Forever Careless

by Brittany Butler

  “Sorry, Lori,” she smiles at me apologetically and wraps her arms around him.

  “I’ve missed you. I haven’t seen you in months!” She tells him but he doesn’t respond.

  “Are you hungry? Lori cooked!” I realize I’m overly excited about food but his aunt can cook an amazing dinner.

  “Yeah, let me put my bag up and take a shower.” He gestures for me to follow but I shake my head no. I haven’t seen him in days and I know what will happen if I go near him in the shower. Later, he mouths to me and walks to his room. My face heats with embarrassment I hope his family didn’t see our exchange.

  “Do you have your dorm worked out?” I ask Chloe.

  “Yes!” She grins widely. “I’m moving next week.”

  “That’s exciting!” Is it sad that I’m ready for my fiancés little cousin to move here so I can have a friend?

  “Are you sure you don’t want to move in here?” I tease her. Kellen and her dad suggested it but she turned that idea down. Kellen wouldn’t let her leave the house. Well, all five days of the month that he’s here, I frown at that thought.

  “Absolutely sure,” she cocks an eyebrow at me.

  Lori pulls the broiled tilapia from the oven, places it near the sides she made, and my mouth instantly waters.

  “That was a fast shower,” she comments. I turn to see Kellen padding down the hallway in lounge pants, a simple t-shirt, and damp hair and he’s still perfect.

  “I’m starving,” he replies.

  Everyone grabs a dish and helps Lori set the table before we set down to our late and casual meal. Kellen surprises me by sitting down in the chair beside me and grabbing my hand.

  “How’s Olivia?” Chloe asks.

  “Funny that you ask,” Kellen chimes in.

  “She’s pregnant. She told me today and she’s moving back to New York with her boyfriend.” Her mouth falls open. No one, including myself, can see Olivia being happy with her decisions.

  “Are you selling the house?” Kellen’s uncle, Calvin, asks.

  “I haven’t thought that far ahead yet...”

  “You should, you’re barely there and Olivia is moving.” Kellen cuts me off.

  “We can talk about this after she moves.”

  “You two could move in her house,” Chloe says. “You can be closer to your grandchildren.” My jaw flies open but she only laughs harder. “If your best friend is starting a family you won’t be far behind her,” she teases.

  “No, no, no,” I shake my head. “We aren’t having children for a long time. At least until Kellen stops playing baseball.” I assure them.

  “We’ll start trying the day after our wedding,” Kellen says and everyone finds this amusing except for Lori.

  “What movie did you say wanted to watch after dinner, Chloe?” Lori asks her attempting to take the attention from me.

  The topic change does the trick. The conversation flows from movies, to Chloe moving next week, and finally lands on my graduation. I feel Kellen stiffen beside me when it’s mentioned.

  “Audrey, are you two watching the movie with us?” Chloe calls from the kitchen where she’s making popcorn. Lori mouths its fine, but Kellen answers for me.

  “No, I’m tired.” He stands from the table and grabs my hand. We tell everyone goodnight and walk into the bedroom.

  He shuts the door, knocks me on the bed and climbs on top of me. His tongue parts my lips and slips into my mouth. “I thought you said you’re tired,” I grin at him.

  “I’m never too tired for this,” I moan into his mouth, “For you.”

  ∞

  “Kellen wants you to meet him on the beach,” Chloe tells me when I emerge from the bedroom. I nod my head and change into my bikini and a cover-up before meeting him.

  “I can’t believe I slept in past noon,” I say when I see Kellen sitting on a beach towel. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

  “You needed it. You have a lot going on.”

  He slides over on the towel to let me sit down. I notice a small basket when he opens it there are two sandwiches inside, I grin. I know Lori did this. He hands me a bottle of water and reaches into his shorts. “I printed a schedule for you.”

  I scrunch my face in confusion when he hands me a piece of paper. Oh, this tiny sheet of paper dictates my life until October. Hell, for the next ten years of my life.

