Dream a Little Dream of Me

by Daniels, Cobie

  Looking back, Kelsey realized those Wednesdays in the center had become the best afternoon dates with Jason. They would last anywhere from four and half to five and a half hours. Jason would clear his schedule and pick up Kelsey as he insisted that they drive to the hospital together. They were a team in everything, no matter what. Once Kelsey was hooked up, he would sit in the chair opposite of her, take off her shoes, and use his lap as a footstool. While the iron dripped, they both read a good book or technology article on their smart devices, or napped. Sometimes he would slowly rub her feet and often times she would wake up and find him staring at her. Half awake she would reach for his hand and sleepily ask, “What are you staring at?” Jason would normally just smirk and say, “You, is that okay?” and then kiss her hand.

  It was moments like that where she felt cherished and not like a burden. There were other people in the room who were hooked up and being treated for far worse things than severe anemia. Kelsey didn't take that for granted, and she knew they would figure all this out together as a team.

  Before she went back out on the floor, she called the doctor back and made an appointment for an infusion for the following Wednesday. Another piece in setting up a routine again was now in place, and it would be nice to see and talk to Dr. Shepheard as they had become very good friends. It would also be helpful just to talk to someone who could give her some honest perspective about walking all this out without a counselor. Melody had been all over Kelsey about seeing their pastor for counseling, and while she understood her mom’s concern, the last thing that Kelsey needed to hear from any pastor was to try and focus on the fact that she would see Jason again.

  When five o’clock came, Kelsey inhaled deeply, pressed the punch out button, and then released her breath. The breathing techniques she had been learning in yoga before the incident had been beneficial the past several weeks. She made a mental checklist that she would need to sign up for another round of classes in the next few weeks. It would give her something else to do twice a week to make her physical body strong again as she rebuilt her emotional state.

  Her first day back was officially over. As she climbed into her car, she buckled her seatbelt, grabbed the steering wheel, and let out a prayer of thanks. She decided not to focus on the fact that she was driving back to an empty home. There were still two and half hours of daylight left. She could get a quick ride in on Jedi and take the dogs out on the trails with her to get some exercise.

  There were several places in life that Kelsey considered her favorite to be at any given time. Jason’s arms were the first. She also loved to be with her nieces and nephew or with her horse, grooming him in the barn or out riding him on the trails. Kelsey spent the majority of her time doing the latter. Although seeing her nieces and nephews at least three times a week helped, spending her time in the barn dulled the sting of the fact that the first option of comfort was no longer available.

  When she pulled up to the house, her horse Jedi greeted her at the fence. His head held high and proud, he let out a bit of a whinny. Kelsey walked over and greeted him with a cube of sugar and a big pat on his giant neck. “Hello, my handsome man.” She always stashed cubes of sugar in her glove box as it had become a habit to greet her giant beauty when she got home. Reassuring him that she would be out momentarily with the dogs, Kelsey grabbed her keys and unlocked the door and walked into the side room that acted as a kennel and grooming room for her terriers Dodger and Rosie. They waited patiently in the kennels as Kelsey changed into her barn clothes and paddock boots.

  “You guys ready for a short ride?!” The dogs bounced with joy, and in unison they headed out the side door for a couple hours of escape.

  September 1994

  Labor Day Weekend

  At 8:30 AM, Kelsey came bounding down the stairs ready to head to the barn to groom her horse and get a ride in before lunch. She was expecting to spend late afternoon and early evening with her Jason but couldn’t neglect her horse on such a beautiful Saturday morning.

  Melody was sitting at the table reading her newspaper and sipping coffee when she saw Kelsey grabbing orange juice out of the fridge. “Off to the barn this morning?”

  “Yeah, need to keep Triton in shape, and I love a good hack though the fields on a Saturday.”

  Before she could tell her mom what direction and which trails she planned on taking, Melody put the paper down and curtly announced, “Kelsey, we need to talk.”

  Kelsey knew that tone and stared straight at the cabinets in front of her. She knew this moment had been coming and was honesty surprised it was just now happening. She turned with her glass in hand and quipped lightly, “Okay. What’s up?”

  With steely eyes and a cool tone, Melody shot back, “Oh, I think you know what I want to discuss, young lady.” Kelsey could feel the knot in her stomach tighten. She sat at the table and made direct eye contact with her mother. Melody kept the eye contact and started in. “While I am sure Jason Bauer is a very nice young man, and his parents seem very nice as well, your father and I do not approve of anything other than a friendship with him.”

  Kelsey’s heart was in her throat as Melody continued her speech, “We’ve let you go off with him because we know that, although you are still yet to graduate, you are eighteen and legally an adult—but this is our house, and our rules have not changed. We feel very strongly that, if you are to start dating, your father and I could make arrangements with the Brandons and set up a date with one of their nice sons from church. Especially Joe, he’s a sophomore in college this year and has plans to go into ministry. Your father and I raised you in the church for a reason, and as I said, while I’m sure Jason is a nice young man, he doesn’t meet the Godly criteria that we’ve worked so hard to instill in you and your sister. Surely you don’t want to disappoint God as well as us, now, do you?”

