I take the moment to evaluate the alcohol situation. "Well it seems we have one glass left of the white. Full bottle of red. My choice is the Sangria for sure. I am going to go make it. And, I will get cigarettes if you are still up for one?"
"I would rather the Sangria with you. Yes! I very much need one. Let me FaceTime with Melanie before we relax again. I don’t know about you, but I am slightly drained."
"I am always drained! The story of my miserable mind. I am soaked also. I need to change.”
"Try and keep whatever you choose low rise and panties optional. We are well aware a bra certainly is."
"Dick."
"Always and forever."
I did want to go straight to my room and change first. Thoughts are still swirling of what I must look like. The idea of prepping the Sangria, getting that fruit soaking ends up winning hands-down instead. I can't help but laugh. I am most certain the bottle of wine we shared was excessively expensive. Here I am unscrewing the top of the Sangria. He still knows me. My favorite brand, Yago. I love it. I’ve never cared how cheap it is. When something is good, does it really matter?
It takes me a moment to remember where my water pitcher is. One of many things unused since moving here. I’m grateful it dawns on me. The second shelf behind the glass bowls. This should be interesting. I climb on my counter. I am too short to reach the shelf. I manage to retrieve the pitcher without dropping the glass or falling myself. I am impressed. Truly. I take down two large red wine glasses. My favorite ones. I love stemless glassware.
I pour all the contents of the bottle into the pitcher. This I can enjoy; the percentage of alcohol is very slim. I search the fridge for the fruit. I hear over my shoulder, as I am move containers all around.
"Sorry the freezer. I meant to say I put it in your freezer. You know the bottom portion of that subzero that is completely empty aside from the ice."
"I thought you were on the phone."
"I am. Amanda is getting Melanie. Seems she is in her room blasting music. That's my girl."
Oh my! Oranges, watermelon, blueberries, peaches, raspberries and apples all frozen. I can't help but pop one of each in my mouth, as I mix it all. Why don't I do this? Oh, yes, because you don't grocery shop, nor do you usually eat. I continue carefully placing the fruit in. This is seriously clever. No ice needed. The Sangria will not be watered down. Really? Where did he learn this? I stir the liquor one last time, then retreat to my room.
I head straight for my closet. A massive full-length framed mirror rests against one wall. I stand for a long moment. I am a hot mess. This is me. Thank God for the sun’s many kisses during these past few months. My eyes look vibrant. The one part of me, I will not make a negative comment. The whites of my eyes, even with my contacts, glow. It is pleasant not to feel a need for makeup. Well not at this point in time.
Stripping out of my skirt, I hang it on a hook on my wall. I am excessively obsessive compulsive. I would never place it in my laundry basket being as wet on the bottom as it is. I hate laundry. Lord only knows when I will put a load of wash on. Subconsciously I think I have as many clothes as I do strictly to avoid laundry, period. Anyway, I am pretty much set for extended periods. I take my tank top off. I am not certain I feel secure enough, even with the complimentary sexual innuendos that are making me smile. I don’t want to continue feeling as exposed. A bra is still not an option. He is right about that. I feel so constricted since the surgery. Perhaps it is because I feel like I lived in them twenty-four seven for too many years. A bra top will be my best choice.
I browse through my colored coordinated closet. I know I have quite a few from Victoria Secret. Very comfy. Obviously starting at white, I immediately find what I am looking for, one shade over. A light beige ruched strapless top. Long to my hips and full support bra inside and all. This should be perfect. Now what to put on my bare bottom. Do I bother with a thong? Will we go skinny-dipping? If we do, no way am I going fully naked! Thong it is! I am not going skinny dipping with Nick. Is he out of his mind?
My favorite linen beige cargo pants are hanging right beneath my tops. Easy and as comfortable as pajamas. All right maybe the drawstring waist makes them fall low on my hips. I will admit having someone look is nice. How do I deny that? Should I be denying it?
