I Walked With Her

by Lisa Barrington

  I shake my head yes. I can’t speak. I don’t want to weep anymore. I am so overwhelmed with so many emotions.

  Nick then wipes his eye and clears his throat. “You are both the craziest love story no one has ever known how to write. Pretty sure, no one should ever write. No other story though could be yours Max.”

  Nick turns to Ben extending his hand. Ben softens and doesn’t hesitate and shakes it immediately. The sight of these two hands joining is unlike any sunrise I have ever witnessed.

  “Congratulations Ben. You are going to marry the most extraordinary woman. Be worthy of her love.”

  “Thank you Nick. That is my sole intention.”

  Nick turns around and yells to the kitchen. "James! Rick hurry the fuck up! I do believe we need one more place setting. Refire it all please. This gentleman will have one of everything also."

  James is still against the wall squeezing my kitchen towel. "Oh my word. Sweet baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Nick, you are going to have to give me a moment or so to collect myself. I am afraid to move. This is the best brunch I have ever been privileged to serve. This is unreal! I am telling you I need to get me some friends like these! I am making myself a Bloody Mary too. My Lord! This is quite the morning. Not sure I understand this all, but thank you Jesus! Love is in the air! There is love and there is a heaven! You are selfless! I mean Nick…See, Rick I told you! I told you today was going to be a good day!"

  Nick and I both turn back at the exact moment. "James!"

  "Okay! You all don't need to yell at a man who is brought to tears such as this. Fine red velvet pancakes all around. You had better make those omelets damn special or I am going to fire your damn sous chef ass. Standing there like a fool! Don’t you feel? Oooh Lord! I need a drink and towel. I can do this. I am The James. Pancakes it is!"

  Standing between these two men, I wonder how life came to truly be. Twisted. So wonderfully magnificently twisted. Truly.

  Nick turns back to us both. He lets go of my hand. He knows I am no longer his in that way. It ended. Our moment is gone.

  He takes a breath. I see more in him now. My chest sighs in, at the same moment as his. I see not the lover of last night. A youthful rush washes over me. I am nineteen, and my protector is here beside me again. There are only eyes of my best friend.

  "Ben. Look, yes you may still consider fucken killing me after I say what I need to say now. I would not forgive myself if I did not speak now. Finally, here we are man to man. This is obviously a milestone in so many ways."

  I then feel Nick’s hand grab mine again. He is claiming me. This time in a very different way. I watch Ben tilt his head and watch our hands as he shifts his weight. Ben says nothing himself. We both realize Nick is not done.

  I can only listen and watch as I feel the weight of the ring on my finger. The gratitude of my different love for Nick grows. Nick’s tone changes. I realize he is never again going to leave me either. In between my decision and my existence, I listen further.

  Nick continues, “Ben I will not live with myself unless I make one thing abundantly clear here today. There are truths that lay between the three of us. Others may read as fiction but I never will. If ever you do give this woman a need to have to forgive you. I will be there, standing between you both as I am right now. Life has changed for us all. I know the depths of this woman’s heart much like you. She may never want yesterday’s ever again. I am actually hoping she will never even look at our literal yesterday ever again. But realize also none of us can change that they existed. She may always forgive you, but if you hurt her I will make sure life does not forgive you again."

  I am speechless. My protector, my Nick.

  Ben is immediate. He responds with a serious and honest expression. "Understood. And no I do not want to kill you. You love her in your own way. Somehow as much as I think I know right now, it is almost none of my business. It is between you both. Let it stay there. I hope she always has a friend like you. I hope you don’t leave her either Nick. Though if you touch her again. I will kill you."

  Nick lets go of the grip on my hand and pushes a smile as he claps his hands. "Touché’. Understood, man to man. I think we can all move on from here! Tomorrows it is! Especially because like it or not I am coming to the wedding. Hell, who are we kidding I will be hosting the wedding!" Nick quick turns around almost laughing now. “James! You ever cater a wedding."

  James has not moved. “No sir, but there is nothing I cannot do! I told you I love a challenge. Especially one trying to follow you!”

