I diverted my gaze to the shag carpet.
In three strides, he was standing in front of me. He touched my chin then gently guided it up. “You’re still shy. I’ve always loved that about you.”
I wanted to say, “Careful, you might not love everything I have to say.”
“I’d rather be in a quiet place,” he said. “The streets are too loud. Why don’t we go to my apartment?”
I inched back, shaking my head like a wet dog. “No. I’d feel more comfortable outside.” I wanted to go back to the abandoned warehouse where I’d slept earlier. No one would be there. But if I took him there, he would judge me. Make him feel what you feel. Show him your life. If he judges, then you’ll know where you stand. “Actually, I know a quiet place.” If we were about to talk, I had to be on my turf.
Chapter Eleven
Kross
The same burnt car I’d seen the other night appeared stark against the graffiti-strewn walls of the desolate buildings lining both sides of the street. In the distance, the Boston Harbor loomed with its dark water, rippling with the light wind.
After we’d informed Norma of what we were doing, we walked in silence. Many times during our trek, I’d wanted to take Ruby up on her offer to hold her hand. Not that I was afraid she would run from me, but I wanted to squeeze her hand, let her know I was there for her and that I wasn’t the scared sixteen-year-old boy who had run with his tail between his legs. But I chickened out, afraid of the contact of her skin on mine and what it would do to me.
“Why here?” I asked when we arrived at an abandoned warehouse.
“My turf.”
A black-and-white cat darted across the road and into the building closest to the harbor.
“Are we at war?” I kept my tone playful, but in reality, I wasn’t kidding. From my standpoint, she didn’t want anything to do with me, and I wanted answers that she wasn’t giving up. If you hadn’t been a dick, threatening her with the cops and stalking her like a freak, she might’ve talked to you last night.
Lifting her delicate shoulders, she gave me a half smile. “Maybe. Look, you want to talk, and I feel comfortable in places like this.” She followed the path of the cat.
I silently cursed for many reasons. The idea that she was comfortable in neighborhoods like the one we were in sent a dagger straight through my chest. But what kept driving that sharp blade clear through to my back was the fact that her life had not turned out as she’d dreamed. She’d been a skilled and beautiful ballerina. She’d lit up every time she talked about her dream of performing for the New York City Ballet one day.
A blast of fish odor, motor oil, and a strong scent of urine burned the hair in my nostrils as I walked into the warehouse. Good God. I choked.
My phone buzzed as Ruby headed toward a room that was carved into the far corner.
“What?” I said sharply into the phone as my voice bounced off the cement walls, echoing several times.
“Bro, calm down. I just wanted to make sure you were all right,” Kelton said. “Lizzie got worried when you bolted out the door. It’s way too early in the morning for you to be up. What’s going on? Is it Ruby?”
I hung my head. “Sorry I bit your head off. I’m with Ruby, but she won’t talk to me.” I tried to lower my voice, but the emptiness of the building wasn’t my friend. I shrugged. If Ruby was listening, I couldn’t do anything about it unless I left the building. But I didn’t want to. I wasn’t hiding anything from her. If she was going to trust me or even open up to me, then she should know how I feel. Sure, I should be telling her instead of Kelton, but at the moment, I needed my brother’s advice. “I’m not sure how much more I can take.”
“You should talk to Dad,” he said. “Or Kade.”
I barked out a laugh. “My brother Kelton is now giving sound advice. This is one for the books. Harvard suits you. Or I should say Lizzie suits you.” Kelton’s way of dealing with shit was pulling on his hair or punching his fists through walls. The latter wasn’t such a bad idea, but I couldn’t risk breaking or fracturing my hand like he had done not that long ago, not with my boxing career on the line.
“I’m not an expert, but give her space. When she’s ready, she’ll talk to you.”
I almost laughed again. He was the second or third person to give me that advice. “You didn’t let Lizzie be. Besides, we’re Maxwells. We don’t walk away, especially from family.” I was getting ahead of myself. I still didn’t know if I was a father. Nevertheless, I would do anything and everything to help Ruby and Norma get off the streets. Norma had confirmed that they’d been homeless until that waitress, Alex, had taken them in.
