“Oh, no.” Savannah caught Rick’s arm and drew him back in front of the baby, the first voluntary contact she’d had with him since returning to the States two and a half months ago. The flex of muscle under her fingers revealed his awareness of the moment. She ignored her reaction and his.
“This is the perfect time to get better acquainted. He just wants up.”
“Up?” Rick scowled, the gaze he flicked her way revealing an uncharacteristic uncertainty.
“He wants out of the carrier.”
He glanced back at the baby. “He’s locked in.”
“It’s not locked.” Amused, she rolled her eyes at him. “It’s just a few buckles. I’m sure you can figure it out.”
Challenged, he made quick work of releasing the buckles. Troy squealed and kicked harder, excited by the signs of freedom. But Rick froze once he had the belts loosened.
“He won’t break,” Savannah reassured him. “Just hold him with confidence.”
“I really don’t have time for this. I have a meeting with Anderson.”
“It’s not for another hour.”
Still he hesitated.
“Coward.”
His blue eyes flashed a warning. She didn’t care. What could he do, fire her? Not a big threat with her letter of resignation waiting to be found somewhere on her desk.
Her stomach churned at the thought of the coming discussion.
The goading worked. Rick bent and carefully lifted Troy out of his seat. Clearly uncomfortable, Rick held the boy with both hands away from his body.
Thrilled by his new position, Troy kicked his feet and reached for Rick, connecting with his nose.
“See. He likes you.”
“Yeah.” Removing the little hand from his nose, Rick placed a strong hand under the baby’s butt and bounced the little one up and down.
Troy squealed and giggled and Rick shot her a look of triumph, his smile almost as big as Troy’s.
“Very nice. I’ll just leave you two to get to know each other.” Seeing him with the baby, watching him find joy in the child’s delight, threw her into an emotional retreat.
“No,” he ordered, his tone just short of panicked.
Troy frowned at the sharp bark of Rick’s command.
“Don’t go.” Rick smiled and bounced the baby, quickly gaining control of himself. The sheepish look he sent Savannah held a plea. “We’re not ready to fly solo yet.”
Even more than before she longed to flee to the safety of her desk, his vulnerability touching her in ways that weakened her resolve, making him more approachable than he’d been in months.
She didn’t want to see the warm, funny man she’d gotten to know in Europe. Far easier to walk away from the stern taskmaster she knew outside of their trip.
Though it cost her, she stayed while he and Troy got accustomed to each other. He knew the basics, having watched others handle the babies in the family, and he had good instincts. He didn’t really need her, which unaccountably hurt.
And when Jesse called to say she’d be up in a minute to fetch Troy, Savannah made good her escape.
Angry at the irrational emotions warring within her, she began an extensive search for the missing letter of resignation. The sooner she got away from Rick, the better.
Jesse came and went with a cheerful wave. Savannah absently smiled and wished her well while pawing through the files piled on her desk. The letter had to be here somewhere.
A few minutes later a familiar paper landed in front of her. “You want to explain this?” a deep male voice demanded.
Savannah jumped, her elbow connected with a folder and papers flew every which way.
With an arched brow, Rick bent to gather the loose papers, which he carefully handed her. She reached for them, but he held firm until she raised her eyes to meet his. Determination deepened the blue in his. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
“Obviously you read the letter. It’s pretty clear.” Her stomach roiled as she realized this was it, no more delaying the inevitable.
“Don’t play dumb, Savannah. It doesn’t become you.”
True. It didn’t sit well either. So she’d go on the offense. “You had to see this coming.”
“You’re leaving for ‘personal reasons.’” A storm brewed in his eyes. “How convenient.”
“No, actually, it’s quite inconvenient,” she denied with more vehemence than she knew she harbored. “It wasn’t an easy decision to leave. I’ve enjoyed working for Sullivans’. And working on the international deal. I’ve learned a lot from you. So no, none of this has been convenient for me at all.”
“Your personal reasons being you’re uncomfortable spending time with me?” he asked in a deceptively conversational tone.
She wasn’t fooled. The more reasonable he appeared, the more upset he was. And how like him to go right to the heart of the problem. “Yes.”
“I thought we were handling the situation just fine.”
“You barely speak to me.” She rubbed at an ache forming behind her right eye. “We communicate by email, voice mail and the occasional sticky note,” she said dryly.
“It’s working.”
“It is so not working. What’s happening is you’re doing more than usual, which leaves me twiddling my thumbs and you cranky.”
“I haven’t been cranky.”
She lifted her brows at him and folded her hands on her desk. “Believe me, you’ve been cranky.”
She’d dreaded the conversation because it skirted the issue of their night of passion, a topic she wanted to avoid if possible to keep him from suspecting the news she wanted to keep hidden.
What she hadn’t expected was for him to argue with her.
She sat back in her chair and folded her arms over her chest. “Why are you fighting me on this?”
“I don’t want to have to train another assistant. Especially when there’s no valid reason for you to leave.”
Frustrated and feeling sick, she said through clenched teeth, “You aren’t listening to me.”
