Game Maker (Game #2)

by BJ Harvey

  I quickly make my way to her. “Dani,” I say quietly, “please look at me.”

  She doesn’t, instead choosing to stare at the floor.

  “Dani. Look. At. Me.” I lift my hands to cup her jaw and tilt her head up until her eyes meet mine. “It’ll take time for Zander to understand and forgive me—”

  “Us . . .”

  “Okay, us, but he will get there eventually, and if he doesn’t, we’ll deal with it together.”

  “I can’t yet.”

  “I’m sick of you saying that you can’t. Tell me why, because I’m starting to think you don’t have a good reason anymore.” My tone is short, my frustration rising to the surface. “The only reason you’ve got is that you’re scared, but I’m telling you that you don’t have to be. I’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

  “I don’t know why I can’t. I just . . .” Her broken voice trails off.

  “Until you do, we can’t do this, Dani. Take some time away from me, away from us, and decide whether you want this to continue because I can’t keep lying to him and hiding you. I can’t and don’t want to.”

  “So you’re giving me an ultimatum?”

  “I need to,” I say quietly, the words choking me, “because this is where the game makes us or breaks us, sweetheart, and I need to know you’re willing to fight the battle in order to win the war.”

  We stand there staring at each other. Her glazed eyes cut me to the quick.

  “I’ll drop you off.”

  “No, it’s okay,” she says, wiping her face and squaring her shoulders. “I’ll call a cab.” Her voice now flat.

  Gathering her clothes from the floor, she grabs her phone from the nightstand before quickly turning and disappearing into the bathroom.

  “Fuck!” I spit out, sitting down on the edge of my bed—the bed that my almost naked girlfriend slept in—raking my hands through my hair, battling not to jump up and barge my way through the bathroom door and take it all back.

  I have to stay strong because the only way Dani and I can last is if we tell the world. I want to show her off, I want men to want what I’ve got, and women to know that I’m taken. I want all of it and all of her, no secrets and no hiding.

  We need to do it—have to do it. It’s the only way we can move forward.

  My only hope is that she sees that and comes back to me.

  Yet again, the prospect of not having her in my life rears its ugly head, and the possibility of that does not bear thinking about.

  “You do not look like a woman who’s spent the morning screaming the hallelujah chorus,” Abi says when I walk through the front door.

  I open my mouth, but my throat is so tight I slam it closed again, unable to say a word. I shake my head and turn away, walking straight down the hall to my room.

  How could something so good—even better than I imagined it ever could be—end up with me lying in my bed, curled up in a protective ball, crying my way into consideration for the Kleenex’s MVP award?

  My phone buzzes on my nightstand and hope, dread, and hurt course through me. I throw my arm out and wrap my fingers around it, holding my breath as I blink back my returning tears and see its not who I want it to be, but Zoe.

  “Not now,” I say to my empty bedroom. Dropping my cell onto my bed, I roll back onto my side. “Not today.”

  The door handle turns, the swish of the wood against my carpet giving her away. My bed moves and two warm arms wrap around my waist as Abi spoons her body to mine, chest to butt.

  “You’re not my type,” I say in between quiet sobs.

  “You know you want to take a ride on the girl train.”

  I chuckle before dissolving into tears again.

  “What happened, babe?” she asks.

  We lie there in silence as I try to slow my breathing and compose myself. Abi’s arms give me a gentle squeeze around my waist. “Dani . . .” she says encouragingly.

  “Zach says I need space because he can’t hide us anymore and doesn’t want to. So basically, it’s all up to me now.”

  “Okay, sweetheart.”

  Just hearing that word makes the tears come again. Her arms tighten around me, pulling me even closer.

  “Whether it’ll be a forever break or just until you get your head sorted, you do whatever you have to do in order to protect yourself and your heart.”

