“Why don’t you trust me?”
It came out like a growl, but it was a plea, not a whisper.
Ryder’s eyes widened ever so slightly, and she saw the shame slide through them. “I trust you, Leah. I trust you more than anyone else in my life.”
“That’s a fucking lie.” He stiffened at her curse. Probably because she didn’t use those words as much as him, or at least she hadn’t yet. He was in for a new version of her. “You don’t trust me enough to tell me why you won’t mate with me. You’re denying me a future with you. You’re denying me children, you’re denying me love and a mating bond. And you keep telling me it’s for a reason, but you won’t tell me that reason. That’s not trust.”
“I’ll tell you, Leah. I’ll tell you everything.”
That should have warmed her, but it might be too late.
“Why now? Because you’re in a corner? Because that still doesn’t speak trust.”
He cupped her face with one hand and slid the other through her wet hair. “I’ll tell you everything, Leah. I promise. I didn’t tell you before because I was ashamed.” He closed his eyes. “I’m broken, Leah. So fucking broken that I’ll break you, too.”
She let out a little sob, tears filling her eyes. “I’m already broken, Ryder. Mates are supposed to put each other back together.” Anger filtered through her again, but sorrow slid in right behind it, taking over.
Her heart broke once more, knowing that while Ryder might tell her everything, it didn’t mean he’d create the bond. He’d said he was protecting her, but when would he get it in his head that she could protect herself?
Instead of saying anything else, she rested her cheek on his chest and let his heartbeat calm her. Steam drifted off the ice blocks as the water around them remained heated from her magic. They stood naked and embracing within the frozen lake, the picture a symbol of where she was—frozen within who she was meant to be and who Ryder thought she could be.
PATIENCE
Charles McMaster replayed the stream on the screen in front of him. He’d seen wolves change before, of course. He had his subjects in the lab that he’d seen change from human to wolf and back again countless times. There was something so…cathartic about seeing a man break in half and become a beast.
The world had also seen shifters change before during the Unveiling. There was nothing new about this, except for the fact that they’d been with humans when they did it. They’d protected the witch tied to the burning pyre. And now, it seemed that part of the human population was slowly moving to the wolf side of the debate.
Save one damsel in distress, and suddenly, women swooned for the blue-eyed wolf.
McMaster wasn’t interested in the wolf on the screen for that, however. Something told him this particular wolf was important. And he’d learned long ago to trust those gut instincts. He wanted this wolf for his own. He had a few wolves in his possession, but it wasn’t enough.
This wolf needed to be his.
According to his notes, this wolf was the Heir of the Talon Pack. The Heir apparently held some worth. McMaster wanted that for himself. He’d already set forth plans to ensure this Heir would be his. The wolves wouldn’t know what hit them.
He turned off the screen and rolled his shoulders before locking up his secret office and heading toward the medical rooms. He wanted to check on his specimens in the cages. As usual, they screamed, the toxic sludge in their veins probably killing them at this point. They would die for science, for power, and they would have to cling to a world of no hope…except for the hope for him, of course.
McMaster, like his accomplice General Montag, wanted the wolves locked in their dens like the animals they were. While Montag wanted the shifter’s powers for his own purposes, McMaster wanted the beasts put to death.
He’d use them for his own power, then he’d have them die by their own fate. He had a bill coming that he would pay dearly for. But that bill would force the wolves to be outed completely in society, and therefore, be caged like the animals they were within their dens. It would make them easier to study, and eventually end.
Easier for slaughter.
Easier for planning.
Easier for him.
Chapter Twelve
Ryder cupped Leah’s shoulder as she dried her hair with a towel. The soft fabric slid along his wrist, and she shook her head, pulling the towel away from her hair. Her long, honey-brown hair spilled down her back and over his arm. After leaving the icy lake and putting on their dry clothes over cold and wet bodies, they’d made it back to his place. Throughout that and their shower, they’d kept their hands on each other as if they couldn’t keep a distance beyond the one he’d made already. They’d also remained silent.
