by JC Wallace
Four simple words that filled me with dread. I’d ignored it for weeks, even thought maybe it wasn’t worth the fight. I needed to move on, but…
“I’m not sure it’s worth pursuing.” Straightforward and simple.
He turned his upper body and raised a brow. “You think?”
I shifted uneasily.
“For over five months, I’ve watched you struggle with this case that a first-year law student could win. Waited for you to get back into the game. Why do you think I’ve allowed this to drag on for so long?”
Allowed? I opened my mouth as that lack of focus hit me again. He allowed me to what?
“I run a billion dollar law firm because I employ the best. Because I weed out the weak and promote those who can win. When was the last time you won anything, sonny boy?”
Friday night. I won Jacob’s attention. I won a chance to have him in my life. I won despite my weakness and my insecurity and my scars. And I wanted to believe that he truly wanted me despite the scars and the…
“I don’t know what’s happened to you. You were a promising lawyer on the way to the top. I’ve held Latmore’s partner position open for you, counting on you to pull it together. I can’t wait any longer.”
I glared at him, and for the first time, my anger rose. I’d always been too busy trying to gain his approval and love to get angry.
“So, I’m not going to make partner?”
“You can’t make partner if you can’t win a freshman case.”
“Give me another case and I’ll win it for you, just not that one.” It was too close to home, too filled with emotions and pain and bad memories.
“No. This is the case you have to win. If you don’t, Taylor will be offered the partner position. You have until the end of the month. The hearing starts on the thirtieth.”
“You can’t make him partner. That’s my position. I worked for it. I worked my ass off for this firm. I did everything you asked. Worked twelve hour days. I should have made partner two years ago, but you gave it to someone else.”
“They deserved it more.”
“What if I get a settlement?” Maybe that could work. Offer the insurance company of the driver a settlement and end it.
“Take the coward’s way out?” my father scoffed.
What was I doing? My goal for ten years had been to become a partner in this firm. Even before truly understanding what that meant, I’d wanted it. Now my father was going to try and take my dream away?
“Your sister says you’re seeing someone.”
I nodded.
He pursed his lips then said, “It’s time for you to decide what you want, Paul. You can have it all. Work, a relationship, the life you’ve wanted. Don’t throw away everything you’ve worked for.”
Everything I had worked for. I trembled, and I thought it had to be fear. I had to make partner. If not, I’d be a failure. A bigger one than I already was. All because of Clyde Spaulding. I turned my anger to him. He was going to pay for what he’d done. That’s what I needed to put all of this behind me. And when I was done, I’d have my old life back, have Jacob, and show my father that I could have it all and make him proud.
****
At home, I ripped off my tie and chucked my jacket. My ire had been rising with each passing minute. I’d absconded with Mark to assist me with the case. If I was going to pull this off, I was going to need his help. It was going to be a long night. In the kitchen, I set the coffee to brew. Glancing at the clock, I noted it was only three PM. When I returned to the dining room, Mark was sorting the papers that I’d scooped up off the floor and dumped onto the table after my hissy fit.
“Yeah, I kind of got pissed and well…”
Mark nodded but said nothing. I was sure he was afraid to get on my bad side, which was good. He’d work harder.
“We have a ton of work to do in a short period of time. I need someone who can put in the time and get things done without question. When I win this case, I’m going to make partner.” That got his attention. Good. Every partner had his favorite junior lawyers. If you were one of them, you were golden and on track for a quick rise in the firm.
“I’m single.”
The sign of a dedicated junior lawyer, and it told me everything I needed to know. He was in.
“Let’s dig in.”
We worked through the night with pots of coffee and leftover lasagna. At two AM, we finally had the paperwork sorted, categorized, and a plan for moving forward. It was then that we broke for sleep. I realized I’d missed my evening dose of meds and swallowed them down with a glass of water. That’s when I saw my cell on the counter. I’d shut off the house phone and had been so engrossed in my work, I’d ignored my cell. Hitting the home button, I had six missed calls. Four from Jacob, two from Wendy. It was too late to call anyone so I headed to bed for a few hours of sleep.
I woke a little after seven, stiff and in pain but with a new purpose in life. It felt good to have a goal. Maybe my life was turning around. Since my father had been holding back documents and information the firm had obtained, a courier would drop off the additional files by seven thirty. I stood and stretched my back, which burned. My leg was partially numb so I walked around to get the blood flowing. My limp was more pronounced, probably due to taking my meds late. Hopefully, we could finalize what we needed to move forward with the trial. My father had kept up with the motions and filings. I wondered if he would have gone on with the case if I hadn’t pulled my head out of my ass.
The doorbell rang as I was heading into the kitchen. The smell of coffee meant Mark must have risen already. He came out of the kitchen and headed to the door. “I’ll get it. Must be the courier. Head into the dining room, and I’ll bring you some coffee.”
To be young again and that energetic.
I veered into the dining room, reviewing my notes from yesterday, when I heard Jacob’s voice.
He rushed into the room, harried and concerned and looking so edible. I smiled, but he didn’t return the sentiment.
“I’ve been trying to call you and text you and email you since last night. I was worried when you didn’t answer.”
