He nodded, reached out and touched her shoulder. His fingers squeezed gently, and Raina felt warmth where his hand rested. "So you know...it’s not me...asking this of you."
Raina nodded back.
He shoved his hands in his pockets, and looked up at the sky. "She wants you to stay away from him. From Nolan."
Raina blinked. "Where is she?" She glanced around with a little trepidation.
"She went home...to her grandfathers. She just came for a visit."
"And Nolan?"
His green eyes softened. "He's close...always close."
"He obviously doesn't think you'll hurt me," she said in a hushed whisper. "But he doesn't want anything to do with me."
Thanatos didn't argue with her, he just gave a shrug.
"What does her warning mean? Why should I obey someone who doesn't have the guts to ask me herself...or, I'm sorry...TELL me"
Thanatos grimaced. "She can be...terrible Raina. I don't want you hurt. You really should heed her wishes. It may be hard...but in the long run...."
"She's not here though?" she asked again, just to be sure, and to put her fears to rest.
He shook his head.
"Why does she feel she must tell me to stay away? Nolan and I...we are..." she paused. What were they?
"She saw you two that evening. She watched you...and her jealousy made her irrational. I tried to convince her it was nothing. You were simply a friend of our boss and you meant no harm."
"She didn't believe you?"
His mouth tipped in a sad smile. "Have you seen the way he looks at you? Have you noticed how you light up around him?" His eyes flashed jealousy. "She knew something was going on."
"It doesn't help that I made faces at her,” she moaned.
Thanatos' eyes lit with amusement. "You made dirty faces at Elenora? HA! No wonder she hates you. And no wonder she thinks you were marking your territory!"
"We're friends, Nolan and I," Raina argued. "At least we were...I don't know where we stand now."
Thanatos tipped her chin. "If a total stranger to you can tell...don't you think I can tell? Don't try to play the friend game with me, beautiful. You and Nolan could never be just friends."
"Yes we can," she hissed. The thought of her life without Nolan at all tore at her insides, and made her ache. She felt panic rise up inside her.
He held up his hands in defense. "Okay, okay," he growled. "Friends...whatever. She doesn't buy it!" He shook his head, not letting his eyes waver from hers. He didn't believe it either.
"How does she intend to enforce this "staying away" clause? If I were to be around him now...she wouldn't know? Because she's not here."
He shook his head, and rubbed his smooth shaven jaw. "Except...." He ducked his head, and cleared his throat
She looked at him with disbelief. "Except if you tell her."
Again he grimaced.
"And would you?"
He ran a hand through his hair now. "I...I don't know."
She frowned. "Then you can't say you don't want me hurt," she blamed. She was so tired of the cutting she was receiving. She was surprised it hurt coming from him...the one she expected would hurt her. But the combination of both was too much.
"Raina," he said softly. "I don't want you hurt, I promise that."
"Until you need to run to her for something...or I displease you! Thanatos, I'm sorry, but I don't trust your words." Tears were evident in her voice.
"Please don't say that," he said softly. "I'll prove it to you...At least I will try. I am not a perfect person Raina."
She shook her head. "What does it matter? I won't be around him...because he has decided to stay away from me. So you're safe for now. Because I won't be the one chasing him! As for you...aren't you a little hurt by her orders? Why is she not ordering me away from you?"
He frowned. "She must feel I will be loyal to her."
"Thanatos, you loved her, and now you give her undying loyalty, and for what? For her to use you because she's in love with him? How can you stand for that?"
The green eyes blazed anger. "I have no choice!"
She sighed heavily. "For that I'm sorry," she said honestly. "I truly am."
He swallowed hard.
"You could have been something else. Nolan told me how it use to be. I believe you would have been better off never having met her. Never experiencing her poison."
He stood still and silent.
"I wish I could have known you then. I see it in you now, but you've allowed the arrogance, and the betrayals to change you." She reached up and touched his face tenderly. His pupils dilated at the contact. His hand covered hers, to keep her from moving away. He craved the contact, unlike Nolan who would shy away from it.
