Strike. Kusanagi smirked to herself.
Haruka landed on his butt and swayed a bit dizzy-eyed. He rubbed his behind, which was in pain, pouting to himself, and murmured. “I think she likes me...” Before he fell forward, flat on his face.
Kusanagi wiped her hands off and stomped angrily inside the school building while Haruka’s fan girls rushed to his aid. Ranmaru scratched his head. Or maybe not.
Katsumi tapped her chin thoughtfully, “Maybe Haruka is a ‘M’...?”
No one however paid attention to Katsumi’s strange observations and was pointedly ignored.
“Oi! Hey!” Katsumi complained.
***
During swim class Kusanagi was doing laps while Ranmaru was watching from a ‘safe’ distance. But then Haruka showed up wearing a purple mankini, which was a buttock-Bitch 179
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revealing unitary swimsuit that was also like the male version of the thong swimsuit except straps went over the man’s torso and shoulders. His body was covered in oil so that his tanned skin was glistening in the sun. And he purposefully sat himself down on a nearby pool chair before posing sexily while trying to catch Kusanagi’s attention.
All the girls who were at the poolside began swooning in response.
Kusanagi got up out of the pool and catching sight of what was going on sent a death glare Haruka’s way. If looks could kill...
Haruka waved over at Kusanagi enthusiastically,
“Princess~! Come and put some sunscreen on my back would you, pu-lease~ I know you’re just dying to!”
Kusanagi glared, her temple throbbing in ire, eye twitching, but she smiled a somewhat strained smile. “Oh? Be right there hun...” Kusanagi walked over and took a bottle of oil out from her backpack before she walked over to where Haruka was seated. She sat down innocently besides him before using her Herculean strength to push Haruka down roughly onto his stomach. “Lie down, hun.”
BAM
She then began to apply oil to his back.
All of the fan girls promptly fell over in shock. Ranmaru felt like joining them. Ranmaru’s eyes widened as Haruka moaned in pleasure and before Ranmaru realized what he was doing he had gripped the chain link fence that stood between him and Kusanagi and had torn a large hole into it accidentally with his claws that had suddenly emerged.
Shinichi took a step away from Ranmaru. “Down boy...”
“I knew you wanted to do this, my little vixen. I know you want me...” Haruka purred contentedly.
“Oh is that so?” Kusanagi’s lip twitched.
Ranmaru watched the whole scene in shock. His Oujo- sama was...? With...Haruka! Ranmaru felt...something he’d never really felt before. What was this twisting feeling in his gut that he 180
couldn’t quite name...? It was extremely unpleasant. He continued to rip the chain link fence to shreds unconsciously. All of the boys that had been standing next to Ranmaru began to walk away from Ranmaru very slowly.
“Someone’s jealous...” Shinichi muttered in a voice he thought would have been too low for Ranmaru to hear. Jealous? Ranmaru blinked. Was that what this feeling was? Naw...he couldn’t be...? Then Ranmaru noticed what he had done to the chain link fence. Damn.
Shinichi saw Ranmaru’s deflated expression and slapped him on the back in an assuring manner, “Hey, don’t look so down Ranmaru. Kusanagi doesn’t really like him. I can assure you of that!”
Ranmaru’s anger suddenly deflated, “But-” He looked over at his Mistress and the model.
Shinichi just smiled, “You’ll see. This is probably going to be good.” Shinichi adjusted his monocle as he continued to watch the couple expectantly.
Kusanagi got up suddenly and wiped her hands off on Haruka’s hair and then smirked. “There, all done... sweetie.” She said, an edge of sarcasm in her voice. Kusanagi then turned and threw the empty bottle of oil into the leafy branches of a nearby tree.
Huh?
A strange buzzing sound then filled the air. And a swam of bees unexpectedly came zooming out of the tree and headed towards the unsuspecting Haruka. Haruka was still on cloud nine from Kusanagi’s ministrations and somewhat dazedly spoke to himself, “Hey, this oil smells sweet...kinda like...honey...?” He began to catch the sound of the approaching bees however and something in his mind seemed to click. Yep, in life when things seemed too good to be true, it was usually because they were. “Uh oh...”
The swarm of bees attacked Haruka and he leapt up and ran from the bees in fright while screaming in a high-pitched voice.