Man, Dillon was rubbing off on me. After hanging out with him and listening to his business plan for a homeless shelter for girls in need, I couldn’t help but admire the dude. I’d told him I wanted to help him in any way I could, although I’d never imagined I would be in a real-life situation with a homeless girl, especially one that had a small home in my heart.
“You never stopped caring for her, did you?” Kelton asked.
“Seeing her after all these years, I don’t know. She’s beautiful, Bro.” Even battered and bruised, the sight of her had given me goose bumps. “She still makes my stomach do crazy things.” When she had crashed into me with those drinks, my body had heated and my heartbeat had pounded all over the place. It was as though I’d bumped into her for the first time all over again. Her skin was soft beneath my touch. Her blue-green eyes flashed with a look that told me she wanted me as much as I wanted her. It was then I had wanted to show her how much of a man I’d become—a man who was dedicated, responsible, protective, caring, and had a heart.
Kelton chuckled. “The stomach thing is the first to go before you drop to your knees and worship her. Good to hear that my brother may be falling for a girl. Later, dude.”
I chuckled. Ruby and I had millions of miles separating our lives with problems stacked so high in between us, I wasn’t sure we would ever meet in the middle.
Pocketing my phone, I crossed the vast expanse of the trash-ridden floor to the room I’d seen Ruby duck into. Broken windows helped to infuse the building with a light scent of salt air from the harbor, which masked the acrid scent that was attached to my nostrils.
“Is this where you live?” Ruby’s voice filtered out of the room.
I poked in my head to find her talking to the black-and-white cat that was perched on a sink. Ruby was petting him, then she sneezed.
I stopped in the doorway. “Bless you.”
The room appeared to have been a lunchroom. In addition to the sink, a picnic table and a dented fridge were scattered about.
She dragged her hands down her jeans. “I’m allergic.”
“I remember.” The academy had a stray cat or two, and she’d always petted the creatures even though her allergies got the best of her.
Her gaze met mine. “You think I’m beautiful?”
“Eavesdropping?” I smirked, but inside, I was jumping up and down for joy. “Yes.”
“Even when you found me fighting?”
The cat hopped down, brushed against my leg, then slinked away.
“Honestly, yes.”
She looked away, biting her lower lip ever so gently. Fuck. My body came alive. One minute, she could be spunky, then the next, she was shy. That combination made my blood heat in ways I hadn’t felt since I’d been with her. Since we were sixteen, dancing under the stars, cuddling under a blanket on cold nights near the Greenridge Academy football field while I played with her hair or kissed her body anywhere she would let me.
Calm the fuck down, dude. Shit, no girls I’d been with since Ruby made me feel the high I was experiencing at the moment. “So, I’m on your turf. Do we duke it out now?” I teased. I wanted to be that lower lip so fucking bad, I had to conjure up images of punching my opponent in a ring. Kelton had told me he always recited a mantra of sports or some shit when his dick wasn’t cooperating. I’d laughed at him. Now I was la
ughing at myself.
She puffed out her chest. “I might be able to kick your butt in the ring.”
I turned one side of my mouth upward. “Is that so? Maybe we should head down to the gym. I’d love to get you in the ring.” I’d love to do more than box, but that wouldn’t happen. Not now, anyway. Fuck if I wasn’t a pervert at the moment. I wanted answers, yet all I was doing was thinking about the physical and not in an emotional, professional, or friendly manner.
She dropped her gaze. “I’m fighting again on Saturday. I might take you up on that offer.”