My hair is at full point of no return. Pieces are all over both sides of my face. I could try to redo the braid down the side but then it will seem like I am trying too hard. Why do I even care? It is fine. Fuck it. I do need deodorant. I can't help it. It was hot on the beach, even with the breeze. Honestly, I am still feeling that after sweat sticky clammy feeling. I usually shower right before bed. I wish I could jump in one now. It will just have to wait. I am sure we won’t be up late. He took a red eye he will pass out at some point. Oh well, I give up from here.
Chapter Sixty-Six
I head back to the kitchen and go straight for my medicine cabinet. Yes, it is in my kitchen, along with beside my bed. I have always been nontraditional. Besides, I have enough drugs to sedate Fort Knox. Oddly enough, I keep my cigarettes there also. The place that keeps me alive beside a silent killer. Twisted I know.
I listen for a moment. Nick is no longer on the phone. Taking the cigarettes, along with a lighter I shove them in my pocket. They pull the side of my pants down my hip a little. My new tattoo is now slightly exposed. He has not seen this one. I am not ready to explain. I move quickly.
"Everything good on the home front?"
"Very. I need to bring the kids with me on one of my trips. Stay here in Malibu before LA. They would love it. Maybe I can rent a house for a few days. Beach here is breathtaking. So peaceful Moe."
"Finding a home to rent for the summer you could pull off, but a few days? I highly doubt it. As far as hotels on the beach, they are surprisingly limited. Except the Beach Inn. Um, it would definitely meet your high standards."
"Have you stayed there?"
"Yes with Ben. Place where my life forever changed. He left me on the beach of that hotel. Anyway, it is very lovely with impeccable standards. Speaking of hotels, why did you switch? I thought you were an Omni man."
“Moe, I am sorry.”
“Stop. So why the switch?”
"They really fucked up last month. Screwed up number of rooms. Needed to send six senior employees over to the JW. Service during our meetings was not up to par either. A new general manager, who do not doubt, received a piece of me."
"I do not doubt he did." I pour us both a glass of Sangria. I use my fingers to tap in some of the frozen fruit. I pull the cigarettes and lighter out from my pocket handing them over to Nick. "Oh. An ashtray. Be right back. Sun should be setting any time. Look how the sky is changing already."
"I can see another tattoo."
"Oh shut up."
"What number does this make?"
"It makes none of your business."
"Tell me what it says."
"No. Stop looking at me and look at the dam sky! You don’t get to see that in New York!" I quickly find an ashtray. I am quite familiar where I keep these. I am not exactly back to smoking full time. I do not consider myself a “smoker”. However, I do indulge more than I used to.
Walking back outside, Nick already lit his. Approaching him reminds me of the first moment I laid eyes on him. He was standing in the corner of a club with his friend Jeff. What caught my eye was how he squinted slightly as he inhaled. It reminded me of a James Dean photo. I was done from that moment. I really don’t recall much after that. He was instant. That is the only way to describe Nick. We were zero to sixty, friends that is. Not very long after, I began to fall asleep to his voice on the phone. Life went from me not allowing anyone in, too Nick completely submerged. I will never understand it or try too. It simply was. Twenty years later, here he still is.
I hear him yell again. He is relentless. "What is the big deal? Tell me or better yet, show me?"
"Really it is nothing. It is number seven. Now leave me alone."
&nb
sp; "Wow. You certainly surpassed me. So what is it? You are being elusive. Show me! The more you say no, the more my interest ignites."
"Not this one. Besides you saw enough in LA."
"I’ll let it go only because I will see it later when you go skinny dipping with me."
"Whatever you say Nick."
The sky is magnificent. The blues transform to hues of orange with pink streaks. This is my absolute favorite time of day. I dislike that it is getting earlier already. The temperature will drop soon enough also. I light a cigarette sitting Indian style on the couch. We switched seats again. I drink half my glass in one gulp. I guess I am thirstier than I realize. I probably should have opted for some water first.
