Her stomach lurched. “Maybe a glass of water.”
He cast her an assessing glance. “Are you feeling well, Shanal? You’re a little pale.”
And here it was. Her opening. But she couldn’t quite find the words. How did you tell your fiancé you were expecting another man’s baby? And not just any man’s, but the baby of the man he hated above all others. She’d realized that fact the day on the riverbank.
“I’ve been feeling a little unwell recently,” she admitted, taking the glass of water he gave her and having a small sip.
“Nothing serious, I hope? Have you been to the doctor?”
He was all concern, on the surface at least. But she could see the hard glint in his eyes as he studied her, looking for signs of imperfection.
“No, it isn’t serious—well, not in a life-threatening way at least,” she said with a wry quirk to her lips. “And, yes, I’ve seen a doctor. He gave me some surprising news.”
“News?” Burton dropped all pretense of civility. “Cut to the chase, Shanal. What’s wrong with you?”
“Actually, nothing is wrong, per se. I’m just pregnant, that’s all.”
Eleven
Burton’s face went pale, then suffused with vivid color as he digested her words. “Pregnant?”
“I know, it came as a surprise to me, too.”
“A surprise. That’s rich. We both know it’s not my child. You haven’t let me touch you.”
“We agreed on that, Burton.” She felt she had to point it out in her defense.
“Yes, but not because I thought you would let your passions overwhelm you and drive you to sleep with Raif Masters!” he spat in return.
Shanal flinched. Burton had never shown anger like this before. Sure, she understood he had to be very angry indeed at this news. It was a very unexpected wrinkle in the fabric of his plans. But it had happened. Now they needed to deal with it.
“You’ll get rid of it, of course,” he stated flatly.
“I beg your pardon?” Shanal couldn’t quite believe what he’d said.
“I have chosen to accept the fact that you’ve slept with Raif Masters, however ill-advised it was, and move on. I will not, however, accept his bastard as a cuckoo in my nest. You will get rid of it,” he ordered, his voice seething with revulsion, “and before the wedding.”
“Rid of it? You mean—?”
“Yes, of course I mean an abortion. Let me be very clear, Shanal. I won’t tolerate you continuing this pregnancy for a moment longer than necessary. Remember what you have at stake here. If you insist on going through with this pregnancy you can forget about the money you need so very much to help your parents, and you can forget about your position with Burton International. And let’s not forget your restraint clause. I will invoke that if I have to. And you can be certain that once those two years are up, I will make sure you never get work in this field again into the bargain.
“Ask yourself, what do you really want? Hmm? The choice is yours. But if you choose me, then you do so without that man’s brat inside you.”
Fine tremors rocked her body. She couldn’t believe what Burton was asking of her. Every particle within her vehemently rejected his ultimatum, but what other choice did she have? Her father couldn’t work anymore. Her mother was now his full-time caregiver, and besides, she’d never worked outside the home. Even if she could find a job it would be unskilled and the pay would hardly make a dent in their living costs. For her entire married life her sole focus had been her husband and Shanal. If they could sell their home, sure, their debts would be cleared, but where would they live? What would they do to cover their living expenses? It was likely a moot point, anyway, with the mortgage that Burton now held over the property. They’d never be able to sell it with his interests registered against it.
Burton’s stipulation was an all-or-nothing deal. If she married him, she continued with her work and provided the necessary security for her family, but that meant she’d have to give up the child of a man who’d done everything she’d asked of him without question, but who could do nothing to save her now.
“What’s it to be, Shanal?” Burton pressed relentlessly.
Could she do what he asked? She swallowed against the lump in her throat and lifted her head to look at this man she’d agreed—not once, but twice—to marry.
In a voice that sounded foreign to her ears she replied, “I’ll marry you.”
A smile stretched across Burton’s face and Shanal watched in horror, wondering how she’d ever thought him handsome.
“Don’t you worry about the details, darling,” he said with that crocodile smile. “I’ll arrange everything. Besides, we can’t have a baby ruining that pretty little figure of yours, can we?”
His words sent a chill through her. She could understand he wouldn’t want Raif’s child, but from what he’d just said, he didn’t ever want to see her pregnant. “Burton, are you saying you don’t want children at all?”
“When we’re ready we can use a surrogate. I don’t want anything to mar the perfection of you, Shanal. Not now, not ever. I remember the first time I saw you. I knew you had to be mine. I couldn’t believe my luck when you interviewed for the position at the lab eighteen months ago. There was no way I was letting you go. Ours will be the perfect marriage and together we’ll make Burton International the number-one research facility in the world.”
Two things locked into her mind. First, that he’d planned to marry her all this time. And second, that she’d earned her role in the lab based on her looks rather than her qualifications. She’d never felt more trivialized in her life. The knowledge heightened her loathing of him.
Oblivious to her distress, Burton continued. “So, tell me, you are going to wear that exquisite gown again for our wedding, aren’t you? I can’t wait to see you in it once more.”