"Is that all you needed to tell me?" she asked after a few seconds.
He nodded, and let her hand slip away.
"Good night then," she said wearily. She turned and headed back to the house.
"Raina," he called.
She peaked over her shoulder.
"I hate that you pity me...and I love that you do. But I would do anything....ANTHING to have you look at me the way you look at him." His face was devastating...his eyes were wide with grief. "Tell me what I have to do to earn that."
Raina bit her lip, and a tear dropped down her cheek. This shocked her, made her grieve herself. "It’s not what you do, you gorgeous green eyed devil," she whispered sadly. "It’s who you are. What she has made you, and what you are capable of, that make it impossible. There is a difference between the two of you that is so evident. You both were dealt the same hand. Nolan didn't let it change him. You did."
He let out a growl. "I can change that!"
She shook her head. "I just can't believe that," she said with conviction, and ran for the house.
Chapter 9 Thanatos
Raina peaked at her phone and frowned. Why had she brought it along? Just so she could see that Nolan had not called her, had not left a message, had not texted her? Yes, that’s exactly why she brought it.
She had no control...no say. She was odd man out, and it felt awful. She missed him. Him and his gorgeous smile, warm eyes...soft spoken words. It made her stomach ache, and her mind rebel. She had begun to depend on him far too much!
So, just that quickly, Elenora was calling the shots, and Raina did not like it, not one tiny bit. Her mood was foul this morning, as she and Turk trudged along on their hike. She needed something to distract her, something to weary her body, and hopefully weary her mind. It was all too much, being ordered around by a supernatural being.
Well of course she'd always believed in the supernatural. God...angels...even to an extent, ghosts. None of them imposed their will on her though. They were kind, benevolent to her. This She-devil was neither. The thought of her claws in Nolan tore fired her up. She did not deserve him!
"I don't either," Raina whispered to herself. But she was not trying to use him...force his will. If Nolan had become a part of her life, it had been by choice.
Images of the dark beauty, and Nolan’s sweet spirit, disturbed her. He had obviously decided to obey...she had not heard from him since Thanatos edict…before the edict. He had known what would be expected of him!
Thanatos had certainly being attentive. Whether it was because he honestly wanted her, or Elenora had ordered his attentions, she wasn't quite sure. Maybe a bit of both...or maybe he had known all along it would have been asked of him.
She thought of his face last night...the agony in it. Yes, it was his job, but he didn't do this willingly. She found herself wishing he could fight this hold Elenora had over him. It had to be psychological...more than just his love for the girl.
She jumped, as her dog snorted and growled. Turk was rooting in some leaves, making Raina nervous. She called him back, and he quickly obeyed. The last thing she needed was him getting into it with a creature. She shuttered just thinking of it. She hated snakes! She purposely made her footfall heavier, knowing they would scurry at th
e sound.
The green of the forest was increasing, as the days had been warmer. It was no lie the calming affect the color green had. Raina was soon losing herself in the walk. She came to the small stream, and smiled in memory. Soaking wet, freezing, and not giving a hoot. She was with Nolan. She bit her lip and sighed. She should be writing it all down. She needed all the memories she could get of him. He was, after all her turning point in her grief. She may not have him now...but she had her memories.
She shook her head physically, hoping to push the mental thought away. She'd write them down later. Right now she wanted to be alone with no thoughts of him!
She whistled to Turk. "Hungry boy?" She sat down on a rock close by, and rooted through her back pack for lunch. Turks wet nose pushed at her hand.
She laughed and tossed him a sandwich. The long hike had made both of them hungry!
They sat quietly, enjoying their simple meal.
Turk finished before her, and leaned against her legs, looking hungrily at hers. She laughed and pushed at his muzzle. "Piggy," she chastised.
Turk whined, then gave up, lying at her feet.
