by Jo Leigh
He glanced up, met her eyes and smiled. “Did you want the example? Or will you bite my head off?”
“I spaced out for a second, but I know this—” She did. She really did. The answer had been on the tip of her tongue before she’d gotten distracted. “Damn it, I had it.”
John got up and walked around the counter until he was at her back. “You’re too tense,” he said, moving his hands to her shoulders. “Try to relax.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“Right.” He used his thumbs at the base of her neck, where she seemed to carry most of the tension. “Drop your chin.”
“Ouch.”
“You have a knot here.”
“I noticed.”
He didn’t let up. “Breathe slow and deep,” he said, his voice a low hypnotic murmur that made her think of other things she liked slow and deep. “You’re tensing again.”
Ha. No kidding. The thought of him naked in her bed was more than she could hope to handle. She stared down into the sink and focused on the popping bubbles.
“Take longer to breathe out.” His deep baritone yanked her back over to the dark side.
She almost told him that trying to relax would work so much better if he stopped speaking. But then she might have to explain how she was letting her libido take over her entire frontal lobe.
“Bet you hold your breath a lot during exams.” He moved his hands toward her shoulder blades, sinking his fingers into the muscle and rubbing out the tension.
“Yes, and clench my teeth.”
“Like you’re doing now?”
“I’m not—” Cassie shuddered and gripped the edge of the counter to keep from pooling into mush on the linoleum floor. This was pretty relaxed for her. He just didn’t know it.
“That could be why you test poorly. You let the tension escalate into panic.”
“Other way around. I tense and panic because I can’t remember the answer.” Closing her eyes, she let out a throaty moan and didn’t care that it sounded like she’d had an orgasm. “You’re good at this.”
“Feeling mellower?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“The last question...internal bodily cues—where does the sensitivity originate?”
“The visceral organs.”
“Bingo.”
“Huh. I wasn’t even thinking about it.”
“I know.” His fingers glided up the side of her neck. No, not his fingers, it was his lips and warm breath that whispered against her sensitized skin...his hands continued to knead her shoulders and back.
“You do realize you’ll have to come to class with me tomorrow.”
He chuckled, the vibration from his mouth making her skin tingle. “Give you a massage while you take your exam?”
“Exactly.”
“Talk to your professor and let me know how that works out.” He was no longer touching her, she realized with a jolt. His hands and mouth had been on her a second ago.
Cassie spun around so fast she almost lost her balance. “What are you doing?”
“Removing myself from harm’s way.” He’d already reclaimed his stool and had transferred his attention to the book.
“But—but...”
His eyebrows went up in amusement. “Yes?”
“You have great hands, really, you should do that for a living.” She stretched her neck to the side and flexed her shoulders, acutely aware of the ache in her breasts. Damn it, she didn’t care about cleaning or studying...she could do those things later. “But if you need more practice, I’m here for you.”
John smiled. “That’s very kind.”
“Yep, that’s me. Always willing to take one for the team.” She could seduce him. Eventually he’d fold.
“When I was in college I used to choke at key times, myself,” he said. “Not consistently, which almost made it worse because I didn’t know when I would freeze.”
“Here I thought you were one of those people who sailed through school without breaking a sweat.”
“I admit, I had it easier than most of my friends. I didn’t have to study as much as they did and I tested fine, but I had a couple of problem areas.”
“Expectations about your performance?”
He frowned. “What makes you say that?”
“The colonels. Two of them in a row.” It was clear she was navigating a minefield. He seemed uneasy, which reinforced the awful thought she’d had earlier. He’d enlisted but hadn’t cut it. A failed military career would keep him mum on the subject.
“My family wasn’t pushy about me joining the air force. Of course they knew that’s what I wanted. If I’d said I planned on being a professional masseur, I imagine they would’ve had a rather strong opinion.”
“A masseur.” She grinned, feeling less anxious. He didn’t appear to be a man who’d flunked out of the air force after all. “You would’ve been terrific.”
“Guess we’ll never know.”
She turned back and got washing, finishing the dishes quickly, and moving on to the bowl and measuring cup. “So, are you still in the service?”
“Yep, stationed right here at Nellis.”
“Are you a colonel?”
He laughed. “A captain. I’m only thirty-three.”
“What’s next?”
“I’m up for major.”
“Then colonel?”
He hesitated, and curious, she turned to look at him, but he wasn’t at the counter. Instead, he’d gone to the fridge and pulled out a beer. He glanced at her, but didn’t say anything until he’d gotten back on the stool and was able to take a swig off the bottle. Finally, he shrugged. “If I stay in long enough,”
“That was a joke, right?” She kept swirling the sponge in the batter bowl, but couldn’t stop looking at him. “I mean, you must be halfway to retirement by now, unless my math is wrong.”
“You’re right on both counts.”
She didn’t believe him. At least not about the joking part. Why make light of something like that? His family would, as he’d put it, have a strong opinion. “You must be on leave.”
“For another week.”
“And you stayed here? It’s broiling. Are you crazy?”