A sadistic smile was on her face as Kusanagi laughed gleefully at her handy work. “You were right Haruka, I so wanted to do that!”
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Ranmaru and Shinichi sweat-dropped. This event had helped him to solve yet another of his strange yet interesting Mistress’ many mysteries. Apparently, his Mistress was a closet sadist. Ranmaru nodded to himself. Or perhaps she was just an overall sadist...Ranmaru felt a chill go down his spine as he watched Kusanagi continue to cackle evilly. Gulp. Shinichi was doubled over and laughing as well. “Told - ya - so-” He gasped.
Ranmaru flinched having sympathy pains as the bees stung Haruka. Yep, that had to hurt. Ranmaru had to give kudos to Haruka for one thing though - if anything he was persistent. But he couldn’t forgive a man who had Kusanagi’s hands all over his back like that...! It was unforgivable! Ranmaru felt like breaking or killing something...preferably Haruka’s neck...
***
Poor Haruka, the hapless suitor had his many, many bee stings treated with creams and ointments by the school nurse, who had been a little too happy to help Haruka and so had gone a bit ‘bandage happy’ since she had wrapped up all his bee stings so that Haruka now resembled a mummy. A mummy with sunglasses anyways. Well, at least he still had style. After school Haruka walked down the streets of Akihabara and people screamed when they caught sight of him and ran away. Sigh. “Haven’t you ever heard of cosplay!” He yelled angrily after them, shaking his fist at them as they fled.
“Mou. ” He hung his head and kicked a nearby soda can sending it flying.
Haruka moaned in despair, wallowing in self-pity, “Oh woe is me! Oh Princess why hast thou forsaken thy prince? And now...” Haruka glanced forlornly at his reflection in a shop window and moaned. “And now I’m hideous! How will I ever win the heart of my ladylove looking like this?”
“Psst!” Came an insistent voice.
“Huh?” Haruka turned to see a strange little table had been set up in the front of an alleyway. There was also a very 182
suspicious looking character-“Hey, I’m not suspicious!”
Who was dressed up like a fortuneteller. But Haruka wasn’t stupid. He saw that the girl could only be about 12-yearsold. She was dressed all in black and had a large, dark blue, turban wrapped around her head that had a golden star in the center of it. She was also wearing black sunglasses - yep definitely suspicious - and had a crystal ball set out before her. The girl waved Haruka over and Haruka looked around and pointed to himself as if to say, ‘You mean me?’
The girl nodded, “Come over here dearie, let me tell you your future.” The girl crooked her finger at Haruka and tried to use a voice, which sounded like that of an old lady. Haruka was still skeptical. “Why are you speaking like an old lady...you’re just a brat...although...” Haruka looked her over,
“Give me a call in 2-3 years.” Haruka gave her his business card anyways.
Tsukushi blushed before coughing to regain her composure. “Shut up! I am wise beyond my years, you lolicon pervert! Anyways, let me tell you what I see...” She waved her hand over the crystal ball, which began to glow...
“Neat trick.”
“Thanks.” Tsukushi coughed, “You’ve been having tough luck in love, Mister.”
Haruka’s eyes widened, “It’s true! I have! How did you know?”
“Silence! I know all~ I see all~ But ah, I see here, yes, y
ou must not give up! You will eventually bring about my, err, I mean your happiness. Kusanagi, err, the girl you’re in love with will fall in love with you for certain...”
Haruka nodded, “Tell me what I should do, oh wise one.”
Tsukushi smiled, “Don’t worry I know the girl’s weakness...she likes unusual and sometimes dangerous things. Take this.” Tsukushi pulled out a potted plant from seemingly out of nowhere - err from under the table.
Haruka blinked. “A plant?”
“This is no ordinary plant...if you give Kusa-err, the girl you love this plant she will fall in love with you with a one hundred percent probability rate!” Tsukushi nodded knowingly. Bitch 183
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Haruka eyed the plant skeptically - it resembled an overly large Venus-fly trap, which had an unusual blood red color with white spots. Its ‘plant teeth’ were also overly long and menacing looking. This plant was anything but kawaii, cute. And girls liked cute things didn’t they? “You sure about this, brat?” He frowned down at the plant.
Tsukushi nodded. “Yes.”
Haruka sighed heavily giving in. “What do I owe you?”
Haruka asked.
“Nothing, only let me know how things work out.”
