dare look at him. “Brett, I don’t think…!”
He didn’t let me finish but pulled me closer, pressing his lips against my hair. “Spend the rest of the day with me,” he murmured. “Come back with me and we’ll talk and have dinner together. And then later on I’ll see you home.”
He was being vague, but I knew what he was asking and I didn’t know how to answer. Again, my mind said no, you must not, but my heart and body said, yes, yes.
“Am I permitted to stay in your club with you?”
He smiled. “I decided to book into a hotel for a change. The Savoy.”
I winced. I was known at the hotel and at the theatre next door where The Mikado was performed. Thank goodness there wasn’t a performance on a Sunday. But I couldn’t tell Brett any of this; he would have queried why a simple music teacher frequented such an illustrious place as The Savoy.
I couldn’t be seen entering the hotel with him. “I have to do something first,” I lied. “May I meet you there?”
“Of course,” he whispered. “I’m in the Marlborough Suite on the fifth floor. Meet me when you’re ready.” We stood and he took my hand. “I’ll be waiting for you.”
We left the art gallery separately.
I walked across Trafalgar Square and down Regent Street. People passed me but they seemed unreal, distant. I wondered if I should go home and send a message to Brett that I couldn’t meet him. But after an hour of struggling with my thoughts I made my way to the hotel and passed through the doors into the foyer and up the stairs. Only a few people were about, but they didn’t seem interested in just another female guest returning from an afternoon walk. The desk clerk barely looked up from his writing. I ma
de my way to the fifth floor and the Marlborough Suite and after glancing quickly along the corridor, I raised my hand and knocked.
I didn’t need to knock twice. The door opened without hesitation and he drew me inside closing the door quietly behind me. He held my face between both his hands and tenderly kissed my lips.
“It crossed my mind that you might run away. But you came.”
“I must tell you something.”
He continued kissing my nose, my cheeks. “And what’s that, my darling.”
I sucked in a breath. “I wanted you to know that I’m here because…I love you.”
Wrapping his arms round me, he gave a cry of pleasure and swung me in the air.
“I always hoped you might. I thought you might, but I was never sure.”
“I fell in love with you when we used to meet at Mrs Holland’s,” I told him breathlessly. “I would wake up and you were gone and it made me so desolate.”
He set me gently on my feet and caressed my face, his eyes shining. “Not as desolate as I, having to leave you. I felt my heart had been torn out of my chest.”
He helped me off with my coat and I unpinned my hat, placing it on the small table. I looked around and realised I was in a very beautiful sitting room.
“This is wonderful,” I gasped. “I’ve never seen anything so delightful.”
“One of the advantages of having a title.”
I pointed to a door. “Where does that lead?”
“Oh, to the bedroom. I’ve ordered some wine, would you like a glass?”
I shook my head and smiled seductively. Taking his hand I led him through the door he had just indicated. It was a spectacular room with a large double bed and a blazing fire in the hearth. Brett stepped over to the windows and quickly drew the curtains. Only the firelight illuminated us now, just as it had done in the past.
The years seemed to melt away as we undressed each other. He pulled the ribbon from my hair and ran his fingers through the dissident curls that tumbled over my shoulders.
“I always loved your hair,” he whispered. “I’ll always remember you sitting at the dressing table, while you brushed it. It took my breath away. It made me love you even more, knowing that you wore it loose for me.”