  “Thanks,” I mumble and fold it up.

  “I’m leaving in less than twenty-four hours,” he groans and lies back on the towel. I watch him slide on his aviators that sit perfectly on his face.

  “You have home games next week, and I’ll be joining you for most games after that,” I remind him.

  “You ruined baseball for me,” he grins up at me.

  “What? Why?”

  “I loved traveling and going to a new city every week, the parties, the…”

  “Okay I get the point,” I stop him before he can go into too much detail.

  “Sorry, my point is, I barely came home. I didn’t want to; I never had a reason until you.”

  “Stop being sweet when you’re about to leave,” I pout.

  Kellen and I finish our picnic that Lori made us and we attempt to get in the ice cold water. But that didn’t last long; we lay out for an hour before I remind myself that we should go back inside. I’ve been selfish for long enough this morning, now his family needs a turn.

  “Let’s go back,” I stand up and gather our things but he doesn’t move.

  “Why?”

  “Your family is here and you’re leaving tomorrow. I’m going to start going with you to away games starting next week, but we don’t know when you’ll see them again.”

  “You’re right.” I nod and he grabs the towel and walks with me to his house.

  ∞

  "I'll miss him, but I'm glad we have alone time." My eyes glance up to see Lori tossing something on the table.

  "She has a motive," Chloe tells me.

  "Nonsense, she knows we have to talk weddings."

  I look at the table and find a stack of magazines that Lori has placed in front of us. Chloe grins at me. My heart begins to thump loudly in my chest. I want to run out of the room.

  "Kellen and I haven't discussed anything..." I warn her but she cuts me off.

  "The groom doesn't care. Calvin just showed up at our wedding. I'm not sure I saw him in the months I was planning it," she laughs.

  I watch as she shows me dresses, vendors, flowers, and other things that I had no idea that went into planning a wedding.

  "Will your mom want to be involved in this?" She asked carefully.

  "I think so," I shrug.

  I haven't thought of wedding plans, or who will be involved in those plans. Every girl dreams of this day, right? I'm almost positive that I was the only girl that dreamed of eloping. I can't imagine the stress that will go into planning this and I'm not sure that I want to.

  "Have you two discussed a date?" She eyes me curiously.

  "Definitely in between November and February," I say.

  "You're the worst bride ever!" Chloe laughs hysterically.

  "Just wait!" I warn her.

  "Focus you two. We only have a few days together." Lori reminds us.

  "Can we wait until tonight? I can facetime Kellen after his game so he can be involved."

  She raises her eyebrow at me but nods her head. She knows I'm trying to put off the inevitable. Can everyone get on board with eloping?

  “Do you want to see the dorm I’m staying in?” Chloe asks.

  “Yeah, and I’ll show you around campus.” I stand up and grab my car keys and walk with her outside.

  “I’m saving you.” She tells me once we are safely tucked in my car.

  “You’ll never know how thankful I am.” She laughs.

  “So, what’s up? Second thoughts,” she asks when we are safely tucked in my car and away from prying ears.

  “No, I guess I’m freaking out.” I sigh, “And I just don’t want
to have a big wedding. I wish Kellen and I could get on a plane and go to Vegas without anyone knowing.”

  “It’s your wedding. You can do what you want. You don’t have to please anyone.”

  “Your mom would kill me!”

  “No, she wouldn’t kill you, Kellen, maybe, but not you.”

  “That’s reassuring,” I shoot her a look.

  “I’m totally kidding. Stop trying to please people and do what you want!”

  “Okay, I’ll ask Kellen about it,” I promise her. “Where is your dorm?”

  “I don’t want to go to that place. Let’s go get lunch.” I smile at her. She was trying to save me from wedding plans.

  Chapter thirty-three

  “Liv, are you sure you want to do this?” I ask her when I see that she’s hugging the toilet again.

  “Yeah,” she picks her head up. “Hand me one more pill and I’ll be fine.”