“You haven’t said anything worth listening to.”
“Right.” She finally gave in, realizing there’d be no relenting until he got his answers. She stood and walked past him into his office where she turned and confronted him after he closed the door. “Here’s the truth. You may have been able to erase the time we spent together from your memory, but I haven’t been so successful. So I felt it best to move on.”
“Just like that?” he demanded. “Two weeks’ notice and you’re gone?”
“It’s for the best. Training a new assistant will be better than continuing to fight the attraction we have no intention of acting on.” She sighed, torn. But she wouldn’t lie to him. “You know I’m right.”
He frowned, his internal struggle obvious. “Do you want an apology?”
Confused, she cocked her head. “For what?”
“London—”
“No,” she abruptly cut him off, and then swallowed against a wave of sickness. “I don’t want an apology.”
“Then what do you want?”
“Nothing. Oh, no.” Suddenly the nerves and nausea got to her and she felt her stomach protesting. She breathed deeply, hoping it would settle. No such luck.
“No, no, no.” She clapped a hand over her mouth and flew to his executive bathroom where she tossed up the meager contents of her stomach.
Embarrassed on top of being sick, she reached new levels of mortification when Rick’s black loafers appeared at the edge of the toilet.
“Go away,” she implored him.
“Shh.” He smoothed a hand down her back and then held the hair away from her face when she bent forward again.
Sweat broke out on her forehead at the same time chills racked her body. Retching turned to dry heaves and she welcomed the strength of his hold as she shuddered under the assault on her system.
Finally she straightened, and he handed her a glass of water, which she accepted gratefully
.
“I’m okay. Thank you.” She braced her hands on the counter, carefully avoiding her reflection in the mirror. “Can I have a few minutes alone?”
“Sure.” With a soft stroke of his fingers, he tucked her hair behind her ear. “Take your time.”
“Oh, Mama.” Savannah moaned once the door closed behind him. That last gentle touch had almost undone all her resolve. And it had reminded her of just how tender and caring he’d been in England.
She very much feared she’d given away a part of her heart she might never get back.
In the cupboard she found toothpaste and a new toothbrush and used both. She didn’t even try to save her makeup. A damp cloth felt good on her clammy skin, but the lack of cosmetics left her feeling doubly exposed when she returned to Rick’s office.
He wasn’t at his desk. She sighed in relief at the momentary reprieve.
“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
“Ahh!” She jumped, screamed and twisted all at the same time.
Rick leaned against the wall to the left of the bathroom, arms crossed over his chest. She’d walked right past him without seeing him. Was he standing guard in case she needed him, or so she couldn’t escape?
“My God, you scared me.” She pressed a hand to her racing heart. She ignored his question for the moment. Damn him for being so astute.
She hadn’t planned to tell him, but she wouldn’t lie to him either.
“This isn’t the first time you’ve been sick in the last couple of weeks. You’re pale as fine porcelain, you’ve lost weight and you’re constantly tired. All symptoms of pregnancy. And now you want to leave Sullivans’.” He dropped his arms and straightened away from the wall. “Talk to me, Savannah.”
She shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know what to say, or how to explain—”
“I don’t need explanations.” He cut her off. “I know how babies are made and we took a few chances. What I need is confirmation. Are you pregnant?”
She slowly nodded.
His corresponding nod was much sharper. “We’ll get married then.”
Savannah swallowed hard. She’d expected the proposal, yet it still touched her, as did his acceptance of his participation in their circumstances. Some men would be looking to place blame or find a way out of the situation.
Tears welled up and a warmth grew ever bigger in her chest, spreading from her heart outward.
Oh, no. Oh, Lord. She loved him. In that moment she realized she’d been deluding herself. She’d thought knowledge would protect her, that making love to him with her eyes open and her expectations curtailed would prevent her from losing her heart to him.
Wrong.
The heart couldn’t be controlled. Wouldn’t be dictated to.
She went to him and, wrapping her arms around him, held him tight. His arms enveloped her, and where her head rested on his chest she heard his heartbeat accelerate. The instant chemistry almost convinced her to change her mind. How simple it would be to accept his proposal; she’d have great sex and financial security, and she’d inherit a whole family. All important factors, but not enough.
She wouldn’t give up on her dream of love.
“Thank you.” She stepped back and wiped at a stray tear. “But that’s not necessary.”
“It is, actually,” he said, no give in his words or his stance. “My baby, my responsibility.”
He couldn’t have said anything more designed to put her back up. Or to tell her she’d made the right decision.
“No,” she said, equally firm. “You’ve made it clear you have no intention of getting married or of having kids. I respect that and I’m prepared to raise this child alone.”
“My decision not to marry or have children was a choice I made. Now the choice is gone. I’ll do my duty.” He went to his desk and began flipping through his calendar.
“We should get married as soon as possible. If we go with a civil ceremony, we could get it done by the end of the week.” The look on her face must have warned him how off he was because he closed the calendar. “I suppose you want a church wedding with all the trimmings?”
“Yes.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “When I get married that’s what I’ll want. But we’re not getting married and rushing me isn’t going to change my mind.”
