by AJ Alexander
The door swings open and I come face-to-face with Carter. “Liam, what are you doing here?” The surprised on his face is evidence that my mom didn’t tell anyone I was coming, I’ll have to thank her for that.
“I came to speak with Dad.” I walk in, looking around and notice nothing has changed one bit. The wall color is still the same pale tan it’s been since we were kids. Heading up a few stairs, I turn left into the kitchen. I find my mom there, making lunch.
“Hi, Mom,” I say reverently.
“Liam!” Her hand flies to her face. It takes her a moment to process I’m standing in front of her before she comes barreling into me. I wrap my arms around her small frame, squishing her into my chest. Even after all this time, the one person I’ve missed the most is my mom.
“Mom, Liam is here looking for Dad,” Carter announces from the doorway.
“Is he in his study?” I pull back, looking her in the eye. There is something close to shame in her eyes.
“Your father isn’t here. Before you ask, I have no idea where he is. Last I heard he was living with Molly, his secretary.”
“What the fuck? Dad cheated on you?” Shock is evident in my voice.
“More like made a public spectacle of the entire family. It’s been a fun last couple of years, brother. I’m glad you’re home.” Carter claps me on the shoulder, squeezing it before taking a seat on one of the stools.
“I’m not home, I came here to talk to Dad, but I guess that’s out of the question.”
“This is about Rachael, isn’t it?” my mom asks as she turns and continues to make lunch.
“As a matter of fact, it is.” I brace myself for a fight. My mother has never had an issue with Rachael and my relationship, but there is a first time for everything.
“I knew you would find each other again, eventually. When you told me you were in San Diego, I assumed you and she had found your way back to each other.”
I relax at my mother’s words. “Yes, we have, but it’s been a long road to forgiveness. Something I’m not sure I will ever get from anyone in her family.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Carter turns on his stool. “Almost everyone in town knows what happened, that I killed Jeremiah. Even though Dad tried to sweep it all under the rug. once I came home, I volunteered at the community center and trying to make amends to those I hurt that night.
I take a step closer to my brother, wrapping my arm around his shoulder. “You’re not the only one to blame, brother.”
“Yes, I am. I was the one who got into the car and drove drunk. I was the one who didn’t stop to make sure Jeremiah was okay. All you did was call and ask your big brother for help. I should have told you no, but I made a decision that ruined all of our lives.”
Hearing my brother take responsibility for his actions is a new concept for me, but it’s refreshing. Just his admission of guilt has lifted a weight off my shoulders.
“The hardest part of asking forgiveness was taking that letter you wrote for Rachael to her. I knew she had no idea what had happened, but I wanted to make sure your letter got to her. Her dad was furious, but he took it anyway, told me never to come to their house again. All us Murphy’s brought nothing but heartache and destruction.”
“Fuck him!” I shout, startling everyone in the room. “That motherfucker kept my letter and never gave it to Rachael. She has spent the last three years believing I just left her.” I slam my fist down on the countertop.
“Is that why you’ve stayed away for so long? You thought we were trying to keep you two apart?” My mother places her dainty hand on top of mine.
“No, I stayed away because I never wanted to see the hatred in her eyes.”
“This wasn’t your fault.” Carter and my mother respond in unison.
“It’s taken me three years to come to terms with it, but you’re right. There was a plethora of circumstances that led to us being separated. Now it’s time for me to get my girl.”
I’ve given the death of her brother and my part in it, even though small, too much weight in the decisions I’ve made regarding Rachael. Now that everything is out in the open, I need to make her understand, that although I messed up, I never left her without a word.
“First things first, I need to go see a man about his sister.”
Mom gives me a smile. “Well, you can’t go anywhere on an empty stomach. Let’s have lunch first and catch up, then you can go conquer the world.” My stomach rumbles, giving my mom the only answer she needs.
“That sounds like a plan.” I take a seat on the stool next to Carter and we catch up. It seems as if nothing and everything has changed in such a short amount a time, but one thing is for certain. It’s time for me to stop letting the past decide my future.
30
Rachael
Thankfully, I spent two days in the hospital before I was released. I was losing my mind with all that time to think and wonder what went wrong and when. Heather came by to visit right before they discharged me to let me know Liam had left town, claiming he was taking care of me, but no one knew where he was. I’m trying not to panic here, but Wyatt checked his apartment, and everything was still there, so we assume he left to clear his head.
My dad and I have been circling each other since I got home, or better yet avoiding. Dad makes sure I don’t need anything before he heads off to the shop in the morning, and then sends Heather over later in the day to hang out with me.
I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to confront him, but it hasn’t arisen yet, and I’m losing my patience.
“Hey, Kiddo. Need anything before I head out?” My dad pokes his head in my door.
“Yeah, how about the letter Liam sent me three years ago?” Direct and to the point has its perks.
Dad bangs his head on the door frame as he is pulling his head out. “Excuse me?”
I get up from my bed and swing the door open. “You heard me, where is my letter?”