When they’d passed other Packmates on the way to the house, they’d nodded at them, but that was it.
They’d said enough in the lake to know if they were to break their silence too soon, they might break everything else.
He’d hurt her. Hurt her enough that she thought it was her fault. And that was something that could not be allowed. No matter what he did, no matter how he messed up, it wasn’t Leah’s fault. He was the one with the shattered gift and a wolf who tore him up when he shifted. While he hadn’t wanted to force his pain on her, he’d hurt her just the same.
“You’re thinking so hard I can almost hear your thoughts,” Leah said softly. She turned in his arms and rested her forehead on his chest. “I’m not weak, Ryder. You can lean on me too, you know. You don’t have to do everything on your own.”
He cupped her face, forcing her gaze to his. “I’ve never once thought you were weak. From the moment you woke up and fought to protect yourself from the unknown, I knew you were stronger than anyone I had ever met.”
She blew out a breath. “You say that, yet you don’t treat me as if you believe it.”
His thumb ran along her cheekbone, and she ever so slightly leaned in to his hold. “You can take care of yourself, and yet, sometimes, I don’t want you to have to. That’s not only my wolf in action, but the man.”
Leah pulled away from his hold but took his hand. “Let’s go to the living room and sit down. Then you can tell me what you need to.”
Ryder was the Heir of the Talon Pack. He had fought for his Pack and protected his own. He’d withheld his secrets so enemies could not use them, as well as to keep his shame from those who loved him.
And now he would have to face the consequences of his decisions. Because he’d been blessed by the goddess with a potential mate, and yet he’d pushed her away while still keeping a small hold on her. He didn’t deserve her, yet he didn’t want to let her go.
They made their way to the living room and sat next to one another on the couch. Leah sank into the cushions but didn’t look as relaxed as she was trying to portray. He’d been the one to do that. She may have lost her father that morning, but the pain on her face wasn’t born of that.
“I wasn’t born the Heir,” he said after a few moments of silence. Leah didn’t respond except to grip his hand. “My uncles and father were the ones who held the mantles of power from the goddess. You know some of my history, my family’s history. But in order for you to understand why…just why…I’ll tell you more.”
She squeezed his hand. “Just say what you need to, how you need to. I told you about my family and the Coven. So I understand. Sometimes, you have to go the long way.”
He kissed her knuckles then rubbed his thumb along them. “My father was a sadist. While that, in itself, wouldn’t normally be a horrific thing, he held the power of the Pack and not only liked to deliver pain, he liked to deliver humiliation, torture, and death. He beat Gideon until my brother, my Alpha, couldn’t walk. He…he hurt Brynn to the point I didn’t think she’d be whole again.”
He let out a shaky breath. “Each uncle verbally and physically abused us. Mitchell and Max’s father saved his pain only for his sons, and I don’t know the details. It’s not my place to know them unless the
y are ready to reveal. We grew up in pain and fire. So much distrust and agony came from the men before us, the goddess began to disown us.”
Leah met his gaze, and he took a deep breath.
“Until Gina from the Redwood Pack and Quinn mated, there hadn’t been a mating in the Talon Pack for fifteen years.” He closed his eyes. “Those fifteen years were a time of rebuilding. Gideon killed our father because of his crimes, and most of the other uncles lost their battles during the Redwood and Central war.”
Leah squeezed his hand once more. “I know most of the history of the war, Ryder. I know the atrocities of the Centrals. As well as your uncles.”
“You don’t know all of them,” he said softly. “As I said before, I was not born the Heir. But as the second son of the Alpha, I knew one day I would become the Heir. That is how things are supposed to work. Once the next generation awakens and grows into their wolves, they become the new powers. The older ones step down as they train their counterparts. That is how the Redwoods are doing it now, and that was how the Talons should have done it. And yet we didn’t. Our uncles refused to train us. They refused to allow their wolves to give up any of their powers in the hierarchy. It broke our Pack. Almost completely.”
