by Marie Garner
“Are you sure you want to know this?”
“Not really, but I need to know. Did she mention Alex?”
He ran his hand through his hair. “Not until I asked. She told me in no uncertain terms she wasn’t going to the trial, and he could rot in jail for all she cared.”
“Are you serious? After all that woman put us through, she isn’t even going to try to help her son?” Brea raged, the desire to hurt her mother surging through her system. She never considered herself a calm person by nature, so she knew if her mother were sitting in front of her, she would have punched her.
“Not to defend her, but she was high at the time.”
Brea snorted. “What else is new?”
“I know she frustrates you.”
“Frustrates me? She doesn’t frustrate me. She infuriates me. I thought I was over it. I’ve spent enough years in counseling to know it’s a disease and part of it’s the drugs, but I can’t help thinking if she wasn’t so fucking selfish, she wouldn’t be abandoning her children when they need her. Again!” She stormed out, ignoring calls of her name when she ran up the stairs to her old bedroom. She slammed the door and collapsed on the bed, wanting to shut out everything temporarily.
The soft knock on the door interrupted Brea’s thoughts. She glanced at the clock, noting she’d been in her room about ten minutes, which was nine minutes longer than she thought she’d be there without someone bothering her. She wanted to be childish and say ‘go away’ but figured a little maturity was needed after her tantrum. The door opened before she could say anything and Lance popped his head in with a soft smile.
“Don’t you know you’re supposed to wait until someone says come in?” She scowled, her promise to be mature forgotten.
“Would you have let me in?”
“I might have.” She pouted, pursing her lips when he came closer for a kiss.
“Uh-huh.” He didn’t look convinced. “So…how’re you feeling?”
“Hurt, confused, upset, irritated, stressed.” He sat on the side of the bed and tried to push her over on her stomach. She stared at him like he was crazy. “What the hell are you doing? I’m not in the mood for sex.”
He chuckled. “Get your mind out of the gutter. Besides, when have I ever rolled you on your stomach for sex? You’re stressed out, and I want to relieve some of that stress by giving you a massage, not have sex with you.”
She perked up at the prospect. “Oh. Well, why didn’t you say something instead of trying to shove me over?” She rolled on her stomach, twisting her hair around with her hand and brushing it off her back.
“Sometimes it’s just easier to maneuver you where I want you without giving you options.” He tugged on her shirt so she took it off and unhooked her bra. He got the lotion off the bedside table and squeezed some on his hand before he straddled her waist and started kneading her back muscles.
“Right there,” she moaned when he hit a knot in her upper back.
“Damn, babe, you are tense. What’s got you stressed? Besides your brother?” He continued his ministrations, wanting to provide Brea with some relief.
“My mother, my brother, the whole damn lot of them. It’s no wonder I didn’t come back often. Where are Derrick and Silvia?”
“They went outside after you stormed out. Derrick was really upset. He said he wasn’t trying to hurt you, but he needed to see her because it could help Alex.” Brea sighed, knowing she needed to put an apology to Derrick and Silvia at the top of her to-do list.
“I know. I just wish we didn’t need her at all. We may not if I can get him to talk to me tomorrow.”
“Do you think you’re going to get him to talk?” He was skeptical but didn’t want to rain on her parade.
“I don’t know, but if anyone can get through to him, it’s me. It’s always been him and me against the world, from the time we were kids. If he sees how this is affecting me, he may be persuaded.”
“That’s an awful big task, baby.” She closed her eyes, not wanting to think about her brother anymore.
“I know. Thank you for this.”
“For what?” He kissed her shoulder before he moved to her lower back.
“This massage was just what I needed, even if your erection is poking me in the back.”
He chuckled. “What can I say? I’m a guy and you’re hot.”
“That thing should come with a warning label. Is that the only reason you want me? I’m hot?”
“No, I’m also in love with your crazy ass.”
“Whatever.”
He slapped her ass. “What did I tell you about that word?”
“What did I tell you about slapping my ass?” she countered.
“You’ve never said anything about my slapping your ass.” He turned her over, boxing her in with his arms on either side of her head, rubbing his nose down hers.
“I didn’t? Well, then, feel free to do it anytime you want.”
“You ready?” Lance placed his hand on the small of her back while they walked toward the county jail. She stared at the imposing gray structure with barbed wire at the top of the building, refusing to consider her brother lived there for the time being.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” They walked inside, going through an invasive search before being allowed entrance to the waiting area. Lance was told to wait while Brea was led back to a row of tables, each with a chair and a phone. Great, I have to talk to my brother through a damn piece of glass, she thought miserably.
“Number five,” the guard commanded. She wanted to ask him how long until her brother got here, but his face told her he wasn’t taking questions. She wondered when the chair was last washed, the dirt streaks making her want to break out her wet wipes, but decided she didn’t need to be a prima donna. Not that she had any wet wipes; they only allowed her to bring her car key back here. She sat quietly, hands in her lap, her leg shaking uncontrollably. After a door opened on the end, Alex walked in with an orange jumpsuit, chains on his wrists and ankles. She wanted to scream he was her brother and he wasn’t dangerous, but knew she would do him no favors by speaking out.