  “That’s the thing,” I say quietly, my voice hoarse, “I don’t have a fucking clue. I want him here, where you are. I want his arms wrapped around me, holding me close. But then I remember the mess I’ve created and the clusterfuck we’ve both caused.” I take a deep breath. “We should never have kept it secret.”

  “You should never have kept it secret,” she agrees. I move out of her arms and turn around to face her.

  “What do I do now?”

  “You go tell your brother that you’ve been boinking his best friend for five months,” she says in a ‘duh’ voice.

  “Hang on, aren’t you supposed to have my back?”

  “That’s what I’m doing right here, right now. You’re my sister from another mister, but I’ll always tell you when you fuck up. And this time, honey, you. Fucked. Up,” she says, not holding anything back.

  “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Well, that much is obvious. But deep down you do know; you’re just stuck in your little loved up bubble and are too scared to step outside into the big world and tell your brother you’re in love with his best friend.”

  “What are you, the relationship Yoda now?”

  “Wise am I. Listen you should.”

  Abi’s Yoda talk gets me thinking about Star Wars. “It’s like Zach and I are Leia and Han Solo and Zander is Darth Vader.”

  Abi shakes her head and laughs at me. “Well firstly, he’s not your father and thankfully we’re not on the Death Star, but I bet life would definitely be a hell of a lot easier if light sabers were real.”

  “I dunno, I think the Death Star could have its good points,” I state.

  Abi quirks her brow and looks at me as if I’ve grown a second head. “Can we stop talking about fucking Star Wars and get back to how you’re going to sort this epic shit fight out? I vote for going over to Zander’s now and telling him. It’ll be quick. It’ll sting, but it shouldn’t be too brutal. If more people find out before him, it’ll be a massacre.”

  I bury my head in the pillows and scream. “You’re not helping, Abs,” I grumble.

  “Road trip!” she cries, making me jump.

  I turn around to look at her. “What are you talking about?”

  “Who do you go to when you need advice, Dani? Who do we all go to when we need a common-sense brick wall to bang our heads against?”

  “Mom . . .” I say, a slow smile growing on my lips. “Road Trip,” I repeat with a nod.

  “Yes!” Abi says with an over-the-top fist pump while bouncing on my bed like a trampoline. “Let me make some calls and get cover at the hotel. I’m sure Kyle will cover me.”

  “For a price . . .”

  “Always. Anyway, you’ve got thirty minutes to make yourself look less like a train wreck and more like the troubled young woman you truly are—”

  “Hey!”

  “Just calling it as I see it, babe. Thirty minutes—brush your hair, wash your face, pack an overnight bag, and we’ll get going.”

  “Abi?” I call out, catching her at my doorway.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you. I know my head’s messed up, but thank you for sticking by me.”

  “There isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be. We’ll get you sorted, get some good Mama Roberts advice, then we can come back to Chicago in a blaze of glory,” she says. Then her eyes go wide and she literally bounces on the spot. “Oooh, I know. We can even play it loud while we drive.”

  “Bon Jovi? Really?”

  “Hey, man, don’t knock my road trip song selections. Otherwise we might be heading toward roommate divorce court, and that won’t b
e pretty.”

  “We’ll see,” I say with a sly smile, something I didn’t think would be possible after the morning I’d had.

  Three and a half hours later, Abi and I pull into my mom’s driveway—the home I spent half my childhood in—and instantly I feel better. I’d called her before we left to let her know we’d be staying for the weekend.

  I’m a mama’s girl through and through, closely followed by being my big brother’s biggest fan.

  After letting us in, I send Mom a text.

  Dani: Just got home. I’ll get Abi settled then tonight we’ll go out for dinner, the three of us.

  Mom: Sounds good, Dani. I’ll be home after five.

  Dani: We might even clean the house.

  Mom: Are you sure you’re Danika?

  Her last text makes me smile, my mom knowing that chores have never been my strong point. I decide to do a quick clean-up just to surprise her.

  An hour later, I’m sitting on my bed in my old room when Abi walks in, hands on her hips. “I haven’t slept in a single since college.”

