He held her for a long time before a word was spoken. Finally, she opened her eyes only to see Jason lovingly staring at her. “How long have I been out?”
“About fifteen minutes,” he replied.
She quickly brought her hand to her mouth, “Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry, Jason!”
He laughed and cupped her face, “Kelsey, you never have to apologize to me.”
“But what about you, Jason? I felt your very large and impressive… you know…”
Jason placed his fingers over her lips. “Kelsey, I’m in no hurry. We have all night, unless you have somewhere to be?” he said with a smile.
She reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind his ear. “The only place that I was ever meant to be is right here in your arms.” She leaned in and placed a kiss on his lips, then slowly let her tongue slide across his bottom lip. He let out a small groan and pressed his growing erection against her belly. With her mouth pressed to Jason’s ear, Kelsey whispered, “I need to tell you something.”
Jason pulled back to look at her face and, with a silent nod, encouraged her to speak. “I saw the doctor back in August and was placed on the pill.” In complete shock, Jason asked, “When did you have time to do that without your mother finding out?” With a big smile, Kelsey responded, “Let’s just say that it was a day that Courtney and I went to shop for our homecoming dresses. So we are safe as long as you don’t have something you need to inform me about first?”
Jason dropped his head in disbelief. The fact that he wouldn’t have to use a condom the first time with Kelsey was completely unexpected, and he nearly lost it when her breath carried across his ear. “Kelsey, I’ve been checked. You have nothing to worry about.” With that, he removed the rest of his clothes and was on top of Kelsey, between her legs. Locking in on her gaze, Jason softly spoke, “Kelsey, you are so damned beautiful.” Reaching a hand behind her back, he unhooked her bra. As he slid the straps down her shoulders, she moved her arms, one at a time, allowing him to remove the final item of clothing between them. Leaning over, he ran his thumb from her lips to her chin and down to her valley before he drew a figure eight path over her nipples. Kelsey gasped with the shock and desire it sent though her. “Kelsey, it may hurt and be a bit uncomfortable at first, but I promise to go slow. I just ask one thing.” She looked at him with a hungry and puzzled look on her face. “Kelsey, please keep your eyes open and on me.” Kelsey could only shake her head yes.
Resting on his arms on either side of her head, he gently pushed the tip of his hard cock into her, slowly rocking back out and slowly pushing a little deeper in the second time. By the fourth push, he went all the way. Kelsey let out a small yelp, but her eyes, now large and animated, stayed locked on Jason. “Breathe, baby. Just feel me inside of you. Oh my god you feel so good.”
With that Kelsey wrapped her legs around Jason. They began to push and pull together and created a rhythm. Jason sat up and gradually drove deep inside her, then reached down and used his fingers to massage her center. “Keep your eyes on me Kelsey.” As he continued to rub and push, Kelsey could feel another release coming from her toes and traveling up. She let out a massive moan as her muscles clamped down over him. They both went together, crying out in unison as their sweaty bodies paused to feel the splendid pulsing that had taken them to the edge and over. Jason collapsed back on his arms, resting his forehead to hers as she brought her arms around his neck and pulled him into her.
They spent the next several hours sleeping, completely sated and as one.
December 1994
Feed The Birds
With two days left until Christmas, Kelsey could hardly contain her excitement. She loved this time of year. She loved everything about it, and now with Jason in her life to share it with, life was even that much sweeter. The stories, the music, the lights. She wished that people would understand that joy and peace were something they could choose every day, but that was not reality.
The sounds of the season were upon them, and it made her truly giddy. She was especially excited to share the friends she’d made at the shelter. A few years ago she had an opportunity to volunteer at the local homeless shelter through her church. Kelsey’s heart and eyes were open to a whole new world that day. She met people who were often ignored, mocked, and forgotten because they no longer had their own place to call home, weren’t always clean, and would ask for money on the street corner. Many times she learned that people found themselves homeless for reasons that were beyond their control: even a fellow high schooler was living at the shelter as her family tried to get back on their feet again. Homelessness affected the young, the old, individuals, families, men, women, and even animals. Kelsey was grateful for the experience so young in her life, and while she may not be able to help everyone, she learned early on that these were people who, though down on their luck, deserved to be treated with dignity and respect. She made volunteering a regular part of her life, but this time of year the need for resources and volunteers always reached its peak.
