Whoa! A knot formed in my stomach at her desperation. “What’s this about? Did someone hurt you?” She didn’t have any visible signs of bruises. Then Tommy came to mind. I would kill him if he’d done anything to her.
“No. Please answer the question.” Anguish weaved through her words.
I grabbed her hands, which were cold and clammy. “I was in a different place than you back in high school.”
“And now?”
“I’ve told you how I feel when I’m around you.”
She dropped her gaze to her feet. “I need to hear it again.”
Even though that knot in my stomach grew tighter, I grinned because she was wearing the new Nikes I’d bought her. “Hey.” With a finger under her chin, I guided her to look at me. “The more I’m around you, the stronger my feelings get. But why do you sound so desperate to hear how I feel?” Visions of high school surfaced. She’d been insistent, asking me how I felt about her then. Only now, I didn’t want to run, even though I didn’t like when someone backed me into a corner and demanded an answer. “We’re not sixteen anymore. I’m not running if that’s what you think. I was serious when I said I wanted to rekindle what we had.”
“No matter what?” She searched my face in earnest.
I glanced past her to the lagoon. I didn’t scare easily, but she was doing a good job of making my pulse soar, and not because I loved the way her auburn hair blew in the light breeze, or how her long lashes fluttered when she shied away, or how her pouty lips called my name.
“I thought so,” she said, hurt washing over her features as she walked to the gated entrance.
I followed her. “Ruby, wait.”
Just past Ruby, a woman walked through the gate, holding a little girl’s hand. Before I could get another word out of my mouth, the little girl ran up to Ruby. The child had jet-black hair pulled into two ponytails with pink bows, and the bluest fucking eyes I’d ever seen. I faltered where I stood. Then I shook my head, closed my eyes, blinked several times before I set my gaze on the little girl again.
She jumped into Ruby’s arms. “Mommy.” She planted her tiny hands on Ruby’s face. “I missed you.”
The world around me spun. The sky darkened. My heart leapt out of my chest. Mommy?
A hand landed on my arm. “You must be Kross Maxwell,” the woman said.
I wasn’t sure who I was, or who the woman was standing beside me. I couldn’t take my eyes off the little girl. My hands began to shake as I stood stock-still, my mind and limbs frozen. I would have sworn my heart stopped.
Ruby set the girl down, grasped her hand, and walked up to me. “Raven, I would like you to meet a friend of mine. His name is Kross.”
She waved and beamed with a smile, revealing a lone dimple just like the one I had and on the same right side. I was a tough, powerful man. I punched men out for a living, hardly cried, knew what death felt like, and knew what heartache felt like. But at that moment when Raven smiled, I was reduced to nothing. Tears burned, hot and fierce, before they spilled out like a rushing waterfall.
Raven walked up to me. Automatically, I squatted down as though she had some magical abilities over me.
“Why are you crying?” Her sweet voice slid over me, creating a surge of goose bumps. “You know, the swans and ducks always make me smile. Do you want to go with me to see them?”
I glanced up at Ruby. Tears slid down her face. I couldn’t tell if she was happy or sad at the moment. Then I set my sights on Raven. “Can I talk to your mom first?” I was ninety-nine percent sure she was my daughter. But I wanted to hear it from Ruby.
The lady next to me cleared her throat. “Hi. I’m Ms. Waters. I’m Ruby’s social worker.”
I pushed to my feet on shaky legs as several emotions plowed through me like a bulldozer on steroids—happiness, sadness, anger, fear, joy, and confusion. My brain was too foggy to figure out which one took control of my body.
Ms. Waters pushed her glasses up higher on her nose.
I blew out a long breath. “Social worker?” I pinched my eyebrows together. Questions piled up on the tip of my tongue.
Ms. Waters glared at Ruby. “You didn’t tell him?” Irritation scraped her tone.
Ruby shook her head as fear swam in her eyes. “I haven’t. I didn’t have time.”
She’d had all the fucking time in the world.
Raven hugged Ruby’s leg. “Mommy, can we go down to the water?”
