Forever Careless

by Brittany Butler

  “I’m not upset,” I grab his hand before he sits down at the table. “If they are happy together that’s great. They are both my best friends and they deserve to be happy. William and I dated long ago, it wasn’t anything serious, and I don’t feel that I have a claim over him. I don’t care, Kellen.”

  He looks unsure of what to say. I almost beg for him to kiss me, but I’m once again reminded that I asked him for space. Shit. This is going to be a long weekend.

  “Are you going to join us, man?” Andrew yells at Kellen.

  “Yeah, this is Audrey, my girlfriend, for anyone that hasn’t met her, and her friend Rachel.” Kellen introduces us to the table. I smile, but it drops as soon as I notice a familiar face sitting across from me.

  “Where’s your friend, Olivia?” Adrian asks.

  “Uh home,” I answer quickly.

  “Who is your new friend?” He points over to Rachel. His date that I just noticed clinging to his arm, leans away from him and rolls her eyes.

  “Rachel, I’m William’s girlfriend,” she replies. Adrian throws his head back dramatically and laughs.

  “William, there’s a name I’ll never forget. He has a girlfriend? Interesting,” he looks to me and then to Kellen. “Have you had the pleasure of meeting my ex-girlfriend?”

  “No,” she looks to me clearly confused.

  “I’m sure you’ll meet Olivia sooner or later,” he chuckles.

  “Shut the fuck up, Adrian.” Kellen finally says. He shrugs and turns his attention back to his date. She beams at him when he grabs her hand and pulls her from the booth. I can’t speak, and I can’t look away from this train wreck.

  “I think I’m ready to go,” Rachel tells us. I glance at her, but I don’t see the Rachel I’ve only known, I see someone with a blank look and defeated attitude.

  We exit the club without letting anyone know that we were leaving. Why would we? They only notice when we are showing up to get drunk and party with them. They don’t notice when we are uncomfortable or when we want something more. I send Olivia a discreet warning text to let her know we are driving home, and that Kellen is staying over. I silently hope that she gets my text and that there is no more drama that plagues the night.

  “I’ll sleep on the floor,” Kellen announces when he walks out of the bathroom. He knows that I don’t want our guest to know of the problems we are having. The last thing I need is an, I told you so from my mom.

  I want to argue with him but I don’t press it any further. I only nod and pull the covers up to my chest. The lines are starting to blur with Kellen and I. I don’t know if we should fall back into our routine or if we should separate longer and really try the space thing that I recommended.

  Somewhere between the nagging thoughts of my relationship, or lack thereof, Kellen sleeping on my floor and the hushed fighting throughout my house; I drift into a peaceful sleep until a faint knocking that came during the early morning woke me up.

  “Are you decent?” Olivia’s small voice comes from behind my door.

  “Unfortunately,” Kellen replies.

  “Can I talk to you?” Her eyes go wide when she sees Kellen lying on his pallet on the floor. He mumbles sure and leaves out of the room.

  “I know, and I’m not mad.” I tell her so that we can start from the beginning.

  “You know,” she gasps.

  “Everyone knows, Liv. His girlfriend was going on and on about it after he left dinner. Did you anything to do with that?” I eye her suspiciously, when she bites her lip and looks away I know my answer. “God Olivia, when did this start?”

  “When I visited at Thanksgiving, it’s a recent thing. That’s why Adrian and I got into a fight.”

  “You had a boyfriend then! And he has a girlfriend; a girlfriend that I entertained while you were screwing him in the bed that they’re in!” When she doesn’t say anything I feel bad for yelling at her. I know that she feels bad about what happened and the way it happened and the last thing she needs is her best friend scowling her. “Are you and Adrian getting back together?” She shakes her head no. “Are you and William getting together?”

  “I don’t know, Audrey,” she groans and falls back on my bed. “This is a clusterfuck!”

  “What do you want to do?” I finally ask after I realize she’s not going to give up any information.

  “I think I’ve always liked him,” she admits.

  I nod my head but I don’t have words to form for her. I think I’ve always known. My mind scans through each memory I have of William and Olivia, and I can only hope that I haven’t hurt her throughout the years. I dated William because it was expected and I tossed him away and moved across the country like he was nothing to me. All while Olivia sat quietly by my side, watching but not telling me how awful I truly was. I drift asleep with my forgiving best friend by my side.

  ∞

  “Don’t make me go out there alone,” Olivia whines. I glance at the clock with the realization that we’ve only been asleep for three hours.

  “You did this to yourself,” I tease her. “Go back to sleep.”

  “They’re up. Kellen left about an hour ago,” that statement makes me snap awake.

  “Why?” I get out of bed and search for clothes to put on.

  “I don’t know. He said he had something to take care of at his house,” she shrugs and gets out of the bed.

  She falls into step behind me on the way downstairs. She’s obviously nervous about having them here. I’m sure her spontaneous idea to invite them to stay over was based on the fact that she wanted William near. The thought of Rachel being here never entered her mind until this morning.

  “Good morning, I was going to wake you both up within the hour.” He greets us when we walk in the living room. “David should be back any minute with our breakfast.”

  “Who is David?”