  “So a few years then?” I ask, raising my brow.

  “I’ll have you know I’ll be twenty-six this year.”

  “I know that, Abs. What I want to know is why sleeping in a single is a problem? It’s not like you’re going to score in Syracuse, Indiana.”

  “You never know. I might find a nice, wholesome farmer to corrupt.”

  “Heaven help me.”

  “More heaven help them,” she says with a wicked grin before her expression turns soft. “You doing okay?”

  “Yes and no. Yes, because I’m home and I feel bulletproof when I’m here . . .”

  “And no?”

  “Because Zach is four hours away.”

  “I don’t know whether to throw up because you’re so soppy or smack you around the head for being a dumbass.”

  “I’m not a dumbass.”

  “Yeah, you are. If you weren’t, we wouldn’t be here trying to sort your head out.

  “I’m sorry,” I say sarcastically. “I’ve never been in the situation where I’ve fallen in love with my older brother’s best friend, and now he’s given me an ultimatum between choosing him and pissing my brother off, or losing him and everything we have because I don’t want to disappoint the same said brother.”

  She grins—grins—at me, nodding while doing it.

  “What are you smiling at?” I ask.

  “Do you hear what you just said?”

  I open my mouth to argue but then stop, snapping it shut again when I replay my words in my head.

  I’ve fallen in love with my brother’s best friend, and now he’s given me an ultimatum between choosing him and pissing my brother off, or losing him and everything we have because I don’t want to disappoint the same said brother.

  It was never about losing Zach, it was always the fear of disappointing the one man in my life that has never let me down.

  “Oh my God . . .” I whisper.

  “Mmm-hmm.” That’s all she says. Great help she is.

  “Shit . . .” They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. Right now, distance has slapped me in the face with a reality stick and helped me see exactly why I’ve been acting like an idiot.

  “Uh-huh . . .” Mia says, again not helping. My wide eyes jerk to her face to see a knowing grin playing on her lips.

  “Dani?” Mom yells out from the bottom of the stairs.

  “In my room, Mom. We’re coming down now.”

  I turn back to face Abi who grins at me like a loon. “Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask.

  “Because I can’t wait to hear what Mama Roberts has got to say about this particular Roberts girl problem.”

  “Thanks for the support, wise ass.”

  “Any time, sunshine.”

  It is after dinner that I lay it all out to Mom.

  “So for the past five months, you’ve been involved with Zach?” she says, her voice unreadable, her expression blank as she watches me.

  “Yes,” I reply cautiously, waiting for my mom to lose her shit. Instead, she continues with her weird line of questioning.

  “Like a relationship?”

  “Yes, Mom. A relationship.”

  “And nobody knows?”

  I give Abi a sideways glance before looking back at my mother. “Abi, Cade, Mac, and Zach’s mom. Oh, and two of his workmates, but that’s all.”

  “That’s all?” she asks with a raised brow.

  “And now you . . .”

  “And now me . . .” she says thoughtfully, and when she doesn’t say anything more, I can’t hold back.

  “Mom! Why aren’t you surprised by any of this?”

  “Because it took him long enough,” she murmurs before taking a long sip of her wine while Abi just giggles—loudly.

  “What?” I gasp.

  Putting her glass down on the table, Mom leans forward and cups my hand in hers. “That man looks at you like you’re the only sun in his sky and star in his night.”

  My entire body goes still at her words. “Mom . . .”

  “Whenever the two of you were in the same place, he couldn’t take his eyes off you.”

  That can’t be true. That would mean . . .

  “I love my son, but Dani, he’s your brother, not your keeper.” I open my mouth to argue but she levels me with her mom super glare. “You chose Zach, and the two of you made a conscious decision to follow your hearts. You went into this with your eyes wide open, and Zach is not a stupid man; he knew the risk he was taking and from what you’ve told me, he wants to bring everything out in the open. You can’t fault him for that.”