He stood by the chair while they unlocked the chains on his hands so he could sit. Her mouth fell open in shock; he looked horrible. His black hair was shaved close, he looked too thin, and his blue eyes were impossibly large against his face. The circles below his eyes remained unchanged, but what really alarmed her was the cut below his eye. He pointed at the phone. She picked up, nervous about what he had to say.
“Hey, Sis,” he whispered, causing tears to swim in her eyes. She couldn’t talk and sobbed uncontrollably, overcome with everything going on with him. “Hey, hey, don’t do that,” he crooned soothingly, “Shh, it’s okay.”
“I’m…sorry,” she choked out. “It’s so good to see you.”
“I know the feeling.” His eyes were mysteriously wet, as well.
“How are you doing?”
“I’ve been better.”
“I know.” She nodded. “I was coming for you. Before you did the outburst, I was coming for you.”
He looked chagrined. “Sorry about that. I just…wanted you with me. It’s always been us.”
She wiped the tears which fell. “It’s still you and me. I’m sorry if you felt like it wasn’t, but I was still here for you, even if it was from far away.”
“I know I told Derrick to leave me here, and I hate to ask this of you, but can you get me out?”
“Consider it done. I’ll call today so you can be out this evening, but there are conditions.” He looked wary. Smart man. He knew she was willing to exact whatever she wanted from him.
“What?”
“No more bullshitting. When you get out of here, you and I are going to have a serious come-to-Jesus meeting, and you are going to tell me everything. Like what the hell has been going on with you and our mother that I don’t know about, and why in the hell you decided to start doing drugs. I know you hated the stuff, so there has to be a reason. And
you’re going to start cooperating with the lawyer I gave you. He’s the best damn lawyer money can buy and he can get you out. But you need to get with the damn program!” The guard moved forward, alarmed by her raising her voice. “I’m okay,” she said to him.
“One more outburst, and you’re gone.”
“I’m sorry, and thanks for the chance.” She picked the phone back up to talk to her brother. “I guess I was a little more pissed than I thought I was. But I want you clean, and I want the brother I remember.”
“The brother you remember is gone. As far as the other stuff, I’ll do it for you, because I would do anything for you. But just understand it’s not going to be the same.”
“I can deal with that, if you can make an effort to improve yourself.”
“Five minutes!”
“Damn, they don’t give you anything in here.”
“Who you telling? We got a deal?”
“Yeah, I’ll call Derrick. He’ll want you to stay with them.”
Alex nodded.
“Okay, I love you,” he said into the phone, his palm face out on the glass. She put her palm on top of his.
“Love you, too,” she whispered before hanging up. She stood up, not quite happy but at least satisfied she was getting answers from Alex this evening. If anything, they would at least be able to get him to assist in his defense, instead of letting the system do whatever they wanted with him. Lance wasn’t going to be too happy with her, but Alex wasn’t his brother, so it wasn’t his call. She walked outside quickly, not wanting to stay any longer than necessary. She didn’t know how Alex was able to stay in here for over a month, but she was getting him out tonight. It was the first item on her agenda after she talked to Lance.
“Hey, babe.” He got up when she approached. “How was the visit?”
She shrugged. “It was all right. We didn’t really get to talk a lot, but he asked me if we could get him out.”
Lance stopped walking. “What did you say?”
“Let’s not argue right now.”
Lance left her standing there while he walked away.
“Are you serious?” she hissed when she reached him outside. Lance was pacing back and forth, his hands linked together behind his head. “Who in the hell are you to tell me what I can and can’t do with my brother? You don’t know him.” He stopped suddenly, jabbing his finger in her face. She stepped back, alarmed at his temper.
“No, you don’t fucking know him. When was the last time you were home to talk to him?”
Brea saw red. “You are out of line! You know how hard our job is! I try to get home as often as I can!”
“Well, I’m pretty fucking sure I would know if my sister started using illegal drugs.”
“You are such an asshole.”
“I may be an asshole, but I’m the asshole who’s been here. You don’t know your brother like you think you do. If I asked you a month ago if Alex would beat a man so bad the guy would end up in hospital, what would you have said?” She didn’t say anything, anger blazing in her blue eyes. “You would have said no, but you would have been wrong. So I’m sorry if I want to protect you, which is what you’re supposed to do when you love someone, but I can’t stand here and pretend like this is okay.”
“So, what the hell would you expect me to do? Leave him there?”
“If I thought it was best, yes.”
“What if it was your sister in there, or your dad?” He stood silent, his jaw working furiously. “That’s what I thought. You wouldn’t leave them either, so I don’t want to hear shit from you. I just want you to take me the hell home.” They were at a standoff, neither one giving in to the other.
“Fine.” He finally caved, holding the door out for her to get in. They rode in silence to the house, Brea texting Derrick to see if he could get the ball rolling on getting Alex out of jail. He stopped the car in the driveway, leaving it running.