Ruby patted Raven’s head. “Just a second, baby.”
“We talked about this on the phone,” Ms. Waters said. Then she addressed me. “I’m sorry. If I knew she hadn’t told you, then I would’ve said no to this meeting.”
“Does it matter?” I asked.
“Absolutely. It’s clear that you’re more than surprised. I wanted you to have time to process the news before you met Raven. That way, the time spent today would be getting to know her, not asking why, what, when, and any other questions you have mulling in your head.” She angled her dark head at Ruby. “I specifically told you to make sure you had a conversation with him prior to today.”
“Can you give Kross and me a minute?” Ruby asked Ms. Waters.
Ms. Waters held out her hand to Raven as she scowled at Ruby. “Let’s go find the ducks.”
Raven beamed from ear to ear, and my heart followed. I had to shake off the nerves, confusion, and every other fucking emotion that gripped me by the throat and squeezed so fucking hard that I could barely breathe. As Raven and Ms. Waters left, I walked around the George Washington Statue.
When I came around to the front of the iconic piece, Ruby was standing there, wiping tears away. “Kross, I’m sorry.”
“Is she my daughter?” My voice broke. I knew the answer. I was the father. Raven was the spitting image of my mother. Not only that, she looked like me, Kody, and Kelton. Fuck me. I drove a hand through my hair and pulled. “Well?” I wanted her to say it. I wanted her to start talking and telling me why she’d told me she wasn’t pregnant when she was.
Ruby’s lips trembled. “When I told you I wasn’t pregnant, that was the truth that I believed. I thought I’d gotten my period. I spotted for two days, but it wasn’t a normal period. I chalked it up to stress and ballet practice and getting ready for my performance.” She dashed away more tears. “Then the next month came, and no period. My body started changing. And…” She inhaled all the cool air she could. “You are the father.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” As soon as the words left my mouth, another word came to mind. Schmuck. I’d never returned her frantic calls. I’d completely ignored her.
She narrowed her watery eyes. “Seriously? If you would’ve picked up your phone or answered my damn calls—”
“I get that part. But four years, Ruby. What happened in that time that you couldn’t track me down?”
She pointed to the lagoon. Raven and Ms. Waters were watching the ducks that were gliding down the water. “A baby. Being a new mom. Dealing with my father in jail. Then my mom got busted for selling drugs like my dad. Anger at you. Fear if I did tell you, then you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. Fear you would take Raven away from me. Each time I got the courage to find you, something happened.”
“Why now? It’s been clear you don’t want anything to do with me.”
“It’s not like that.” Her voice softened. “I’ve been confused and selfish and angry and scared. But every time I look at Raven, I see you. Every time she smiles, I see you. My heart breaks each time. Then you show up in my life. Those feelings I had for you in high school just sat dormant until I opened my eyes that day after my first fight. My heart flipped out. When you told me you still get butterflies around me, I feel the same around you. I’m not a bad mother. I’m not a monster. I want Raven to know her daddy. I just had to get over my anger toward you. I don’t want her living in foster care. I screwed up when I got caught stealing food for us. Now she’s paying for it. If you want to take her away from me and fight for sole custody,
I wouldn’t blame you.” She bowed her head as she covered her face with her hands and started crying.
I brought my hands up to my mouth, dragging them down my chin as I looked up at the clouds rolling in, much like the rolling in my stomach. I wanted to go to Ruby and tell her that… I didn’t know what I wanted to tell her. My thoughts were a fucking jumbled mess. I needed space. I needed to get out of there. I had to think. Granted, I had been processing the idea that I had a kid on this planet. But the realization of the truth, seeing Raven, trying to figure out what my next move would be, was all too much for my brain.
“You introduced me as your friend. Why not tell her I’m her father?” That information should come from Ruby since Raven didn’t know me at all.
“Honestly, I’m protecting her feelings until we can work this out. Don’t get me wrong. You are the father. But if you get cold feet, I don’t want her hurt.”
I couldn’t argue with that. I wasn’t running, though. Then again, I wasn’t sure what I would do.