  Nick is now truly smiling. Still I only watch. Nick does not skip a beat. “Good to hear my friend, I love that attitude! Excellent because you will be in charge. It will be wonderful. I hope you can handle a galley kitchen because we are going to find a very large yacht. Sound good to you James?”

  “Yes it does Mr. G. Yes, it does.”

  Nick tries to walk away but Ben stops him. "Nick wait. It is my turn, man to man. You need to understand you paved a way for the life Max and I are going to share. If it wasn’t for you in a way, and every step we have all taken, it would have never lead to right here, to this moment now."

  My heart feels heavy. If Ben only truly knew, what he just said in all its meaning.

  Nick does not falter. "So it has.” Nick looks at me with a somber smile, and then turns back to Ben. “Well let’s all get out of the doorway. I see we have all entered a new home. I hope you are hungry. These gentlemen are quite good. Besides, I am certain Max wants a moment alone with you. Lord knows that once she gets a better look at that ring without all the tears, she may pass out. Extraordinary choice. Same shape as her eyes. Well done. I am going to grab a smoke before we eat. Time to celebrate. New lives, new loves, new friendships.”

  Nick turns away as Ben walks in holding my hand. Before Nick escapes my reach, I stop them both. “Ben can you give us a second?”

  “Of course love.” As if almost a reflex, Ben bends down and kisses my forehead before going to walk away. He smiles at me after. “Even with my adrenaline in overdrive, caffeine right now is still needed. Do I smell Kona?”

  Oh God his lips on my forehead. My whole body eases. Fucken forehead kisses. How I missed the tender touch of those lips placed there.

  James yells from the kitchen. “That would be right here sir. Ready and waiting for you. Let me know how you like it.”

  James read my mind. My lovely new friend has already figured me out. He realizes Nick and I need a moment also. Ben walks toward the kitchen. With his back to us, I do not wait another second. I hug Nick. “I am sorry.”

  He hugs me back so tight. He whispers so soft in my ear. "There is nothing to be sorry for. And before you panic, I paid Rick two hundred dollars to change your sheets. I saw them in the bathroom closet earlier.”

  I pull back and laugh. “You really do know me?”

  “I hope I do. It will only always be between us. I may never completely understand how or the why of you and Ben, but I do not need to. I only need to care about your happiness. This is your happiness. This is your life Moe. He has "walked with her” and he is going to walk again now with you through your future. Hey, smile. Think about it. -he stole the only girl I loved. She will always stay deep inside of me. It was… just like heaven. My three words Max. Those are my three words. Moe, the last twenty-four hours have been, ‘Just like heaven’.” My three words, the ones I will always cherish. I can truly say also, “I walked with her”. It is beyond any story I could create in my imagination. I am not leaving you again. You are my friend first. I told you. Love is not fleeting. Love is everlasting."

  With that, a tear falls from my eye as Nick pulls me to him and hugs me tighter than before. He whispers in my ear. “You now have your “everlasting love”. He is never going to leave. Promise me one thing. Love him forever, as I shall always love you; my everlasting.” He then takes my face in his hands and places the most delicate kiss on my forehead. I cry once more at his gentle touch.

  My soul i
s exposed. My life unwritten. These God Damn fucking forehead kisses. I now love and hate them! How can one kiss be of love’s precious kiss hello and its painful kiss of a goodbye? Both expressing the most tender and safe, “I love you”. Strangest part, I finally feel worthy. I finally feel peace. Excitement. Loss yet hope. Gratitude. I feel special. I finally understand love.

  Twisted, truly.

  Epilogue

  Cue my soundtrack one last time… “If You Were Here”, Cary Brothers.

  Thank you Mr. Hughes. Life may never be as clear as we wish to see it. Life is scary, funny, sad and at times questionable. Regardless how you ended your movies, they always ended with, truth. Truth of who and what we as individuals are. Truth about what we truly desire whether it makes sense to the rest of the world or not. We all simply have to be willing to truly open our eyes to how different we all truly are.

  　 Thank you. Thank you for helping me finally see who I am. And that who I am is okay. Who I am, is actually quite good. I am enough.