By the time Shanal left his apartment she felt bruised inside. Through everything they’d discussed, she couldn’t help feeling she was making the worst mistake of her life. Raif had tried to warn her months ago and she hadn’t been prepared to listen. But then again, she had never seen the side of Burton that she’d seen today.
It was as if he were two distinct people—the charming, urbane, smiling gentleman boss on the one hand, and a calculating, controlling despot on the other. And she was linking herself to him, in marriage, forever. He didn’t even really see her as a person, but more of an asset. This wasn’t what she’d mentally signed up for when she’d first agreed to marry him. Although maybe, somewhere along the line, she’d subconsciously realized who Burton Rogers really was when she’d chosen to run away from the cathedral that day. If only that instinct had taken over before she’d agreed to his proposal in the first place.
How could she go through with this?
She thought about her parents, of her father wilting away in his wheelchair. Of her mother, burdened with his care.
How could she not?
* * *
On Monday morning, at work, she got a call to see Burton in his office. She smoothed her white coat with trembling hands and knocked on the door to his inner sanctuary.
“Come in,” he answered, his muted voice sending a shiver down her spine.
“You asked to see me?” she said, as she stepped inside.
Burton had his back to her, surveying the impeccably landscaped grounds outside. Slowly he turned. Shanal looked at him and felt her skin crawl. Her hands curled into balls and she shoved them into the deep pockets of her white coat. Maybe if she could just focus on the pain of her fingernails embedding into her palms, she could fight back the swell of nausea assailing her that had absolutely nothing to do with her pregnancy.
“How are you today, darling?” he said with a smile that she noticed didn’t touch his eyes.
“Busy.” Her response was cl
ipped and to the point. And it was true, she was incredibly busy in the lab. An intern had inadvertently corrupted important data on her most recent study and she’d been cross-referencing her notes all morning.
“Glad to see you’re still taking your responsibilities to your work so seriously. Which leaves the other matter.” Burton’s mouth pulled into a frown of distaste.
She stared at him, refusing to acknowledge “the matter” in the same terms as he had couched them. Logically, she’d known that Burton wouldn’t be happy with the news about the baby, but her mind emphatically rejected the idea that he could so clinically dismiss the child that even now formed within her.
“You’ll be pleased to know I’ve been able to have you scheduled at a private clinic the day after tomorrow. That gives you ten days to recover before our wedding.”
“Wednesday? So soon?” she blurted.
“It doesn’t pay to allow these things to linger,” he said, all pretense of amiability now gone. “I’ll pick you up in the morning and take you myself.”
No doubt to ensure that she went through with it, she thought, nodding to indicate that she had heard.
“Is that all?” she said, now desperate to leave the oppression his presence had become.
“For now,” Burton said, turning back to the view outside, dismissing her as if she was no longer of consequence now he’d made his dictate clear.
A phrase he’d mentioned on Saturday, about not wanting anything to mar the perfection of her, echoed in her mind. Was that all she was to Burton? An image of his idea of perfection? Something to be admired and brought out and displayed at will? She’d honestly thought, even though she didn’t love him, that they could possibly make a go of marriage. If she hadn’t believed that from the very start she would never have agreed to marry him. But now, that looked less and less likely. And yet how on earth was she to extricate herself from this dreadful mess? He held all the cards and he’d made no bones about playing them to punish her if she thwarted him in any way.
She entered her office and closed the door firmly behind her before sinking into her chair and staring with blind eyes at the data displayed on her computer screen. Sure, she could tell Raif—in fact she should tell Raif—about the baby. She knew without doubt that she and the child would be gathered up in the embrace of his family in an instant. But what of her parents? What of her career? If she didn’t do as Burton said, she’d save a potential life but destroy every other person and thing in her world that mattered.
What the hell was she going to do?
* * *
Shanal woke with a dreadful sense of loss on Wednesday morning. She’d barely slept and she felt weak and vulnerable as she prepared herself for the visit to the clinic. Burton would be here any moment and she had to be ready, but she struggled to find the motivation to wash and dress and gather her few things together. Doggedly, she pushed on, hoping she could be gone before her parents rose for the day. She had no wish to face them before the procedure. She couldn’t bear to tell them any of it—about the pregnancy, or the abortion—because it would only expand the guilt her father already wore like a heavy yoke around his neck. It was better that they knew nothing about this.
The flash of Burton’s lights as he turned into the driveway propelled her out the front door.
“All set?” he asked, as she got into his BMW.
She nodded, unable to speak. This was wrong, so wrong.
He reached across and patted her on the knee. “Don’t worry, Shanal. Everything will be okay once it’s over.”
But would it? She’d still be tied to a man who was more ruthless than she’d ever expected. A man who lived to his own agenda without a thought or a care for others. A man who had blackmailed her into staying with him. Raif had tried to warn her, but she hadn’t listened, hadn’t seen what he’d been talking about. And now an innocent life would be lost because of it.