  “I wouldn’t exactly say it was a conscious decision. It just kind of happened.”

  “Does he make you happy?”

  “Every single day.”

  “Then why hide it? I’ve never seen you so happy yet so conflicted, and I imagine that Zach is the same.”

  “He told me that if I can’t tell Zander, he can’t do this anymore. He pretty much gave me an ultimatum.”

  “Doesn’t sound like there was anything ‘pretty much’ about it,” she says bluntly.

  “I can’t lose him, Mom.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “But Zach and Zan . . . You know what Zan was like with the others. He gave Noah shit; he didn’t get a chance to fight it with Matt, but with Zach . . .”

  “Dani, if you follow your heart, you can’t go wrong. It’s not going to be easy, but life never is. If you have to fight for it, it’ll be worth all the blood, sweat, and tears it takes to get there.”

  Two days later, Abi and I are on the interstate heading home to Chicago when she leans over and turns the radio on. Both of us burst out laughing when the song that blasts out of the speakers is none other than “Blaze of Glory,” and with the volume turned up, we cross state lines with the wind in our hair as we belt out the words without a care in the world.

  Tomorrow, everything could change but today, I’m living in the now and enjoying the calm before the inevitable storm.

  I stand outside Zach’s door with my heart in my throat. I feel like a warrior in an RPG game just before the final battle. The one that will determine whether I have to go back to the beginning of the stage or progress to the final credits.

  I’ve been an idiot; I know that now. I may have reached that conclusion myself, but both Mom and Abi helped me get there.

  I know it’s only been three days since Zach told me to make a choice but deep inside, I’m terrified of what’ll happen when he sees me. The irrational part of my brain worries he will take my three days’ silence as my decision when it’s anything but.

  Taking a deep breath, I knock on his door, knowing that he should be home, but now thinking I should’ve made sure he was before coming over.

  However, after my blinding realization of exactly what was holding me back, I’ve been a mess of nerves, excitement, and anxiety. I’ve been so highly strung Abi threatened
to throw cold water on me this morning to stop me from vibrating. In fact, her exact words were “If you keep buzzing like the Energizer Bunny, I’m gonna hop on board for a ride.”

  I get no answer to another round of knocking so I use my key and let myself in, knowing that despite the murky state of play between the two of us, Zach would lose his mind if he found me waiting outside his place when I could wait inside.

  An hour later—yes, I was clock-watching like a crazy person—the front door opens and Zach walks in wearing a pair of loose-fitting running shorts and a tight black tank, his head snapping to me sitting on his couch.

  “Hey,” he says, as if finding me in his empty apartment is an everyday occurrence, before stopping in the entryway. He furrows his brow. “Everything okay?”

  Standing up, I rub my clammy hands on my jeans as I make my way over to him, stopping a few feet from him. His frown deepens.

  “Dani, what’s going—”

  I rush to him, unable to stand not touching him and not having him touch me, needing to be near him.

  When the tears hit, I bury my face in his chest. His arms tighten around my back as my fingers grab hold of his T-shirt.

  “Sweetheart, it’s okay,” he says, running his hand up and down my back soothingly.

  “It’s not,” I cry, my voice muffled by his chest. I shift my head and shoulders back and look up at him. “I love you.”

  His answering smile is breathtaking, even more so when he dips his chin and touches his mouth to mine. “I love you too.”

  “I kind of lost my mind on Friday.”

  His lips twitch, and he gifts me a wry smile. “You’re allowed to lose your mind, Dani, as long as you turn up three days later to tell me that you’re all in.”

  This is it. That moment where you have to walk up to the edge of the cliff, put your hands out wide, and jump out into the unknown. I remember when I watched The Empire Strikes Back and Darth Vader fell into the abyss. We all hoped he was dead, most of us wanted him to be dead, but at the back of your mind, you know there’s always a chance he might just reappear and fuck everything up again.