Raina finished her lunch, and then leaned back on her hands, closing her eyes. She listened to the sounds around her for a moment. Her ears strained for any kind of foot fall. She wished she could open her eyes and find..."NO!" she growled at herself, and forced her eyes opened. "No Nolan today."
Turk looked up and whined at the name. He was missing Nolan too.
"I know boy. Nolan has his own life....I wish he was here..." she bit her lip. Why couldn't she just stop thinking about him? She sighed and closed her eyes again, blowing out a deep breath.
"I wish I could do the dream thing like our dear Nolan."
Raina's heart leapt and her hand went to her throat. She blew out a breath, trying to calm the heavy beating.
Turk growled deep in his chest, and jumped to his feet. His fur bristled around his neck and his teeth bared.
Thanatos teeth flashed, and he laughed at her response.
Raina did feel a bit of fear, but his manner soon calmed her. "I wish the two of you would stop doing that," she growled.
"Doing what?"
She rolled her eyes. "Showing up out of nowhere and scaring the life out of me.”
Thanatos grinned. "It’s so much fun though!" He found himself a place to sit on a fallen log. He gave Turk a look that quieted the dog right away.
"It’s not fun for me. You may have endless years left, but I'm still just a mortal."
He stifled another laugh.
Raina’s lips quirked and she forced a frown. "Stop making me laugh...I want to be mad!"
He gave her a shrug. "I'm doing nothing."
She wanted to stick her tongue out, but kept it in her mouth. "What did you mean about the dream thing?" Her blues watched him warily now.
His green eyes softened. "I could make all this a dream. You'd wake up healed, and none the wiser." He stared down at the ground. "I could reappear as not so big a jack ass...and maybe you'd kind of want me around."
She gave him an amused glance.
"Maybe you'd even kind of like me."
Raina held her breath for a second. He had never shown this vulnerability. She didn’t think he could be capable. And of course, it could all be an act. He could be a very convincing actor. "Nah, you'd do something to mess it up," she teased.
He chuckled, scratching his blonde head. "You're probably right."
Raina glanced up into the tree tops and sighed. Her eyes drifted back down, and she glanced about, hoping for a glimpse, of what, she didn't know. Or did she?
"It’s useless," he growled.
Raina’s eyes shot back to him. "Hmm?"
"He's not around...not now," he whispered.
Raina looked away.
"Can't I show up, without you thinking of him?"
She shook her head. "That’s impossible Thanatos, and you know that."
"He and I….we’re one and the same huh?"
She scowled. "Only that you share immortality. You and Nolan are certainly not one and the same. Where ever he is, you usually aren't far away."
He crossed his arms. "You would see it that way," he agreed.
Raina studied him. His blonde hair was perfectly in place, his face clean shaven. He wore a designer t-shirt...and extremely well made jeans...even his shoes cost more than her entire outfit. He did a lot for the appearance he gave. It showed two things...one, he was overly concerned for his looks...this was after all...the woods, not a fashion show...and two, for as much confidence he tried to show...he was a very insecure guy.
"What other way can I see it?"
He shrugged, and turned his face to her.
Raina bit the inside of her cheek to keep her mouth from falling open. He really was quite handsome. She broke the gaze and turned to the wary Turk. She patted his head to calm him.
"You are so beautiful," he said softly.
Raina felt her cheeks warm.
"I wish you knew just how much. Any man is a fool that would hurt you."
She bit her lip. "What can I say to that? You're a fool?"
He laughed, revealing his perfect teeth. "Yes...you should say just that. I'm a fool." He cleared his throat. “It’s hard for you…being told to keep away from him?”
She nodded. “Very.” She shrugged. “I can do nothing about it.” Her eyes lowered, not daring to look at him.
"You don't deserve to be told what to do you know? You should feel free to...to be you...want what you want. Not be ordered about like a child."
"You don't have to try to make me feel better after what happened last night. I don't blame you."
He frowned. "Still...I hated being the bearer of bad news."