Ryder pushed back the memories of the screams, the pain, the disappearances of those close to him. Each of their uncles had mated at one point in their lives, yet each of the women had died at the hands of the Brentwood family.
“For a long time, I didn’t believe the Talons deserved the goddess’s forgiveness.”
“Ryder.”
“I know that was wrong. The innocent deserved far more than forgiveness. But I’m going off track.” He let out a slow breath. “Uncle Timothy was the Heir before me. He was the one uncle most of the family believed held a nicer side. It was a lie. Is a lie.”
“What do you mean?”
“Timothy allowed the Pack to believe he was the one on their side. He never showed his cruelty because he wanted to be the one they relied on, all the while undercutting them. He only showed his true self to one person.” He paused. “Me.”
“Oh, Ryder.” She climbed into his lap, and he tucked her under his chin, needing her touch. His wolf pushed at him, wanting her even closer.
“He beat me until I was sure I wouldn’t be able to shift and heal. Our Healer, my other uncle, had to have known I was in pain. The rest of the family who had powers had to have felt it along the bonds, but they did nothing. I almost died at least a dozen times. And each time he’d force me to shift. Because of that, I think, shifting is so painful that I hate doing it.”
His wolf whimpered and he wanted to curse.
“I don’t hate my wolf. He’s…he’s the other part of my soul. But letting him out is agony.”
Leah nuzzled into him, calming not only his wolf, but the rest of him, as well. “Tell me everything, Ryder. I know that’s not all. You hate yourself and push me away because of something. It can’t be your wolf alone.”
He kissed the top of her head. “You’re right. That’s part of my past, but not all of it.” He took a deep breath. “I was beaten, forced to turn when I shouldn’t have, and had to hide it all for fear Timothy would kill Brynn. Yet through it all, everything was made worse because I have a…a gift.”
Leah pulled away. “Does it have to do with how you found me in the woods? Or what happened to Luis and Darynda?”
Goddess, she was so smart, so strong. He didn’t deserve her.
“I can see spirits,” he blurted.
Holy hell. He’d never said that before. Never revealed his deepest, darkest secret. And yet, Leah was the only one he could ever envision telling. Maybe when he told the others later it would be easier, but telling Leah…that was everything.
He cleared his throat. “I see the dead, can hear them, feel them sometimes.”
“Oh, Ryder. That…gift. No wonder you’re so silent sometimes. The voices of the dead can be overwhelming. I’m not a spirit witch, but I know of the powers.”
She understood. Just like that, she understood.
“For the first half of my life, they screamed at me. They never asked me for anything, but they shouted and tried to get their hooks into my wolf. I wasn’t strong enough to get them to stop, but I was strong enough to keep my wolf and my soul. Now they ask for things or scream. They brush by me, taking a little bit out of me with each sighting. Only recently have I tried to…not control, but use my gift.” And both times were for her.
“You needed someone to guide you, Ryder. I know if you had been in another Pack, an elder would have helped. Or even an earth or water witch.”
“What do you mean a water witch?”
Leah pulled away from him slightly so she could look at his face. “Ryder, water witches commune with the spirits. We cannot hear them unless it’s on the slight mist of a wave newly born, but we can feel their presence. We’re the most sensitive of the witches when it comes to those who have been lost to us. We cannot control or send them through the Veil as spirit witches can, but we can aid.”
“I…I didn’t know that.” It didn’t make sense. How could he not know that? It changed everything…but he couldn’t hope. Not when he’d spent a century giving up on the idea of a future with a mate.
He’d pushed Leah away to protect her, and yet… had it been for nothing?