One of the regulars at the shelter was Mary. She was a woman in her fifties and was mute. Kelsey had tried to learn more about Mary’s past from several of the longtime volunteers, but they would simply say that it wasn't their story to tell. Mary spent most of her time each day in a local park, and once she felt the park animals were all tucked away into their natural habitats for the night, she’d make her way to the shelter. Mary had become the guardian of sorts to that sweet little park with the water fountains and swings. She had even adopted the birds and squirrels there. Always looking for spare coins and collecting cans and bottles that she could turn in for change, she’d take that money, walk to a local hardware store, and purchase cracked corn. She couldn't buy much, but it was her effort to feed those animals. She was like a female version of St. Frances of Assisi. Kelsey had met her the first day she volunteered, and Mary made it very clear that she had trust issues. It wasn't until six months into volunteering on a regular basis that Kelsey felt Mary warm up to her. Kelsey had to prove that she was there to help and not for any other selfish motive or ambition like volunteers too often do. Eventually, if Mary saw Kelsey arrive at the shelter, she would practically knock people over to give a warm hug.
As Kelsey and Jason pulled up to the shelter, Kelsey did the checklist in her head. “Jason did you grab the bag of wrapped gifts and the cracked corn?”
Jason laughed, “Sure did, it’s in the trunk. I still have to say that two fifty pound bags of cracked corn have to be the most unusual Christmas gift anyone has ever bought.”
“Just trust me on this. I think Mary is going to be thrilled. I know she’s excited to meet you.”
“I can’t wait to meet her; the way you describe her; I know she’s a special lady.”
“I’ve learned so much from her about humility and true kindness. She has nothing, and yet she’s still constantly doing what she can to provide for others. I have so much, and yet I’m never that selfless.”
Jason thought about Kelsey’s kindness and selflessness: her gentleness with her mother, even when Melody’s love came across as strict rules; her willingness to stay sober at parties so she could take care of her friends; her desire to share her love of art by becoming a teacher; and her taking the time she could be having fun as a senior in high school to instead volunteer to help feed people in need. But because he so admired her humility, he decided not to point it out to her at that moment. Instead, he just smiled as she once again was about to put others’ needs and desires ahead of her own.
As Jason put the car in park, he could see some of the homeless community starting to head in for the hot dinner that the shelter provided for them on chilly nights like tonight. He headed around the back of the car and opened the trunk and then proceeded to Kelsey’s door, opening it for her. She and Jason grabbed the bags out of the trunk but left the cracked corn. She wanted to surprise Mary a little later with that. As she entered the main dining room, many of those who knew Kelsey, whether staf
f or homeless, jumped to their feet to hug her and wish her a Merry Christmas. Jason stood back and watched as Kelsey looked them all in the eye and listened to every word they all had to say. His heart was touched, but he was also a little mad at himself. Mad that he had never taken the time out of his own selfish life to volunteer his time to serving these people. Kelsey didn't see homeless people. She saw individuals and treated them with love and dignity. It was a humbling moment for Jason, and he committed every detail of this night to memory so that he could be a small part of the solution in the future.
After greeting everyone, Kelsey motioned to Jason to head to the director’s office with the bags, and then it would be time to roll up their sleeves in the kitchen. Once back there, Jason was put in charge of washing the dishes. Pots, pans, plates, utensils, cups, serving trays: it was a non-stop barrage that required Jason to scrape leftovers into the garbage, wash, and then rinse. He had a helper by the name of Lenny who was showing him the fastest and easiest way to clean and stack them as they went. At one point, Jason looked up and out the window to see if he could catch Kelsey’s attention, but she was busy serving macaroni and sweet potatoes. A piece of her hair had slipped out of her ponytail, and Jason loved how adorable she looked.