Nick looks over at me, "What time is it?
"About six."
"I could get used to the West Coast."
"You could never leave New York. Who are you kidding?"
"This is true. However, a second home here I could honestly see."
Nick shoots a devilish glance my way. I shoot him the same back. He leans forward putting out his first cigarette. I’m still enjoying mine. Smoking nice and slow, no long drags. There is something relaxing to me about a cigarette with a cocktail. It is true for my morning coffee. Nick interrupts my thoughts again.
"Are you hungry? Earlier appetizers expired during our walk for me?"
"I guess."
"I am not sure if I should be happy you are no longer obsessed with your figure or concerned for the exact same reason."
"Oh stop it. Yes, I am hungry. Does that make you feel better? So what did you bring anyway? There are so many tins in the fridge."
"Everything. Literally; except sushi. I was thinking as we walked back. Perhaps we should go out to dinner. When was the last time you went out to dinner? If I recall you clean up quite nice."
"Oh I need to clean up, do I?" I laugh as I say this.
Nick lights another cigarette and pours a second glass. He simply nods in return. He does not let his smile fall.
"Clever by the way. The frozen fruit. Now where does a man like you learn a trick like that?"
"If I recall correctly it was an article, ‘A Fine Time’, in one of our cooking magazines. Not even sure how it ended up my desk. It was a piece on hosting last minute parties, while making it appear as though you had it planned it for weeks. Thought it clever myself. Now how am I the dick? You know what I meant. How you look right now is perfect. I meant when was the last time you got all dressed up and went somewhere elegant. When was the last time you were treated to a really nice evening?"
"Really Nick? You want me to answer that. Neither of us wants to hear when the last time that was and who with for that matter."
"One day I will not put my foot in my mouth. Let’s stay in. Do you use that fire pit often?"
"Actually, going out does have a nice appeal to it. Not tonight though. How long are staying?"
"How long will you have me?"
"You need to be in Los Angeles Monday?"
"Meeting Monday morning 9 a.m.”
"Then have Ray pick you up late Sunday night."
"Two nights. Really? You think you can tolerate me that long?"
"I am pretty sure I can handle it."
Nick begins to shake his head as he taps his cigarette. "Fuck, you have been alone too long."
I light another myself. It is true. I have been alone too long. It is also true I am enjoying his company. I am enjoying more than the voices in my head. Part of me actually feels slightly alive. I have no idea what will ever be next with Nick. The unpredictability right now is refreshing. Every other day, I walk and do as if in a trance. I do what I need and I need what I do. This is truly, twisted, unexpected and quite nice.
I am quick to reply. "Shut up before I change my mind."
"I could stay till Monday morning?"
"Don't push it Nick. Besides with LA traffic, I am not sure you understand Ray would need to pick you up by 6 a.m.”
"No I am aware. I am busting your balls."
"Glad you are aware that I still have a set."
"Tomorrow night then? That is actually quite fitting."
"Yes that sounds nice. Quite fitting?" I look back a Nick quite puzzled.
"Really?"
"Really what?" What is he talking about? Why is he looking at me all puzzled?
"No reason Moe. Leave it all up to me. A dress is required. What you decide to wear beneath is optional."
"Control freak."
"You would know. Speaking of optional. Minimal underneath again? I can still see. That beige top and bottom, quite flattering. Quite transparent."
"You cannot see!"
"You tell yourself that."
"I hate you."
"Fully aware.” Nick points over to the corner of the deck. “What about this fire pit? You didn't answer. You use it?"
"Of course I do."
"Fuck I wish I knew. Last time I made S ‘mores I was a kid. Those would be perfect to warm up with after our adventure later in the ocean."
"So go get stuff to make them. There is a grocery store about ten minutes from here. Put it in my navigation. I’ll heat whatever you decide for dinner while you go."
I get the widest smirk as Nick finishes his drink. "You are going to let me take your precious Audi?"