  Melody Chapman was a master at undermining and manipulating to get what she wanted. The moment had finally arrived; Kelsey knew that her mother was going to throw down the preverbal gauntlet eventually, and she had done a masterful job this morning. Especially timing it before her morning ride, as her mother knew Kelsey would be alone with only her horse and her thoughts to keep her company. Melody knew that Kelsey was a thinker, and at times an over thinker.

  Bravo Melody, Bravo were the only words that came to Kelsey’s mind. Kelsey sat there in deafening silence but kept eye contact with her mother for several long, awkward moments. Moments that seemed to make even her mom uncomfortable. Melody looked at Kelsey and mumbled out, “Well? Do you have nothing to say?”

  Kelsey took in a long, cleansing breath, blew the air out, and looked out the window to the barn to see the sun sparkling off the fish pond. She normally responded in calm respect to her mother’s demands and manipulation, but the feelings she had for Jason had already made her stronger and bolder. It made no sense, she decided in that moment, to deliver anything other than the truth. Without taking her eyes off the pond, in a very calm, direct, and matter-of-fact tone, she unassumingly said, “Mom, I love him, and I’m going to marry him.”

  The room went from awkward and manipulative on Melody’s side of the table to global thermal nuclear in a nanosecond. Melody, now standing and doing everything in her power not to lose control and scream, pointed her finger in Kelsey’s face. “I forbid you to see him, Kelsey. If you think for one moment your father and I are going to let you throw away all that we have instilled in you, from your education to your faith, you are sadly…” before Melody could even finish, Kelsey stood up and calmly cut her off.

  “My faith? Yes. Let’s talk about my faith that you and Daddy instilled in me. When did it become my faith? For the last eighteen years I’ve been told what to believe, when to believe it, and how to believe it. When I asked questions that you didn't deem worthy of answering, you would shut down my thinking and manipulate me right back into your perfect box where you allowed your perfect faith and perfect family to reside. There I was, your perfect daughter ‘honoring thy f
ather and mother,’ though not out of love and respect but out of guilt and desperately wanting your approval. I’ve never given either of you any reason to doubt how much I love you. God only knows I’ve always been the good girl, always in church, but what about life outside of church? The last time I read my Bible, which, by the way, was just the other night, it dawned on me: Jesus wasn't in church all the time. Did you know that, Mom? He was actually out in the world hanging with those who needed him the most. I still have yet to find where Jesus ever said he would be disappointed in me if I had a drink or if I—god-forbid—if I kissed a man before my wedding day, Mom.” Kelsey was slightly surprised at her own boldness, but her years of silence simply had to end.

  “I let you go to parties!” Melody yelled.

  Kelsey shot right back. “Yeah, but look at the grief you would give me before I even walked out the door! You would lecture me about whom I was representing, give a mini sermon from Galatians 5:6, and then back that up with Ephesians 6:2. It was never, have a good time; we love you and trust you. No, it was pound me with scripture before I even walked out the door. You may as well have pinned a scarlet letter to me to ensure that no one would come near me.”

  Melody hissed back, “If you thought for one-second I or your father were going to give you a pass to go out and party and have a good time with your friends when the Bible clearly says that debauchery is a sin then you, my dear, have lived in a fantasy.”

  Kelsey shot back, “No, Mom, I never wanted that. I just wanted you to stop using religion as your measuring stick to emotionally beat me with. Instead, I wanted you to show me that you trusted me as your daughter and as an adult. I’ve never given you a reason not to trust me!”

  Melody could only stare and then shot off, “Kelsey, you don’t have any idea how dangerous this world is and the evil that runs rampant.”

  Kelsey could no longer control her tone; her nerves were frayed, and she wasn’t going to entertain this any further. “You know as well as I do NONE of us have control over any of it, good or bad! If there is ANYTHING that I learned in church it’s that I have to trust God no matter what happens in this life.” Kelsey just stared at her mother, remaining deadly quiet. Then she took one swig of her orange juice, swallowed hard, and set the glass on the table. As she turned to the back door to open it, she added, “Mom, I want to believe that raising us in church was what you thought best for our family, but right now I only see that it was the perfect tool that you needed so that you could always be in control. You always want control, and when you don't have it, you manipulate the situation until you get it. That is what being raised in the church has taught me.”

  In two steps Kelsey’s mom was directly in front of her, and a heartbeat later, with a nearly unimaginable force, Melody smacked Kelsey across the face. “Don’t you ever talk to me that way again—do you hear me?!” The intensity was hard enough to send Kelsey back two steps. Her face felt as if a thousand bee stings had made her cheek their target. Kelsey opened the back door and ran to the barn. In a flash, she saddled up Triton and took off across the fields. She didn't know where she was going, but with tears streaming down her face, she rode hard, and she rode fast.

  * * *

  Later That Afternoon

  Coy Chapman worked two jobs so that his wife could stay at home and raise their girls. He wouldn’t have had it any other way. He loved his girls more than anything. At times he did think Melody could be a bit hard on them. Especially Kelsey.