“C’mon. Jason, we’re getting behind in our dish duty,” Lenny called out in his raspy voice. “On my way, buddy.” Jason jumped right back in and easily fell back into the rhythm with his new friend, aware more than ever that the blessings he had in his life needed to be paid forward.
As the night wound down, Kelsey was finally able to introduce Jason to Mary. She had her pad and paper and quickly wrote down her greetings. It’s so nice to finally meet you, Jason. You’re much more handsome than Kelsey described. Kelsey burst into laughter, and Jason was blushing. Once Kelsey contained herself, it was finally time to surprise Mary with her gifts. Mary was so excited when she opened to find a new pair of warm but functional gloves and a scarf that she threw her arms around Kelsey to thank her.
“We have one more thing for you, Mary, but you have to come to our car,” Kelsey explained.
Mary enthusiastically clapped and ran to put on her jacket, new scarf, and gloves. Once outside, they approached the trunk as Kelsey prepared her, “It might seem like a weird gift, but I sincerely hope you like it.” With a raised eyebrow she looked at Kelsey and lifted her shoulders with a whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll love it shrug. Jason opened the trunk. Realizing the perfectly-selected gift, Mary covered her mouth in utter shock. Tears immediately formed in her eyes as she began to make grunting noises of thanks and hug them both. Grabbing her pen and paper out of her pocket, she leaned against the car and wrote, I will be able to feed the animals for weeks with this.
As they continued to hug, Kelsey reassured her, “I’m so happy you’re happy, and I already spoke with Artie, and he said you can store the bags in the back room of the shelter.” Jason and Lenny unloaded the bags from the car and took them inside. Mary grabbed Kelsey’s hand and squeezed it tightly as though she was still in disbelief. Turning to face Kelsey, she mouthed the words Thank You. It took everything within Kelsey not to burst into embarrassing, joyful weeping. “No, Mary, thank you.”
December 2014
New Year’s Eve
With two minutes left in 2014, Kelsey was spending them exactly as she wanted. Alone, in quiet reflection of the past six months. She stood on the front porch of her home, bundled up in Jason’s coat, facing the western sky, talking to him as if he was standing right there. Kelsey hugged the coat closer to her body and caught a whiff of Jason’s smell. Tears streaming down her face, she looked up to see the moon shining brightly and the intense sparkle of the stars in the cold night sky. She missed her husband, she missed her best friend, and she would have made a deal with the devil himself in that moment if it meant she could have him again.
Bringing her back from the brink was the sound of a FaceTime call coming in. She took the phone out of her pocket to see it was her sister. She turned the front porch light on and hit accept on the phone. “Happy New Year!” were the sounds coming from two of the three young voices that could make any dark night shine with brightness. Wiping the tears from her eyes and digging deep for her best cheery voice she answered back, “Happy New Year, my sweet angels! Where’s your brother?”
“He was too tired to stay up,” Sarah Jane beamed. “He tried really hard though,” replied her younger sister Katie. “Have you been crying, Aunt Kelsey?” Sarah Jane asked in a low voice. “Just a little,” Kelsey responded.
“Is it because you miss uncle Jason?” Before Kelsey could answer, Ellie was in on the call. “Say goodnight to your awesome aunt; she needs her beauty sleep.” “Goodnight!” “Happy New Year, Aunt Kelsey!” Then she heard them pounding their feet down the hallway to their rooms. As Kelsey caught her breath, Ellie saw the sadness in her sister’s eyes. “Well, you made it. I know you don’t want to hear it, but you made it.”
“I know,” was all that Kelsey could say while looking out over the moonlit fields.
“You got through the holidays and New Year’s Eve, and now the next big hurdle is the court date for jury selection and trial date, right?” Ellie asked.
“Yeah, my lawyer said that once that happens we can expect the trial to start mid-summer.”
“A full year after the accident.” Ellie shook her head. “I don’t understand why the legal system takes so damn long when this case is so cut and dry. It also isn’t helping matters that Jason had taken this guy under his wing only for this to happen.” Ellie wasn’t saying anything that Kelsey hadn’t already thought about.