“What?” I pinched my eyebrows. “You can’t.” My tone was hard. I didn’t want to watch her get her butt kicked again. She’d been all over the place with her punches while her opponent had been determined to knock Ruby’s lights out. Not only that, people died in illegal underground fighting. On the boxing circuit, I heard all kinds of stories about those who hadn’t made it out alive. “You’ll get hurt.” The only good move she’d exhibited was her footwork. But that wouldn’t get her far since she didn’t know how to anticipate her opponent’s next move. “Also, you shouldn’t be working for Tommy. The dude is into some bad shit. If you need money—”
Her rosy cheeks darkened. “Don’t.” A snarl cut through her pretty face. “Don’t you dare. I can take care of myself. You think you can ride in on your high horse and save me? Well, news flash. You can’t. And another news flash. You were the one who got me into trouble with Tommy.”
I raised my hands. “I’m sorry about that. I’ll talk to him.”
“No. Stay out of it.”
“Look, I’m offering my help.”
“No, you’re not. You’re bossing me around, something I recall you and your brothers doing a lot of with kids at the academy.” She huffed then sank back against the sink, holding herself. “Why didn’t you return my calls?”
I stretched my neck. “Why did you tell me you weren’t pregnant if you were?”
Her gaze was steadfast, piercing as she popped off the sink. “If you only tracked me down to find out if I was pregnant, then get out of my life.” She blew past me, bumping her shoulder into my bicep.
I caught her wrist. “Wait.”
“For what? You don’t want to know how I’m doing. You haven’t even asked me. You want one thing, and I’m sorry. I can’t give it to you. If you’re looking for a baby, then you’ll be looking for a ghost.”
My pulse kicked into high gear. “Are you saying we don’t have a child?” Over the last two weeks, I had grown accustomed to the idea that I could be a dad.
She closed her eyes, her delicate nostrils flaring.
I used that brief moment to wrap my arms around her. Then I tensed every muscle in my body, waiting for the onslaught of whatever she was about to dish out, whether emotionally or physically.
But she didn’t fight. She didn’t run. She didn’t even protest. She wrapped her arms around my waist. She sniffled as she buried her head into my chest as though she was trying to get inside of me. I rested my chin on her head, inhaling a faint aroma of strawberries. Her scent took me back four years when being with her made me smile, made me temporarily forget death, my sister, my mom’s problems, and everything else our family had been through.
“Please, Ruby. Talk to me. I’ve been a crazed man for two weeks. I don’t know which way is up anymore. I can’t box. I can’t sleep. I can’t do anything. I’ve got to know if I’m a father.”
She jerked out of my hold. Emotion after emotion shuddered across her face with fury taking the lead. “Again, you’re not going to ask me how I’ve been?” Her voice rose, almost blaring as a tear slipped down her face. “You left me, Kross. You went back to your life. Not once did you return my calls. Not once did you even write a letter. If you didn’t want anything to do with me, then why didn’t you man up? All that bravado you and your brothers exuded, and you couldn’t even tell a girl you didn’t want to see her anymore?” She shook her head in either disgust or pity. It didn’t matter which because she was so fucking right. “I thought we were friends, and friends don’t just leave without even a good-bye.” She pursed her chapped lips together. “So many calls. So many nights I didn’t sleep. I cried for months. Everything changed after I told you I loved you. Was I just a piece of meat? The time we spent together, didn’t it mean something?”
I’d been nowhere near falling in love with any girl. “You know how fucking scared I was when you said you missed your period? Don’t you remember what I was going through with my family? My mom? I couldn’t get serious with anyone.”
“You could’ve at least told me we were done. Instead, you drove away, not even looking back.”
“Damn it.” My voice shook. “You lied to me.”
Her expression hardened. “I never lied to you. You never gave me a chance to tell you what I needed to tell you.”
I opened my arms. “Well, I’m standing here now.”
“Now is not good enough. You can’t fix me. You can’t change the last four years. The high and mighty Maxwell brothers. You boys thought your shit didn’t stink. You and your brothers got any girl you wanted. But you zeroed in on me. Did I have a sign on my forehead that said, ‘I’m a sucker. Pick me.’” She growled. “Well guess what? You can’t waltz into my life and think I’m going to drop everything for you or tell you what you want to know. I suffered. Now you can.” She stuck out her chin. “When you’re ready to have a conversation about us and not a baby, then you know where to find me.” With her head held high, she crossed the large warehouse floor, her footsteps thumping as fast as my pulse.