  “My driver,” as soon as the words comes out his mouth I burst into laughter. I can only imagine what Kellen would say if he were here.

  “I’m going upstairs. I’ll be back in a minute,” I stalk out of the room before Olivia can whine and talk me out of it.

  I know Olivia isn’t lying but part of me still needs to check the room he used last night. When I twist the knob I find an empty room with a made up bed. The only indication that was here at all is the half empty bottle of water sitting on the side table.

  I go back into my room to retrieve my phone from its charger. No new texts or calls. I pull off the charger and scroll through my contacts until I land on Kellen Reeves and press call. He answers right before I’m sent to voicemail.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey. What’s going on?” I try to mask the worry in my tone. Kellen would never leave early without waking me up to tell me.

  “Nothing I had something to take care.”

  “Oh,” I say when he doesn’t offer an actual excuse. I hear sounds shuffling in the back ground.

  “Hey let me call you back,” he says as he hangs up on me. I’m not sure how long I stand shocked and staring at the phone, but it seems like an eternity.

  I pad down the stairs still questioning what’s going on with Kellen. I come to a complete stop outside of the living room when I hear hushed voices from inside.

  “She knows. She’s with David right now and she wants us to leave after breakfast today.” William says quietly to Olivia.

  “That’s probably for the best.” She replies. “When will they be back?”

  “They should be back soon.”

  Before they can start any action on the couch I walk into their line of sight. I would hate to burn that couch. Olivia beams at me when she spots me, but that smile quickly fades when she hears the front door open.

  “Where should I put the food?” Rachel asks. Her face is unreadable when she spots us. Her beautiful red hair is tied back and she’s wearing printed leggings and a sweatshirt. I know she didn’t want to meet Olivia for the first time like this.

  William takes the bag fr
om her hands and leads her back to the kitchen. I shrug at Olivia and gesture for her to follow them.

  “I’ve already had breakfast. Our bags are packed and in the car. I’ll be waiting for you there.” She says and exits the room quickly. I wait until I hear the front door close before I grab a piece of toast and go to my bedroom.

  Chapter twenty-three

  “Just a quick drink that’s all I’m asking,” Olivia pulls her car into a bar I’ve never been to. I knew when she insisted that I go shopping and to dinner with her, she would pull this.

  “Fine,” I cross my arms and pout at her. She laughs and drags me into the bar.

  She points her manicured finger to a vacant back booth. I nod and watch as she walks to the bar to get us drinks. I should’ve been the one to get the drinks and she should’ve held the table. I crash down on the seat just as she’s walking up with four shots and two drinks.

  “Olivia,” I groan. When I take a sip of my drink I almost spit it out. “What the hell is this?”

  “Vodka and red bull,” When I raise an eyebrow at her, she continues. “A double,” She passes the shots to me and grins.

  “Let’s do them back to back. It’s better that way.” We throw our first shot back in unison and polish off our second without speaking. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

  “When I find out you’ll be the first to know.”

  “Spill it,” she demands.

  “Things were better until last weekend when William came. He left that morning and I haven’t seen him since then. He has sent texts every day, but I haven’t responded in the last couple of days.”

  “Have you asked what’s going on?” I shake my head no at her. “May I ask why you haven’t?”

  “The odds aren’t in our favor, Liv.”

  “So you’re just giving up?” She looks at me in disbelief, if she only knew how tired I was from trying to make this work with him.

  “Apparently he is,” I shrug at her, trying to play the conversation off.

  “No way, I’m not buying this! Finish your drink.” She hands me my drink from the table and sucks down her drink in seconds. “Come on.”

  I stand and follow behind, trying to not trip the entire way. The shots made my head fuzzy, I find myself giggling as she speed walks out of the bar. “What are we doing?”

  “Going to find out what’s going on!” She yells back at me.

  “What?” I stop and stare at her.

  “We are going to his house, knocking on his door and finding out what the hell his problem is!”

  “No! I’m not crazy, I’m not doing that!”

  “Oh, yes you are! You earned the right to be crazy when he asked you to be his girlfriend.” She swings her door open and waits for me to get in before she pulls out of the drive. I can’t stop the laughter that escapes my lips, even with the glare she keeps casting in my direction.

  “I’m walking to the door with you,” she insists.

  “No, I’m fine. Wait here.”I hear her groan in protest when I close the door.

  Walking up to the steps, my stomach drops when I realize what I’m doing. I have no plans for what I’m going to do or say once the door opens. I stop short a few steps away and think about leaving and telling Olivia that no one is home, but with my luck the door opens and Kellen steps outside and closes the door behind him.

  “Audrey, hi, what are you doing here?”

  “What’s going on?” I ask with courage that suddenly hits me. If Olivia didn’t force me to come here tonight I wouldn’t have had the courage to do this, and I’m thankful.

  “I’ve been busy. Can we do this another time? I can come by your house tomorrow.” His voice stops as the knobs starts to turn but he grabs it to keep it from being opened.

  “Seriously, you have someone here?” I yell as anger boils out of me.

  “Not, it’s not what it looks like. Please go get in Olivia’s car and go home. I’ll call you tomorrow, I promise.” He pleads with me.