“Are you not coming in with me?” she asked, worried, staring out the windshield to avoid looking at him. She was pissed at him, sure, but she needed him with her. She couldn’t do this without him.
“I think it’s best if I not come in right now.”
“But—”
“I’m not leaving,” he reassured her, “but I can’t be near you right now.” She got out of the car and walked in the house, waiting until she was in Silvia’s arms before she broke down.
“Talk,” Brea told Alex later that night when they were sitting on the porch. After finagling, begging, wheeling, and dealing all afternoon, he was out. Lance had yet to return, and she didn’t want to think about what he was doing or how he was feeling. He hadn’t gotten his bags when he left, so she was holding on to the fact he wouldn’t leave without them.
Alex took a long pull of his beer. “Do you remember when we were kids and you used to always try to boss me around?”
“I can still boss you around.” She leaned back in her seat, propping her feet on the railing.
“Yeah, yeah. So you say. Before I talk, why don’t you tell me what happened to your guy?” He cut a glare at her.
“Who told you?”
“Does it matter? I’m trying to figure out why he’s not here when he clearly knows no one in Charleston, and you are here with me.” She hesitated, not wanting to make a bad first impression. He hadn’t even met the guy yet, and she did want them to get along.
“We got in a fight.”
“About…?” She should have known he wouldn’t let it go. Lance only thought she didn’t let issues go; he didn’t know she had nothing on her brother.
“You.”
“What about me?” he asked curiously.
She sighed, really not wanting to get into this. “He doesn’t think I should have bailed you out. He told me I’m just trying to relive the old days and I don’t know what you’re like, and I have neglected you too much over the past couple years to really understand what you’re like anymore.” Alex said nothing, just sipped his beer. She gripped the arms of her chair, worried about his reaction.
He started peeling the label on his beer bottle, looking up at her sheepishly. “He’s right.”
“No,” she argued.
“He is,” Alex insisted. “I told you before, the guy you know from before is gone. I had to, it’s called survival.”
“I hate you saying you needed that to survive. What the hell happened to you? When I left you all those years ago, you were doing okay. And when I came home you were a little distant, but nothing too bad to make me believe you would actually start using. I begged you to come with me and you never did. We wouldn’t be in this position if you would have just come.”
He shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. We’ll never know for sure. But there were a lot of things going on you had no clue about.”
“Like what?” she challenged.
“Like I was never free to leave.”
“Why? Because you felt some sense of loyalty to that damn woman?” She scowled.
“I’m going to tell you a story, baby girl. Think back to when we were kids, you remember how we used to sneak out in the morning.”
Her eyes softened. “Of course. You were my hero.”
“Did you ever wonder why Mom never messed with us?”
“No, I figured it was just because they were still passed out when we left.”
“Remember those days when she was awake? There was a reason why she didn’t mess with us.”
“Yeah, cause she was high as hell.” He slammed his beer bottle down on the rail to get up to pace.
“Well, there was a reason she was high all the time.” Brea narrowed her eyes, unsure where he was going with this.
“What are you trying to say? Just spit it out already.”
“I gave her money to buy drugs!” he screamed at her. She reared back like he slapped her. “I gave her money to buy drugs,” he reiterated quietly, slumping down in the chair. Tears immediately filled Brea’s eyes. There’s no fucking way, she thought. How could her
brother give her money for drugs?
“I….I…” she stuttered and swallowed, starting over. “I don’t understand. What do you mean you gave her drugs?”
He hung his head down. “I never gave her drugs. I gave her money, which she used to buy drugs.”
“That’s fucking semantics. Why?”
“You don’t understand what it was like living with her. It was pure Hell. She was high for as long as I can remember. I don’t have any sober memories of her. She would bring in the men to pay for her habit. It was like a fucking parade, a different man every night. I wasn’t much older than you were, but I knew I had to take care of you. I called you my baby. I was so in love with you.”
“I remember,” she cried, “but I don’t know why you would want her to stay that way.”
He drew a ragged breath before continuing. “When we got older, some of the men would make comments about how cute you were, how much they liked little girls…”
“No….” she shook her head. She had never been abused, had never known this was going on.
“Yes,” he insisted. “That’s why I started having you hide in your room all night, and not letting you get out. I figured out of sight, out of mind. And it worked, up to a point.”
“What happened?” she asked, though she didn’t want to know.
“There was one guy who liked little boys. I had to fight for my life that night, and I thought never again. Mom was no good, but I figured if I could at least get her to stop bringing home johns, I wouldn’t have to keep fighting them off.”
“That’s when you starting making extra money.”
He nodded, his face miserable. “I started doing odd jobs, and I gave the money I earned to her. I figured if she had money, she wouldn’t need the johns.”
“I remembered all the men, but I always wondered why they weren’t there every night if she needed drugs constantly. I just figured she got money some other way.”
“Her ten-year-old.” He shook his head, mouth set in a thin line. She hugged him, needing the comfort. She didn’t know how she felt about Alex giving their mother money to score her next fix, but he was only a kid, too. “You were right, you know?”