  I walk over to her bathroom counter, pull one nausea pill out for her and hand it to her. She swallows it and tosses back the remainder of her water. I help her up and walk her down the stairs to our eager families. She just told her parents the exciting news and they aren’t taking it very well. The tension is growing in the room.

  William is standing on the opposite side of the room. And to my surprise, Kellen’s family is sitting on our couth beside my mother. My mother has a smile on her face and is in conversation with them when I approach them.

  “Is she alright?” Lori gestures to Olivia.

  “She’ll be fine,” I assure her. Olivia is leaning into William and her parents are watching with a not so subtle scowl on their faces.

  “Where’s your cap and gown?” My mother asks.

  “In my car,” I tell them. Our families walk to the door and get in the cars line in our driveway to go to graduation. I pull Olivia’s cap and gown from my car and hand it to William. We file into Kellen’s Range Rover. Olivia’s family and William take my car. I’m thankful I’m not in that car.

  “I’m so proud of you,” my mother tells me.

  “We all are,” Calvin tells me from the back seat.

  “Now we can focus on the wedding,” Lori chimes in.

  “Mom, no,” I hear Olivia whisper to her. I laugh at my blended family.

  “Chloe, when is your graduation?” I take the attention from me.

  “Next Friday and then I’m moving here!” She squeals.

  “I’m going to try to be there.”

  “You have plans to be with Kellen at an away game. Don’t drop your plans for me.”

  “Kellen can’t be there but I want to be there for him. You guys didn’t have come today but you did. That means a lot to me.”

  After Olivia and I walk the stage I drag her out of the ceremony. Many of the graduates leave before the service is over and I decide to do the same. Olivia insists that she feels better but I can tell that she’s still sick.

  Our families insist that we take pictures outside on the campus. We cooperate for an hour but after Olivia throws up in the grass we leave. Her parents, still being mad, leave for the airport. William takes her home and stays with her.

  “Let’s grab lunch,” Lori tells me. “We have to celebrate.”

  “Good idea,” I drive them to the Mexican restaurant that Kellen and I go to near my house. It’s far enough from campus that it won’t be packed from families with the same idea that we have.

  The hostess seats us at a back table and my mother excuses herself to the restroom. Calvin moves to the seat beside me. “Kellen’s dad checked out of rehab a few weeks ago and is staying with us. He’s working and we believe serious this time.”

  “That’s awesome! Does Kellen know?”

  He nods his head, “I told him last night. I wanted to make sure that he didn’t fall back into the same life before I told him.” I nod my head at him. “I just wanted you to know. I know you two don’t have a lot of time to talk about things during the season.”

  “Thank you.” He moves back to his seat when my mother comes back and lets her sit beside me.

  “Chloe, I understand that you’re attending this school.” My mother says.

  “I start this summer.” She smiles.

  “Will you be moving in with Kellen?”

  “No,” she laughs. “That wouldn’t go well. He wouldn’t let me leave the house.”

  “We won’t be home a lot. You should stay there.” I tell her again. An empty beach house beats a cramped dorm room.

  “What do you mean ‘we won’t be home a lot’?” My mother asks me. I cringe. I forgot to mention that tiny detail to her.

  “I’m going to go with Kellen to away games this season.” I look down at the table and anywhere else to avoid the glare I know I’m getting.

  “That’s a wonderful idea. I worried what you would do when Olivia moved back.” I glance at her to make sure that came out of her mouth. Did my mother just tell me that she thinks it’s wonderful I’m following Kellen around? “I talked to Olivia's parents. We decided to put the house on the market and spilt the sale between you two.”

  “What?” I gape at her. I just announced that I’m following Kellen to out of town games. She didn’t know that when she put my house on the market. She was going to sell my house and I would be homeless.

  “Olivia is moving to New York and you'll be moving in with Kellen soon.”

  “Does Olivia know this?” My heart sinks at the thought of Olivia keeping this from me.