  He loved that Kelsey and Ellie were very close as sisters and loved even more seeing them grown into bright, beautiful, smart girls who could think for themselves. What he couldn’t wrap his mind around was that Kelsey was graduating from high school and heading off to England for the summer. Where time had gone, he had no idea; at one point in his life he thought he would never stop buying diapers, and now here he was about to send his daughter into the world. He knew that Melody had hoped to convince her to come back from England and take some time off before starting classes at ODU as she really hoped Kelsey would become interested in the eldest Brandon boy. Melody had it in her mind that it would be the perfect match. However, Coy knew what he saw, and Kelsey was not interested. She’d never even looked at the Brandon boys like the other girls around her did. In the end Coy just wanted his daughter healthy, happy, and always keeping her faith at the forefront of all she did. Though Melody was usually too worried about the bad that could happen to see it, Coy knew Kelsey was strong and faithful in her friendships, to her family, and to God. She was different from other teens and other girls because she was more concerned about those things than about fitting in or keeping up with the crowd. Because of this, Coy wasn’t worried about her at all.

  It was almost four in the afternoon on another sultry, summer day. Coy could taste the afternoon thunderstorms starting to roll in; the thick and heavy air was all the evidence anyone needed before even seeing the clouds. He was headed to his car from the warehouse where he worked part time on Saturdays when his supervisor ran out to grab him and tell him he had an urgent phone call from his wife.

  Coy didn't panic much after years as a full-time fire fighter; panic did nothing for emergency situations. Big heavy raindrops started to fall out of the sky as he reached the back door; when he entered he could hear Melody screaming on the other end of the receiver. He grabbed the phone out of Jake’s hand, “Melody, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

  “I hit her, Coy. I hit her and now she is gone and it is starting to storm out here really bad and she hasn't come home yet! She’s been gone for hours, and it’ll be dark soon.”

  In a calm voice, Coy methodically breathed into the phone to his wife, “Melody, calm down. I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

  “Kelsey. I smacked Kelsey across the face this morning and she rode off across the fields and now it’s storming and she hasn’t come home. What have I done, Coy?!”

  “Melody, think, did she tell you what trails she was taking today?”

  “No, Coy, didn't you just hear me?!”

  “Melody, just stay there; call the neighbors and see if they’ve seen her. If not, then call emergency services. It’s going to be okay. She is going to be okay. Just stay calm; I’m on my way home.”

  Just as Melody hung up the phone to start making other calls, Ellie came in from a friend’s house where they had been working on a school project. “Mom! What’s going on?” Ellie could see the panic in her mother’s eyes and knew something downright awful had happened. Melody explained what was going on, and by the time she finished her story, Ellie was changed into her barn clothes and raincoat, and with a flashlight in one hand to help as it grew darker, she headed to the door to start searching.

  The rain was pouring down in sheets; then there was the vivid lighting. The rain had dropped the temperature down twenty degrees, and the wind almost made it seem chilly. Ellie looked at her mother and asked her if Kelsey had taken a rain jacket with her. Melody’s eyes were wide, and she could only shake her head no. Just as Ellie was about to run out the back door, the doorbell rang. Melody darted to answer it only to find Jason standing there with his raincoat on.

  “Mrs. Chapman, I’m sorry to intrude, but I’ve been trying to reach Kelsey all afternoon, and your phone’s been busy. I’ve been home all day, and she hasn’t called at all even to confirm our dinner plans for tonight, and I got worried.”

  The only thing that Melody could do was stare at Jason, no words, just staring. By the time Ellie got to the front door, she all but pushed her mom out of the way and pulled Jason in. “Jason, Kelsey’s been missing since nine this morning. She and mom had a falling out, and she ran to the barn and took off and hasn’t been seen since!” Jason ran to the barn, with Ellie right behind him. By the time they both reached the gate to the paddock they heard galloping hooves and a whinny. They both turned at the same time to see Triton. And no Kelsey. Panic-stricken, Jason yanked the flashlight out of Ellie’s hand and ran into the night calling Kelse
y’s name and praying that, when he found her, she would be all right.

  October 1994

  Homecoming Weekend

  Courtney Freeman was the beautiful, vivacious ginger Kelsey was lucky to call her best friend. Courtney worked for the school newspaper and was the president of the Conservation Club. She collected trash in the local park and on the sides of the road once a month, and while her family went to church, they were, as Melody would say, “more liberal” with how they raised their children. Courtney was an animal lover like her best friend and planned on living in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, after graduation to take advantage of a non-profit internship that could turn into a permanent job with a world conservation group. Living in Wyoming would place her in the outdoors and mountains she loved, and not to mention she would be able to ski in the winter.

  Their other bestie, Jasper Parker, was a looker himself. Dark hair, blue eyes, he had a love for Broadway and was a giant tech geek. He was the president of the Technology Club at school and had actually written code and algorithms for the software that the public school system was using citywide. He’d already been hired by FedEx Corporate to start working in their IT department right out of high school as one of their youngest employees in the history of the company. He would be leaving for Memphis, Tennessee, two weeks after graduation.