"Audi R8 Spyder and yes. If you make a sarcastic comment in return I will change my mind."
"I better go decide dinner, and get my hands on those keys."
Nick is up immediately and walking inside with his drink. I am on my feet after him quickly. As I do, I look down at my chest and pull my top forward. I try to see through it. He is lying you cannot see through this! It is two layers of cotton! My linen pants on the other hand, maybe they are a little thin. Damn him!
"Come on! I am starving. I have full intention of seeing this sunset completed from behind the wheel! Also seeing you barefoot in a kitchen has always been a fantasy."
"You can’t help yourself. You realize there is more to that old saying. Nice Nick.”
"What is nice is you are reprimanding me rather than telling me you hate me. I am fully aware. I may not have included it but I’ve still imagined all of it. I knew you before it all changed. The part, you may hate me for.”
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Nick raises his glass. He toasts himself. I have not retaliated with another response. I trail behind him. He opens the fridge, pulls out every container. "I guess we open it all? I have no fucken idea what we even have. If it looked good, I ordered it."
"You make it sound so inviting." I get another sharp glance my way. Our banter is amusing. He is actually the first person I ever went head to head with. I always enjoyed that part of our relationship. Probably why when we did write together we were so good at it. We know the depths of each other’s mind, regardless of how different they are.
"I’ll figure this mess out. Can you get the oven on and you set the table? I am sending photos of that table back to the office Monday with or without your permission."
"I have never eaten there before."
Nick stops dead in his tracks. "What? You’re fucking with me?"
"No. I sit here at the island."
"Well you have company. Time to put it to good use. It is the least you can do since you turned my room into an office forcing me to have to sleep on the couch."
I stand at the side of the island with my glass still in my hand. "Did you really see the listing? See pictures of this place after I moved in."
Nick continues opening covers and spreading them across the island, he never lifts his head. "You really did an impeccable job. This place was decorated awful before you. Staging is everything, probably why it was on the market for so long. Look I already, rather shamefully, admitted there is nothing I did not keep tabs on regarding you in the last six months. Nothing."
My mind swirls. I feel lightheaded. "Nothing?"
"Absolutely nothing!" He raises his head to meet my eyes.
"Oh.
" I look back down.
Nick continues to open the endless tins as my mind races. Nothing? I walk to my cabinet and take out two plates then fish through my utensil drawer. As I do, I cannot decide if I need another drink or a Xanax. My pulse accelerates, anxiety rises. He did it again. He has no idea this time. He definitely kept tabs on Ben also. I know it. If he was making sure I was all right, no way has he not sought to know what Ben has been doing. I know pure guilt alone would make him. Deep breaths Max. A few good deep breaths. Oh, God I am going to hear how Ben is. Which do I do? Go back for the drink or go get a Xanax? Think Max think! What can he know? No, what does he know? My heart races faster. No choice. Xanax! I put the plates on the edge of the table then immediately dart to my room. A panic attack is surfacing.
"Where are you going?"
"I forgot something. Be right back."
"Better not be a bra!"
"Nick!"
"I am serious. All this nipple action is saving me a fortune in the porn I would have been watching alone in a hotel."
I yell back as I take a pill from my nightstand. “Seriously I cannot believe the shit that comes out of your mouth." No water. I need this to work fast. Under my tongue, it goes as I sit on the edge of my bed. Breathe Max. Count your breaths. Slow your heart rate. Nick may know how I suffer, but I will be damned before he sees me have an attack. Neither of us could handle it. Slow down. God please help me. Alright, Nick will go to the store, I can get myself more back together. I will ask him while we eat. I can do this. I can totally handle this. I feel myself slow down. Head up, smile on Max. I head back in.
"So what did you decide we are eating?"
I grab some place mats as I return to set the table. Setting it for two feels surreal. A table of this stature should have been in my life sooner. It should have been set for three. At least for three. Twisted. Truly.
Nick is staring at me. "Why did you go inside?"
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