“I do not understand males.”
Leah snorted at that. “I never could in the past, and now that everything seems to have gone haywire, I definitely don’t now.”
Charlotte kept her hand in Leah’s and started walking down the path toward the center of the den. “I’m going to ask you something and I’m going to be blunt about it.”
Leah let out a breath. “How blunt?”
“Is Ryder your mate?”
Leah stopped moving, forcing Charlotte to do the same. They were still pretty secluded thanks to the trees along the path, so no other Pack members were around to hear, but they could walk up on them at any moment. But for some reason, she found herself wanting to tell Charlotte everything.
“I’m a witch. We don’t mate the way wolves do.”
Charlotte shook her head. “That’s a copout.”
“Is Bram your mate?” Leah snapped.
Charlotte’s chin rose, her eyes going blank. “You’re right. That was too personal. Let’s continue to walk.”
Leah cursed herself. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what the hell is going on. Ryder says I could be his mate. A potential, he called it. Yet he says he won’t mate me with. Or rather, I think he said he couldn’t. I don’t know what that means. He pushed me away, but then he kissed me. He kissed me, Charlotte, but he doesn’t want to mate with me. And why should I care? I’m a witch. I might be able to form a mating bond thanks to his wolf, but it’s not like I’ll pine for him. Right? I don’t have a wolf that will break without that bond. But why do I want him like I do? Why am I breaking because he says he doesn’t want me, even if his wolf does? And why should I care, when the world is going to shit? Roland died, and I’m worried about a man wanting me as his mate. What is wrong with me?”
Tears slid down her cheeks, and she angrily wiped them away. She hated crying, yet it seemed it was all she could do.
Charlotte pressed her lips together then sighed.
“I want to rip that wolf’s face off for you.”
Leah’s eyes widened at the words. She tended to forget that the people around here shared their beings with the souls of wolves and could shift in an instant. Of course, most forgot she held magic within her veins and could control water.
“I don’t know why he said the things he said, but…well…I know that mating isn’t easy. It’s not just a true declaration and happy thoughts. At least not for anyone I’ve known. It takes work…and a leap of faith that doesn’t come easily to most.”
Leah didn’t say anything. She wasn’t sure what else there was to say.
Charlotte winced. “That came out wrong. Damn it. No wonder you’re freaking out. Nothing is coming out the way it should. All I’m saying is if he’s doing one thing, and saying another, then you need to talk to him. Mating is hard. It’s not always perfect right away. Sometimes things change—people change. If Ryder has a reason for not wanting to mate, find out what it is. If you don’t want to mate with him at all, then make sure he knows that. I think you two just need to talk.” She sighed. “And nothing I just said helped. I mean, hell, you’ve been through so much and yet it’s not over.”
Charlotte looked so stressed; Leah could only do one thing. She wrapped her arms around the other woman and hugged her tightly. Charlotte’s arms came around her, and Leah could have sworn she could feel the pain of the woman’s wolf. Leah wasn’t a wolf, so why could she feel that? This wasn’t the first time, and it made her wonder. But she didn’t want to think too hard as her brain already hurt enough as it was.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Leah said finally.
“I don’t think any of us do.” Charlotte pulled back. “Let’s walk some more, then head back. I’m pretty sure the guys are talking about Pack dynamics, not the Coven, so we can go back and listen.”
“If it were about the Coven, I would assume the others would be there.”
“Totally. I know our Packs are allies and are inter-mating, but every once in a while it’s good to put an emphasis on our own mental health and the way we can keep our alliance intact.”
What would it feel like to have not only a family but also a whole other Pack to care for and care for you? She couldn’t even comprehend it.
When they made their way back to the house, she felt slightly better from unloading on Charlotte. It wasn’t lost on her that the other woman hadn’t told her much about herself, but she didn’t mind. If Charlotte ever felt like she could, Leah would be there. Sharing was only a small way to be close to someone—something she’d never done before.
Of course, as soon as she stepped inside the house, all her attention went to Ryder. She couldn’t stop thinking about the way his eyes went dark when he looked at her. Or the fact that sometimes she could see a slight gold ring around his irises when his wolf came to the surface. He didn’t smile when she came in, but he did study her as if he couldn’t help but look at her.
Or maybe that was his wolf and the man would pull away once again.
Charlotte cleared her throat from behind her, and Leah moved to the side. “Bram, we need to go.”
Bram stood and nodded. “I know. I was going to call you soon if you hadn’t shown up when you did.” He turned to Ryder and Brandon. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow?”
They nodded, and Bram came toward Charlotte.
“What’s tomorrow?” Leah asked.
“You’ll see,” Bram said and smiled, surprising her. He didn’t smile often, but damn, he looked damn sexy when he did. If he and Charlotte were truly mates—no matter how they were handling it—Charlotte was one lucky woman.
Leah found herself alone with Brandon and Ryder and felt awkward. She was always awkward around Ryder. She may be living with him, but she didn’t spend much time with him. He had things to do with his family, and she’d been healing and grieving.