“I need to go,” she interrupted her sister. “I need to get some sleep and feel rested before heading to the hospital tomorrow for the infusion. I’m thankful that the center is open, even if it is on a holiday. I’m hoping it will help keep my heart and mind distracted. I’m also going to stop by the shelter. I know Mary hasn’t been in the best of health, and I need to check on her.”
“Kels, before you go, I need you to know that I’m proud of you. The hardest part of this season in your life as your sister has been having to sit back and watch you walk this out, but you’re doing it, and I’m proud of you, and I love you.” Ellie’s words brought more tears to Kelsey's eyes.
“Thank you, Ellie. I love you too.” They ended the call, and Kelsey breathed in the cold air and let it burn in her lungs for a few seconds before exhaling, expelling the old and leaving it behind as she walked back into her home to find some rest before the dawn of 2015.
After a quick visit with Mary at the shelter that morning, Kelsey arrived at the hospital at ten o’clock on the nose. This was her second infusion since Jason’s death, and she still felt as if she was walking into a foreign land even though she’d been in this room what felt like a hundred times. Without Jason by her side, and with a heavy heart from seeing Mary in declining health, she felt the sudden sadness that had become her new normal. The girls who worked in the infusion center were always professional and ready when Kelsey got there. They knew the situation, and as soon as she walked in the doors, they ushered her to the back of the room in a corner where she could pull the curtain and have some privacy.
Tracey, one of the nurses who had gotten to know Kelsey and Jason, was there to greet her and get her IV line in. She knew the old routine Kelsey and Jason had down to a science. When she heard Kelsey was coming back in, she wanted to be as much help as possible getting her settled and into a new routine as easily as she could. Once the line was in and the drip started, Tracey looked at Kelsey and said, “Okay, looks like you’re just here for five hours today. Can I get you anything?” Kelsey shook her head no and put her headphones on and thanked Tracey for being so attentive and understanding. Tracey squeezed her other hand. “My pleasure, ma’am. I’ll be back to check on you in a few.”
Using her tablet, Kelsey caught up on some of her reading and eventually dozed off. As she slept, the Faurè piece played in her ear, and she drea
mt that she was back on the beach with Jason, her back to his chest, looking out over the horizon. The temperature was perfect, complete serenity, complete peace. There was no need to talk; he was holding her, and that was what she had desperately missed for the past six months. She could smell him and feel him. “This has to be real,” she thought. It felt like they were together for hours, but as the sun was beginning to set in her dream, Jason started to disappear. “No no no no, Jason. Please,” she whispered. “Don’t leave me. Please stay!” But before she could stop him, he was gone.
Tracey pulled the curtain back to see Kelsey’s eyes flutter open as the big tears rolled down her cheeks. “Kelsey, what’s wrong? What hurts? Is it your line?” Kelsey could barley talk and only shook her head no. “Did you have a dream?” Tracey asked. Kelsey nodded her head yes. “I’m so sorry, honey,” she looked at the iron drip and looked at the time on the machine. “You’re almost done; another forty-five minutes, and I’ll get you out of here. Are you going to be okay to drive home?”
Kelsey was finally able to sit up and find her words. “Yes, I’ll be fine.” Handing her a tissue, Tracey carefully asked, “Do you want to tell me about the dream?” Kelsey stared at her for a moment and, as if replaying it like a movie in her head, retold the sequence and what happened. Tracey just sat and listened and grabbed Kelsey’s hand when she was done. “I wish I knew why you had that dream, but until you understand, I hope it brings you some peace.” Kelsey smiled and hugged her and thanked her for listening.
Once she arrived home and got settled, Kelsey headed out to the barn to clean Jedi’s stall then groom and feed him. As she was finishing up she stopped and took a moment to look out over the fields in the west. She stood there and watched the sun slowly dip below the horizon. Though the ending was painful, Kelsey was thankful she’d been given the gift of that dream earlier in the day. It was the first time she’d seen Jason alive in her dreams since the incident. Watching the sunset that night, for the first time in a very long time, she let out a prayer of thanks to the God she was purposely ignoring.
Dream a Little Dream of Me Page 5