  Before I can stop myself I shove past him and walk inside his house. If he has someone in here, I know that I can walk away and never speak to him again, but I can’t live with wondering what happened to us. I walk through his foyer and look in his living room prepared to stalk through the entire house to find out who was trying to open the door.

  “I was wondering when I would see you again.” I stop and find a man sitting on the couch. I almost don’t recognize this clean sober version of his father. “Audrey, right,” I nod my head and walk back to find Kellen waiting for me.

  “Why didn’t you just tell me? I’ve been going over what happened for the entire week!” I say to him as soon I close the door behind me.

  “It doesn’t concern you,” he replies in a cool tone. His anger is obvious.

  “You don’t have to do this. You told me and your family that you were done helping him.” I remind him but he shakes his head at me.

  “It’s different this time,” he looks helpless for a moment but his features instantly harden with anger. “I don’t expect you to understand.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I cross my arms and step in front of him.

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t need your sympathy.”

  “It’s not like that, Kellen; I can be here for you if you’ll let me.”

  “I want you separate from this problem.” He gestures to his house where his father sits.

  “When you’re with someone you don’t have separate issues. We have to help each other.” I tell him hoping that this will make him realize that I’m here for him.

  “Help each other? Your only issue is that you don’t want to run back home to your mansion and run a multimillion dollar company that your dad left you. I don’t think you can help me with the problems that I have.” Tears sting the back of my eyes when he spits these words at me but I hold them in until I can leave.

  “You don’t mean that. You’re only saying this because you’re mad at me right now.” My voice comes out steady despite the lump in my threat and the tears that I know will escape at any minute.

  “I mean them. Go get in the car with Olivia, please, and I’ll call you when this is worked out.”

  “If I leave now don’t call me. If you won’t accept me in every aspect of your life I’m done!” I threaten. I know it’s not the most mature route to take but he pushes me into a person that I didn’t know existed inside.

  “Really?” He runs his hands over his face, “Just give me a few days. I don’t know what to do with him. If I check him into a facility, my family will hear about it and he threw another thing at me yesterday. I just need a few days.”

  “Let me help you with this,” I ask him one more time.

  “No, you’re not getting involved.” I stare at his face. His features have softened again; his eyes are pleaded with me. But I know what I have to do if I ever want to be his equal or be treated with respect, I have to leave.

  “Okay Kellen,” I turn around and walk to Olivia’s car, but his arm catches around my elbow.

  “This is temporary. I’ll call you in the morning,” he leans over to kiss me but I step away.

  “Don’t call me. I told you if I leave I’m done.”

  “Don’t be like this, Audrey.” I realize Olivia can hear us at this point. I was a few steps away from her car when he stopped me.

  “You don’t be like this, Kellen. How can you expect me to go home and wait for you to call? Especially after the mean things you said.”

  “Fuck, I didn’t mean that. I love you.” He reaches for my waist but I step away from him.

  “I could forgive you for everything else you did, Kellen, but this is different. You lied to me and now I’m standing here begging you to let me help.”

  “I’m not asking for your help. I’m asking for you to give me a few days.”

  “I can’t do that,” I open Olivia’s door and slide in. “I’m not being that girl anymore. Drive off, Olivia.”


  I slam the door just as she drives off. When she pulls out of his driveway, I turn to see him standing with his shoulders slumped and his hands on his hips watching as I drive away.

  “Make him suffer. You’re doing the right thing. In a couple of weeks he’ll be on his knees begging for you to come back.”

  “How do you know what happened?” I eye her suspiciously.

  “I had my window rolled down,” she looks at me as if I’m stupid. In this moment I believe that I am, of course Olivia would be listening. I offer her a smile but I know it’s not convincing when she says, “Should we go get more drinks?”

  “No! Take me home. You’ve got me drunk and took advantage of me for your entertainment.” I laugh despite the feeling burning inside of my chest.

  My phone buzzes as soon as we pull into the driveway of our house. I turn my phone to show Olivia that he is already calling.

  “That was fast,” she laughs.

  “I’m going to shower and go to bed now.”

  “Goodnight,” she calls to me as we part ways in the living room.

  I wake up to three missed calls the next morning one from my mother and two from Kellen. I consider changing my number so that the two of them can’t get in touch with me, but I know that they would both find me.

  I toss my covers back and walk into my bathroom. I’m calling my mother before I can think of reasons why I shouldn’t.

  “Hello dear,” she says in a warm voice.

  “Good morning,” I reply back to her while I dig through my toiletries to start a shower.

  “Morning? Audrey, its half past noon please tell me you’ve been up longer.” I’m met with reason number one of why I shouldn’t call.

  “I just woke up,” I reply coolly and I’m already over the conversation.

  “Have you registered for your last semester?” This conversation reminded me that I have things to do tomorrow.

  “I have an appointment at three with my advisor.”

  “Have you chosen classes and professors?”

  “Yes, I’m all set. I just need to be enrolled and pay.”

  “How many classes are you taking?”

  “I only need three, nine hours.” I start the shower and toss my wash cloth inside while hoping she doesn’t grill me any further.