“Kross.” My name carried on the strong breeze from Raven’s lips.
I parked my state of mind for the moment and absorbed the little girl running toward me.
Rather than jumping into my arms like she’d done with Ruby, she stopped and pointed to the water. “There’s a swan over there.”
A shard of hurt gripped my chest that she didn’t run into my arms as she did with Ruby. I craved to hold her and give her a big bear hug. “Hi.” I crouched down. “Do you like swans?”
Her mesmerizing blue eyes glimmered as her little dimple emerged, showing baby white teeth. Fireworks went off inside me. This little girl was part of me. I’d helped to create her.
Holy Fuck!
“And ducks, birds, lizards, dogs, and cats, and bumble bees.”
Kelton would be stoked when he learned Raven had a thing for lizards. “Bumble bees?” I pushed a stray bang out of her eyes.
“Yep. Mommy says they sting. I just like their colors.”
A warmth blanketed me. My brothers were going to fall in love with Raven. Oh, shit. My parents were too. Oh, shit. I had to break the news to my parents.
“We need to go,” Ms. Waters said.
Raven ran into Ruby’s arms. “Mommy, I don’t want to leave you,” she cried.
My heart fucking broke as I pushed to my feet. Ruby was right. Raven needed to be with family. She needed to be with me.
“I know, baby.” Ruby’s voice broke. “I promise I’ll see you soon.”
“Kross,” Ms. Waters said. “I know this is a lot to process. When and if you’re ready, call me.” She handed me a business card. “We can talk about the next steps to get Raven out of foster care. You’ll need a lawyer. Then we’ll need to prove that you’re the father.”
I pocketed the card. “Thank you.” I joined Ruby and Raven. “I have to go. It was nice meeting you, Raven.”
“You’re leaving?” Ruby asked.
I wanted to stay and get to know Raven. I wanted to run around with her, watch the ducks, show her some lizards, and even play dolls with her.
“Sorry. The family is expecting me back in Ashford.” For a miniscule second, I thought about inviting Ruby. I couldn’t. I needed to be alone and wrap my head around how my life was about to change. Then I had to break the news to my family.
Chapter Seventeen
Kross
The driveway at my parents’ house was teeming with cars. The entire family was there, including Lacey and Lizzie. On occasion, we had family from out of town visit us for Thanksgiving. Not this year. According to Mom, my aunts and uncles had other things going on.
I parked behind Lacey’s Mustang, cut the engine, and held onto the steering wheel. I banged my head against my knuckles, once, twice, three times. Fuck. I had a daughter. The most beautiful little girl I’d ever seen. I had no idea how to break the news to my parents. I mustered all the courage I could as I climbed out of my truck. My parents were understanding individuals. They had big hearts. Yet all I could envision was how disappointed my old man would be, and that would gut me. He’d always counseled us boys to be practical and prepare for anything. He’d told us as growing teenagers to always wear protection when having sex and to always treat people with respect. I’d missed the mark on being prepared when Ruby and I had first had sex. It was the only fucking time I hadn’t worn a condom.
I plodded up the stairs to the back deck and found a sticky note on the sliding glass door. Down by the lake. Waiting on you.
I trudged along the path around the garage, my heartbeat on a course to shoot out of my chest. Tall trees swayed and rustled around the rippling water of the lake. The sun cast its late afternoon rays down before it disappeared for the night. In the forefront of the calming scenery, my family sat around a campfire. Their voices, laughter, and the strum of Kody’s guitar trickled on the wind.
I stilled on the grassy incline. I couldn’t break up their happy evening. I couldn’t stand to erase the smile from my mom’s face or to even look at her. As soon as I did, I would see Raven, her thick black hair, her sparkling blue eyes, and a smile that knocked me backward. For sure, I would lose my shit as though my mom had taken my bottle away from me when I was a baby. Not to mention, the news of Raven might be too upsetting for her mental health. She’d been doing so well lately.
I had a daughter.