How many people had Burton hurt in his quest for perfection? Shanal had always admired how he didn’t waver on the level of his standards. In fact, she’d been proud to work for a man who never accepted less than the best. It was how she’d worked her entire life. Always reaching to set the bar higher, to ensure that her marks were that much better, the results of her research unquestionable. They hadn’t been so different, had they?
Nonetheless, there was an edge to Burton that she’d completely misunderstood. She’d thought it was a sign of his quest for excellence, but now it only seemed to be indicative of his quest to dominate.
They completed the journey in silence. Burton escorted her from the car to the admitting area and bent to kiss her on the cheek before he left.
“Call me when you’re done and I’ll come back for you,” he said. “You’re doing the right thing. Our life is going to be perfect together, Shanal. Trust me on this.”
Perfect? She swallowed back the bitterness that rose in her throat. Perfect was lazy days on a houseboat on the Murray River. Perfect was a passionate night in the arms of Raif Masters. Her eyes filmed with unshed tears as she turned to confirm her details with the nurse waiting to admit her. She felt Burton leave, the air around her lightening in his absence.
The nurse was compassionate and professional, briskly showing Shanal through to the room where she’d change into her hospital gown, and discussing what would happen next. After some minor tests, an examination and a brief scan, she would be third on the list that morning. The procedure itself would be short, her recovery would include up to two hours under observation afterward, and then she could go home and rest.
It wasn’t until the scanning equipment was brought in and Shanal bared her stomach that she knew for certain she couldn’t go through with this. While her baby was no more than a blueberry-size bundle of multiplying cells at this point, he or she was still her baby and, she realized with increasing certainty, she wanted this baby with all her heart.
“No!” she said, pushing the sonographer’s hand away. “I’m not doing it. I’m keeping my baby.”
“Are you certain, Miss Peat? It’s not unusual for you to feel undecided about this,” the nurse said, her face a mask of compassion.
“I’ve never been more certain of anything,” she answered. She sat up and wiped the gel from her stomach with her hospital gown. “I’m going home and I’m keeping my baby.”
When the taxi deposited her back on the driveway at her house Shanal could feel only relief. She’d deal with Burton later. First, she had to tell her mum and dad about the baby.
Her parents were at the kitchen table when she let herself inside.
“You’re back from work early, pyaari beti. Is everything okay?”
Beloved daughter. Shanal smiled fleetingly at her mother’s endearment. While her mum had embraced her new Australian lifestyle over thirty years ago with the same love and commitment she showed to her Australian husband, she was at heart still Indian and often peppered her conversation with an odd mix of Hindi and English that left many people scratching their heads.
“I need to speak with you both. Do you have time?”
She sat at the table and accepted the cup of tea her mother had automatically poured for her.
“What...else would...we be doing?” her father asked in his stilted speech. “We’re here...for you. What’s...wrong?”
His struggle to form words seemed worse than usual and Shanal exchanged a look with her mother. Yet another advancement in the illness that was, inch by inch, taking her father’s life away. Even so, there was nothing wrong with his mind and she needed to talk to them both. Initially, she didn’t know where to begin, but eventually she took a deep breath and started with the day she’d run from her wedding. Her parents, to their credit, said very little during her recitation. But she felt her mother’s cry of dismay as if it was a physical thing when she mentioned Burton’s insistence on the termination.
“So you see, I couldn’t go through with it. Which leaves me in a very difficult position.”
“Do you love Raif?” her mother asked.
Shanal felt her breath hitch as she allowed the idea to expand in her mind. Love him? She knew she was deeply attracted to him. It was something she’d fought for so many years it had become second nature. Right up until he’d become her knight in shining armor and whisked her away from a marriage she hadn’t wanted, to a retreat where she could hide from her problems. The urge to kiss him had come from a place deep inside her. Their lovemaking had brought the kind of fulfillment she’d always sought in her life, and the kind that had been lacking in her few relationships so far. So, did she love Raif? The tightness in her chest loosened and warmth swelled and filled its place.
“I don’t know,” she said. If she acknowledged how she felt about him that would only make marrying Burton all the more difficult and all the more hopeless. And it would leave her all the more susceptible to being hurt if he didn’t share her feelings, too. “I think I might.”
“Then marry Raif,” her mother said bluntly. “He does know about the baby, doesn’t he?”
“It’s not that simple,” Shanal replied, her voice soft and her eyes now fixed on her father. “I can’t rely on him, Mum. He used me to get back at Burton.”
“Did he really?” her mother asked, getting up to brew another pot of tea. “From what you’ve said, it seems to me that the thought might have crossed his mind initially, but it certainly didn’t stay there.”
“That’s what he said,” Shanal admitted.
“Then I see no reason for you not to believe him. Did he lie to you? Did he hide the truth from you when you asked him?”
“No, he didn’t, but there are other things to consider. If I don’t marry Burton, I will lose my position with Burton International. And there’s a restraint clause in my contract. If I leave Burton International, I am legally unable to work in the same field anywhere in Australia for at least two years. It was stupid of me not to realize the long-term implications of that.”
The Wedding Bargain Page 11