I pounded my fist against a cement column. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I’d told her I was sorry. I wasn’t sure what else to do.
The echo of her footsteps began to fade.
“Ruby! I don’t want to fix you.” I said it so fucking loud that my voice sounded like a sonic boom. “I was serious when I told my brother Kelton on the phone earlier that you were beautiful. After all these years, the sight of you still gets me hot.” Dirty, clean, pale, glowing, curvy, or rail thin, her presence did something to me. I chalked up the fluttering feeling to the beauty in her eyes, the spots of freckles that dotted her cheeks, and a smile that could knock me to the ground in one second.
Her retreating form stopped near the door.
I sighed heavily as I ran to her. “That’s the truth.” I prayed she heard the conviction in my voice. I knew she didn’t know Kross, the man. She only knew Kross, the boy, the sixteen-year-old who hadn’t seen past his own problems to open up to a girl. Sure, we’d talked about my family, but I’d never gone into detail about how I felt when my sister died or how I’d felt when my mom had entered into a mental health facility. I never could bring myself to say ‘I love you,’ not when I was confused and wasn’t sure. Even so, Ruby held a place in my heart. She’d been my shining star amid the darkness in my life.
She turned to face me, her expression tempered, although her bottom lip quivered every now and then.
“I’m the one who needs to be fixed.” I pointed to my chest. “I’m the one who’s the jerk. I’m sorry for not calling you back. When I was up at the academy a few weeks ago, I went to look for you to apologize for being a royal dick.” I closed the distance between us until four inches separated us. “I can’t change the past. I know I don’t deserve your attention, but I would like to start somewhere. I want to get to know you again.” It was the truth, and not just because I needed answers about a kid.
She locked her fingers together. “Why? What’s changed?”
“The butterflies for one.” I grinned. “They’re crazier than when I first met you at the academy.” Another truth.
She glanced away. “Don’t do that.”
I placed my forefinger under her chin. “Do what?”
She slowly peered up at me. “Flash me that dimple of yours.”
I frowned teasingly, my heart swelling with happiness that I still affected her.
“I’m homeless, Kross. I’m not b
eautiful like you think I am or like your girlfriend. I’ve only been sleeping at Alex’s place for three days. I’m not sure how much longer that will last. So don’t you dare feel sorry for me or offer me a place. I’m just laying out my cards. If you want to get to know me again, then you need to know empty, abandoned buildings are my home. Dark alleys are comforting to me. I walk miles around the city. I eat out of dumpsters. I beg for change. All that is part of my daily routine.”
A knife-like pain twisted several ways inside my chest. I hated that her life hadn’t turned out as she’d planned. “Then I’ll sleep in this warehouse with you. I’ll roam the streets with you.” I was so fucking serious. I couldn’t change who Ruby was, but I could show her how serious I was about rekindling our relationship.
Her mouth fell open briefly. “I’m not sure I believe you.” She studied me with caution.
“Okay, then pick a spot, and we’ll sleep there tonight. On one condition, though.”
“Ha, I knew it. What is it with deals? First Tommy and now you.”
I clenched my jaw. “Is he making you fight?”
“I’m fighting because I want to. So what’s your angle?”
It was my turn to study her and the trepidation glued to her face. It might have been too much to ask her to spend the afternoon with me. I had to take baby steps or else I would lose any chance of getting answers or building a friendship—two things I needed and wanted. More importantly, I had to give her some space. Hell, I had to give myself time to regroup. I’d been sick to my stomach during the last two weeks. I also had to trust that if there was a child, he was safe. Ruby didn’t strike me as a person who would be an irresponsible mother.
“I’d like for you to come down to the gym this week so I can show you some boxing moves. If you insist on fighting, then let me teach you a move or two.”
She pressed a finger to her lip. “Okay, but I’m there to learn, not for you to give me the third degree about my past.” She steeled her shoulders.
The Maxwell Series Boxed Set - Books 4-6 Page 11