Tsukushi began to cackle evilly.
“Riight...” Haruka gave the girl a strange look. She was most definitely not cute especially not with that creepy laugh.
“I’ll do that. Thanks.” Haruka turned to walk off. “What a strange, creepy little girl...”
“I heard that!”
***
Haruka got dressed in a flashy, purple velvet suit, along with a white feather boa that was wrapped around his neck, black boots, and a red rose was tucked in his lapel. He had his signature lavender-colored sunglasses on his face of course and he drove his way to the Kimamura estate in his red Pagani Zonda, along with the mysterious plant.
He pulled up in front of Kusanagi’s mansion and got out only to make his way to the front door hastily where he used the ornate doorknocker to announce his arrival.
In seconds the door opened. Haruka looked up to see that it was Kusanagi’s new Samurai Butler. He had noticed the strange stoic man from school. Did the man ever wear any expression on his face other than this blank one? What a weirdo. Haruka opened his mouth to speak but-Ranmaru took one look at Haruka and slammed the door in his face! How rude! Haruka fumed inwardly; did that man have any idea who he was? He was...Haruka! Male model extraordinaire! Hmph!
Haruka heard a familiar voice coming from inside-“Oi!
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Ranmaru who was that just now?” It was his angel!
“Newspaper...?” Kusanagi sounded confused and then she heard the sound of someone pushing past Ranmaru only to have the door open suddenly.
Haruka beamed at the sight of his ladylove and tried to launch himself at her. “Princess! Your knight in shinning armor has come to rescue you!”
“Huh?” Kusanagi said in a very un-cute manner, her mouth hanging open, “Rescue me from what? You…?”
Haruka paused and sent a glare Ranmaru’s way, “Why from your evil, overprotective butler of course! How dare he try and stand in the way of our love! But no! Our love is too strong for that! It shall conquer all! Just like Romeo and Juliet.”
“They died.” Kusanagi deadpanned and then sighed,
“How did this clown even get in here...?”
As if on cue several masked SP appeared around Kusanagi and went to their knees before her apologetically. These men were all dressed in black, had masks on their faces, and to both Ranmaru and Haruka appeared ninja-like.
“Forgive us, Oujo-sama...he somehow got past the main gate’s security...we’re still trying to figure out how exactly.” One SP explained.
Kusanagi sighed and ran a hand through her messy hair.
“It’s alright. Don’t worry about it.” She turned her attention back to Haruka. “Why are you even here?”
“Oh! I wanted to give you something - special.” He smiled his star smile.
“Special?” Despite herself Kusanagi’s interest was piqued.
Haruka pulled out the potted plant that he had been hiding behind his back-“Ta-da!” He held it out before him with a flourish.
Kusanagi took the plant and looked it over. Ranmaru halfexpected her to bash the pot over Haruka’s head but instead she smiled. “What a cute plant.”
Ranmaru wasn’t the only one gaping, open-mouthed and in shock at Kusanagi. Kawaii? Cute? That plant...that looked like an overgrown, deadly, mutant, Venus flytrap or something was cute? Well, his Mistress did like dangerous creatures... Bitch 185
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Kusanagi handed the plant over to her SPs. “Take this over to the green house, boys.”
The SPs bowed obediently, “Hai, Oujo-sama. ” And then they disappeared ninja-like along with the plant in a poof of gray smoke.
Ranmaru frowned, since when did Kusanagi hire more SPs anyways? She didn’t need them as long as she had him. Or perhaps it was the old man’s idea.
Kusanagi seemed to be in a surprisingly good mood since she had liked the plant and turned to Haruka. “Why don’t you come inside Haruka? I was just about to have some tea.”
Haruka became teary-eyed in disbelief as he was actually being invited inside Kusanagi’s mansion. He quickly composed himself and beamed at her. Bingo! “Would I? Thank you for your kindness Princess!”
“Yea, yea,” Kusanagi waved off his praise and led the way back inside the mansion. Ranmaru led them both to the main dinning room and opened the door for the two of them. He pulled back a chair for Kusanagi to have a seat and then pulled back on a chair for Haruka as well - treating him like a girl. Haruka frowned at him and waved him aside as if Ranmaru were a pesky fly. “Bzzzt.”
Ranmaru began to serve the tea, setting a plate of his specially made Shukurimu (chou cream, from the French chou a la creme) on the table before Kusanagi, and then pouring her a cup of tea.