He leaned back, confidence oozing from his smile, his shoulders taking up so much room he looked as if he owned the place. “And aren’t you glad I did?”
Cassie gave him a long look. “The cockiness finally surfaces.”
“I meant that I’m here to help you study.” He was clearly annoyed with her comment. “Finally surfaces? What does that mean?”
“You pilots are a different breed.”
“I didn’t say I was a pilot.”
“But you are...” She grinned with her own brand of smug. “Aren’t you?”
John kept staring at her but he didn’t respond. Was he still pissed about her remark? That didn’t seem like him. He had a sense of humor and was a good sport. The kiss at the bar proved that.
“I should’ve taken Lisa’s bet.” Cassie stopped and thought a moment. “No, she wanted to bet on whether you’d leave after your first sip of scotch. She wouldn’t have put money on whether you were air force or a pilot. We both knew you were a flyboy the moment you walked in.”
“Is it the haircut?” His flat tone felt off.
“That might’ve had something to do with it, though your hair’s a bit longer than most airmen. I think mainly it’s the swagger.” She saw straight off that she’d used the wrong word. Or maybe he’d interpreted it as something negative, because the firm set of his mouth said he wasn’t pleased. “But not in a bad way. I’m not in any way dissing you. So you’re a pilot...I think that’s fine.”
He let out a short surprised laugh. “Huh,” he said. “I appreciate it.” He shook his head, his amused expression a relief. “Those men who sit in the corner with your pal Gordon. They say anything?”
“Not to me. Why?”
“I noticed a couple of retired lifers in the group. Those guys aren’t alw
ays happy to share their space with officers.”
“The retirees aren’t the problem,” she said. “It’s the others who came back wounded. Not all of them, just the guys looking for someone to blame. I can’t pretend I understand what they went through, but I get that it’s easier to be angry than frightened.”
“Including your brother?”
“He was wounded in Iraq,” she said quietly, and rinsed the last of the utensils.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No, it’s fine.” She unplugged the sink and turned around to wipe her hands. “You’ve probably heard Tommy’s story a hundred times. An IED took out half his unit and part of his leg. But he’s lucky. He has Lisa, who loves him even though he can be a complete ass, and he has the bar. It’s not exactly a gold mine, despite the name, but it generates a few bucks and allows him to be his own boss. Which, if you knew my brother, is a major advantage because his attitude sucks and he never shows up when he’s supposed to. He was fitted with a new prosthetic a few weeks ago—did I already tell you?”
She frowned, trying to remember. “No, when could I have done that...? Anyway, the first one had been a bear for him, he won’t even give this one a fair chance. He could have a pretty normal life. But nooo...he’d rather bitch and moan about how it doesn’t feel right. Now, when I see him coming through the door in his old wheelchair, I could just throw—”
She drew in a quick breath, startled at how she’d gone off, ranting like a lunatic. It unsettled her that she’d been staring at John but not really seeing him. She did now, and she felt foolish. Maybe she should’ve found comfort in his sympathetic brown eyes, but she had no business talking about Tommy. God, she didn’t really know John. This wasn’t like her.
“Aren’t you glad you asked?” she muttered, pushing her hands through her hair and fixing her gaze on the countertop.
“Yeah, I am.” His voice seemed closer, and she dared to slide him a look. He’d left the stool and was coming toward her. “You forgot something.”
“What?”
“Tommy has you.”
“Does that go in the plus or minus column?”
John put his arms around her. “I assume that’s rhetorical.”
“Not really. I should be helping him to live an independent life instead of enabling him.” She closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his chest under her palms, his arms around her back. “Technically I’m the one who’ll be leaving, but he has to be able to stand on his own.”
“Do you think he can?”
“I know he can, but he doesn’t believe it. I think he’s in denial about me leaving after school.”
“Good thing he has Lisa.” John tucked her head under his chin and stroked her back.
“If he doesn’t blow it. She loves him, but she has her limits.” Cassie didn’t know John well enough to feel this safe and content with her cheek pressed to his heart. If anything she should feel guilty for not shutting up. But she hadn’t realized how much she’d bottled up and it felt good to unload. There was only so much she could say to Lisa. For as long as she’d known Gordon and Spider and some of the others, Cassie would never have this conversation with one of them.
Sadly, she couldn’t even discuss Tommy with her parents. They cared, of course, but in an odd, detached way. She’d never really understood them. Other than the fact that they put each other first, and she and Tommy came second. It wasn’t a guess. When Cassie was ten, her mother had come out and said as much.
“When the time comes, will you be ready to cut the strings?” John asked, his breath stirring her hair.
“Absolutely.” She looked up at him. “I hope.”
“Luckily, today you don’t have to think about that. But you do have to study.”
“Here I was thinking we could’ve spent all this time kissing.” Her stomach did a flip-flop at his strained smile. Had she ruined everything by complaining about Tommy?
John left her at the counter. While she finished straightening the rest of the kitchen, he quizzed her. He kept their focus narrow, and kissed her only once more. On the cheek, on his way out the door.