“I don’t have time for this. I need to get to work. Heather will be here later if you need anything.” Dad heads toward the front door, ignoring me.
“You know, I thought lying to me was the worst part of all of this but letting me suffer because of your issues is just plain cruel.”
“My issues? His brother gets off Scott free for killing your brother! He may have come back from wherever they sent him, trying to be the good guy, volunteering and donating to charities, but I saw right through it all. He was a murderer that got off because his daddy was there to protect him.”
I slap my father across the face. “His brother, not him. Carter did something wrong, I get that. Their father has always been the asshole that thought more about his image than anything, but neither one of them has ever done anything to deserve your hatred. Carter fucked up, but from what you’re telling me, he came home and tried to make amends for what he had done. You just slammed the door in his face, who’s the asshole in this situation?”
“If I’m an asshole for standing up for my family and protecting you, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.”
“Where is my fucking letter?” The anger inside me is reaching a new level. I had no idea that knowing I wasn’t left without a thought would mean so much to me. This one simple letter could be an answer to all the questions I’ve had for the last three years.
“I don’t have your damn letter! I got rid of it the same day that Murphy boy brought it to me.”
I can’t even look at my father anymore, the betrayal I feel at this point is unfathomable. Not wanting to say anything I can’t take back, I turn and head back to my room, slamming the door behind me. My dad knows I’m angry so I doubt he would follow me. Deep down I know I was harsh, but he needs to get over his shit. Carter and Liam are not their father, nor are they the same person. What they may or may not have done in the past doesn’t determine how we should treat them for the rest of their lives.
There is only one person I know that can help me figure out what to do in this situat
ion, and he isn’t here. Taking a seat at my desk, I call Heather. We aren’t the best of friends, but when I need to get shit done, she is the one to call. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes, but I need your help.”
“Whatever you need.” Heather is never one to deny someone in trouble.
“I need a ticket to Kansas, like yesterday.”
“Consider it done. Pack your shit, and I’ll be there to pick you up in thirty minutes.” She immediately hangs up. Knowing I move at half speed, I better get a move on.
I may not be able to find Liam, but I can talk to my brother. He was always there for me when I was confused or just need a swift kick in the ass. Even after he died, going to his grave site helped me find peace. Peace is what I need right now, but most of all, I need answers. I know I won’t find them in a graveyard, but it seems like as good of a place to start as any.
I’m grabbing the last couple of things I need from the bathroom when I hear someone pounding on the door. Shoving the stuff in my bag I head for the door as Heather’s voice filters through. “We’ve got to get a move on, or we’ll miss our flight.”
“Our?” I pick up the pace and swing the door open. “What do you mean our?”
“If you thought I was letting you traipse off to Small Town, USA without back up you’ve lost your damn mind.” Heather turns on her heels and heads for the elevator. “Wyatt says he’ll stop in at the shop tonight to let your dad know where you went.”
“Like I give a shit,” I mumble walking out the door and locking it behind me. By the time I’m finished, Heather is already waiting in the open elevator.
“Move your ass, I wasn’t kidding when I said we would miss our flight. Our plane leaves in a little over an hour. You better pray to the traffic gods we make it in time to check-in.”
“There’s no way we will make it through security in that amount of time.” I panic. When I asked Heather for help, I hadn’t thought everything through, I want to go to Shawnee and as quickly as possible, but I don’t want to be a burden either.
“Did you forget who you were talking to? I already pre-checked us and we have TSA Pre-check. We both have carry-on bags, so we can just head right in and to our gates.” Heather gave me a wink as the elevator doors open. “Hold on to your hat, Dorothy.”
“You know how much I hate when people call me that.” I smile for the first time in days.
“I’m sure you know of how much I don’t care.”
Heather grabs my hand, and we both take off toward her car. I have no idea what the outcome of this trip is going to be, but it’s nice to know that I won’t be alone.
31
Liam
I spent the rest of the day with my mom and brother catching up. I have to admit it was nice being a family again. I hate what my father has done to this family, but he is out of our lives for good; time for us to move on to better things.
My mom convinced me to wait until today to visit Jeremiah. Mom guilt is a big motivator, especially when it is turned on you. Waking up this morning in my childhood room was surreal. Everything is just how I left it, but I’m a different person — older and wiser.
I hop in the shower and get dressed before heading downstairs for breakfast. I want to get out to the graveyard early. Living in a small town, once someone comes home to visit, everyone knows. I want to be in and out before the natives smell fresh meat. I’ll end up staying for a full week if I’m not careful.
As I enter the kitchen, I can hear my mom humming while cooking bacon in the skillet. “Morning, Mom.” I don’t want to startle her.
“Hey, hun. Carter should be down shortly. He has to head into work soon.”
Just as my mom finishes her sentence, Carter comes barreling into the kitchen. “Morning!” He pulls out a stool and has a seat. I head toward the coffee pot to grab a cup.
“When did you start drinking coffee?” my brother questions.