“Oh, you must try one of these pastries. They’re absolutely delicious. My butler Ranmaru makes them himself.”
Kusanagi picked up one of the cream puffs and plopped the entire thing into her mouth, crumbs going everywhere. Ranmaru seemed to preen at her praise. If he had been a dog his tail would have been wagging back and forth happily.
“Don’t mind if I do.” Haruka reached out and grabbed a pastry, which he plopped into his mouth following Kusanagi’s example. His eyes widened, as he tasted the delicious custard that was inside of the pastry. “Oishii! Delicious! Your butler is really 186
quite good...” He grudgingly admitted.
It was Kusanagi’s turn to preen. “He is a good boy isn’t he?” Ranmaru raised an eyebrow since it was as if Kusanagi was showing off her new, cute pet or something...? Naw. “He’s even fully house trained.” Kusanagi nodded knowingly. Ranmaru’s eye twitched. She was treating him like a pet! “Oh, Ranmaru, serve our guest some hot tea please.”
Haruka sweat-dropped, “Uh...right...good for him.”
“So why were you out of school for so long?” Kusanagi asked in a somewhat indifferent manner.
Haruka’s expression darkened, “My sister has fallen ill...”
Kusanagi seemed surprised by this. “Oh? I’m sorry. I hope she gets better.”
Haruka nodded, “Thank you but...let’s not talk of such things. Let’s talk of happier things neh? Like...us.”
“Us?” Kusanagi took a calm sip of her tea, but her eye was twitching.
Haruka reached out to take one of her hands in his,
“Princess, I lo-”
But before he could say more Ranmaru began pouring the teapot directly over Haruka’s head.
Haruka immediately spazzed out and leapt up from the table, causing his tea cup to fall off the table and shatter, “HOT!
WATER! Someone get me some water!”
“Ranmaru!” Kusanagi tried her best to sound angry and to keep a straight face, “Bad boy
! I mean heavens what has come over you? Is that any way to treat a guest at the Kimamura estate?”
Ranmaru bowed, his mouth twitching, “Forgive me, Oujo-sama. ” Ranmaru then walked over to pick up a vase of flowers, which he then poured, over Haruka’s head – flowers and all.
Haruka’s relief was short lived. “Cold! Cold! It’s so cold!
I think it shrunk!”
Kusanagi was trying to hold back her laughter and Ranmaru was trying to hold back a smirk. There was a daisy stuck to the top of Haruka’s head.
“Oh dear, you’ll catch a cold like that. You had better run along home-” Kusanagi began trying to sound disappointed. Bitch 187
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Haruka quickly regained his cool. Chance! “Princess, would you not have pity on me and allow me to use your shower?” Haruka shivered pathetically and gave Kusanagi his best ‘puppy-dog look’ his lower lip pouting cutely. Kusanagi ruffled her hair in exasperation. He really did look quite pathetic. “Oh, alright already mou! Fine! A shower - but then you need to go home got it?” She narrowed her eyes at him.
Haruka beamed, “Hai princess!”
Ranmaru led Haruka to a shower he could use and then left him alone. Haruka smiled to himself at his own deviousness. He had managed to create a perfect opportunity here. And he wasn’t going to blow this chance. Haruka quickly showered and found a comfortable white robe to wrap himself up in before sneaking out of the bedroom where the shower he had used had been in, and began sneaking through the halls in search of Kusanagi’s bedroom. He had the purrfect plan. So that when Kusanagi entered her bedchamber she found Haruka in nothing but a partially open bath robe, reclining on her bed, stroking her silken sheets in a very suggestive manner, and with a leering smile on his lips...
Kusanagi’s eye twitched in annoyance.
“Hello there, my koneko-chan, I know you’ve been imagining this all day. Why else would you have let me use your shower...no don’t worry, you don’t need to say anything - I already know you want me. After all, what girl could resist this hot bod of mine, neh? ” Haruka opened a bit more of his robe to reveal his lithe and nicely muscled chest, and ran his hand sensually over the expanse of his chest to tweak one of his own nipples, “Oh yes, yes...I know you want to do this too...to touch me...my princess...come I’m yours!” He beckoned to her. Kusanagi’s temple throbbed and she had turned red as she began to see WAY more than she ever wanted to see of Haruka’s
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