A sharp voice in my head bit out the words, man up. Famous advice from either Kade or my old man. How could I man up to anything when I didn’t even know how to be a father? I started to backtrack as nausea toyed with my stomach, spinning, churning, and waiting for the right moment to expel the contents of what I’d done.
Everyone was enjoying Kody’s ballad as he picked at his guitar, crooning, “You’re the Only One For Me.”
As I took another step backward, Lacey spotted me and waved. “Kross is here.”
The blood rushed everywhere but my heart. I gulped in small breaths then let them out slowly. Orange and deep blues streaked across the sky, providing plenty of light to see the panic on my face. I feigned a smile as I put one foot in front of the other. That swirling in my stomach increased like the raging whitewater rapids we’d rafted on as kids.
I had a daughter, an out-of-this-world beautiful creature that was part of me.
Fuck.
I forced my facial muscles to relax, shoved my hands in my jeans pockets, and tacked on a smile as I walked up to the group. Kelton and Kade, who’d been lounging with their girls in their arms, sat upright as though they were ready to catch me. Kody eyed me warily.
“You’re late.” Dad pushed his honey-colored hair off his forehead.
“Martin.” My mom squeezed his thigh. “We didn’t have a set time.” Her long black hair framed her face as she gave me one of her award-winning smiles that always warmed my heart.
I diverted my gaze to the fire that danced, crackled, and spit embers up, the wind taking them away. I wished the wind would take away the myriad of emotions that was lodged in my throat, stomach, head, and heart.
Concern slashed my mom’s delicate features. “Is something wrong, honey?”
Images of Raven bombarded me. I had a daughter. I couldn’t get those four words to go away. Maybe, the more I said them, the more I would believe them. Fuck. She was real. Paternity test or not, that little girl, who was worming her way into my heart, was a Maxwell. I knew in my soul that she was mine.
“Bro,” Kade said on my left. “You look like—”
“You’ve seen a ghost,” Lacey finished for him, her green eyes swimming with worry.
“He’s been like that for two weeks,” Lizzie added, tucking strands of her dark hair behind her ear.
I made a mental note to apologize to Lizzie. I lived with her, Kelton, and Kade, and I’d been curt with her on two occasions. Kelton had said she was worried about me. I’d learned from him that Lizzie wasn’t good with secrets. So I’d asked Kelton to keep a lid on the situation with Ruby and the notion that I could be a fathe
r, at least until I knew for sure.
“Son.” Dad kissed my mom’s head. “What’s wrong?” His tone dropped into psychiatrist mode, warm and inviting.
As long as he stayed in his doctor mode, I might be able to get through this. I lowered myself to the flannel blanket at my feet then sat on my haunches.
“Honey,” Mom said.
I briefly closed my eyes, cleared the lump in my throat, and glanced out at the lake. “I believe I’m a daddy.”
My mother, Lizzie, and Lacey gasped, drawing my attention back to the group, mainly my old man. Wrinkles creased his forehead, his copper gaze tracking from one side of my face to the other.
My gut curdled like sour milk. His mouth hung open. I wrapped an arm around my stomach, willing the nausea to go away.
Lizzie and Lacey had the same open-mouthed expression as Mom and Dad, while my brothers had blank expressions.
Silence hung thickly over the campfire as I took in slow and steady breaths. Saying it out loud lifted a five-ton weight off me. But I still had ten more tons to go. I had no idea how to be a father or even where to begin when it came to getting Raven out of foster care. When I did, would she accept me? Where would we live? I had many, many other life-changing decisions to make.
“Start from the beginning,” Dad said quietly and calmly as he hugged my mom to his chest.
Again, I cleared my throat. “It started four years ago back at the academy,” I began as though I was telling a normal campfire story. I let out a whisper of a nervous laugh. It might not have been a scary story to them, but it was to me. “I met a girl named Ruby Lewis. We dated, and we had unprotected sex.” Heat stung my face at saying the word “sex” in front of Mom. She didn’t react. Instead, she listened intently.
Horror blanched Dad’s face. “Are you telling us that the child is four years old?”
I wasn’t sure if Raven was four yet, although she had to be close.
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