“Since I started working late night shifts at the bar and had to get up for class the next day. The things we do for an education.” I chuckle hoping to get a laugh out of him, but instead, the mood turns somber. “No stress, it turned me into a man.”
“You need some muscle and a few more pounds before you can call yourself a man.” Carter forces a smile before picking up the newspaper.
Mom senses the tension and decides it’s time to for breakfast. “Food won’t serve itself. Just because Liam came home doesn’t mean things will change around here.”
Carter smiles before putting the paper down and heading into the kitchen to make himself a plate. I wait my turn. “What’s on your agenda today?”
“I want to visit Jeremiah, maybe have a walk around town. I need to get back to San Diego soon. I only have a few days off from work. I love my job and don’t want to lose it,” I respond to my brother.
Having her plate, my mom takes a seat on one of the stools. “I wish you could stay longer, but I understand.”
“Things will be different this time, Mom. I’m not running anymore.” She graces me with a gentle smile before beginning to eat.
“You want a ride to the cemetery?” Carter asks before he takes his seat.
“It’s such a nice day, and I haven’t been home in forever. I will walk. I just hope I don’t run into anyone. I want to make it there before next year.” Taking my seat, we all laugh at my expense.
We all eat our breakfast in silence, contemplating the events of the last few days. One by one we finish and put our dirty dishes in the sink. “Hey man, walk me out.” Carter claps me on the shoulder as he passes my seat on his way toward the front door. Finishing my last few bites and placing my dishes in the sink, I follow.
“What’s up?” I lean against the front door, waiting for Carter to say something. Carter takes his time pulling on his boots. “I’m sorry my mistakes ruined everything for you.” I open my mouth to rebut, but he holds up his hand, asking me to wait before speaking. “You’ve been the only person I haven’t been able to apologize to, but the one I now know I hurt the worst of all.”
I ball my fists to keep from speaking — this isn’t about me. This is something that Carter needs to do for himself. I’m not the only one that has been carrying around needless guilt all these years, I need to let my brother have his chance to shed his.
“I understand that it’s not my fault what happened between you and Rachael, but to know you have been harboring all this guilt about something I did, kills me.” Carter takes a few steps closer before wrapping me in a bear hug. “I made poor choices that led to the death of someone’s son and brother. Nothing you did was wrong, all you did was take care of your brother — nothing more, nothing less. The series of events after that moment were all set in motion by things outside both of our control.”
I push back from my brother’s embrace and stare into his eyes. “There’s nothing to apologize for. You got the help you needed, and I was forced to become a better man. Something I will always be thankful for. Although this wasn’t the ideal way either of us thought our life would turn out, it was for the best.”
Carter pulls me in for another embrace before releasing me just as quickly. “Enough of this, I need to get to work. Try to avoid the coffee shop on Main Street. The red hat ladies love to have coffee there every morning, and if they catch sight of you, the whole town will know you’re here before lunch.”
“Thanks for the heads up. I will let Mom know I’m headed to the cemetery and then head out.”
“See you tonight for dinner.” I catch the hopeful tone in his voice, but I can’t stand to disappoint him.
“Yeah, Mom didn’t book my return flight until tomorrow afternoon.”
“Great, see you then.” He gives me one last look before heading out of the front door.
I turn to find my mom standing in the doorway of the kitchen. “You always told us it wasn’t nice to listen to other people’s conversations.”
“It’s not eavesdropping if it’s your own house, besides, I was on m
y way upstairs and I had to walk by the front door to get there.” My mom turns and heads up the stairs.
“Since you’re here, I’m headed out.”
“I know, can you grab some flour at the grocery store? We are almost out, and I need it to make dinner.”
“Are you making fried chicken?” My mouth waters just thinking about it, the only other person that can make fried chicken as good as my mom is Ms. O’Connor, Morgan’s Mom. It’s been years since I’ve had both.
“Of course I am. What kind of mother would I be if her son came home for a visit and she didn’t make his favorite meal?” She smiles over her shoulder before continuing up the stairs. I pull my boots on and head out the front door, forgoing the car and heading down our long driveway. I take a left at the end to head into town.
As I walk farther down the road, I’m filled with memories of my childhood. I see the park where Carter taught me how to ride a bike, the tree I fell out of and broke my arm when I was eleven, or even the swing Rachael and I would meet at late at night to sit and talk. All reminders of how much I loved this place.
As I get closer to the cemetery, my nerves peak, I haven’t been to Jeremiah’s grave. To be honest, I never felt worthy enough to be allowed. However, there is one more person I need to ask forgiveness from. For not taking care of his sister when she needs me the most, but more importantly for breaking my promise.
It wouldn’t hurt to ask for a little help from above in getting his sister back either. I’m not playing fair, but I need to use everything in my arsenal to make sure that next time Rachael and I meet, I can make her mine.
32
Rachael
Heather and I barely made it to catch our flight, but for some reason, we had a connection at LAX. I asked Heather why she chose a flight like this, but she told me to shut up and get on the damn plane. It was an amazing surprise when we got off the plane at LAX and standing in front of me was Morgan.