I smiled and pulled him close. He smelled fresh from the shower. “I’m fine. Working a case with Mark from the office. We lost track of time, and I didn’t get to bed until late.”
He looked to Mark and then to me and frowned. “You’ve gone back to work?” I could see that look in his eyes. Are you ready? they seemed to ask.
“This is my case. I’ve been working on it for months.”
Again the confusion. I released him and put down the papers I had been holding. “The suit against the driver of the truck that hit me.”
His eyes widened in surprise. “You’re suing, Clyde?”
I nodded and knew right then from his expression this was going to be an issue for him. But once I explained, he’d understand. “Yes. He shouldn’t have been driving that day. He’d already had two heart attacks and has congestive heart failure. He was an accident waiting to happen.”
“So you’re suing him for having a heart attack?” He crossed his arms in a surely pissed off style.
“I’m suing him for being negligent. And I’m suing his insurance company for insuring someone who shouldn’t have been driving. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s still driving. What if he kills someone next time?” Truthfully, he had to see the logic.
“Is there anyone you aren’t suing?” He jabbed his finger at me. “Do you even know what he’s been through? Why he was driving that night? Do you even know this man? Because I do.”
Jacob’s ire only raised my own. “What does it matter why? He was driving when he shouldn’t have been, and he needs to pay for what happened!”
Jacob was grinding his teeth. I could see his muscles bulging in his jaw. “Does this have anything to do with your father?”
I frowned. “What’re you talking about?”
“I called Wendy, and she said you were going to see your
father yesterday. I tried to call you all day yesterday. So you went to see him?”
I nodded and was about to tell him what my father had said, but he cut me off.
“Are you doing this because of him?” He looked exasperated, much like Wendy did when we had discussions about our father.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “What else did you and Wendy talk about?” I’d had my suspicions from the beginning that maybe she’d shared more about me with Jacob than I’d thought.
“What do you mean?” he asked and, if he hadn’t sounded so guilty to me, I might have backed down.
I balled my fists at my sides. “I mean, how much of this was rigged by you and her?
“What are—”
“How much did she tell you about poor Paul?”
“She didn’t—”
“How sorry did you feel for me when you came here?” I stepped around the table, moving toward him, and that far off voice in my head screamed at me to stop before I screwed everything up. But I didn’t listen. I had caught hold of what I wanted to believe was the truth, and I was going to “Perry Mason” it out of him. “Did you think I was an easy catch? Or did you see me as a challenge? Paul Breaux, your high school crush, big man above your reach, now a pathetic excuse for a human being. Was that your plan? Move in and ‘save’ me when no one else could, lower me to your level so you could finally have what you wanted?”
His eyes narrowed, but other than that, he was very still. “And what did I want, Paul?” His voice was low. I couldn’t tell if it was because my suspicions were right, or he was so pissed that he was totally in control.
I had his jugular in sight, so I went in for the kill. “Me. You couldn’t get me when I was successful and good looking, so you saw this as an opportunity, thinking no one would want me anyway.”
The way he looked at me, as if he didn’t even know me, had never really known me at all, was wrong. He was supposed to scream back, defend himself, deny it all, but he just stared at me for a long moment as I stood my ground.
Apologize you idiot! Beg him for forgiveness! Grovel at his feet!
Jacob looked to Mark, who only stared at the floor uncomfortably.
Jacob backed up, eyes still on me, as if he was trying to believe I’d really said it. I had and I was sure I regretted it. I needed time to figure that out, but Jacob turned and walked to the front door. He grabbed the doorknob, head down for a moment, and then he looked at me. “I can’t believe I ever thought I was in love with you.”
And he left.
****
Chapter 17
I choked on a breath then composed myself. I was numb right down to my soul.
Mark cocked his head and was staring off into the kitchen. “Was that your boyfriend?”
The question was surprising. “I don’t think so anymore.”
“No, I mean before you cut him down to size and then reached into his chest and ripped his heart out.” Mark’s gaze wasn’t accusatory or harsh. Just questioning.
I gaped, mouth moving, but no sound coming out. Oh God, what had I done?
Just then, the doorbell rang, and I jumped as if someone had snuck up behind me and shouted “boo.” Maybe the last ten minutes had been some kind of fugue. Maybe that ugly scene hadn’t really happened, and this was my second chance. I rushed to the door and yanked it open. Not Jacob. It was the courier with the files I’d requested.
I walked away without saying a word, into the living room and out the back door. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew that no matter what I did, I’d severed what little I’d had with Jacob. What I’d accused him of, what I’d said, was unforgivable, even for Jacob. I was sure that he was lamenting the day he’d ever met me, now seeing that the man he’d thought I was had been a fallacy. A fantasy. A delusion.
Right then, I felt as if he’d never even existed.
All I had left was being a lawyer. So I returned to the dining room and settled down to work. I’d win this case and the next and then the next, and someday they would be talking about the amazing lawyer Paul Breaux, even better than his father had been. A star. A winner.
“Are you still going to work on this case?” Mark asked. He stood at the end of the table, the box the courier had brought before him.