  “No, I'm sure her parents will tell her soon.” She smiles at me.

  “You could've asked before you put my house for sale!” I try to keep my voice level and calm since Kellen’s family is sitting across from us.

  “Mind your tone. It was not your house. Olivia's parents and your father and I split that house and now we're graciously giving you the money that we paid for it. Why would we keep a vacant house?”

  “I would still be there.” I shoot her a strange look. I haven’t said that I’m moving in with Kellen.

  “You told me you were going with Kellen,” I nod my head to her. “I assume you'll be staying with him when he's in.”

  “I will stay with him but I liked having the option. I don't have a house now. I have to move in with him!” I struggle to keep my voice at a whisper.

  “What is bothering you, Audrey?” She reaches for my hand and looks at me with concern.

  “I'm tired of everyone making decisions for me!”

  “Don't be melodramatic.” She actually rolls her eyes at me. “Who is making decisions for you?”

  “You are, and everyone else. I wanted to move in with him when I was ready! I don't know when I want the wedding to be but when I do have it I know that I want it to be small.” I cross my arms and lean back in my seat. I glance at her she’s trying to not correct my posture. “Actually I don't want a wedding I want to elope.”

  “Elope? That's tacky.” Her lips turn to the side. It disgusts her to even say the word.

  “This is exactly what I'm talking about!”

  I see her release a breath and straighten her back to speak with me. She's trying her best not to argue with me and I realize I should be doing the same. I look to Lori and Calvin but they are both in a conversation with Chloe. I can only hope that they don’t hear what’s being said.

  “Look I'm sorry. Maybe I'm being dramatic.” I tell her after I calm down.

  “I understand that you’re stressed but we only wanted to help you two. Olivia is moving her things to New York right now, Audrey; she won’t be here when you get home. And you’re engaged and traveling with your fiancé. I thought this would take stress from everyone.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. Thank you for doing that.”

  “I can stay a few days to help you sort through your things. You should have everything moved before you leave.”

  “Okay,” rubbing salt in the wound. “I can do it on my own. I’ll tell Kellen that I’ll come with him after Chloe’s graduation. That gives me enou
gh time to move everything that I want from my house to his, our house.”

  “Have you decided what to order?” Our waitress approaches the table. I haven’t had time to decide. Maybe you should ask my mother what I want, she likes making decisions for me.

  “Yes, we’re ready.” My mother tells her.

  My celebration dinner is over quick. With the stress that’s piling on my shoulders I know that I’m not good company. I speak when I have to and I suggest that we leave when everyone is finished. After all, I need to pack.

  Chapter thirty-four

  My eyes scan across the empty lower floor. I go from the kitchen and living room too many times to count. At this point I haven’t decided if I’m looking for something or if I don’t want to walk out of the door.

  It’s done. The buyers will be here tomorrow. I walk up the stairs slowly, grabbing the railing, and remembering the nights that Olivia needed me to drag her up them, and the few nights that I needed the same thing from her. This house was a part of us for four years, through boys, break-ups, parties, hangovers, and everything in between. I would have never used to the word sentimental to describe myself, but that’s what I feel when I think of this empty house.

  I open my bedroom door one last time and look around. It’s bare; my bed is gone along with all of my furniture, pictures, and decorations. If anyone else walked in her they would see a bedroom, an empty one that needed to be filled with furniture but I see a room full of memories. Kellen told me he loved me in this bedroom, he told me about his parents, and I lost my virginity in this bedroom.

  I swipe the single tear that falls down my cheek and continue to look around. I walk into my bathroom and pull open every drawer. But I find nothing. Every last thing was taken and I know that I should leave. I walk back into my bedroom one last time, my breath comes out as a shaky exhale and I walk out. I know I can’t stay in this room or this house any longer. I run down the stairs and grab my car keys off of the floor and run out.

  My phone starts to buzz when I climb into my car, I glance down. It’s like he knows the worst times to call me.