Now she was as whole as she was going to get and she had to figure out what she was going to do with him. She might not know what she was going to do about the world knowing about witches, but she could at least figure herself out. Or try to.
Her heart ached a bit and she wasn’t sure why. It was Brandon who came to her, though, not Ryder. The Omega studied her face and stopped right in front of her. She sucked in a breath as he cupped her cheek with his hand.
“What worries you, Leah? Your heart hurts so much, I can feel it.” He tilted his head. “How can I feel it, Leah? You aren’t Pack? Yet I know your pain. Why is that?”
She didn’t understand it either. Didn’t understand how she felt so close to not only the Talons but the Redwoods, as well. How was it that she could feel a connection to people so quickly, and yet never have had that before?
A low growl filled the room, and Brandon’s eyes widened ever so slightly.
“Get your hand off of her, brother,” Ryder growled from his spot in the dining room.
Leah didn’t move, didn’t dare to breathe. She’d heard of wolves and their possessiveness, but she hadn’t seen it.
Until now.
And that pissed her off. What right did Ryder have to be possessive of her? He may have kissed her—once—but that didn’t mean she was his.
She’d survived on her own all this time.
She was no one’s but her own.
She pulled away, rather than let Brandon lower his hand. “Perhaps you should leave,” she said softly. She didn’t want to get in the middle of brothers, but damn it, she needed to set a few things straight.
Brandon looked over his shoulder at his brother. “We’ll talk later. But know you’re not alone.”
“Go.” One word. One growl. And yet, Leah couldn’t help the shivers that went down her spine.
Damn, she wished she understood what the hell was going on.
Brandon left after giving her a look of…pity? No. Anticipation maybe? Either way, as soon as he closed the door behind him, she was left in a room with Ryder.
The man who didn’t want her, yet wanted her.
The man who sh
e wanted, yet didn’t want.
Ryder stalked toward her, his gaze on hers and his hands fisted at his sides. He stopped right in front of her as Brandon had, but instead of freezing, her body tilted toward him of its own accord. She wanted to wrap her body around him and never let go. Yet she also wanted to push him away.
“You’re messing with me, Ryder. You can’t growl at your brother for touching me. You can’t think you own me when you told me yourself you wanted nothing to do with me.”
“I never said that.” He breathed in through his nose, his chest lifting. “I said I can’t mate with you. There’s a difference. I fucking want you, Leah. I want you beneath me, over me, around me. I want to sink into your heat and fuck you hard against the wall. I want to grip your hips while I pump into you. I want you so fucking much, Leah. And I can’t have you the way my wolf wants you.”
She blinked. Shocked. “But…”
“I can’t mate with you no matter how much I want to.”
“You need to explain that, Ryder. It’s not fair to either of us if you don’t.”
His hand shot out and gripped her hair. He tilted her head back, and she licked her lips. “I will tell you. One day. What do you want, Leah? Because I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold myself back. I want you. Do you want me? Do you want me as we are? Just for now, just until we can breathe? Maybe the constant want, the constant need will be gone by then. Can you handle that?”
She wasn’t sure if she truly understood what the answers to any of those questions were, but she knew she wanted him. That had to count for something.
“So, just for now? Just to take off the edge?” Her voice was breathy, needy.
He traced his other hand down her arm and up again before going across her collarbone. “No promises. But I won’t hurt you, Leah. We’ll take what we need, but not too much.”
She wasn’t sure if either of them believed that, but she didn’t know if she cared. All she wanted was to forget the pain, forget what had led her here, and forget what might be coming. If she could give in, if only for the moment, she might be able to live again.
“Okay,” she said. “But I want to go slower than a hard fuck against the wall. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.”
His eyes narrowed at her vulgarity, but she thought he might have liked it. “I can do that, Leah. I can do that.”
Then he crushed his mouth to hers, letting his hand skim down her body to grip her ass. She moaned and rocked into him, wanting more, needing more. He nipped at her lips, growling low so the vibrations went straight through her. His tongue slid along hers, then dominated, surprising the hell out of her.
Ryder was the quiet one. The one who held doors open and soothed and calmed.
Yet this Ryder…dear goddess. He rocked her world. And he’d only kissed her.
Could she call this just a kiss? She wrapped her arms around his waist, trying to pull him closer, but couldn’t stop moving her hands to get more of him. She might have been the one to say she wanted to go slow, but hell, she wasn’t sure if she could hold back.
Ryder pulled away and met her gaze. “We won’t go too far, but I need to touch you, Leah. Let me touch you.”
Instead of speaking, she took his hand and placed it on her collarbone where he’d had it before.
The gold in his eyes brightened and he licked his lips, placing his other hand on the other side. “I can do that,” he said slyly. He traced her skin with his calloused fingers then went lower. When he cupped her breasts, she pressed into him, her nipples hard pebbles against his palms. He squeezed and molded then lowered one of his hands even more, gently going over her belly.
She leaned against the wall, putting her palms flat against the surface to keep herself steady. Her knees were going weak, and she hadn’t even come yet.