I frowned. “Of course, I’m still going to work. We have a case to win. Then I’ll be a partner and I’ll show him what he’s missing out on.” That’s right. Jacob would lament the fact that he’d ever felt sorry for me, that he’d walked out.
Mark was quiet for a moment as I took the box and moved it to my side of the table. With this information, I would have what I needed to win my case. I didn’t want Jacob Divine despite what my heart was shouting at my brain.
“He looked so crushed. You were so…”
I raised a brow at him in warning, daring him to go on.
“Harsh. I mean, is this really all worth it if you lose him?”
I wasn’t sure why he was talking, but he did seem to think I wanted his opinion on more than one occasion. “Who do you—”
“I know this guy had a heart attack and caused the accident, but don’t we ever look at the circumstantial evidence?” He moved to the box and grabbed a file from inside, holding it up. He looked truly perplexed. “I became a lawyer to help people. I was the top of my class, but what I’ve seen at the firm… They ignore what’s right and place guilt and…” He dropped the file and appeared weary, disillusioned. He looked so young. “And this case… I’m really sorry, Mr. Breaux, about what happened to you. It’s awful, but Mr. Spaulding, he was trying to get to his wife. To be there with her.” He choked a bit. “And then the accident happened and he didn’t get to.”
His eyes looked glassy. Was this kid really that naïve?
“I know I’m out of line, but doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
I was confused by his compassion for the man. “He shouldn’t have been driving, no matter what. He was negligent, and according to the law, negligence is grounds for a civil lawsuit.” I knew the law. I knew my rights.
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “He was married for forty-nine years, and he wasn’t there when she died.”
My heart pounded in my ears, and I thought my vision was fading. Understanding hit me like a car slamming into a wall at eighty miles an hour. “Where was he going when he had his heart attack?”
Mark looked perplexed.
I had to know. “Where was Clyde Spaulding going when he caused… I mean, when he hit me?”
“To the hospital. His wife, she’d had a stroke two days earlier. Mr. Spaulding had taken a cab home that afternoon, and then the nurse called. She told him that she was failing fast and to get to the hospital. You know the stupid cabs around here. They take forever to get anywhere.”
I closed my eyes. Forty-nine years and he hadn’t gotten to say good-bye. She’d died without her husband by her side. The stress of getting to her in time probably had caused the heart attack.
Jacob’s voice rang as clear in my head, as if he were standing right next to me. I used to try and place myself in the situations I found my patients in… I found that wasn’t enough… So I get to know them, ask them questions about their lives, their families, their triumphs and tragedies. And hopefully, I can understand.
I think I made it to the bathroom before I lost what little coffee I had in my stomach. I was going to sue a man who was trying to get to his wife before she died. And I hadn’t known. In all of the information I had requested, in all of the background I’d had others collect, that information had never…
“Fuck me,” I whispered and spit more of the foul bile taste into the toilet.
My father had kept it from me.
I flushed the toilet then brushed my teeth. When I left the bathroom, Mark was still standing by the table. He looked like a kid whose card tower that he’d worked on for half of his life had been blown down. I went to the closet at the bottom of the stairs and pulled out two empty boxes.
Mark watched me return to the dining room. I picked up a pile of papers and dropped them into a box. Systematically, I shoved in every piece of paper. The entirety of my five months of work fit into two boxes. I stacked them on top of the box the courier had brought.
“Take these back to my father. Tell him there’s no case. I won’t be suing anyone.” I turned to walk away and then paused. “And kid, get out of there now, while you still have that heart in your chest. If you don’t, my father will turn it to stone and you’ll…” I snorted. “You’ll end up like me.”
“Like you?”
“Heartless and alone.”
In the living room, I grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge, popped the top, and slammed the entire thing down. I had at least a case in there. I was going to get really drunk.
****
The phone was ringing, but my eyes were glued shut. I wasn’t sure what time it was or where I was for that matter. All I knew was that it was hard and uncomfortable, and if I didn’t move, I was going to pay for it. Trying to lift my head and failing, my head pounding, my mouth tasting like I hadn’t brushed my teeth in a week, my stomach roiling, I went back to sleep.
Icy wetness covered my head. I sucked in a breath, and liquid went up my nose and down my throat. I flailed, certain I was drowning. Coughing and sputtering, I lost my balance and fell.
“Ahh!” And then I was down on my stomach on my stone patio. And I was drenched.
“About time you woke up.”
I groaned. “Why the fuck did you throw water on me?” Why was my voice so whiny?
My sister stepped near my head and crouched down. “Because kicking you didn’t get the response I wanted. Care to explain the comatose state, the lack of answering your phone, and why you’re sleeping on your patio surrounded by more empty beer bottles than a frat party?”
I grunted and rose on my hands and knees. My head pounded so hard that I was sure my eyeballs were going to pop out. “Not that many.”
“One is too many. You’re on some heavy-duty meds. You aren’t supposed to drink.”
I shook my head and rose, carefully, slowly, until I could park my ass on the lounge chair. “Well, it’s a good thing I haven’t taken any since… I don’t really remember. Although, I’d kill for some Ibuprofen.”