“I want to do right by you, by the child.”
“If you want to be a part of your child’s life, I’m not going to stop you, but it won’t be as my husband.”
“This is about your dad, isn’t it?”
“This is about me, and the fact I deserve a partner who loves me, someone who wants to be with me for myself and not just because it’s convenient or because duty demands it.”
“That’s nice, but you have a child to think of now.”
“The best thing I can do for my child is put him or her in a loving, nurturing environment. Duty can’t provide that. And I can’t put myself in that situation again. I don’t think my self-esteem could survive it.”
He stepped close, tenderly pushing her hair behind her ear in a simple caress. “It doesn’t have to be that way. I care about you. It won’t be like it was with your dad. I’ve already started to delegate and give more authority to my managers. I didn’t plan to have a child, but now one is here, I’ll do whatever it takes to be a good father.”
“I’m sure you’d try. And I appreciate that you want to.” She backed away, creating necessary distance between them. “But I can’t take the chance. The child and I will both be better off if you’re a visitor in our lives. Then we won’t expect too much from you.”
“Don’t you think you should give yourself time to consider my offer, to make sure you’re making the right decision?”
He just didn’t get it. “Can you say you love me?”
Silence greeted her question.
“Then I’m making the right decision. But you made the offer so your duty is met. Consider yourself off the hook.” Holding herself tightly, she turned and walked to the door.
“Savannah.” He stopped her before she cleared the entrance. “You were going to tell me, right?”
She bit her lip as she faced him. “Eventually,” she admitted and then backed out the door.
CHAPTER NINE
SHORTLY BEFORE FIVE, the door to Rick’s office opened and his brother Rett entered. Rick waved him in while he listened to the vendor on the other end of the phone make excuses for an error in accounting.
Rett dropped into a visitor’s chair facing the desk and crossed one leg over the other. Today he wore a navy so midnight-dark only the sheen showed blue. The gold of his St. Christopher medal gleamed in the open neck of his shirt.
Rick wrapped up the call after gaining a promise of reimbursement. He leaned back and met his brother’s identical blue eyes. “Hey.”
Rett grinned. “Congratulations, Daddy.”
Unable to sit still, Rick rose to get a bottle of water from his mini refrigerator. “Thanks.”
“What’s wrong?” Rett waved off an offer of a drink, making no effort to hide his interest. “You’re going to be a dad. You should be off-the-hook happy.”
“Yeah, not so much.” Rick scowled, still upset by Savannah’s refusal to marry him. She talked about letting him off the hook, but that wasn’t who he was.
Rett’s raised brows reflected his puzzlement. “Trouble in paradise already? After your call I thought we’d be celebrating.”
“No paradise. I proposed. She turned me down.” Using succinct sentences, Rick explained the situation.
Rett contemplated Rick over steepled fingers pressed against compressed lips. After a tense study, Rett shook his head. “You need to woo her. It should be easy enough—you spend all day together.”
“Not anymore. She quit. She took a job as a department assistant at a school. And I don’t know when I’ll have time to woo her. She’s decided she wants to teach so she’s going back to school.”
“You’re joking.”
“D
o I look like I’m joking?”
Rett lifted a dark brow. “You look constipated.”
Startled by the off comment, a chuckle started low in Rick’s throat, erupting in a full-body laugh. He threw back his head and enjoyed the freeing moment. Count on Rett to give it to him straight.
Drawing in a deep breath, Rick released the air along with a wealth of tension. He’d needed a serious reality check, and Rett hadn’t hesitated to give it to him. Thank God for his twin.
“When you’re right, you’re right. Rett, I can’t just let her go.”
“You let Diana walk away, and you loved her,” his twin pointed out.
The memory of that time had always had the ability to upset Rick. But the pain of that loss paled in comparison to having Savannah deny him a permanent place in his child’s life.
“That was fifteen years ago. I was young and an idealist. This is different. Savannah is expecting my child. I’m just going to have to change her mind.”
“Good luck with that.” Amusement gleamed unrepentantly in Rett’s direct gaze. “I hope it happens soon. I wouldn’t want to be you if Gram hears you’re going to be a father and there’s no engagement.”
“I’m driving out to see her tomorrow. Maybe it won’t be so bad. She’s been after me to meet a nice woman and start a family.”
“Yeah. I don’t think this is quite what she had in mind.” Rett laughed.
Rick pulled in to the long drive of his grandmother’s Victorian home in Paradise Pines. The large white house still felt like home because of the woman who’d given up so much to help raise him and his brothers. Gram deserved to hear the news in person. He was going to be a father. The concept still rocked him to the core.
Him, a father.
Funny, the thought didn’t freak him out as much as he’d expected, considering he’d given up all expectation of ever having a family of his own. He should be upset. Instead, he was having a hard time suppressing a rising excitement.
It didn’t make breaking the news to Gram any easier, not when she’d sent Savannah to him. That would not sit well with her. Nor would Savannah’s refusal to marry him, because he and his brothers had been raised to take responsibility for their actions.
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