And Ryder would make her come. She was sure of it.
When his fingers deftly went beneath the waistband of her leggings, she bit into her lip. He leaned forward and kissed her again, just as hard as before. He rocked into her, his hard cock pressing against her stomach.
When his fingertips brushed along her clit, she moaned into his mouth.
“That’s it, little witch. You’re so wet for me already. Ride my hand, Leah.”
She met his gaze and rocked. His fingers slowly teased her before sliding deep inside. She called out, arching her back as he fucked her with his fingers. When his thumb pressed against her clit, she went right over the edge, coming on his hand and almost falling. Ryder wrapped his arm around her waist and held her up, slowly helping her down from her peak as she tried to catch her breath.
When he removed his hand and brought his fingers to his lips, she almost came again. He licked each one, his gaze never leaving hers as he tasted her on his skin.
“Sweet,” he whispered gruffly. “So fucking sweet.”
She kissed his jaw, then kissed him again, rather than speaking. She wasn’t sure what she’d say anyway. She’d lost herself in him, and they both still had their clothes on. If she worked hard enough, she could separate sex and feelings, but she wasn’t sure she’d be able to.
The wolf wanted her. And now the man did, as well.
But they wouldn’t have her.
And she’d have to be okay with that. Because she couldn’t trust that her life would keep him safe as it was. It was good that they’d kept this with no promises. It was safer that way.
Only she wasn’t sure there was any form of safety anymore.
She’d probably made the worst mistake ever. Yet with Ryder’s arms around her and his lips on hers, she wasn’t sure she cared.
And that might cost both of them more than she’d thought possible.
CHARLOTTE
Charlotte closed her eyes and tried not to cry. Again. She hated crying. She’d grown up knowing if she cried, she’d be punished. And when Ellie and Maddox had taken her in, they’d taught her that emotion was to be celebrated, something that one needed to thrive. Yet if she cried anymore about this particular issue, she’d lose herself.
Again.
What was wrong with her?
She should be happy. She should know that she was blessed.
She’d grown up with the Centrals, the daughter of the Alpha who had called for the demon and the sister of the following Alpha who had killed so many of those she loved. She knew she was tainted, knew she was scarred beyond measure, but did her best so others couldn’t see that.
Ellie and Maddox had saved her. They had become her parents and raised her, loving her with all of their hearts. She was a strong wolf, a strong woman, and one that could stand on her own and fight for her Pack.
And yet it was her wolf and her soul that ached.
Bram, the sexy, dark-skinned wolf who sat next to her was her mate. He was the one wolf in all the world that would complete her soul. If the world were perfect, he would take her into his arms and they would mate and make love, completing the mating bond until they both knew their fate was sealed and perfect.
Yet that hadn’t happened.
Bram was her mate.
She was his.
They both knew this. It wasn’t like Finn and Brynn where there had been something broken with Finn’s wolf.
Bram and Charlotte were each missing something.
They’d been friends for years, and then their wolves had fallen for each other. They’d made love and had known they would create a bond and a future.
Only the bond hadn’t formed.
They weren’t enough for each other.
Her heart ached for the man at her side, the man that should have been everything, yet wasn’t.
It was her.
She was the one messing it up.
They were missing something because of her.
She was tainted. She was unworthy.
Bram couldn’t have his future because of the blood in her veins.
And that was something she would have to live with. Because one day soon, she would have to fully cut the
ties and let him go. He deserved to find a mate that he could form the bond with. Because she wasn’t it. She would remain alone, unmated, unwanted. Because that was her reality. Her price to pay for what she had done before the Redwoods took her in.
Bram let out a breath and looked at her, sending her heart racing as well as the tears sliding down her cheeks.
“Don’t cry. I can’t take it when you cry.”
She let the tears fall, knowing these had to be the last. “I’m sorry.”
So sorry. For everything.
She’d lost him before she ever had him. And yet she couldn’t allow that to be the only thing that mattered. Maybe if she focused on Ryder and Leah’s mating, things would be better. She had nothing else to lose. She’d already lost everything.
Bram sighed and turned away, leaving her heart in pieces in the process.
Again.
Chapter Seven
Ryder wiped the sweat from his brow and grinned at his brother. Gideon smiled back, only it was more teeth than anything, and Leah knew things were about to get good.
“You two just going to stand around and glare at each other, or are we going to play some ball?” Finn called out from the other side of the field.
Leah leaned against the large rock behind her and let out a small sigh.
“I know, right?” Brie whispered from her side. “It’s like porn out there.”
“Those are my brothers, you know,” Brynn said from Brie’s other side.
“And your mate,” Brie said. “And most of the Redwoods are related to me, but I can still watch the shirtless Talons, and my very sexy and sweaty Alpha of a mate play.” She let out a long sigh and rested her chin on her knee.
Brynn turned to face her mate, Finn, and let out a sigh of her own.
Leah just shook her head, holding back a smile as the two very happily mated women stared at their mates. Of course, Leah couldn’t blame them.
Dear goddess, this had to be the best thing she’d ever seen in her life.
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