8
“WOW, YOU MUST NOT have done laundry in a while.” Beth reached across the bar and grabbed one of the bowls of pretzels Cassie was filling. “You look nice. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything but a T-shirt.”
“Yep, gotta get to the Laundromat,” Cassie muttered. Not true, but this was the fourth time she’d been accused of not washing her clothes, or something to that effect.
It had started off with Lisa, and since Cassie was irritable from too little sleep, insufficient studying and the certainty she’d totally messed up her exam, she’d decided not to tell Lisa about having John over last night. Of course it was childish. Keeping Lisa in the dark hardly served as a punishment, since Lisa didn’t know she was missing out on anything. Somehow it made Cassie feel better anyway.
Besides, if she did talk to Lisa, then she’d have to admit she had no idea where things stood between her and John. Even worse, not knowing bothered her far too much. Especially because it was 10:00 p.m. and he hadn’t shown up.
He never had asked for her phone number, or volunteered his. While he knew where she lived and worked, she only knew he was a captain stationed at Nellis and that was it. He obviously wanted the information flowing one way, and she was annoyed at herself for bothering to iron her yellow cotton sleeveless blouse just in case he’d show up for a beer.
Damn it, she should’ve dragged him to bed last night while she’d had the chance. She might as well have, considering he was the reason she’d probably get a C.
The beginning of the test had gone off without a hitch. Then panic had crept in, which she’d actually managed by focusing on her breathing and trying to relax. But that had reminded her of John’s lips and hands on her body and, poof, she’d been toast.
God, she wanted him to come by if only to tell him thanks for nothing. Sighing, she brought out a shot glass and grabbed the bottle of tequila. This was every bit her fault. She’d broken her own rule and it was costing her. Big-time. Even if she had made plans with John, it wouldn’t have meant anything. Not in the long run. He was on leave. That explained so much.
Which was fine. Because as soon as school was over, she was out of here. Maybe they would’ve only had a week, but man, what a week it could have been.
Lisa plopped down her tray. “I hate it when we’re this slow. Feels like I’ve been here for three days instead of four hours. Where the hell is everybody, anyway?”
“Barbecues and softball games. The hospital gang has some sort of tournament going on.”
“I don’t understand doing things outside when it’s three thousand degrees.”
“You and me both, sister.”
“Oh, honey, you know as well as I do June is nothing compared to July and August.” Lisa’s gaze flicked over Cassie’s button-down blouse. “That looks cute on you. Bet you have a good tip night.” She grinned, then looked over at the empty stool where John normally sat. “Where’s flyboy?”
“How should I know?” Heat flooded Cassie’s cheeks, and she ducked to get the cut-up limes out of the minifridge. Lisa stared curiously at her for a few seconds, then got distracted by the shot of booze sitting in front of Cassie. Lisa’s gaze darted to her order pad. “Did I forget to deliver a drink?”
“Nope, this is for me.”
“Seriously?” Lisa blinked extravagantly as she watched Cassie prepare her salt and lime. “Your exams must be finished.”
“I have one more, and then I’m done until September.” She decided to skip the lime and salt and downed the tequila, cringing when she shuddered like an amateur.
“You never drink while you’re working.”
“I do occasionally...when it’s slow.”
Lisa eyed her suspiciously. For good reason—because it was true. Cassie hardly ever drank at the bar. It seemed she was always anxious to get home, always studying, always stre
ssed.
“You should be able to leave early if you want,” Lisa said, giving the room a quick look-see, but no one was signaling for service. “It was like this last night. Of course your brother bitched because, well, he’s Tommy, but we had no trouble keeping up. Lots of beer drinkers, so that helped.”
“Yeah, I’ll probably shove off in the next hour.” The words were barely out of her mouth when the door opened. With a weird certainty that it was John, she turned a casual glance that way. It wasn’t him. Two guys who were kind of familiar walked up to the bar.
She and Lisa greeted the men with smiles, but Cassie was too disappointed to fake it well. Behind her the phone rang. Another waste of money. Hardly anyone called the landline anymore, but Tommy insisted on being listed in the Yellow Pages.
Lisa started to come around the bar to answer the phone, but Cassie motioned for her to take the customers’ order. She’d get a better tip out of the men. Cassie was just too damn grumpy to go that extra mile.
“Gold Strike,” she said, her greeting close to a bark.
“Cassie?”
She recognized John’s voice, and immediately turned to face the wall for a teeny bit of privacy. “Hey.”
“Are you busy?”
“No, slow tonight.”
“Yeah, even the parking lot is half-empty.”
Abruptly she looked at the door. “Where are you?”
“Just outside, sitting in my car.”
“Oh.” She glanced down at her top, grateful beyond words she’d done a quick fix with club soda on a spot of tomato juice that had splashed her earlier. “Why?”
“Any chance you’ll get off early?”
“Yes, and again, why?” She’d tried to sound casual, as if his call was no big deal, but it wasn’t working. Her pulse had started racing at the sound of him, which was not a good sign. A smart woman would make an excuse and hang up, not keep ignoring all the signs that she was already in over her head. Instead, she said, “You owe me two answers.”