Raina gave him a sideways glance. "Why do you do it? Listen to her?"
He frowned. "I'm hers," he sighed. "She has a power over me...not complete, but I can't help myself when she asks something of me."
"You loved her before it all happened," she whispered. "That would make it harder to disobey." She gave him a small smile. "You can't change that."
Hurt flashed in his green eyes. "I would love to be able to change it...believe me!" His eyes skimmed the ground below him. “I guess sometimes we make bad choices." He looked down at his hands. "We just have to live with them."
Raina watched his profile, saw the jaw clench, the eyes squint. His hurt was apparent, even if he tried to hide it with his down turned face. She felt like she was witnessing something very few had ever seen.
He shrugged. "Just bad choices."
"We really can't choose who we fall in love with." Raina drew in a breath. "It just happens.” She pulled her gaze from him and looked out across the little stream. "It’s not your fault."
He pursed his lips and shrugged.
"She hurt you...but you love her. It allows for you to forgive easily. It makes her betrayal even worse." She almost felt his reaction, saw him stiffen out of her peripheral vision. "Love can help you take an awful beating."
His jaw clenched again. "I don't know if I love her like that anymore," he admitted. "I desire her. I’m attracted, but..." He cleared his throat, deciding not to continue with his train of thought. He hated that this girl could open up this side of him.
"Why did you love her in the first place?"
He still studied his hands. "She showed herself as someone different." He shook his head. "Someone kind of like you." he barked out a bitter laugh. "I thought I was a lucky man, to win her so easily...but it was she who was reeling me in."
Raina bit her lip.
"After I was sucked in...I had no choice. I was bestowed to her, and she had a stronger hold on me. Of course, I enjoyed the physical portion of the relationship." He closed his eyes. "But it felt...off. I knew she didn't love me in the same way." He rolled his eyes. "I don't know how many times I've gone back thinking it’s going to be different."
She cleared her throat. "She made you believe she loved you. Stil
l...you believe she is capable of that...loving you."
He snorted. "No one is capable of loving me."
That sentence made Raina's heart hurt. She wanted to argue, but kept quiet. She didn't know if he believed that, or if he was fishing for comfort.
"I was stupid to fall for it," he sighed. “And yes...stupid to still believe it may change." He dipped his head into his hands.
Raina couldn't help herself, her kindness won out over her fear, and she went to him, sat on the fallen tree he now perched on. Her hand gently touched his forearm. "I'm sorry she used your love against you," she whispered.
Thanatos straightened his stance, ashamed of himself. He looked down at her hand. His blood warmed at her contact. He lifted his eyes to the gentle blues.
"I really am sorry." She was held by the greens...eyes that could not hide the pain. It was a different side of her green eyed devil. “I know you have your issues, but she had no right...has no right to use you like that."
Her face, so concerned, her eyes so sweet made his stomach summersault. He felt weakened by that, and it made him angry. He looked away quickly.
"Anyone who would use love as a weapon..." Raina shook her head. "She is the worst kind of person, and she doesn't deserve you!"
He turned his gaze on her, his green eyes darkened. "Perhaps it wasn't love to begin with." he scoffed. "It’s more like lust." He let his eyes wander over her. Felt his heart hardening all over again. He wanted to wipe the pity from her face. It was again softening him, and he would never be soft!
"Kind of like what I feel for you. Full blown lust." He smiled when he saw her shock. Mission accomplished. He used his free hand to touch her face.
Raina felt a chill. She couldn't quite turn away from him. The green eyes held her captive. "Don't...don't make this something dirty." She pushed away the hand at her cheek. She started to remove her hand at his arm, but he stole her fingers back. She saw the veil of arrogance fall over him. He was not about to accept and admit he needed her comfort. She shivered a little at his contact.
Thanatos liked the feel of her soft hand in his. He squeezed gently. "You have some lust for me, don't you Raina?"
The Awakening (Wake Up #1) Page 17