“Oh, my Ryder.” She cupped his face. “Don’t you see? The goddess knew what she was doing when she brought us together. You’re in so much pain, my wolf. I want to help you. I need to. You should have been trained in your gift, and I could rightly kick their fucking asses for daring to leave you alone as you are. You need to tell your family, darling. They need to know who you are, what you are. I’m honored you told me, and I will cherish your secret. But Ryder, you are more than your gift, more than your wolf, more than your loyalty. You are more than who you think you are.”
“If I were to tell them, then I’d risk the spirits coming after them…or risk Timothy.”
Her eyes widened. “Your uncle is still here? He didn’t cross the Veil?”
His uncle screamed in his ears even as some of the other spirits cried for what they’d lost in their lives. It was always a dull throb in the back of his mind, but since he’d spoken of it, it only got louder. What would he do if Leah could help him? Could he risk her? Or was that even a risk? He just didn’t know.
“He haunts me every hour. I don’t see him like I see the others, but I can hear him.”
“And he makes you feel like shit because he’s a fucking asshole.” Leah pressed her lips together and inhaled through her nose. “Ryder. You do not have to do this alone.”
“I pushed you away because I couldn’t have you.”
“You wouldn’t,” she counted.
“Couldn’t. No. I couldn’t, Leah. A mating bond can force the other person to deal with the wolf’s gifts and powers. Not only would you have to deal with the excess bonds of a healing and growing Pack as the mate of the Heir, but you might also end up with my abilities.”
Leah stood, her hands fisting. “And you don’t think I can handle that? You didn’t give me a choice. How do you think that makes me feel? You say I’m strong and you let me protect your family with my magic, but you undercut all of that by saying you can’t mate with me.”
He stood and cupped her face, his wolf howling within. “I couldn’t see you die because of it. Don’t you understand? Every time I use a spirit, every time it slides through me, I weaken. I couldn’t let that happen to you. I don’t know what will happen when a bond forms. What if it gets worse? What if it kills you? I see death, little witch. What if death takes a new form with a mating bond? I’ve heard of gifts mutating before. I didn’t want to risk you.”
Leah let out a little growl. If he hadn’t been so sure the growl was because he’d hurt her, he’d have thought it was damn sexy.
“You don’t get to decide that, Ryder. But, but, I will forgive you. Only because life is hell and you had to live over a
century burning in its flames. You didn’t know what to do with your gift, you weren’t trained. You didn’t know that as a water witch, I could help you maintain your control and find your peace. So I will forgive you. But you don’t get to keep secrets from me anymore. You can’t. When we decided to try to be together without the bond, I tried to understand. But now that I know why you pushed me away, I don’t know if I can be with you without the bond.”
He kissed her softly, his wolf scraping at him. “I want you, Leah. I want you in my life, in my bed. The goddess showed me what we could have, and I pushed it away because I didn’t understand. I didn’t know. Forgive me, Leah. Forgive me for risking everything because I thought I knew better.”
He was a dominant wolf and not good at groveling. He just prayed that what he’d done would be enough.
She kissed his jaw then ran her hands down his chest. “I’m your mate, Ryder. I’m not going away. With you I found out how to be the witch I needed to be. You made me safe, my wolf. You found me during the darkest part of my life and brought me to the light. Trust me and what the goddess gives us.”
“Be my mate, Leah. Be with me.” She nodded as he pressed his lips to hers, his wolf howling.
He didn’t know what would come next, what would happen once they mated, but he knew he couldn’t push her away any longer. The mating urge rode him hard, and frankly, he knew if he had to face a war with the humans and whatever battles happened with his Pack, he wanted Leah by his side…and in his heart.
She’d told him she could handle it, and he would have to trust the goddess. He’d never had that kind of faith before, but maybe, just maybe, it would work out.
Leah’s hand gripped him through his sweats and he groaned. “Get out of your head and get inside me, Ryder. I need you.”
He let out a deep chuckle then gripped her ass, grinding himself to her. “I can do that, little witch. I can fill you up and make you come so hard we’ll both be passed out, sated.”
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